A good scolding

[DisobedientHuby]

To me a good scolding is a vital part of being spanked.  If she isn't telling me why I am being paddled then it seems she may just be spanking me out of frustration and not for any specific reason. I guess that's OK too some of the time but I know when she is scolding me that she is asserting control and taking her role seriously.  

The last spanking I got she was really scolding me.  It made me realize that she is doing it to help me. 

[SpankorBSpanked]

My wife isn't much of a scolder at all . . . never really has been.

[spankingpurist]

I’ve noticed that some EEs need scolding as much or even more than a spanking.  Some behave, for the most part, with scoldings alone.  Others don’t need or like scolding at all.  I wonder what accounts for these differences?

[LeighOTK]

3 hours ago, spankingpurist said:

I’ve noticed that some EEs need scolding as much or even more than a spanking.  Some behave, for the most part, with scoldings alone.  Others don’t need or like scolding at all.  I wonder what accounts for these differences?

It really is a pretty personal thing I guess. It bears saying that a scolding, even a firm one isn’t the same as someone yelling at you or putting you down. But from my own perspective, scolding can be incredibly effective. Both on its own and when combined with spanking. On its own it can make me aware that perhaps I’m starting to slide in one way or another. That I need to focus on my goals in order to avoid disciplinary spankings. When combined with spanking scolding serves multiple purposes. It brings shortcomings or failures mentally to the surface, and puts me in a focused yet contrite place. And in that mindset I’m accepting and ultimately able to get the most benefit from correction. Also when combined with spanking I find that the words of the scold tend to echo again in my mind whenever I sit for a few days. It’s those times that I really think about things and what I need to do moving forward. 

[DisobedientHuby]

1 hour ago, LeighOTK said:

It really is a pretty personal thing I guess. It bears saying that a scolding, even a firm one isn’t the same as someone yelling at you or putting you down. But from my own perspective, scolding can be incredibly effective. Both on its own and when combined with spanking. On its own it can make me aware that perhaps I’m starting to slide in one way or another. That I need to focus on my goals in order to avoid disciplinary spankings. When combined with spanking scolding serves multiple purposes. It brings shortcomings or failures mentally to the surface, and puts me in a focused yet contrite place. And in that mindset I’m accepting and ultimately able to get the most benefit from correction. Also when combined with spanking I find that the words of the scold tend to echo again in my mind whenever I sit for a few days. It’s those times that I really think about things and what I need to do moving forward. 

Very well put I feel the same way thanks for sharing 

[NeedDiscipline9]

I suppose a "scolding" can take many forms. My wife never ever raises her voice to me - she never needs to. She knows that telling me in a cool and calm manner that she is very disappointed in my behaviour of late (perhaps citing some examples) and that she thinks I need to be disciplined. I do try to be good, but sometimes I screw up. She may close the "scolding" with "Please report to my study at 7:00pm and make sure bring the strap with you - and do NOT be late." Her "study" is actually the bedroom and I spend most of the rest of the day feeling somewhat anxious about how many of the strap I shall receive and how hard they will be. At precisely 7:00pm, I knock on the "study" door, strap in hand and enter when she says "Come in".

[danadares]

I think communication is important. If spanking is a role-play type of interaction, then establishing the roles, the situation, and providing whatever trigger words and phrases enhance the experience make the scene. If it's actual punishment, then it's beneficial to articulate the connection between failure and spanking to make the reasoning as clear as possible.

There are different degrees of "scolding," and what is good for one person may not be good for another. I prefer calm and well-considered rather than an angry rebuke in the heat of the moment. Scolding as an expression of disappointment and concern shows warmth and caring, which is a major part of my attraction to discipline.

 

[nicoleS39]

In our relationship, my husband does sometimes incorporate scolding...or reprimand...or "a talking to" into our interaction when he is disciplining or training me for improvement or new skills or learning. He has a military background as a Marine and that "drill sergeant" tone comes into play in most of the scoldings he gives me. He also was a football coach and he has that tone about him as well. For some, I am sure such would be very unpleasant and distasteful, but I am submissive and he is dominant...so it syncs with our understood roles. It is not really "demeaning"...but it can be very intense....and really does capture my undivided attention. He is really very good at it...lol...trust me. I have on occasion come to tears just from his words and tone...way before he started the spanking.

For some reason, my husband decided to record a "make believe,".... but typical type "scolding" of me on his cell phone one day. He played it for me, altered his voice thru some software....and it DID represent pretty well how he does it with me in real life.  A friend here had asked if I might ask him to do that, and I was truly shocked he did. I shared that audio file with that friend in trust...but...we decided it best to not share the audio file link in forum....for the sake of protecting our identities in the tight knit rural community in which we are very involved.

[OhRedhead]

In a disciplinary context, calm, controlled scolding keeps me in the right frame of mind - focused on the spanking and reason for it. A silent spanking would be less effective for me, as would outright anger/yelling from my partner.

[DisobedientHuby]

I guess I was taking a certain attitude today that my wife doesn't like.   When we stopped by the house after an errand she told she was sick of my attitude and she was thru putting up with it.  When got in the car. I asked if I was going to get paddled and what did I say or do because I didn't realize I was taking an attitude.  She pointed out an conversation we had on the phone with our daughter and how I was taking my bad day on her and our daughter.  I didn't realize it but had to admit she was correct. She also told me I would be staring at the corner for an hour for disrespecting her. 

Before bed I was sent to get bottomless and stand in the corner. When I started to make a little moaning sound.  She started to lecture me about my habit of saying whatever to her. I knew she was right and I regretted my choice to use that word. After an hour in the corner I was paddled over her knee she knows how to make it sting.  She lectured me and told me I better have an improved attitude tomorrow. 

 

 

Edited March 11 by DisobedientHuby

[Jaclyn]

I totally agree that scolding is just as important as the spanking, and it should be carried through the whole punishment. Since I don’t do funishment, I need to know exactly why the punishment or motivation is happening. And I hate completely silent spanking. I need to be reminded what the reason was. I need to be forced to answer questions (I’m a very quiet spankee with little reaction, very grit your teeth and bare it, so it’s important I have to articulate what I’m thinking even through I hate it). Some spankers will scold a little at the beginning and then drop it, and you can tell it’s fake. I agree that without a place of caring, it doesn’t ring true and isn’t effective. If you have someone that cares, adds in a few solid reasons why the behavior was not in your best interest and how they know you can do better…that’s the part that sticks.

Also a word of caution to avoid targeting specific character traits. I don’t need to be told I’m lazy, or disorganized, or a little girl that needs to be spanked to function as an adult. What I need is to be told is that I can focus better, I need to make better choices with my time, and I need to choose laundry over phone games. Too much scolding over who I am versus what I’m doing just makes me sad, which is not what you want. 

[Chastener]

For those of us who only do disciplinary spankings, I tend to agree with Jaclyn.  As I've mentioned before, my method of scolding is like cross-examination of a witness: "And what did you do?  Are you proud of the way you behaved?  Do you think you deserve to be punished for your behavior?  And what kind of punishment do you think appropriate?"  That sort of thing.  In the vast, vast majority of cases this particular technique has proved successful, and in many cases, bringing the female spankee to tears even before she comes over my knee.  The woman who knows she deserves discipline will almost certainly be affected.

[Jaclyn]

5 hours ago, Chastener said:

For those of us who only do disciplinary spankings, I tend to agree with Jaclyn.  As I've mentioned before, my method of scolding is like cross-examination of a witness: "And what did you do?  Are you proud of the way you behaved?  Do you think you deserve to be punished for your behavior?  And what kind of punishment do you think appropriate?"  That sort of thing.  In the vast, vast majority of cases this particular technique has proved successful, and in many cases, bringing the female spankee to tears even before she comes over my knee.  The woman who knows she deserves discipline will almost certainly be affected.

Oooh, please don’t ask me what punishment I think is appropriate. That’s my least favorite thing ever. @Chasteneryou made me squirm just thinking about that cross examination. Do you have the ee stand in front of you, or are you standing? 

[Chastener]

@Jaclyn  Always the ee is standing.  Sometimes I'm standing, sometimes I'm sitting, depending on which makes the ee more uncomfortable.  [Smile]

[LeighOTK]

On 6/3/2023 at 7:01 AM, Jaclyn said:

What I need is to be told is that I can focus better, I need to make better choices with my time, and I need to choose laundry over phone games. Too much scolding over who I am versus what I’m doing just makes me sad, which is not what you want. 

I think this is a good and important point to make in this discussion. I think it’s more powerful in a disciplinary scenario to hear that I am a good girl who behaved like a bad girl. Hearing that the spanker knows I’m good, but that I acted outside of that goodness makes me feel even more remorseful for whatever it is I’ve done and puts me in a different mindset. It reinforces good qualities and corrects the bad behavior. And for those of us to tend to “over-guilt” ourselves for mistakes I think that can be important. It makes a clear distinction between who you are on a personal level and a certain behavior, and doesn’t allow you to internalize a bad choice as “who you are”.