I give up!

[EricaAlex89]

Im going to be extremely vulnerable here….I’m overwhelmed and torn emotionally! I have never done well with handling my emotions.

I won’t say what but someone on a FB group embarrassed and ridiculed me; I just smiled (figuratively) and said my two cents respectively….

so my mind goes to hurting myself because that’s how I cope and punish myself for being such an idiot and saying what I did on FB; I don’t mean anything thing to put myself in danger so do not worry and I likely won’t because I’m in bed and have not slept yet.

I really wish I had someone here to sort of take care of me especially when these thoughts come.

I have been speaking to someone and I feel I can trust him so far but aside from being too far away; its wise to get to know each other better before meeting up.

Anyway, maybe I’m wrong but anytime I have ever done self harm it was to either punish myself, get a release or attention; not in a look at me and pity me kind of way but a sort of I just want someone who cares for me and to punish me as I deserve so I don’t have to do it to myself in the wrong ways and admittedly, sometimes I self harm if I have not gotten my way.

[brittygirl]

I’m going to give you the same advice that I give to anyone who is entering this lifestyle and feels the way you do; spanking does not replace or fix mental health issues. Therapy is what you should be seeking and will help you cope with these feelings of self harm and insecurity. It is vastly unfair to treat a partner as a replacement for therapy that involves harming yourself. At the end of the day, spanking can be done for a myriad of reasons (whatever yours are is personal to you) but when it comes to mental health it won’t fix the feelings you have, and to put that into a partner isn’t okay. I REALLY hope you find what you’re looking for in a healthy, safe, and sane way and if you need to talk, my inbox is open! 

[EricaAlex89]

That’s not my intention. 

[EricaAlex89]

Anyway, I didn’t expect to be attacked and don’t need someone to tell me about mental health issues when I’ve dealt with it my entire life. You obviously misunderstood me but that’s fine; I know if I had someone in my life to keep me focused I wouldn’t be doing this or thinking this way. Anyway, I am tired of being shamed and attacked so I will probably just leave the group and cut my ties with the person I’ve been speaking to because I would not want to be unfair and use them. 

[EricaAlex89]

Obviously, it was stupid to even consider this lifestyle. 

[EricaAlex89]

I’m sorry BrittyGirl; I just don’t handle somethings  like my emotions.Also,  the person I’ve been speaking to knows of my issue. I wouldn’t be punished for my mental health, you’re right only a therapist can help that. But in relation to this, I would be if I harmed myself. Considering I can’t tolerate the slightest pain, I think I’d learn fast. 

[FiguringItOut]

No one here is trying to shame you. Not understanding what you want and not getting what you feel you need to help with emotions and needs can be overwhelming. 

But I will say this, the reality of an actual spanking and the mental belief of what it could do are very different. If you are considering spanking as you cannot handle the slightest pain and you think you would learn fast, I do not think that is likely how it would go for you. Brittygirl was not making fun of or shaming you. She clearly was concerned for your safety and mental well being. People who are willing to look out for you even when it is not the easy thing and knowing they are telling you something difficult sound like people you need in your life. 

No one is going to ask you or force you to stay if you do not feel you are getting what you need in this or any other forum. Everyone wishes you the best and that you find what you need in an online community for support. And for what you need in your real world community. I would ask that you consider talking to a friend who knows you have value. Talk to someone you know you can trust. Let them know your concerns. But I will say Facebook or other online media has a lot of people that would never say what they say online to someone's face. I am sorry you were ridiculed and made fun of. But there are a lot of trolls out there that think they are a keyboard warrior. Do not let those people ever effect your day. They are getting a rise out of making someone else's day worse. 

Your value is always going to be more than what a group of people on social media think or say. 

Good luck in staying or going, regardless you are wished the best. But I strongly recommend rather than self harm or looking to this for solutions, find the way to be happy with who you are and what makes you the person that you are. That can be going and doing something you enjoy, that can be hanging out with friends in real life, that can be reading a good book, watching a movie, or being with family. If all the things that brought you joy no longer do, and all you feel is the thoughts you have right now of self harm as the only solution, please explore counseling.  Spanking will not make it where you are back to seeing the value you bring to the world. And even if it was a quick fix, the people I have seen use it for that have tended to spiral much lower after a spanking. There is an endorphin rush, but when that wears off, that may put you in a much darker place especially as you said you are new to this. 

Feel free to reach out if you wish to discuss anything further. I really do hope you refind your happiness.

[spankingpurist]

Please, EricaAlex89, don’t mistake caring for criticism.  My hunch is that you haven’t been working on your woundedness with the right person.  Please investigate DBT, that’s short for Dialectal Behavior Therapy.  The creator, Dr. Marsha Linehan, has written compellingly about her own struggles which led to her helpful discoveries about what really does work.  This isn’t pop psychology fiction. It’s a well researched approach. Dr. Linehan is a highly acclaimed academic at the University of Washington which has a well deserved top tier reputation. You can watch her on YouTube, read her books, or read articles summarizing her work and this approach. If you try it, with a caring, well trained professional, you will get the help at least part of you is seeking.

[OhRedhead]

8 hours ago, spankingpurist said:

Please, EricaAlex89, don’t mistake caring for criticism.  My hunch is that you haven’t been working on your woundedness with the right person.  Please investigate DBT, that’s short for Dialectal Behavior Therapy.  The creator, Dr. Marsha Linehan, has written compellingly about her own struggles which led to her helpful discoveries about what really does work.  This isn’t pop psychology fiction. It’s a well researched approach. Dr. Linehan is a highly acclaimed academic at the University of Washington which has a well deserved top tier reputation. You can watch her on YouTube, read her books, or read articles summarizing her work and this approach. If you try it, with a caring, well trained professional, you will get the help at least part of you is seeking.

I second this recommendation.

[EricaAlex89]

Thanks Everyone! but please understand I’m not often this way; apparently I have Borderline personality disorder; was just diagnosed a few months but that does not mean I am could not benefit from the domestic discipline approach either, right? It may not help these certain issues completely or even at all but I definitely have others to work on.

I’ll give an example; I stayed up on my phone until 6:45 am and it’s 3:20 and just waking up, I USUALLY don’t stay up that late but it does happen. 
 

I think it’s quite possible and so overtired is why I made the post and had those thoughts like that and I’m quite embarrassed by it all; especially even making this post.

I do appreciate the responses I’m just having an off day. I also apologize. I just freaked when it seem some of you were thinking I’m on here simply for someone to fix my mental health; that’s a separate issue on its own! 

[spankingpurist]

Yes, EricaAlexa89, you do suffer from BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder). Your writing made that painfully obvious.  BPD sufferers hurt almost all the time.  Before experimenting with domestic discipline, please try DBT (see my post above).  Marsha Linehan designed it specifically for BPD. It works.  You’ll need to find a well trained professional who treats enough folks with BPD that they can provide you with regular individual sessions and, also, regular group sessions (with other BDD sufferers), as well. To be maximally effective DBT requires frequent participation in both group and individual treatment.

I strongly recommend that you try DBT first and commit to sticking with it for at least a year before experimenting with anything else including domestic discipline.  Until you work through some of your most pressing, painful issues, you won’t be in a position to have healthy relationships.  Trying domestic discipline at this point could even make things worse.  Most folks with BPD have horrific histories of prior abuse. I don’t know if you do, but if so, you are in danger of replicating this abuse over and over. Trust me, you won’t be helped by entering an abusive domestic discipline relationship.

After you start getting better, then you can take a look at domestic discipline with the help of your therapist and the other members of your group. Perhaps, you’ll find that you’ll like domestic discipline and want to be spanked, perhaps you’ll decide that you only want to be the spanker, perhaps you’ll switch, or, perhaps, you’ll decide to give domestic discipline a pass entirely. Regardless, you’ll be getting better and will be taking charge of your life in ways that you can’t imagine now. It’s scary taking the initial steps.  Since you know that you suffer from BPD, please start treatment in a DBT program soon instead of soldiering on with all your pain. A lot of excellent research has proven DBT to be highly effective.

The therapist who made the initial diagnosis may be able to guide you to a good DBT program. Or, if you work for a company with an EAP, they can refer you. Some public mental health centers also provide DBT treatment.  Please do start on this important journey into better mental health today!!! You are WORTH it!!!!!

[Cowboy_Spanks30]

People get to focused on the actual spanking and they are very wrong and why people run off too many spankees this way. This encompasses the before, during and after. Not the swat..swat..slap. 

it’s the bond you obtain this way, it’s someone to share your true inner thoughts you hold back from all others. It’s the conversation before, during and after I spank you. It also allows you another way of letting out inner pain, where inner pain is far worst  than I ever could. It allows you to have a positive cry and held afterwards by someone who cares. It gives you the outlet that works and does so without keaving scars.  If you can share your spanking needs with a someone, someone you trust, the conversation is a lot more open. A true spanker isn’t there to just slap your butt, but too also helping in several other ways, it’s a lot of talking and them knowing you.

So when your told spanking can not help you, they are not the right one,  as they don’t know what they’re doing, or what this actually entails. 
If someone just wants to inflect pain on you, that’s just for them and are not a good spanker. This is why when you hear a 20 year old saying they are very experienced this way, as they may have done this before but they have no clue really and doing this a few times does not make them good at this

I see  you reaching out here because there is no one there who understands or listens to how you feel. Your looking for answers and everyone has the response, well this wont help you. That is no help at all, that’s passing the buck. It is not just the spanking but the relationship you build while doing this. If you find the right one, it WILL help you.