Why do I crave "painful" spankings.

[nicoleS39]

I know we all have often discussed the "reason" we are spankos. It seems for some of us, we really do not know "why" we are. For others, there seems to be clarity. We talk about the spanko gene, childhood experiences, being held accountable, discipline, submission/dominance, sexual excitement, DD, fun play...Regardless of what your "why" might be, I think it is safe to say, there are varied and diverse reasons, among us. I do not wish to revisit that discussion regarding "why" we are spankos, but as I look at myself, I recognize what to me is a deeper perplexity. Perhaps you wiser folks can help me.

I seem to not only "crave" or "need" to be spanked, disciplined, punished...but...I also seem to need it to be hard or harsh...in other words...to be physically painful. My husband and I just recently discussed this in our bimonthly review, bit its not the first time. Now I recognize there is a degree of "pain" or discomfort in any spanking. Such is the nature of being "struck" or smacked. But, I think for many more "normal" folks there is a tolerance limit in which it ceases to be "enjoyable" or provide a pleasant experience. But, quite honestly, with me....I really do "want" to be spanked hard...to be marked...to feel the pain of intense burning sting be brought to the point I can hardly catch my breath between sobs and shrieks of pain. I really deplore a "pause" signal for me, and have only used it for odd things...like needing to pee or having a muscle cramp....or once...nausea. I actually want him to bring me to begging for mercy and begging to stop...and then going a bit more with me.  Yes...that is why I know...I am not a normal person. Obviously, this is not healthy nor practical.  You see what I mean? Why am I like this?

To me....pain means passion...pain means more love...pain means it is real and pain is a language I "get". To me, pain is confirmation I am getting what I richly deserve.  My husband knows this. And, to be quite honest...he is the one who protects me from myself. He has found ways over the years to maximize sting, but minimize bruising or severe cuts on my skin. I know he likewise actually "enjoys" inflicting pain on me, but I am thankful he is the strong one who controlled and disciplined enough to stop at the right time. Yet...I confess...there are many times I wish he hadn't...and many times I have asked for even more punishment...even after a severe whipping. If I did not have him, I fear I would wind up connecting with someone who would deliver the severity I crave, but not be controlled to stop from going into injury and abuse. 

I often marvel how God brought us together. Me...I have concluded...I am a masochist...and he feels he is a sadist. Lol...yet we love each other and I fear no abuse or injury. Now...I do not want you to think "every" spanking I get is super severe and reaches for that level of severity I crave. No...most are relatively quick....in the course of our day...maybe "attention" getters or reminders...or warnings. And...I do not intentionally mess up to get spanked...or to get the more harsh ones. That is part of the mess I am....I actually hate...dread...dislike my spankings...and especially the more severe ones. I hate when I do something...or do not do something...that brings such punishment to me. And...I hate disappointing my husband. I want to be pleasing to him in all ways and I want him to be proud of me and happy with me. But...I want him to really spank me seriously....and I need it to burn and break me down when he thinks necessary. 

So...am I sick?  If I were severely whipped tonight...just an example, no plans....I have been doing pretty good lately...I tell you...after it was over I would bask in the afterglow of my lingering pain, perhaps some marks or weals....and would thank him sincerely, apologize...and ask him to help me do better or correct what needs correcting...sincerely seeking to avoid repeating my punishment, yet...not wanting him to go easy at all if I do.

So...how weird is that? Both of us are very happy in our life and marriage. Yet...I keep thinking maybe I am a little nuts. I like my spankings to be very painful. I used to see a counselor during my probation. I even told her about my husband spanking me. She probed and saw all the positive changes in me, and said as long as it was not damaging and hurting me, and was OK with me...then...enjoy. That is the exact word she said...enjoy. But...can you "enjoy" something that can also hurt you?  I mean...yes...right. Alcohol in excess, smoking...too many sweets. Is my craving for real severe pain in spanking like that?

Even in our unfolding discovery of spanking connected with sex, I STILL would prefer more severe painful spanking, but my husband says it just does not feel right in that context.

Sorry...just rambling thru my scattered thoughts on this. If you can possibly relate to this "weird" in me in some way...either as a spanker or spankee...I would sure welcome your wisdom.

[Davyd]

Thanks for sharing honestly. Both ER and EE have generally a hard time explaining why we like what we are giving or getting.

Sounds as if you and your hubby have found the balance needed in your marriage and that is great. My only caution would be to make sure it does not become an addiction. That would concern me. As a spanker I have known a few times when I was tempted to just keep going.... It actually scared me as I realized there was a potential for me to let things get out of hand. 

So let me encourage you both to keep things under control all the time! 

[OhRedhead]

I think this sentence really stood out to me: "To me, pain is confirmation I am getting what I richly deserve."

And what do you feel you richly deserve? Punishment for even small things? Do you feel that you are a bad person? Do you have such guilt (perhaps for your past) that you have negative emotional states without severe punishment? Does wanting to keep going even after your husband stops because it is severe enough relate to that guilt? Just some things to think about. 

 

[Newredbottom]

39 minutes ago, OhRedhead said:

I think this sentence really stood out to me: "To me, pain is confirmation I am getting what I richly deserve."

And what do you feel you richly deserve? Punishment for even small things? Do you feel that you are a bad person? Do you have such guilt (perhaps for your past) that you have negative emotional states without severe punishment? Does wanting to keep going even after your husband stops because it is severe enough relate to that guilt? Just some things to think about. 

 

Interesting I wonder if there is an element for needing to be held accountable for past events?  I know for my wife and I, when I receive a light spanking for something to me was a more serious issue I feel like we need to go back and revisit things.

[danadares]

Is the pain you crave just related to spanking? I don't know much about masochism, but I think it tends to be a broader desire for various kinds of pain. Other than a few relatively tame forms of sensation play (giving not receiving) I have no interest in pain outside the realm of spanking on the buttocks.

The physical pain of spanking is a strong component of my kink, and is not about enjoyment but about punishment. But other forms of punishment are not exciting to me. I am also not that interested in spanking that is not about discipline, so it's the combination of a specific kind of pain for a specific purpose that I obsess over. Of course, I don't know why this is. I just see it as one possible way we humans can be wired. It doesn't necessarily have to be explainable.

 

[Scorrect]

Good questions, OhRedhead. When I read  your post, nicoleS39, it struck me (sorry for the bad pun) that you’re craving abusive treatment. I had the impression that if he didn’t exert control over you and limit his harsh treatment, then you would self abuse. Am I right? Were you abused as a child?

[Bramblewine]

To, "can you enjoy something that also hurts you?" I'd say yes, and in a different way from the examples of smoking or drinking. Doing those things is pleasurable. It doesn't hurt at all in the moment (unless you're someone who can't smoke without coughing up a storm or hates the very taste of alcohol, but if you are, you're not going to be smoking or drinking). The harm comes later.

It's more like, some people enjoy eating extremely spicy, to the point of burning the tastebuds away, food. Some people enjoy watching horror movies and getting scared. Some people enjoy intense roller coaster rides, even if it always makes them puke.

Masochism is on that continuum.

Edited Saturday at 05:07 PM by Bramblewine

[dmirk]

In my experience the threshold of pain can vary greatly.  I wouldn't be overly concerned.  I've had a couple that craved hard as can be.  Didn't phase them.

Others cry at a moderate hand spanking.

We're all wired differently.

[FlowJohnson]

Your Spanker sounds like a lucky man! I wouldn't worry about it too much. Pain, pleasure, domination, punishment- those are all things that are very closely adjacent in the human mind. Spanking/Punishment is a way of submitting yourself to someone else, and allowing them power over you. It's really the power exchange and the emotions that do most of the heavy lifting. The pain is simply a way of expressing that and getting your mind to the right place. I wouldn't compare it to an addiction to harmful substances, your brain is just wired for a specific type of relationship dynamic. People seem to exist mentally somewhere along scales of dominant/submissive, and in my opinion the desire for severe discipline you're talking about is just a natural point on the scale.

[David5]

.I have concluded...I am a masochist 

I think that sentence summed it up. Nothing wrong with that I'm a little of both I think

 

 

 

 

 

[nicoleS39]

9 hours ago, Davyd said:

Thanks for sharing honestly. Both ER and EE have generally a hard time explaining why we like what we are giving or getting.

Sounds as if you and your hubby have found the balance needed in your marriage and that is great. My only caution would be to make sure it does not become an addiction. That would concern me. As a spanker I have known a few times when I was tempted to just keep going.... It actually scared me as I realized there was a potential for me to let things get out of hand. 

So let me encourage you both to keep things under control all the time! 

Thank you for this. Yes...at times I wonder if I "might" be the one addicted...but not so much to being spanked, but rather me being addicted to more severe pain in my spankings. But...for 15 years now my husband calls the shots more than me on how much pain I will be dealt. So far...he has never gone crazy or out of control. But certainly...your words are well taken. Thank you.

[nicoleS39]

8 hours ago, OhRedhead said:

I think this sentence really stood out to me: "To me, pain is confirmation I am getting what I richly deserve."

And what do you feel you richly deserve? Punishment for even small things? Do you feel that you are a bad person? Do you have such guilt (perhaps for your past) that you have negative emotional states without severe punishment? Does wanting to keep going even after your husband stops because it is severe enough relate to that guilt? Just some things to think about. 

 

Thank you for responding. I always find your contributions very helpful. These are good questions for my husband and me to consider.

What do I feel I richly deserve?  Well...I guess I do feel I "deserve" a strict hand and to be held accountable thru disciplinary spankings for the things we both agree are desirable in me in various areas of life. It probably does have a lot to do with my rebellious attitude as a child and teenager, and how I actually ran away from being held accountable and did my own thing...which was really crazy and destructive for me and others. I guess it does have a lot of connection with my guilt over my past behaviors and choices...especially the abortions. I feel my life overall now with strict discipline is "only right" for the people I have actually hurt, the innocent wives I have probably harmed thru serving their husbands as a prostitute, and the actual babies in my womb I decided could not live. I can never undo or make right those things in my past...but I can accept a life of discipline and punishment.  So...if my punishments are more severe, even in the little things...it is still what I deserve overall. However, my husband gages severity by the offense. So...small things bring less severe or lighter punishments...unless they represent a diminishing pattern of behavior or performance steadily over a period of  time....but yes...I usually wish those were more severe too. So...the guilt thing I guess. 

Negative emotional states without severity? I would say...yes...perhaps some. I guess if I feel he went too easy on me. I guess I might feel a bit disappointed or incomplete...I dunno...the best way I can think to say it. But. I usually try to stay positive and trust in his judgement about the severity used. I still "wish" or want more...but...I move forward regardless. But...still "feel" deserving if more.

Do I feel I am a bad person? Well...I know I "was." But...I honestly do not feel like I am that person anymore. That thanks to God who has forgiven me, my husband who loves and cares for me deeply, and our children who I love so much and do not deserve to be mother to. But...I guess I still feel I "owe" and deserve a life of real disciplinary punishments for who I was. So...once again...guilt for the past "me" I was. 

I am thinking as I work thru this...strict discipline is kind of the price I feel I should pay....for my past and the life of blessing I now have with my husband and our children and my career. I have actually never been happier, yet almost fear I will stop being punished for offenses now as punishment for my past. Weird....lol.

[nicoleS39]

8 hours ago, Newredbottom said:

Interesting I wonder if there is an element for needing to be held accountable for past events?  I know for my wife and I, when I receive a light spanking for something to me was a more serious issue I feel like we need to go back and revisit things.

Yes...I do think guilt over my awful past and being held accountable for it...is an influence on my need for severity to induce pain.

[nicoleS39]

8 hours ago, danadares said:

Is the pain you crave just related to spanking? I don't know much about masochism, but I think it tends to be a broader desire for various kinds of pain. Other than a few relatively tame forms of sensation play (giving not receiving) I have no interest in pain outside the realm of spanking on the buttocks.

The physical pain of spanking is a strong component of my kink, and is not about enjoyment but about punishment. But other forms of punishment are not exciting to me. I am also not that interested in spanking that is not about discipline, so it's the combination of a specific kind of pain for a specific purpose that I obsess over. Of course, I don't know why this is. I just see it as one possible way we humans can be wired. It doesn't necessarily have to be explainable.

 

Thanks for your comments. Yes, I would say the pain I crave is pretty much just about my spankings. Now, my definition of "spanking" might be a bit broader than most here. I mean, I do get occasional whippings with his rubber lash on my back...and canings on my thighs...but...within that broader sense of spanking not limited to just my butt....my craving for painful spankings is limited to corporal punishment. I mean...I have no craving to be painfully tortured or certainly not beaten...etc. 

[nicoleS39]

7 hours ago, dmirk said:

In my experience the threshold of pain can vary greatly.  I wouldn't be overly concerned.  I've had a couple that craved hard as can be.  Didn't phase them.

Others cry at a moderate hand spanking.

We're all wired differently.

Yes...very true sir. So perhaps I am just over thinking it....lol...I have been known to do that. Maybe it is just a function of my higher tolerance for pain.....thank you.

[nicoleS39]

8 hours ago, Bramblewine said:

To, "can you enjoy something that also hurts you?" I'd say yes, and in a different way from the examples of smoking or drinking. Doing those things is pleasurable. It doesn't hurt at all in the moment (unless you're someone who can't smoke without coughing up a storm or hates the very taste of alcohol, but if you are, you're not going to be smoking or drinking). The harm comes later.

It's more like, some people enjoy eating extremely spicy, to the point of burning the tastebuds away, food. Some people enjoy watching horror movies and getting scared. Some people enjoy intense roller coaster rides, even if it always makes them puke.

Masochism is on that continuum.

Good points...the "pain" from smoking or drinking is deferred, whereas the examples of pain from good things you mentioned arei immediate with the actions. Yes...like pain from spanking. So...I guess in terms of me matching up with what a masochist is....at least in this regard...I am spot on. 🥺

[nicoleS39]

8 hours ago, Scorrect said:

Good questions, OhRedhead. When I read  your post, nicoleS39, it struck me (sorry for the bad pun) that you’re craving abusive treatment. I had the impression that if he didn’t exert control over you and limit his harsh treatment, then you would self abuse. Am I right? Were you abused as a child?

Thank you for your comments....and love your pun humor😊.

Honestly...I do not feel I crave being "abused." I have no desire to be beaten or kicked or in some other way being abused and injured. Honestly, the cruelty and disregard for my overall well being in abusing me would make me leave him in a heart beat. I think my desire for real pain is related only to his discipline and spanking/whipping me...corporal punishment if you will. However, he does very much exert control over me, as I give myself to him in submission. I am submissive...that is true...but I do not really connect my submission and service to him as his wife...with pain. It does involve humble humility at times, but I do not associate that with pain like spanking should be. 

You know...I have no idea what I would do if he decided to limit or stop punishing me severely altogether. I cannot imagine me spanking myself, although I have met many here who do that and apparently find fulfillment in that. But, I doubt I would have the inner strength to do so to the level of severity I crave.

Was I abused as a child?  Well...by my definition, I would say no...but by modern interpretations prevalent today...absolutely. I mean...no "abuse" sexually for sure...never ever. Lots of spankings...paddlings...strappings....and as I got older, my mother used a buggy whip on me. But honestly, I deserved every one...I was a hand full...and growing up Amish, spankings were very normal.  But...I would say I was abused...so to speak...emotionally...as my mother was always angry with me... never encouraging or even loving like a normal mother would be.

[nicoleS39]

7 hours ago, FlowJohnson said:

Your Spanker sounds like a lucky man! I wouldn't worry about it too much. Pain, pleasure, domination, punishment- those are all things that are very closely adjacent in the human mind. Spanking/Punishment is a way of submitting yourself to someone else, and allowing them power over you. It's really the power exchange and the emotions that do most of the heavy lifting. The pain is simply a way of expressing that and getting your mind to the right place. I wouldn't compare it to an addiction to harmful substances, your brain is just wired for a specific type of relationship dynamic. People seem to exist mentally somewhere along scales of dominant/submissive, and in my opinion the desire for severe discipline you're talking about is just a natural point on the scale.

Interesting perspective...thank you. You are right though...there has been nothing but good in all this for me and my husband. There is good in my need for pain...lol...never stated or thought that before. So...the craving is just a part of making it genuine, and not just "play" for us. True...I am submissive by choice...I love serving his needs and desires. I do not see that in and of itself as connected with a craving for pain...it is a pleasure for me actually. But...I do believe that painful spankings "influence" the quality of that aspect of our marriage.

[nicoleS39]

4 hours ago, David5 said:

.I have concluded...I am a masochist 

I think that sentence summed it up. Nothing wrong with that I'm a little of both I think

 

 

 

 

 

lol...yes...you might very well be right. I crave what I crave because of what I am. Thank you sir.