Jump to content
Spanking Needs Forums

Is it OK to be desperate for a spanking?


Guest spankuverymuch

Recommended Posts

Guest spankuverymuch

Since I am still seeking my first time, both giving and receiving (well given once less than a minute and then she got mad), I have become very desparate and yearning. I don't know what to do about it. I don't know if I should go to a hooker and just get spanked by someone I don't even know nor care about and probably waste money or continue to wait until the right one comes along that I feel comfortable with-not only in terms of other interests but also in a situation where they can meet my needs. . .and I can meet theirs.

Maybe it just isn't going to happen. That is why I don't know if I should settle for less and just get this incredibly strong desire out of my system or continue to wait until I meet an individual with whom I feel really comfortable with.

The problem is it might not be all that I envision. It might be horrible like it was when I gave to that woman who got really mad at me because I didn't do it hard enough.

And with my symptoms I admit it makes it really difficult to be with me and to deal with my symptoms. I am so afraid I will get a panic attack, which can last 20-30 minutes.

That is why I am thinking if I go to someone I don't know then I only lose money. But then again I lose money and that is really tight right now. Plus it could still be a really bad experience.

Has anyone ever felt desperate? If so what did you do about it? Or how did you go about getting your needs met?

Please share because I need to learn!

hugs to everyone!

  • Like 1
Link to post

wait. wait til you find someone that you can be friends with and they can fill that need. i have several spanker friends i have played with until i found my Dom. those sessions satisfied my need/urge for the time and they were by people i had come to trust and talk with. Now that I have a Dom, He administers most of my spankings, but does allow for play dates and parties if I ask and have been good. :). Wait. it'll be so much better.

Link to post
Guest 2bspanked

The more time you spend on this site, reading, participating in chat and getting to know people....the more settled you will become in the knowledge that you are on a path to fulfill your desires. Take a deep breath and give yourself time to let it happen as it should. I relate completely to your frustrations and desperation. I came very close to going to someone who put an ad on craigslist as a spanker, but also had an ad as a hardcore dominatrix. In our email exchanges, my intuition told me clearly that it would not be the experience I was looking for. A thread was started here to find out what surprised people the most about their first spanking. My answer was that I was amazed by how much of spanking, is not about being spanked. IN my opinion, that says everything about what a great first experience should be like for you...and it is worth waiting for.

As someone who was exactly where you appear to be just 63 days ago, there are two names that you will see here often, and find are held in high regard. Miss Bam and MaMaBlue both have incredible reputations within this community as strong, intelligent and compassionate women capable and experienced in the art of loving discipline. The story of how MaMaBlue reached out to me can be found in the "About Me" section of my profile...you can also go to her profile, as well as Miss Bam, and you will find that they would welcome your inquiries and questions.

Be patient, my advice is to not settle for someone just beating your ass (as okay as that might sound when you're desperate). A real, true loving discipline experience is worth waiting and looking for - and it is available.

Good luck in your journey!

2b

Link to post

Of course it's okay to be desperate, but it can be counterproductive. We have an interest that's not easy to openly share with people, and we live in a society where intimate connections become rarer; on a site like this, we can connect with those who are also seeking this out, but unless you live in a major metro area, your connections are likely to live far from you (and even if you live in a major metro area, the others in your area might not be those who share your version of a spanking interest - I've found that few terms can be more general and vague than "spanking"). The isolation and the secrecy of this interest has probably led most of us to try to suppress the need for this in our lives; and for those of us desiring spanking in the context of a relationship, most of us have probably "settled" for non-spanking relationships because we're convinced we'll never find a partner who understands the spanking desire in the same way (on the flip side, I suspect a number of people have settled for otherwise bad relationships because their partner does understand the spanking need, but understands little else). Show of hands, anyone who's had a failed marriage because, at least in small part, your spouse thought your spanking desires were freaky?

So yeah, it's okay, even understandable, that you could be desperate. Unfortunately, being desperate can make finding a connection more difficult. I suppose one question you have to ask yourself is whether you're just after the physical act of spanking, or if you are looking for some kind of relationship, be it domestic or a mentor who you see regularly and who holds you accountable. If you're just after the physical act, maybe "professional help" in the form of a dominatrix (can't condone prostitution) would satisfy you. But if you're looking for a relationship, you have to remember that a spanking relationship is just that - a relationship. When we seek new relationships - business, personal, intimate - we typically try to put our best foot forward, present ourselves as mature, intelligent, sophisticated people, probably a little better than we actually are in order to attract the other. Desperation tends to make us just the opposite, focusing your attention so much on your immediate need that all you can think is, "I really want it!!" When was the last time you saw someone come off as mature, intelligent and sophisticated while begging, "I really want it!!"? Even in relationships that involve a certain level of dominance and submission, we need to know that there's more to the other than a top or bottom. But throw in a forum like this, where you know others actually do share your interest, and that little "I really want it!!!" voice becomes an overwhelming, foot-stamping yell - you've found the place to connect with like-minded others, and you're still not getting what you want!

To be honest, what worked for me was probably just, well, giving up. I'd settled for being the sick freak in the failed marriage, live in a fairly isolated area, and figured my spanking interests/needs would just have to be satisfied by late night posts in a forum much like this, because it was never actually going to happen for me. I started posting in the forum, just as myself, not trying to impress anyone, but simply because it was my available form of expressing my spanking interests. I interacted. A couple of times I wandered into the forum's chat room - again, not seeking, because what would be the point, but just hoping to have real-time interaction with the people whose posts I'd enjoyed responding to. In short order, I was accosted by a brat who impressed me with her flirty wordplay - but we already knew each other a bit through what we'd expressed in the forums, both of us just being ourselves, and our natural selves attracted the other. Again, it was the start of a relationship - and so much more is involved with that word than spanking, so it should be no surprise that in our individual chats and talks spanking didn't even come up for a couple weeks, by which time we knew we were fairly compatible in most other areas (except music - I was appalled by some of her main preferences - though they now are high in my own preferences).

Anyway, if you're seeking a mentor, you're ultimately seeking someone to help you achieve your goals - and the goals are what need to be discussed and understood, while the motivation is a given. If you're looking for someone to sip coffee with in the morning while you, she or both of you sit tenderly at the kitchen table, you better have something to talk about beyond how intense last night's spanking was. The beauty of forums like this is that it takes a lot of the guesswork out - you know everyone is here because spanking is something we need in our lives. So take advantage of that and let everyone get to know the rest of you; the spankings will eventually follow.

  • Like 1
Link to post

I am USUALLY desperate :) Its more than okay...its "normal" for a lot of us. Yesterday I was about as desperate as I've ever been. Today.....finally some relief! Thank you God for hearing my prayers!

Anyway, my personal opinion is that I don't want to just sit around and wait for that perfect person and prefect experience to come around. I have found a lot of satisfaction and relief accepting "what I could get" whenever I could get it. Without these experiences I would still be a spanking virgin.

Don't misunderstand. I have had some less than optimal experiences. But I am grateful for those too. I am thankful that the individuals were willing to try to help me. I am also grateful for what I learned from the experiences about myself.

Link to post

Tis OK to be desperate for a short time. Desperation leads to a more deep felt "AHHHHHHHHHHH!" when flooded with endorphin.:D However, too desperate for too long could lead one into making a mistake with a sadist. :angry: Be careful.:)

Link to post

I think I understand what you are saying about the desperation factor. I too am more desperate than I ever thought possible for some time under a belt or paddle with no sign of reprieve in sight. I want my husband to be the one to take on the role as my DOM but he adamently refuses, not even stopping to hear me out and says the only thing he is comfortable with is light, kinky, sex type spankings. My issue is, I don't think it's right to step outside our marriage to seek what I so desperately need and desire.

I really do think that if this is something you really believe in your soul that you need and 100% want, it is more than okay and you don't sound crazy at all. I just encourage you to be especially careful when you do find someone who is willing to help you out. A background check and meeting them several times before the actual spanking event is something that I would strongly recommend. Even bringing a friend with you to meet this person for the first time would be something I hope you would do.

Hope this helps you out. You are not crazy at all. With great patience becomes great rewards. Good luck with your search. Let me know how things work out.

L.A.

Link to post

Spanking should be fun, something someone enjoys, not an addiction or obsession. And it should not occupy the central place in one's life. That spot should be reserved for a signigicant other, next of kin, children, career, one's deity, etc.

I used to think people got obsessed because they weren't getting any, but I've seen some who in spite of getting plenty, were still acting like the ones getting none...go figure.

Link to post

I'm glad I found this thread because I was on the verge of making the same post. I definitely feel your frustration and desperation. After reading the responses, I realized all of my complaints have been pretty well covered. It does truly sting when the answer is just be patient, but none the less, patience is the answer. I hope you can feel at ease the way I did moments ago to discover you're not the only one.

Link to post

I would love to turn your DESPERATION from needng a spanking to needing it to stop. B) You will be a less needy person after it's over.;) You will feel warm, calm, and composed, :)

Since I am still seeking my first time, both giving and receiving (well given once less than a minute and then she got mad), I have become very desparate and yearning. I don't know what to do about it. I don't know if I should go to a hooker and just get spanked by someone I don't even know nor care about and probably waste money or continue to wait until the right one comes along that I feel comfortable with-not only in terms of other interests but also in a situation where they can meet my needs. . .and I can meet theirs.

Maybe it just isn't going to happen. That is why I don't know if I should settle for less and just get this incredibly strong desire out of my system or continue to wait until I meet an individual with whom I feel really comfortable with.

The problem is it might not be all that I envision. It might be horrible like it was when I gave to that woman who got really mad at me because I didn't do it hard enough.

And with my symptoms I admit it makes it really difficult to be with me and to deal with my symptoms. I am so afraid I will get a panic attack, which can last 20-30 minutes.

That is why I am thinking if I go to someone I don't know then I only lose money. But then again I lose money and that is really tight right now. Plus it could still be a really bad experience.

Has anyone ever felt desperate? If so what did you do about it? Or how did you go about getting your needs met?

Please share because I need to learn!

hugs to everyone!

Link to post

I would love to turn your DESPERATION from needng a spanking to needing it to stop. B) You will be a less needy person after it's over.;) You will feel warm, calm, and composed, :)

If that was directed towards me, I really do appreciate the offer, but respectfully decline. I need a lady. I do seem to be getting results though, and I like that. ;)

Link to post

I'm going to get touchy-feely here and say that feelings are neither right nor wrong - it's how you act on them.

In other words, it's fine to BE desperate, but not fine to ACT desperate. Staying composed is important...

Link to post
  • 11 months later...

This is a great thread! I'm desperate ALL the time. I'm basically in the same boat, but married. My wife isn't vanilla, but right now kink or sexual "play" isn't her top priority. Raising the kids is. Don't get me wrong, that makes me love her more. But it also breaks my heart that I can't talk to her more about my needs.

Link to post
Guest cherrybuns

This is a great thread! I'm desperate ALL the time. I'm basically in the same boat, but married. My wife isn't vanilla, but right now kink or sexual "play" isn't her top priority. Raising the kids is. Don't get me wrong, that makes me love her more. But it also breaks my heart that I can't talk to her more about my needs.

Show her this post. And from one female to another, I can tell her that I've never heard of a woman who lost her kids because she put her spouse first. (Unless she was succumbing to an irresponsible or abusive spouse, but that's not what we're talking about here.)

But, I HAVE heard of women who lost their spouse and ended up as a single moms because for every wife, there is a woman out there who is willing to come and light her husband's fire.

It is in the interest of every child out there to put the spouse first. :)

Link to post

Show her this post. And from one female to another, I can tell her that I've never heard of a woman who lost her kids because she put her spouse first. (Unless she was succumbing to an irresponsible or abusive spouse, but that's not what we're talking about here.)

But, I HAVE heard of women who lost their spouse and ended up as a single moms because for every wife, there is a woman out there who is willing to come and light her husband's fire.

It is in the interest of every child out there to put the spouse first. :)

Great post, cherrybuns.

So many marital misunderstandings about TTWD might stand a fighting

chance of being resolved if people would direct partners to this forum

and demonstrate that it is:

• More widespread than many imagine

• Talked about freely

• Not a valid reason to consign a marriage or long-term relationship to the bin

Hitch

Link to post

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
×
×
  • Create New...