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I don't know if what I'm looking for even exists anymore

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I was born and raised in the south with traditional values, though I was never spanked, much to my detriment. I was raised in the LDS church but have recently become Orthodox. I'm 43 years old, though I look young enough to still get carded, searching for a woman - preferably younger - who is Christian or who is open to it (any denomination is fine, but please consider my faith), who is still a virgin, as I am, with no "body count", who wants to serve God, who wants a family, who believes in old-fashioned values and Biblical principles but I feel more and more that doesn't exist anymore. Sometimes I think I'm not just a dying breed, but already dead and buried.

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I don't think it's impossible, but very difficult to find in today's society. I've known some very attractive and religious girls that have made it into their 30's as virgins...but it falls off very quickly after that. I think you're in a good state to begin that search, but you might need to cast a really wide net as your target is very specific. I would explore some other "fly over states" as well. A number of the religious virgins I knew lived in places like Indiana and Kansas. It exists but it it will take a lot of effort on your part to find. Most things in life that matter to us do take that kind of commitment. Best of luck in finding what you're looking for. 

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Perhaps you are simply afraid of failure. And seek the unattainable as an excuse. I would suggest you think through waiting for the perfect match.

You just might find her -  but guys like me that stumble through life failing and getting back up to try again will eat your lunch. No experience in your 40’s will not just be a physical issue. You won’t know how to navigate a relationship, miss the signs resulting in poor communication. You will blame her but it’s simply you didn’t know enough. 

Your impossible standards indicate you are too judgemental and the controlling type. You gotta be top notch player to pull that off. First, learn to talk to anyone about anything and be genuinely interested in that person. 

But keep it up as guys who can talk to anyone and genuinely like people for who they are would never put up a wall like you. Woman are naturally selective. Buffetfan Tear down that wall! And consider getting a Sex Worker. 


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You are correct: the woman you're looking for doesn't exist anymore, and probably never did.

Christian, still a virgin, no body count, wants a family... that description may apply to a very religious and sheltered teenage girl. Maybe even to a very religious and sheltered early twenty-something. That girl will almost definitely marry by her mid twenties at the very latest. If she doesn't, she'll start to get disillusioned, and won't hold onto those ideals forever. Even if she does, she may start to get disillusioned, and won't necessarily hold onto those ideals forever.

By the time she's thirty, let alone anywhere near your age, she'll be in a very different mindset from your ideal, whether or not she's lost her virginity along the way. Either that or she'll be pining for a life that doesn't exist, and as lost in fantasy as you are, not open to real possibilities.

If she's still young enough to be someone who matches your ideal, she's extremely unlikely to be interested in a 43-year-old.

And that's without even considering the DD angle. People who are into that are even rarer. Very religious and sheltered Christian teenagers and early twenty-somethings are especially unlikely to even know it exists.

As for what you want, you live what you want. If you yourself have not married and had children, by the age of 43, that's more likely to be what you say you want but don't really, than what you actually want.

For someone who was raised LDS and remained LDS well into adulthood, not marrying is especially unusual. That makes even more likely that if marriage were what you really wanted, you would have married some time ago.

Edited by Bramblewine
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Well said @Bramblewine

@buffettfanSomething to think about. Religion does not work without Sin. Give that some thought. And don’t get discouraged. Look at Alec Baldwin having a bunch of kids after 55. 

What would real Buffet do ? Complain? Nope. Get a guitar and write EMO lyrics. Go to EMO concerts and find that crowd then start a band even if you have no talent. How about …If there is no one beside you when your sole embarks, then I will follow you into the dark…

And big advantage. You really can’t spot a female Spanko but you most certainly can spot a female EMO.  Because I fell in love with the girl at the rock show………sound familiar? 

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I agree with others above that the odds of finding a woman who meets your standards is highly unlikely. No harm in staying active in the Orthodox Church, using on line resources like eHarmony and Christian Mingle, as well as being active in various organizations that attract religious women. Still, I doubt seriously you’ll find a partner unless you’re willing to change standards.  Why not consider dating a faithful, divorced woman near your own age.

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Um, we exist, I promise, haha. You just gotta find the right one for you :) I'm not going to assume what you mean by old-fashioned values, but that /might/ be the one you'll have the most trouble with. 

However, I will say as someone from the other side looking for some similar aspects in guys, I've found if it's someone that is meant to be in your life, they might not check all the boxes that you originally thought you needed for yourself. Don't change your values, but still be open minded. 

Edited by EmzieLou
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On 3/19/2023 at 1:59 PM, Lotsapappa said:

What would real Buffet do ? Complain? Nope.


What I first thought of is that the real Buffett would survey the marketplace, study the fundamentals, understand the risks and opportunities in the long-term and, if the price was right, put in a bid.  That has made the Oracle of Omaha a lot of money in the last several decades.  Nothing in life is perfect and it takes work & sacrifice to even get close.

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19 hours ago, EmzieLou said:

I've found if it's someone that is meant to be in your life, they might not check all the boxes that you originally thought you needed for yourself. 


A useful exercise would be to review your checklist and decide which points you feel are truly necessary and which are just nice to have. How important is it, really, that your partner be a virgin? That she be religious? That she want a DD relationship? That she want (and not already have) a family, as in children? That she hold old fashioned values, however you're defining them?

Fact is, there are far fewer women who want a DD relationship than women who don't. There are far fewer women who are still virgins, much beyond adolescence, than women who are. There are far fewer women who are religious, in the way you're seeking, than women who are.

Age is a factor, too. Realistically, a woman is more likely to check most of the boxes you list the younger she is, but far more women prefer peer age partners than much older ones. Doesn't matter how young you look, what matters is what part of life you're in. If you're so far apart in age that you're at different places in life, that doesn't usually work well for a couple relationship. Not that there aren't May/December couples who make it work, and not that there aren't any young women who'd be fine with dating or marrying a much older man, but they're the exception, not the rule. 

Women who are peer age to you are not that young. They're also at an age when having future biological children may not be so likely, and when, more often than not, if they want children they already have them.

The odds of finding everything you say you want in the same person are slim. But you might be able to find someone who matches the spirit of what you want, if you open yourself to dating women who don't necessarily match every line item on your wish list.

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Finding love is always going to be less likely if the person must match a long list of specific requirements beyond just being a good person you love. But there are many women in this world, and I can't believe there are not some who fit your model. Thinking there is no one else like us is probably just frustration and an unrealistic conceit. Do you socialize in settings where "old-fashioned values and Biblical principles" is the prevailing milieu? Be patient, be positive.

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