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spankmeal

Know Your Role!

Know Your Role!  

448 members have voted

  1. 1. What positions do you prefer?

    • Spanker
      131
    • Spankee
      354
    • Just Curious
      20
    • Non-physical accountability
      9
    • Other
      5
  2. 2. Do you consider yorself to be...

    • Submissive
      203
    • Dominant
      85
    • Somewhere in the middle
      152
    • Other
      28


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In this, you and I totally agree - which is great. However, I would like to point out that by the time a mentoree has reached the stage that they no longer need close guidance, they are ready to begin the letting go phase, or as MissBam wrote in another thread, getting kicked out of the nest to fly on their own. I don't consider the term mentor to mean a permanent interdependent relationship. That is espousal, regardless of legal conventions. A mentoring relationship, by it's definition, is a temporary thing. Once it becomes life partnership, there are many other dynamics that come into being. Perhaps in some people's minds, the concept of what a mentor is and what they do is not clear.

I don't pre-suppose that any person who chooses me as their mentor wants to be totally controlled. I have no intention of so doing. Total control precludes emotional growth. They are independent humans who, at least from me, seek guidance and facilitation, and sometimes this involves discipline - but not always. I currently mentor two people making their way through their last year of study for their undergraduate degree. Both needed discipline as well as guidance in the beginning, but now no longer need that discipline (having succeeded in maintaining self-discipline) and no longer need close supervision. They, like many others whom I have had the privilege of mentoring, have grown. That is the goal of true mentoring in my view.

To pickup on one item ben mentions, the BDSM community, they tend to view mentoring as a full-time Master/slave partnership, aiming toward long-term interdependence. M/s partnerships are about control, total control that is sought and desired by the slave. Being a collared slave is totally different from being a mentoree, regardless of the fact that both a mentor and a Master may use corporal punishment as part of their operative activities.

Well said, I sometimes get the impression from some folks that their mentoring relationship is a permanent thing, and granted I may be mistaken in that, but to me the whole point of it would be to get to a point of not needing it anymore, at least the more :active" parts of it, and that it would eventually develop into a friendship once the "ee" has reached their goal (for lack of a better phrase) Being someone who is considering getting help in one very specific area, the amount of control that seems to be in some mentoring is definitely not for me.(speaking more of previous sites i have seen as i am only currently becoming active over here ) Having been in a relationship many years ago that was very controlling and almost impossible to get out of, (Not a mentoring relationship this was a friendship gone very wrong) too much control sends up a ton of red flags for me. I am happy to say though that there have been quite a few people I've spoken to on here that do not give me that impression at all, from both sides, and it is very reassuring, as is this post above. Sometimes its easy to get carried away but so far it seems many people on this site have a good philosophy about it

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I find it very interesting that there are more spankees/submissives on this site. No wonder it's so hard to find a top/Dom/spanker.

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I find it very interesting that there are more spankees/submissives on this site. No wonder it's so hard to find a top/Dom/spanker.

1 ER can have >1 ee... but generally not the other way round, so the question then is whether the ratio is sufficient for covering both... I sympathise with male ee though as their situation is possibly more difficult...

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Male ee's have hard times finding spankers/punishers of either gender, especially if they live in the middle of nowhere.

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im an er im always having trouble finding ees that are close to me

The sparsity of spankos (at least ones who come out of their shell) make it difficult for us all! Add to that the different flavors we have... it is almost impossible!!!

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The sparsity of spankos (at least ones who come out of their shell) make it difficult for us all! Add to that the different flavors we have... it is almost impossible!!!

True. And when you find a good mentee/mentor relationship it make it all that more important that it be done for all the right reasons.

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I liked to be spanked but unfortunately my husband is more submissive and it drives me up a bleeping wall!!!!

For once, I would like him to snatch me up by hair, bend me over his knee or the couch or the table and beat my butt til I can't sit down!!!

A girl has needs...

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What I like about this ( although gender identity would help make it more informative ) is that it allows the top/dom bottom/sub paradigm to be separated a little bit. I feel like most people are closer to the middle, although that is more of an assumption then anything else.

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Honestly, there is so much diversity, in this thing we do.

Just because you are a bottom, does not mean you are submissive, just as being a Top does not make you a Dominant. and being a Switch, means you can give or receive. To each their own. For me I am a Top, and my personality is more Dominant. Many many other people are different, And spanking for some may be fun for play or foreplay, while others use it only for discipline, while others may use it to relieve stress, (either giving or receiving) So it definitely does vary.

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For me I want and need discipline, not games. I want real consequences for real things! I am so fucking sick of the wannabes. They make me feel bad. I am clear and honest, but they leave me lost! I am new and don't know how to navigate all this shit! No one has any balls! I've NEVER been disciplined ever and just chatting I lose them! Help!!!!!

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Guest spankMY(_(_)

Tell that to all the submissives and spankees that can't find spankers. ;) They can sure feel the ratio!

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Wow - lots of spankees on this board!  That strikes me as a tad unusual - I think most spanking message boards tend to be dominated by spankers (or aggressive teenagers who want to pose as older spankers).

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Guest Warwick

I voted "Just curious" as I feel like my roles changing. After years of believing that I was only submissive I now have a desire to see some deserving naughty bottoms across my knee.

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