Struggling with confidence / Embarrassment

[LittleEmma]

Hey Guys, 

I'm struggling a little bit with my confidence, and wondered if anyone else feels the same / had any advice. 

So - a couple of weeks ago, i had my first session with a new disciplinarian, and it went really well, but thats not the issue - I have to travel by bus about 40 minutes to meet with him and i get really really self conscious and Embarrassed. Almost to the point where i feel like cancelling or just not going - its not the spanking, or him - when i'm over his knee getting my butt blistered i really love it.

Its just the going out in public bit i struggle with - what if someone i know sees me and asks what I'm doing or where I'm going! can they see that i'm not sitting properly? I feel like everyone i see knows that i'm a grown woman who is going to meet up with someone to get my butt spanked like a little kid (even though i know they don't) and it really makes me nervous. I tell myself that i'm not doing anything illegal, or hurting / bothering anybody else, but it still feels odd. 

I know it sounds silly, and i probably just need to put my big girl pants on and grow up - but if anyone has any advice or tips i would really really appreciate it  

Em x 

[rubyredd]

Maybe try to reframe it into a more positive spanko-style embarrassment?

I don't really worry about this sort of thing in a genuine way, but I do wonder if people can tell I have just been spanked... am I wriggling too much (maybe), can they see my booty glowing red through my clothes (of course not), do I look like I have just been paddled (often)? We only think these things because we are spankos. The vanilla world doesn't look at other people in that same way. As to what to say if someone asks... you're just going to visit a friend (or volunteering or siteseeing).

[RossCaliban]

I think rubyredd has it exactly right - we're familiar with the signs, and to us they're a neon light highlighting somebody's getting a spanking! or somebody just got spanked!, but that's just us and those like us. Being able to recognize those signs is a... what's that word... shibboleth to those in this lifestyle.

I have a customer who frequents my restaurant who gives me a wink whenever she passes through, not out of attraction, but because I know the significance of the clunky necklace she wears, and she knows I know. It's one of those things. 

[Bramblewine]

If anyone asked where you're going, it would be none of their business unless they're someone super close to you, and if they are, "going to see a friend who lives in _____" should be answer enough. Or just, "Meeting up with a friend." I've said that very thing when I had an evening play date and got asked about dinner plans. No more questions were asked.

After, you'll be aware that you got a spanking, but no one else will. Even if you have trouble sitting still, that's not something people on transit are going to notice about a stranger unless you're literally jumping out of your seat and making dance moves. People will be in their own heads. If you do literally jump out of your seat and make dance moves, people will just think you're nuts. Everyone thinks of the most likely explanation first.

Maybe you could spin it in your mind to a delightful secret, and relish the fact that the people around you have no idea. That's really what it is.

[Spanknutt]

Reality check - no one suspects anything unless they are clairvoyant. One thing I have learned over the years is to always have an explanation ready if you are unexpectedly asked a question by someone. The one that comes up most frequently for me is "How did you guys meet?"  I could say "on a spanking website" but that would be a little awkward. My current answer is "We both work in the same industry and we know some of the same people. I asked her to lunch one day and we hit it off." And none of that is untrue, but it satisfies questions from the inquisitive people.

[DaChief]

As was said, most people won't notice if you aren't sitting right, and even if they do, they probably won't ask about it. On the odd chance someone does ask about it, you can simply say that you slipped in the shower stall. People do that all the time. I did myself not too many years ago and spent several days feeling like an EE. 

[Bramblewine]

9 minutes ago, Spanknutt said:

Reality check - no one suspects anything unless they are clairvoyant. One thing I have learned over the years is to always have an explanation ready if you are unexpectedly asked a question by someone. The one that comes up most frequently for me is "How did you guys meet?"  I could say "on a spanking website" but that would be a little awkward. My current answer is "We both work in the same industry and we know some of the same people. I asked her to lunch one day and we hit it off." And none of that is untrue, but it satisfies questions from the inquisitive people.

I know a woman who, when asked how she and her girlfriend had met, responded matter of factly, "We were S&M players together."

But that was in a setting that, while vanilla, was not likely to see kink shaming. I don't think she told that to everyone, everywhere, every time. It's a know your audience thing.

My ready answer, if I'm ever asked how I know a spanko friend or play partner, is, "We met through mutual friends." If I'm ever asked where I'm going when where I'm going is a spankos' meetup, I'm meeting some friends for drinks. If a play date, I'm meeting up with a friend (or friends--under some circumstances, using the plural even if I'm really only meeting up with one friend staves off, "Who? Anyone I know?").

[FtWorthOTK55]

3 hours ago, LittleEmma said:

what if someone i know sees me and asks what I'm doing or where I'm going! can they see that i'm not sitting properly?

Use the old "I slipped getting out of van at work and hurt my hip" excuse.  It will work once.  You just have to come up with another once you have to use it, which will likely be never.  

[OhRedhead]

We sometimes assume people notice us in those ways. They really don't. They are wrapped up in their own lives and take very little notice, especially of strangers. We might notice such things, but it is because it is very salient for us as spankos. We are triggered by small signs. No one else is. I'd try to just relax and enjoy the times you are keeping "little secrets" from the rest of the world.

[LeighOTK]

I don’t mean to always be the voice that’s a little outside the lines. But I will admit that I am a fan of devils advocate. I think it’s important to consider different things. Soooo…

First, and most important for your situation…no one knows. So breathe, and be happy that you have found a spanking friend.  Many aren’t able to. And the truth is, even if people did know? It’s unlikely that a lot of bus strangers would really care all that much. As @OhRedhead said…people don’t notice each other. It makes me think of Shawshank Redemption (one of my all time favorite movies.) Andy shines the warden’s shoes and then walks out in them just before he enacts a plan to escape wrongful imprisonment. Then Red says, “I mean seriously, how often do you look at a man’s shoes?”  People just don’t care. 
 

Secondly…and here is where maybe I’m weird…I like the discrepancy?  I LOVE going back into my day to day routine of being “professional and responsible” knowing I’ve just been upended like a naughty child. Knowing that under my clothes where no one can see it, my bottom is rosy and sore and  glowing. Knowing that I can’t help but sit carefully and wondering if anyone else is catching it. 
It’s a tiny measure of naughty, adventurous, and dare I say a “sexy” kind of fun that gets to occasionally mingle with the hum drum of the everyday. So my advice is to own it. Relish it. Wince a little if you need to. And then…if some stranger looks at you questioningly? Let em wonder. Smile and say nothing, knowing that you’ve been affectionately taken care of. Best of luck to you on your journey! 

Edited May 25 by LeighOTK

[LittleEmma]

thanks everyone for your comments! 

lots of great advice in there, and just reading it and not so feeling alone in this big wide world of spanking really helps a lot  

I'm getting spanked tomorrow morning, and i cant wait to go straight to work afterwards, sitting on my freshly spanked bottom, but being the only person that knows about it hehe

Em xx

[subjohn1980]

To tell the truth, in the past I felt the same way. But then, without getting in to details on here, yet, I found there were people who knew me for many years who didn't notice I have a disability. As time goes on, I find if a few don't notice that, and a few don't say anything else about anything else I do or have done, either they're in to spanking too and they may or may not figure it out, or they'r enot and probably don't notice anything and if they do, it doesn't matter what they think because likely I won't see them again anyway. On top of that, if my former wife could threaten a spanking when I get home, loudlyl in one of the busier transit stations at least in this part of the country, with tons of people around, and no one appeared to take any notice, I pretty much decided that day I didn't care what people thought if anything. It comes with time and as someone else said, people not in the lifestyle won't really notice, and those who are, get it so it just takes time and it will get to be no big deal.

[Bspankly]

I enjoy the embarrassment, but it because my wife is my spanker. We have many things in our history and my trust in her is not an issue. I enjoy my spankings, so I think I may be the one who gives away my secret. 

Something this fun should be shared. The web allows for for us to share anonymously.

I think you are dying to tell someone and you are afraid your body language or some other sign is flashing above you. It is not but it feels like it.

Life is short, have fun.

[Mithras]

People don’t pay attention to very serious danger cues in the environment.  There is certainly no chance anyone could ever figure out what you are doing.  
 

Mental reframing is the key to almost everything in life.  If you are sure you are meeting with a safe, respectful spanker, be at peace with what are you are doing.  Some of this may also rightly be nervousness about the impending doom of your bottom that is getting misinterpreted all types of ways.

 

With intrusive, irrational thoughts, a good trick is to just mentally yell at yourself “Stop” (don’t do it out loud on the bus unless you want trip to loony bin  ) and then change your stream of thinking to something more productive, calming etc.  or fantasize about the spanking you are about to get.  That should do the trick.

 

 

Edited June 7 by Mithras