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Guest lilac

A safe call.

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Excellent recommendation and a wonderful topic.

While I consider myself to be "one of the good ones," I always try to encourage a safety-call, just for the Bottom's peace of mind.

You can never be too careful out there!

- Eric

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Wow can't believe all the good advice in this thread. I have met with several strangers for spankings before, usually at their place. Befofre reading this I considered myself smart about this stuff and thought I was reducing the risk of any bad situations as much as possible. Yet paging thru I find that I haven't followed near any of these precautions. It would be awesome if someone compiled all these ideas into a shorter, organized document and got one of our terrific moderators to put it somewhere visible from the front page or even emailed a copy to all new members. Really some good info there that I don't think many beginners consider. A big thank you to everyone who posted their input.

Alex

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As a new member to this site and not having formally introduced myself, I find this topic to be both essential and full of extremely useful information. As a Male/Male spanking top. I am going to recommend this to all of my new men boys for those who are unsure of meeting. I think this is an exceptionally good idea and everyone including myself should use it for any new encounter.

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I guess I never thought about unmarried people who know that they need discipline and how they would get it. That is a wonderful system. God bless you for sharing it. It makes me all the more grateful for my wonderful husband and the loving redirection he provides for me.

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WOW.....reading this really gives me second thoughts about the meeting that I set up for next week. I dont really know the guy very well, and he is a truck driver coming from out-of-town. What do you guys think? Should I cancel the meeting? I am hearing a lot about safe calls "saving lives" --- are you implying that people have escaped death by having this system in place?

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WOW.....reading this really gives me second thoughts about the meeting that I set up for next week. Should I cancel the meeting?

I would not meet privately until you've met publicly. Body language & eye contact goes alot further than texting and/or phone contact. I personally know of 2 incidents. One was physically abused & sodomized during a first meeting. The other was thrown around a hotel room, then not permitted to leave the hotel room at her choice..

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WOW.....reading this really gives me second thoughts about the meeting that I set up for next week. I dont really know the guy very well, and he is a truck driver coming from out-of-town. What do you guys think? Should I cancel the meeting? I am hearing a lot about safe calls "saving lives" --- are you implying that people have escaped death by having this system in place?

yes - plain and simple

make it public and use a safe call even for that

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Its very important to have safe calls just as it is to have safe words. I always use them even when I go meet girls to spank and I always insist that the girls I spank have them in place and use them. Its also important to meet people for the first time in a public place.

I have met people who didn't take the right steps to ensure safety and have been burned because of it. It doesn't happen very often but it does happen.

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Having been in the scene over 15 yrs I can say that both the Spanker and the Spankee need to use caution when first meeting new people, I have never had a meeting go wrong yet but, caution has made me back away a few times. Can't be too careful, have fun spank or be spanked.

J

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Meeting in a public place first for a frank discussion of expectations and boundaries is a wise precaution as well.

I only do bondage with people whom I am actual friends with, because if things get hinky in any way I bail.

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Even though I took some risks in meeting my spanker, I am not taking as many in meeting a spankee. He even agreed that meeting in public first so we can bail if either of us feels uncomfortable is a good idea.

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Wow , never been spanked by someone I was not in a relationship with but have been curious about Professional services. I think we all know there are some bad people out here with terrible intentions so you never can be too cautions. I can only imagine some of the stories... just thinking about it makes me push any curiosities I have to the back of my head.

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Meeting in a public place first for a frank discussion of expectations and boundaries is a wise precaution as well.

I only do bondage with people whom I am actual friends with, because if things get hinky in any way I bail.

When I meet in a public place, it's for vanilla talk. If I want to talk about more, we go for a walk along a well-used street where nobody can hear us but everyone can see us.

And, yeah, don't do bondage unless it's someone you've played with and trust, or it's at a party in view of others.

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I just got some wild news so listen up. Most of us assume the Big Bad Wolf is a creepy guy who could potentially rape,kill, beat or unwillingly detain you. This is not always the case.

A pitfalls seems to be guys who think safe calls and precautionary measures are for the ladies. I dont care if you are an EE or an ER. It also doest matter if you are a 1st timer or seasoned expert with calendar of clientele. Bad things can happen when you are dealing with people you don't know especially outside of public view.

You wont hear many men tell their story so we forget how important safety is even to us. Take for example the guy who goes to meet a female ER or EE. They go to a hotel room for play only to find out its a set up and you are robbed at gun point. Another possibility is that you are greeted by other men hidding in the room who brutally assault you and take you id and any money you may have.

It's hard enough for people to come here and talk about their spanking needs but are you really comfortable enough to call the police and say the woman i was meeting for a spanking or to spank had me set up and robbed and or later extorted? Crime and misfortune are not gender bias. Just because its not talked about openly doesn't mean its not occurring. Everyone needs to be safe when you are dealing with people you don't know. Please keep your eyes and ears open. Before you meet anyone do your homework and let someone know something before you go.

Sent from my SCH-I510 using Tapatalk 2

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Nicely put Dontstoptop. I make an effort to check out potential 'ees before we actually meet for a session. It's amazing what you can find on the internet if you look long and hard enough. Using common sense and an ounce of precaution works both ways

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Very true Blue.

Hind sight is always 20/20 and most of us have at one time or the other thought back on an unwise decision we made or situation we put ourselves in and said to ourselves "why did i do that". The problem with Common Sense is that we assume that there is something common about it or that Common Sense is the same as common knowledge.

The unfortunate truth is not everyone has the ability to make common sense decisions. Some can relate to the experience of meeting a very book smart person who can pass any test put in front of them but struggle with the simplest day to day choices that come to most naturally. The other issue most of us even with common sense may have is having that common sense overshadowed by our level of excitement or lack of impulse control.

Man or woman ER or EE the best advice i can offer is to do like Blue and some others say and use whatever resources you have available to you to research someone before meeting them. Also let someone know where you are going to be from what time to what time and to check on you to make sure you are ok after that time frame.

Sent from my SCH-I510 using Tapatalk 2

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I keep rereading this thread and it scares me silly. Even with a safe call, by the time the police were alerted you could have already been injured, raped, or even killed. Pepper spray is a great idea but you would have to be able to have access to it. When I was dating my husband, I always felt safe because I had two large wolf hybrids who were extremely protective. I dont know if i would feel safe enough unless my safe call person was in the same location. Somehow in the last two years I went from assuming the best in people to assuming the worst. I know I would feel safer if I was a kick boxer or had a black belt in karate.

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This might create a few more open minds in regards to the use of professionals with established reputations and references.

;)

Ben

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One of the reasons I will require 2-3 face to face meetings in public locations before agreeing to any sessions. Safety first always.

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Guest BecauseYou'reMine

I'm not sure whether there are statistics, dontstoptop, but I've been hearing more and more of that lately even outside our little community. Women going out and picking up men and going home with them and serving them up on a silver platter to their boyfriends to rob. Sometimes they bring the men back to their own homes where their boyfriends are waiting to mug them, or they go back to the man's house and let their boyfriends in the front door when the man is sleeping or distracted. They tend to target married men because they figure they're unlikely to involve the police because their wives will find out. Fetishy people are easy targets, too, because they don't want people knowing that they're engaging in shady business with strangers, and half of them don't even argue about being tied up. Basically, men, be careful. The best way is to spend enough time getting to know someone, more time than anyone would ever spend on robbing you when there are plenty of men out there who can be robbed without such a time investment.

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It is good that we are having this discussion on safety. When I met up with my disciplinarian for the first time, I used common sense, although I was really worried. We met for dinner after six months of discussion via email then phone. Still, having a safety call was not something I considered. We now suggest that to any woman visiting us. We also suggest that she set her alarm so that she doesn't forget about her call. It has worked well but it also sends the woman a clear message that we are thinking about her safety.

New folks should take their time in searching. Enjoy the journey!

Rachel

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Hello All. My name is Paul [and yes I use my real name here as I always have done.]

I am and have been for 39 years now a Professional Punisher which is to say I have a business where people come to [and pay] me to either have themselves or their “other” punished [which of course includes spankings].

I have a business license, a license from the County Health Dept. and my Degree from the Univ. of Calif. @ Davis on the wall. I have also sat down with the local Police, Fire Dept’s. and a lawyer to draw out a “punishment Contract”. My business is also NON-sexual, but rather more a CP type of session. I am also a Life Coach of sorts as well, trying to guide them into a more comfortable, peaceful and stress-free place.

I give you all the above background to let you know that for me there are three words that I run my business by: Honesty in all things [which is how I live my live]; Safety ALWAYS and of course LOTS N LOTS N LOTS of Communication. I ALWAYS 1st thing sit down in a public place with a prospective client to discuss all the details of what they want, how and why as well as my limits and rules. I also suggest that if they are nervous to feel free to bring a friend. I also let them know my background and of course I let them see my real name, driver’s license etc. so they know who I am and that I am for real. I also let them know that if they do not feel “right” about the session then to please walk away and there will be no hard feelings. I like to have at LEAST 3 face to face’s before both of us commit to arranging a session. I will also invite them to my place to look around and see for themselves where the session will take place and what all equipment I have on hand.

These are MY own rules and I insist on them to make more than anything the prospective client feel comfortable about having a session. I do also like during the pre-session meets delve into their emotional background; do they have specific triggers; things like PTSD or the like and any medical conditions that could potentially cause problems. I lastly do background checks on all “clients to be” as well and let them know that I will be doing it. Again, upfront honesty and these are things that I insist on for the safety of all concerned.

And lastly, I insist on coming up with a “safe word” and having them call a trusted friend in front of me at the time of the session…………again for their safety and peace of mind.

These are simple but to me at least, important things about having a session with someone that I do not know. Don’t know why everyone can’t do the same. It would make the whole fetish/kink world allot more enjoyable and safe.

Paul Lortz [The Punisher], owner

Northern Utah Punishment Parlour

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