Jump to content
spankmeal

Know Your Role!

Know Your Role!  

448 members have voted

  1. 1. What positions do you prefer?

    • Spanker
      131
    • Spankee
      354
    • Just Curious
      20
    • Non-physical accountability
      9
    • Other
      5
  2. 2. Do you consider yorself to be...

    • Submissive
      203
    • Dominant
      85
    • Somewhere in the middle
      152
    • Other
      28


Recommended Posts

Actually that is sort of an interesting poll. Now I am definately a bottom; I do like to spank, but mostly in play. But I am pretty sure my partner would be the frist to say that I am not submissive.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I am deffinately a bottom and I am submissive. This was a problem in my previous marriage.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

A smart poll !

-

The element missing is gender, because that would give us

a useful statistical breakdown. We know that most tops/doms are

male and that most bottoms/subs are female, but some numbers

might prove informative.

-

Or am I just being pedantic and deserving of a massively severe

hiding . . . ? :(

Hitch

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

A smart poll !

-

Or am I just being pedantic and deserving of a massively severe

hiding . . . ? :(

Hitch

You're being pedantic and deserving of a massively severe hiding, smarty-pants :P

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

at times i need it severe and to be all red marked up welted and even some blue or purple marks that lasts for days or week or more if im going to get it this severe it'sbest if i am bound/ties so i can't get away or turn over etc starting out slow and working up to intense and strong fast lashes or paddling I love to touch and look at the marks then for days sometimes even smacking myself more on them Anyone else do or like this?

  • Like 4

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

at times i need it severe and to be all red marked up welted and even some blue or purple marks that lasts for days or week or more if im going to get it this severe it'sbest if i am bound/ties so i can't get away or turn over etc starting out slow and working up to intense and strong fast lashes or paddling I love to touch and look at the marks then for days sometimes even smacking myself more on them Anyone else do or like this?

i like marks they remember my punishment and help me to be good.... but they are dificulf because i just spank myself and not everytime i need one

and yes i think there should be a gender poll too... it could be... mm informative about the needs

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

at times i need it severe and to be all red marked up welted and even some blue or purple marks that lasts for days or week or more if im going to get it this severe it'sbest if i am bound/ties so i can't get away or turn over etc starting out slow and working up to intense and strong fast lashes or paddling I love to touch and look at the marks then for days sometimes even smacking myself more on them Anyone else do or like this?

yes sometimes i spank myself but i long for a spanking so bad right now as i have been very disobedient

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Guest cpgiver

at times i need it severe and to be all red marked up welted .................... I love to touch and look at the marks then for days sometimes even smacking myself more on them Anyone else do or like this?

Enjoying the sting and afterburn of a spanking, and relishing the welts and bruises is commonplace and quite healthy as a response. After all, if you didn't really want to be spanked, you wouldn't have arranged to meet a spanker. So, the marks on your butt after punishment serve as a reminder to behave and not earn a spanking again too soon, and as a visual and tactile recollection of the pain/pleasure that you experienced.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Guest cpgiver

I love the ones with onion or poppy seeds myself.

I share those taste prefs myself. However some of my subs tend to be resistant to having chopped onions or poppy seeds spread across their buttocks. :P

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I selected both spanker and spankee, as I'm interested in both giving and receiving. However, I consider myself to be submissive; I am mostly interested in being spanked, rather than dishing it out.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Guest cpgiver

I am seeing a number of new subs posting to this site, seeking mentoring, discipline and related interaction. This is fantastic and I am happy to see it! I do want to offer a generalized bit of advice, which touches both Tops and bottoms, Mentors and mentorees and anyone who is attached to the Dominant and submissive lifestye in any way.

It is vitally important, toward both good relationships and emotional health, that only one person act as a Mentor or Dom, to a given sub. This may sound over-simplistic, but it is the foundation of any such relationship. Just as in marriage or life partnership of any type, honesty, fidelity and accountability are very critical to maintain such relationships. Although we Mentors and Dom/mes are not "professionals" in the sense of charging money or accepting fees for helping our subs, we still need to act in a very adult and professional manner. We need to model the type of honest, accountable and balanced life that we expect of our subs.

It's fine to provide off-the-cuff advice, if a sub asks a question. However such advice need always to be couched in terms of generality, with the recommendation that the sub seek their Mentor or Dom/me for proper guidance. In our collective zeal as Tops, we must not cause any alienation of a sub toward their Dominant, especially a newbie who is still feeling their way around an interactive relationship with someone leading them. In essence, we need to deal with any sub who is not part of our own mentoring activity, in a gentle but distant fashion. Just as a random parent on the block has no right to be instructing or disciplining someone else's child, the same rationale must apply to the Dominant/Submissive partnership. In a broad sense, Dominants act in a parental and teaching mode, which may include CP and other discipline, and no one else should interfere or offer counter-active info or suggestions.

So, why am I bringing all this up? Isn't that what people in the chatroom here are already doing? Yes, things are progressing nicely thus far. However, as a Dominant with over 40 years of experience, I know all too well that things can suddenly slip sideways, and the damage done to someone's emotional health is not easily healed with a bandage, a rub and a kiss.

Be nice to each other, even when disciplining our own subs or offering encouragement to others; and let's be aware of treading on a brother or sister Dominant's toes as they work with their subs. Likewise to all those wonderful men and women who choose to submit to a Dominant - please don't shop around for different advice or directions, in the hope of getting something you prefer, rather than following the advice of your own Dominant.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Guest Gideon

I didn't get to vote but after looking at the choices it would be hard for me anyway :unsure: I am a brat so I get spanked. Paul is my Top so he spanks. We are married and yes dont'blink, gay, lol! I am also a bottom and he always tops. Confused?

I like Kaiser Rolls too but warm with melted butter and blueberry jam, yum!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Let me start by saying that I am completely ignorant in regards to protocol or etiquette within the bdsm community, and this forum may have more of a slant in that direction. If so, please disregard this comment as irrelevant.

As it relates to mentoring within the spanking community, when it comes to seeking opinons, advice and feedback from a number of sources - I would wholeheartedly encourage it. Whether it is in a business, church or social setting, experience has taught me to be very wary of anyone who professes to be the buy-all-and-end-all of guidance, knowledge and advice. The closest example I can think of that might justify exclusion, might be sports - where an athlete chooses a coach to work with, and between them they adhere to a cooperatively developed strategy. But even in that example, the best coaches I've ever known, not only encourage the exploration of other avenues to success, they actively seek them out themselves - sometimes using other coaches who excel in areas they do not.

If someone were to seek the advice or opinion of various mentors, I think the best thing a mentor of theirs could do, would be to say "what did you think of what you've heard, and what if anything do you think might benefit you." In my opinion, good mentorship is more about guidance, revelation and facilitation - than control. Not a new thought, but the underlying meaning of "give someone a fish vs. teach someone to fish"......the idea is to learn to fish, not to learn to fish the way someone tells you to. That may be a starting place...but shouldn't be the ultimate goal in a healthy, interdependent adult relationship.

Once again - none of this may apply to the bdsm community which might very well have its own set of mores and rules - about that, I am admittedly clueless.

Keep seeking!

:)

ben

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Guest cpgiver

In my opinion, good mentorship is more about guidance, revelation and facilitation - than control. Not a new thought, but the underlying meaning of "give someone a fish vs. teach someone to fish"......the idea is to learn to fish, not to learn to fish the way someone tells you to. That may be a starting place...but shouldn't be the ultimate goal in a healthy, interdependent adult relationship.

In this, you and I totally agree - which is great. However, I would like to point out that by the time a mentoree has reached the stage that they no longer need close guidance, they are ready to begin the letting go phase, or as MissBam wrote in another thread, getting kicked out of the nest to fly on their own. I don't consider the term mentor to mean a permanent interdependent relationship. That is espousal, regardless of legal conventions. A mentoring relationship, by it's definition, is a temporary thing. Once it becomes life partnership, there are many other dynamics that come into being. Perhaps in some people's minds, the concept of what a mentor is and what they do is not clear.

I don't pre-suppose that any person who chooses me as their mentor wants to be totally controlled. I have no intention of so doing. Total control precludes emotional growth. They are independent humans who, at least from me, seek guidance and facilitation, and sometimes this involves discipline - but not always. I currently mentor two people making their way through their last year of study for their undergraduate degree. Both needed discipline as well as guidance in the beginning, but now no longer need that discipline (having succeeded in maintaining self-discipline) and no longer need close supervision. They, like many others whom I have had the privilege of mentoring, have grown. That is the goal of true mentoring in my view.

To pickup on one item ben mentions, the BDSM community, they tend to view mentoring as a full-time Master/slave partnership, aiming toward long-term interdependence. M/s partnerships are about control, total control that is sought and desired by the slave. Being a collared slave is totally different from being a mentoree, regardless of the fact that both a mentor and a Master may use corporal punishment as part of their operative activities.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I am seeing a number of new subs posting to this site, seeking mentoring, discipline and related interaction. This is fantastic and I am happy to see it! I do want to offer a generalized bit of advice, which touches both Tops and bottoms, Mentors and mentorees and anyone who is attached to the Dominant and submissive lifestye in any way.

It is vitally important, toward both good relationships and emotional health, that only one person act as a Mentor or Dom, to a given sub. This may sound over-simplistic, but it is the foundation of any such relationship. Just as in marriage or life partnership of any type, honesty, fidelity and accountability are very critical to maintain such relationships. Although we Mentors and Dom/mes are not "professionals" in the sense of charging money or accepting fees for helping our subs, we still need to act in a very adult and professional manner. We need to model the type of honest, accountable and balanced life that we expect of our subs.

It's fine to provide off-the-cuff advice, if a sub asks a question. However such advice need always to be couched in terms of generality, with the recommendation that the sub seek their Mentor or Dom/me for proper guidance. In our collective zeal as Tops, we must not cause any alienation of a sub toward their Dominant, especially a newbie who is still feeling their way around an interactive relationship with someone leading them. In essence, we need to deal with any sub who is not part of our own mentoring activity, in a gentle but distant fashion. Just as a random parent on the block has no right to be instructing or disciplining someone else's child, the same rationale must apply to the Dominant/Submissive partnership. In a broad sense, Dominants act in a parental and teaching mode, which may include CP and other discipline, and no one else should interfere or offer counter-active info or suggestions.

So, why am I bringing all this up? Isn't that what people in the chatroom here are already doing? Yes, things are progressing nicely thus far. However, as a Dominant with over 40 years of experience, I know all too well that things can suddenly slip sideways, and the damage done to someone's emotional health is not easily healed with a bandage, a rub and a kiss.

Be nice to each other, even when disciplining our own subs or offering encouragement to others; and let's be aware of treading on a brother or sister Dominant's toes as they work with their subs. Likewise to all those wonderful men and women who choose to submit to a Dominant - please don't shop around for different advice or directions, in the hope of getting something you prefer, rather than following the advice of your own Dominant.

Yes....we do need to try not to stray too far. But nice to get at least different points of view.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I had to check spankee, dominant because that as close as I could come. Am dominant at work, with friend, everywhere but when wife has me bent over something. Love the endorphin rush and the renewed jolt to our love life

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
I had to check spankee, dominant because that as close as I could come. Am dominant at work, with friend, everywhere but when wife has me bent over something. Love the endorphin rush and the renewed jolt to our love life

I agree but I checked spankee, submissive because when my wife gets out the paddle or her hairbrush, my pants come down and I go over her knee for a sound spanking with no resistance... I can't say with no complaints, because I often whine at the prospect and I certainly end up pleading for the spanking to be over well before she's done, but I unhesitatingly submit to it. In all other aspects of life I am generally quite self-assertive. I think I would object to an undeserved spanking, but when my wife paddles me I know quite clearly I've earned it! It certainly relieves her frustration and my guilt, and really enhances our intimacy and love life!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Guest tarabadgirl

I'm a spankee and I checked other because I don't think needing a spanking necessarily makes me submissive. And I am not a dominant personality either. Just need a punishment for naughtiness.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

In this, you and I totally agree - which is great. However, I would like to point out that by the time a mentoree has reached the stage that they no longer need close guidance, they are ready to begin the letting go phase, or as MissBam wrote in another thread, getting kicked out of the nest to fly on their own. I don't consider the term mentor to mean a permanent interdependent relationship. That is espousal, regardless of legal conventions. A mentoring relationship, by it's definition, is a temporary thing. Once it becomes life partnership, there are many other dynamics that come into being. Perhaps in some people's minds, the concept of what a mentor is and what they do is not clear.

I don't pre-suppose that any person who chooses me as their mentor wants to be totally controlled. I have no intention of so doing. Total control precludes emotional growth. They are independent humans who, at least from me, seek guidance and facilitation, and sometimes this involves discipline - but not always. I currently mentor two people making their way through their last year of study for their undergraduate degree. Both needed discipline as well as guidance in the beginning, but now no longer need that discipline (having succeeded in maintaining self-discipline) and no longer need close supervision. They, like many others whom I have had the privilege of mentoring, have grown. That is the goal of true mentoring in my view.

To pickup on one item ben mentions, the BDSM community, they tend to view mentoring as a full-time Master/slave partnership, aiming toward long-term interdependence. M/s partnerships are about control, total control that is sought and desired by the slave. Being a collared slave is totally different from being a mentoree, regardless of the fact that both a mentor and a Master may use corporal punishment as part of their operative activities.

Well said, I sometimes get the impression from some folks that their mentoring relationship is a permanent thing, and granted I may be mistaken in that, but to me the whole point of it would be to get to a point of not needing it anymore, at least the more :active" parts of it, and that it would eventually develop into a friendship once the "ee" has reached their goal (for lack of a better phrase) Being someone who is considering getting help in one very specific area, the amount of control that seems to be in some mentoring is definitely not for me.(speaking more of previous sites i have seen as i am only currently becoming active over here ) Having been in a relationship many years ago that was very controlling and almost impossible to get out of, (Not a mentoring relationship this was a friendship gone very wrong) too much control sends up a ton of red flags for me. I am happy to say though that there have been quite a few people I've spoken to on here that do not give me that impression at all, from both sides, and it is very reassuring, as is this post above. Sometimes its easy to get carried away but so far it seems many people on this site have a good philosophy about it

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now

×