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Guest lilac

A safe call.

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Guest lilac

I have decided to post this on both boards because I feel you can't be to safe in the spanking world. I feel and so do many others that a safe call is vital and could be life saving if things get out of hand.

I had one with my first 2 disiciplinarians and I took a friend with me when meeting Larry.

There is nothing embarrassing about confiding in someone that you are meeting someone for this. If need be contact one of the respected disciplinarians on the board and let them know where you will be and when and give them the number you can be reached.

Lots of things can happen and doing this can go very wrong. Not normally but on the rare occasion that something can happen then following advice having a safe call is important. So posting this shouldn't make anyone afraid but it should make you more aware and taking precautions is a wise thing to do.

I hope everyone continues to be safe.

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You can always set-up a safe call or safe-email with a friend from either spanking board too, just so you are checking in with someone. But that friend should know enough about you to know who to contact if you can't be reached.

Always play safe!

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Great post! A safe call is always a good idea. Even if it's to a blog, or a forum (which I never thought to consider), it is always a good idea to have a friend know where you are "just in case". Bad things have happened to friends of mine. I've been glad to be on the receiving end of those safety calls (it's a relief to know those you care about are safe). I always encourage having a safety call.

Great post. Let's all be safe out there!

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Thanks, lilac, great topic.

While it may be common sense, sometimes it is good to be reminded to listen to that common sense. It is ok to be nervous about a new experience, it's even expected to be apprehensive about a spanking, but you should never be made to be uncomfortable. Like Big Girl Spanker, I've known a few friends to meet some of those bad apples out there. It's unfortunate that there are so many who don't seem to know or care about the person on the receiving end. Just because you know the mechanics of swinging an arm or a paddle doesn't mean you know how to be a spanker. For this reason it is a good idea to let a friend know where you are and who you are going to be with, even if they don't know why. Like having a safety call on a blind date, it's good to have a friend there with you, even in spirit.

Safety, Trust, Compassion, and Communication. These are essential. They take time to develop, so in the mean time, keep yourself safe as best you can.

~Eric

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Guest aust0226ap

If you want to use a vanilla friend or family member I always found the excuse of a blind date or a date from an edate service (eharmony type things) very helpful,, Safe calls are Vital I cant stress them enough to anyone meeting someone off the internet for Anyreason.

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I agree with aust0226ap. Most of the people i have been with have not had such an arrangement with a friend. I think their main reason is that they feel embarrassed about what they need. Let alone telling them they are searching out someone they dont know to spank them.

Disguising that as an online dating hook up is a good idea. This way it allows a certain degree of safety but allows the person to keep their needs a secret from their normal circle of friends.

Oddly enough most of the people i meet with have no such plan.

Just because you meet a person beforehand in public shouldnt allow you to trust them fully.

I can probably say that the people on this site are respectable and sane. But what about the people who you meet from random sites(as i have.)

Bottom line is dont be careless with your safety.

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I totally agree also. I demanded that a certain lady who came here for a week long visit once upon a time, make such an arrangement before I even allowed her to come. I wanted her to feel safe while she was here. She had her ex call everyday that she was here. I didn't have any problem with that at all.

Trader Leeā™ 

I agree with aust0226ap. Most of the people i have been with have not had such an arrangement with a friend. I think their main reason is that they feel embarrassed about what they need. Let alone telling them they are searching out someone they dont know to spank them.

Disguising that as an online dating hook up is a good idea. This way it allows a certain degree of safety but allows the person to keep their needs a secret from their normal circle of friends.

Oddly enough most of the people i meet with have no such plan.

Just because you meet a person beforehand in public shouldnt allow you to trust them fully.

I can probably say that the people on this site are respectable and sane. But what about the people who you meet from random sites(as i have.)

Bottom line is dont be careless with your safety.

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When I meet someone in play, I take another safe precaution. As a guy, I only have my cell phone, drivers license, insurance, and a $20. And I'd suspect women would do the same.

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If you want to use a vanilla friend or family member I always found the excuse of a blind date or a date from an edate service (eharmony type things) very helpful,, Safe calls are Vital I cant stress them enough to anyone meeting someone off the internet for Anyreason.

Yeah I used to always do it this way before I was comfortable to tell certain family members and friends about it. Nowadays, spankers who met me in the past can be trusted safe calls.

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Guest OtkSpanker334

Very helpful information, Lilac. This may be helpful to both spankers and spankees. I've never heard of a spanker being put in any danger when meeting someone from online - but it can happen. One just never knows what type of person they are meeting on the internet. A safe call is definitely a very good idea. Safety is my number one priority when meeting someone for the first time.

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Excellent recommendation and a wonderful topic.

While I consider myself to be "one of the good ones," I always try to encourage a safety-call, just for the Bottom's peace of mind.

You can never be too careful out there!

- Eric

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Great & Essential Topic.

I use spanking friends as contacts. I tell the spanker up front that I will be receiving a call & I, in front of the spanker tell the caller that I will phone them back when I am enroute home.

I started phoning after I was contacted by a spanker who presumably, said he was from my area on Spankthis.com [a Male-Male site]. It was a new profile. As is my custom, I exchanged several emails. The straw that broke the camel's back was his scenario proposal: He stated he was married & to preserve 'true' mentoring & discretion, we would both rent separate motel rooms. I would tell him the room number, he would call my room & at that time I would unlock the door then put a pillowcase over my head. That was the end of that contact! I later did a language syntax search & he had multiple profiles. I posted various places to warn others.

Crimes have occurred more often than most spanking people are aware.

As we've often shared with one another, since adult-adult spanking is tabu, & finding suitable parters is at times challenging, safety is of the utmost necessity.

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I take pepper spray with me and forewarn them that I will not hesitate to use it if I feel threatened or they try anything dangerous or sexual. I've had some bad experiences in the past. Safe calls are always smart, no matter what

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Thanks so much Lilac for your willingness to be a contact person when one of us inexperienced folks meets up with someone for the first meeting, second and the eventual spanking itself. That tells me that I am indeed associating with some good people - I have yet to meet all of you at the St. Patrick's day party.

I know that I usually have some very good common sense and I know lots of good information but having someone know where I am going and with whom I am intending to meet up with is so reassuring.

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Guest becka

Lilac has made a valid point but even when you are chatting online and havent met yet be cautious and use common sense.I know from experience that even just chatting can be unsafe. Be careful how much personal information you give to a person when first chatting.I recommend not giving addresses and phone numbers out until you have chatted for awhile and are comfortable, even with people from this board. We have a lot of great people here but there have been a few creeps. Don't let yourself get so scared though that you don't reach out to anyone here. The best advice that I could give especially with this board, is go with your gut. Listen to your instincts they are usually right.

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I suppose I should do a more formal introduction, but for now, this topic caught my interest.

I have yet to meet anybody in person. I can say that I have been fortunate to build an online and telephone relationship with somebody who I trust a great deal and who also has a very good online reputation. I have taken my time doing this, but this topic is not lost on me for several reasons of my own which I will not go into great detail here describing, except to say that safety for me is a huge concern, even moreso than it is for other people. Sorry, you're just going to have to trust me on that. I don't wish to be too personally revealing here.

I thought it might be useful to add to this discussion something I read on another board which I thought was really sound advice, not that the advice given here so far has been bad cause it certainly seems good, but I don't think it is ever possible to have too much good advice.

The suggestion was as follows: Not only should you plan to make a safe call, but you should also have a safe word to use during that safe call. The word should be one which does not normally come up during conversation, and the person whom you are calling for your safe call should prompt you to say it if you don't say it voluntarily.

If the safe word was "avocado", the portion of conversation might go like this:

safe call: "Did you have an avacado today for lunch?"

bottom (in trouble): "Yes, it was delicious. Everything is fine and wonderful."

NOTE: The bottom never said the word "avacado".

bottom (in a safe situation), either of these or any number of possible variants:

"No, I didn't have an avocado today. Instead, I had...."

"Yes, the avacado was good."

You're failure to say that word would therefore be an indication that there is trouble, and your safe call should alert authorities on your behalf. Your safe call should be aware of your planned destination, so an alert to authorities can get you in a safe situation quickly, but you can always put that information in during your call as well. After all, since "everyuthing is fine and wonderful", there will be no suspicion of reason for including those details.

On the board that I read this suggestion, a scary scene had unfolded where this actually became a life saver with the bottom being forced to make a "safe call" and the lack of use of the safe word during that call prompted a call to authorities who very quickly located the bottom and made an arrest.

Also not lost on this discussion is that tops also need to plan on safe calls. Swindlers come in all forms, and the bottom should expect the top to make such calls as well.

I hope this adds some useful points to this discussion. it certainly did on the board I read these ideas on originally.

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Very helpful information, Lilac. This may be helpful to both spankers and spankees. I've never heard of a spanker being put in any danger when meeting someone from online - but it can happen. One just never knows what type of person they are meeting on the internet. A safe call is definitely a very good idea. Safety is my number one priority when meeting someone for the first time.

That's a great idea for spankers to have a safe call too. You really never know who you will come across on the internet.

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I just wanted to add this little tidbit...I typically spend several weeks to a month or two corresponding in whatever form before ever agreeing to meet someone. I assume others also do the same. If my intent is to develop a close personal relationship with the person, I want to know if the person is "real". During that time, I am always using critical thinking to assess the person I am communicating with. These types of relationships tend to get very personal in nature and no amount of caution is enough, in my opinion. Chatting and even emails sometimes have an inherent flaw. Both are lacking a human connection so it is very easy to be deceptive or misleading. I always monitor chat conversations and will typically scan back through the conversations while I am talking to the person several times looking for inconsistencies that I might not have caught initially. My guard never comes down. That doesn't mean I won't ever come to trust the person (that is the ultimate goal) but it does mean that I question everything especially in the beginning. Additionally, I am looking for the "fit" to make sure I am the right person for the situation. If I have a question about something that I feel needs clarifying, I will ask. If the person becomes defensive or otherwise agitated with one of my questions, I make a mental note to come back to it later and possibly re-word the question to 1.) Verify the person isn't trying to be intentionally deceptive and 2.)I want to know if there is some underlying issue that might lead to something bigger later. I always inject questions into the conversation that I can use later to measure a person level of honesty. I even go so far as to make a written note about such a concern and wait a few days to bring it up again. In an ideal world, this wouldn't be necessary but with today's level of sophisticated weirdos....you get the idea.

Remember, if someone is being honest, they can recall that honesty all day long. If they are being deceptive, their answer will most likely change if asked a similar question, unless they are a sociopath. Even in that case, certain questions followed by other similar questions can cause even them to slip up and warn you about their true motivation. If you are chatting with me, don't take it personally. I would not be offended if others are doing this also and would recommend that everyone familiarize themselves with this technique. It has saved my bacon more than once.

Brian

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There's actually a volunteer network up nationwide for safe calls. The National Safe Call Network is a great resource if you don't have anyone you can trust to act as a safe call in your area. While primarily intended for the BDSM community, they'll provide a safe call for anyone with no questions.

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There's actually a volunteer network up nationwide for safe calls. The National Safe Call Network is a great resource if you don't have anyone you can trust to act as a safe call in your area. While primarily intended for the BDSM community, they'll provide a safe call for anyone with no questions.

Hey, Mello,

This is a great idea! Have you used it in the past? Any recommendations or have you found any ptifalls?

MB

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i have a method of being safe. i won't post it here as anyone i meet who turns for the worst will know how not to get caught. i will mention it before i meet anyone, but won't say any more, like what it is. it has saved a friend of mine before.

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i have a method of being safe. i won't post it here as anyone i meet who turns for the worst will know how not to get caught. i will mention it before i meet anyone, but won't say any more, like what it is. it has saved a friend of mine before.

I'm sorry...but how is this helpful to anyone if you don't share?

MB

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Guest 2bspanked

Okay-this post tells me that not only am I new, new, new - like fresh-out-of-secrecy- with-my-spanking- "thing" new, but after reading this I realize that I might also be terribly naive. I've spent a lifetime hiding this urge in a dark corner of my psyche and never discussing it with anyone, then I find this forum and realize I might be closer to "normal" (whatever that is) than I ever thought. After a lifetime of caring too much what others might think, actually speaking with an experienced spanker has had me fighting the "scream-it-from-the-mountaintop" urge cause it feels so good to begin accepting this part of me regardless of what some may think....

But now the realities:

I think I understand the potential dangers in this for women, especially women spankees.....but can someone be more specific about the dangers for spankee guys who only want a female spanker? Are there identify concerns here? In other words, are there actually creepy people who would try to use their knowledge of someones's identity and involvement in spanking as some sort of extortion or leverage? For example, I am married, and unfortunately my involvement needs to remain a secret for now....do I need to be concerned about someone using that against me? Or is the threat more basic like getting your wallet rifled while your pants are gone, or getting restrained and having a spanker go overboard.

Sorry to be so thick-headed, just stuff I never, ever would have considered (I'm a pretty trusting person).....but maybe I should

2b

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Recently PurpleBottom explained to me how necessary a safe call is. She even offered to be a safe call for me since we live in the same city. Mama Blue also recently offered to be emergency contact information! I was so touched at how caring so many on this forum are! If only most people would act as a warmheartedly as many members on this board have, the world would be a much better place!

Thanks everyone for the kindness :)

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