RedButtMaker Posted February 19 Share Posted February 19 A few people in the past had asked me "why do you enjoy spankings". I probably said this before but spankings have a lot meaning for different people. For me, it's numerous things... Firstly, I just really love having a grown woman over my knee. Imagine being like 30 or something and you're getting put over a knee like a 6 year old. Nextly, watching a bottom turn 50 shades of red is very nice too. Just a beautiful sight to behold plus, seeing a blushing ass is like seeing her face blush. It's just so cute. Then there's the "Spank(ee) Dance" as I call it. It's hilarious watching them writhe and wriggle on your lap, trying to lessen the pain of getting their bottoms tanned. And that leads to us pinning their arms and legs down. Some could say doing that is mean but it's for their own good. It keeps them safe from falling off and we have to keep them from trying to stop our progress. Look, we get it. It hurts but it's a spanking so it's supposed to. And the more you try to stop us from spanking you, the longer this takes and you're just making it hard for yourself. The quicker you let us do our job, the faster will end for you. Sometimes, I like to hold their hand to try it make it seem better for them but I digress. Anyways, another reason I like to spank is because I like hearing their screams and begging for it to stop (call it cruel or twisted but I'm a sadist so... sorry not sorry). Spankings don't end until the spanker says so, not the spankee. When you've been bad and you submitted to being spanked, sorry to say, you lost most of your rights. So any demands/requests you have become void. Which leads to my next reason why I like to spank. Having the spankee exposed and vulnerable. Adds to the humilation of being spanked. Maybe even giving them a wedgie for humiliation. It's to foam in the fact that they have no says in the matter but more importantly, foams in the fact that they should not misbehave ever again. Something else I like about spankings is the aftermath, the post-spanking. Cuddling them to ensure that they're safe and stll cared for and loved. Spankings are never to be done in anger. It should be for correction and discpline (unless stated otherwise). Also, cornertime. Putting them in timeout is good. Having them facing a corner with their buns steamed with their hands on their head or bent over to have their tanned bottoms put out in case for more spankings... It's all fun. And it's so they can reflect on their behavior which is most important. So, overall, there's many different reasons to like giving spankings... But the big one is how real it is. There's a sense of genuine when it comes to discipling. You scold them on whatever misdeed they've done, foam in the fact the fact what they did was wrong and sound like a disappointed parental figure. Then placing them over your knee to spank. Spank firmly not hard, again, to foam in the disappointment of their poor decision. Then spank them over their underwear where there's less protection (not that pants, skirts/dress or shorts do provide any sort of protection) and add in some more scolding in the mix, you can spank harder now if you wish but it's not required... Then you spank them on their bare bottom, add a implement if you desire and finish up the job. Again, spankings do hurt so pin them to keep them from moving... More importantly, maybe the pain they feeling isn't just from having their buns baked but from the settling realization of how bad they were and how disappointed their "parental figure". Then end things off with cuddling, applying ointment and praising how well they took the spanking. Tell them still loved and they're not mad at them (never should be mad ofc) and tell them all is forgiven then ship them off to cornertime (or have them write lines/an apology letter, not required but is something you could do). So yeah... That's my take and love on spankings and why I do them as a spanker. It's the three Cs... Connection, Correction and Care. Or maybe three Cs and a H... Connection, Correction, Care and Humiliation (cuz I'm a sadist but you didn't hear that from me, he lied) Link to comment
Chawsee Posted February 19 Share Posted February 19 3 hours ago, RedButtMaker said: ...Anyways, another reason I like to spank is because I like hearing their screams and begging for it to stop (call it cruel or twisted but I'm a sadist so... sorry not sorry). Spankings don't end until the spanker says so, not the spankee. When you've been bad and you submitted to being spanked, sorry to say, you lost most of your rights. So any demands/requests you have become void... Maybe even giving them a wedgie for humiliation. It's to foam in the fact that they have no says in the matter... As a fellow spanker myself, and as someone concerned for the safety and well-being of my sister spankees, I am so glad that this was posted. Ladies, look for red flags like these. They are often subtle and may appear in private correspondences, or in public confessions, like this one. Sadists do exist and there are masochists who crave this type of treatment. That's fine and they have their place. But if that is not you-- if you are seeking a top who is kind-hearted, who respects your boundaries and preferences, and who makes your well-being a priority, then pass on any spanker who talks about his/her treatment of submissives in a callous way. Oftentimes, they will "sweeten" it up, to make it sound caring, as this post did toward the end, in the aftercare portion. But don't buy it. Re-read the safety section of the forum periodically to keep safety foremost in your mind. A spanker who cares about you doesn't make his desires the priority and ignore yours. 5 8 Link to comment
danadares Posted February 19 Share Posted February 19 The way I see it, the reason for giving a spanking for discipline is to benefit the one being spanked. If it's all about what the spanker is getting out of it, a spanking is not discipline, it's self-indulgence. Of course, if everything is consensual as it must be, and both partners are happy, then enjoy whatever it is you're into. Sadists and masochists can complement each other well. But let's be honest. It's not really about discipline. 3 Link to comment
dmirk Posted February 19 Share Posted February 19 22 minutes ago, danadares said: The way I see it, the reason for giving a spanking for discipline is to benefit the one being spanked. If it's all about what the spanker is getting out of it, a spanking is not discipline, it's self-indulgence. Of course, if everything is consensual as it must be, and both partners are happy, then enjoy whatever it is you're into. Sadists and masochists can complement each other well. But let's be honest. It's not really about discipline. Well said. There are a few things in the original post that ring true - like watching a pale bottom turn red. But, yes, it has to be within what the ee approves of. It’s a two way street. 3 Link to comment
rubyredd Posted February 19 Share Posted February 19 A sadist still listens to and respects his / her / their partner. A sadist practices safe, sane, and consensual kink. Sadism gets a bad rap - but most sadists are loving, caring, wonderful people. A Domhole, on the other hand, well... you know. 9 1 Link to comment
Lotsapappa Posted February 20 Share Posted February 20 As an experienced ER, I trust you recognize screaming/begging and holding/pinning an individual should be reserved after this person has been your EE multiple times. Working someone over like that can often be a fantasy that becomes consensual but not the norm. You take position she has lost her rights - but trust you know very well could be charged with assault or even battery if prove harmed her - unless both parties are as close to 100% to go there. I am not sure I would call ER or EE experience you describe as fun but it is a need for both at your level. Many individuals on SN are here to explore and safely take leap to a first spanking. For their benefit, you seem compatible with hardcore real punishment spankings - which is best left for the very experienced players. Yes, you are a rockstar to the hardcore. But I doubt the majority of females on SN would want to meet you. 2 1 Link to comment
brittygirl Posted February 20 Share Posted February 20 I think this is a post that highlights where the fantasy doesn’t quite match reality or experience. 4 Link to comment
DunBenSpanked Posted February 21 Share Posted February 21 Nice to see several astute members reading this for what it is.... Personally, he lost me (and credibility) at: "...any demands/requests you have become void." 1 1 Link to comment
DunBenSpanked Posted February 21 Share Posted February 21 On 2/19/2023 at 2:57 PM, Chawsee said: A spanker who cares about you doesn't make his desires the priority and ignore yours Bingo! We have a winner!!! Give that lady a Kewpie Doll😆 1 1 Link to comment
OverTheLapUgo Posted February 21 Share Posted February 21 As a ER in a relationship with someone who isnt really a spanko but totally plays into it for the sake of pleasing me I can say your post is rather alarming. From talking to lots of people and reading others posts on here I can almost guarantee your vibe dosent fit the absolute majority. But you do you…. 1 Link to comment
dmirk Posted February 21 Share Posted February 21 15 minutes ago, OverTheLapUgo said: As a ER in a relationship with someone who isnt really a spanko but totally plays into it for the sake of pleasing me I can say your post is rather alarming. From talking to lots of people and reading others posts on here I can almost guarantee your vibe dosent fit the absolute majority. But you do you…. Bingo! Ny wife submits (as long as it isn’t too frequently) strictly because she understands I’m a spanko. I love her all the more for that. Link to comment
Bspankly Posted February 21 Share Posted February 21 Yea the BS meter is reading "maybe not". Watching spanking videos is different than real life. As a male spankee, I trust my wife to understand what we are doing, trust being the key. I fear for the lady spankees who can't regain control of the situation like I can. 2 Link to comment
Lotsapappa Posted February 21 Share Posted February 21 @brittygirl is on the mark. I think we should encourage younger unseasoned Spankos to share their fantasies on SN to help them understand reality. Being an unexperienced EE was easy. Assuming fairly good judge of people, some spankings are better than others and you can explore unknown territory to find what is right (for you). But being an unexperienced ER was much harder. At least for me. I had enough EE experience to navigate but did not have benefit of SN or even videos. I did know a couple Leda Ladies though 🤫 But suspect My Take author was putting fantasy in writing to get feedback in the hopes of being ready to act and not being lame as ER. He started a good thread and got excellent advice from 3 well respected SN females. Well done. 1 Link to comment
selfsp12 Posted February 22 Share Posted February 22 I only have two brief comments; "Safe, Sane, and Consensual". The "consensual" meaning no matter what the dynamic teh EE can (must be able to) stop it at ANY time if they choose. 1 1 Link to comment
MargaretMom Posted February 22 Share Posted February 22 Is a sadist the opposite of a kind hearted person? Or is a sadist someone who gets an emotional thrill from causing pain to another person? If the latter, then I certainly hope that is compatible with being a kind hearted, caring, responsible, and decent person. 2 Link to comment
Bramblewine Posted February 22 Share Posted February 22 On 2/19/2023 at 12:57 PM, Chawsee said: As a fellow spanker myself, and as someone concerned for the safety and well-being of my sister spankees, I am so glad that this was posted. Ladies, look for red flags like these. They are often subtle and may appear in private correspondences, or in public confessions, like this one. Sadists do exist and there are masochists who crave this type of treatment. That's fine and they have their place. But if that is not you-- if you are seeking a top who is kind-hearted, who respects your boundaries and preferences, and who makes your well-being a priority, then pass on any spanker who talks about his/her treatment of submissives in a callous way. Oftentimes, they will "sweeten" it up, to make it sound caring, as this post did toward the end, in the aftercare portion. But don't buy it. Re-read the safety section of the forum periodically to keep safety foremost in your mind. A spanker who cares about you doesn't make his desires the priority and ignore yours. This. Many times over. I sincerely hope that @RedButtMaker's idea of voiding the spankee's demands and requests has an exception for safe words. If not, he is not a safe person. Not even for people who want this type of treatment. 1 Link to comment
Bramblewine Posted February 22 Share Posted February 22 25 minutes ago, MargaretMom said: Is a sadist the opposite of a kind hearted person? Or is a sadist someone who gets an emotional thrill from causing pain to another person? If the latter, then I certainly hope that is compatible with being a kind hearted, caring, responsible, and decent person. A sadist could be either. Depends on how you're defining sadism. Someone could get an emotional thrill from causing pain to another person, recognize that it's a kink they have, and judiciously exercise it with consenting adults only. That's not at all mutually exclusive with being a kind hearted, caring, responsible, and decent person. Or a sadist could exercise their sadism on people who don't or can't consent. Worse, they could make it look like they want to do it as a consensual adult activity and then violate their partner's consent once they have the partner at their mercy. 1 Link to comment
danadares Posted February 23 Share Posted February 23 3 hours ago, MargaretMom said: Is a sadist the opposite of a kind hearted person? Or is a sadist someone who gets an emotional thrill from causing pain to another person? If the latter, then I certainly hope that is compatible with being a kind hearted, caring, responsible, and decent person. The way the word was used mainstream when I was young, a sadist was some kind of monster who wanted to hurt people and got pleasure from it. A sadist didn't need a masochist, and likely got more pleasure from hurting someone who didn't want the pain. Masochism was a mental disorder. That is where we're coming from. The awareness and acceptance of consensual kink is a relatively new thing, and the words haven't completely escaped the ingrained prejudices. I still don't like the idea of sadism, and a sadist can still be a monster. But I do recognize that sadomasochism can be part of a responsible kind and loving relationship. Link to comment
nicoleS39 Posted February 23 Share Posted February 23 I certainly do not condone or support any nonconsensual spanking dynamic. And, yes...I recognize that the term "sadist" and "masochist" does carry very negative, unhealthy, and harmful associations. But, I think within the context of a consensual spanko relationship, it can be seen a bit differently. My husband and I have kind of come to the realization that...he is a sadist and I am a masochist. But...for us...here is what we have experienced that to mean. I, as a masochist, love that he enjoys me "craving and finding fulfillment" in the spanking pain he gives me. So, being his masochist is one way I can submit myself for his pleasure. It is fulfilling for my "masochistic" nature, and his sadistic nature. But, we have safe immediate pause signals in place to immediately indicate when the "enjoyment" of giving or receiving spanking pain reaches the point of "causing harm or injury in any way, including emotionally or negative triggers, or something unexpected." The signals can be invoked by either of us. If he sees or feels I am accepting too much...he can invoke...and if I feel things are out of hand, I can invoke. In the last few years, we have not invoked them very often, but we still have such in place. Twice that I can remember...I invoked...once, maybe twice, for a muscle cramp...and once for bathroom needs...lol. My husband has invoked the pause signal maybe 4 or 5 times because he thought he was being too hard on me. He actually protects me from my masochism when it wants far too much. My masochism...unchecked...is at times not healthy. I know this. But..,in 15 years, he has proven he will never allow his sadistic nature to go too far...even if I beg him to keep going. Yes...I admit...I am a weird person in this. To a probably much lesser extent...is there not an "element" of sadism in any spanker who enjoys reddening their spankees bottom and maybe causing sting or some pain? For some spankers at least, such is part of the pleasure. And...likewise...is there not to "some" extent an element of "masochism" in some spankers who "enjoy" getting their hind end smacked and feeling the stinging pain of a spanking? To me...this seemingly inherent sadomasochistic tendency in at least "some"...perhaps "many" spanko relationships...highlights the need to very carefully understand one's needs...not enter lightly into a spanking relationship...and do so with clear communication and evidence of trustworthiness regarding your spanko partner. Personally, if I were single, I would be very anxious about seeking someone to spank me. There are probably those who would not be responsible or caring about me as a person, and as such would only focus on their enjoyment of my pain, rather than my fulfillment in receiving the pain they give. That is when abuse comes as I see it. Geez...in trying to explain this for me and my husband...I have worried myself about many here. I so understand how strong the need to spank and be spanked is. As you may be seeking that right person or means of experiencing spanking opportunities, please be careful to consider the character of the persons you engage with and do the extra work to communicate and have safe outs and confirmations. 2 Link to comment
Scorrect Posted February 23 Share Posted February 23 “please be careful to consider the character of the persons you engage with and do the extra work to communicate and have safe outs and confirmations.” Yes, yes, yes!!!!!!! Well said, Nicole. Let’s do everything possible ourselves and as a community to help keep each other safe. Wherever possible, let’s hold each other accountable for achieving and maintaining the highest ethical standards in how we treat others. Mentoring, educating, advising, and pointing out red flags are all important. Hopefully, most of us will have the courage to speak out when someone seems either risky or at risk. Link to comment
MrGSpanks Posted February 23 Share Posted February 23 I always allow my EEs safe words and control over the pace of all spankings. DO NOT LET ANYONE WHO REFUSES THIS OPTION SPANK YOU. 2 Link to comment
michgal.k Posted February 24 Share Posted February 24 "Spankings don't end until the spanker says so, not the spankee." FALSE "When you've been bad and you submitted to being spanked, sorry to say, you lost most of your rights." FALSE "..any demands/requests you have become void" FALSE " It's to foam in the fact that they have no says in the matter" FALSE I fervently disagree, And here's why. As strange as this may sound to "newbies" the true power and control in the ER/ee dynamic is ALWAYS with the ee. The ee DECIDES who does or doesn't spank them, under what situations they are spanked and can ALWAYS withdraw consent before and DURING a spanking. Some people use safe words, but I'm a fan of clear, concise language that cannot be mistaken or misinterpreted, such as " I am withdrawing consent NOW" at which time the ER MUST stop IMMEDIATELY or suffer the consequences of not doing so. I have yet to meet an ER that didn't accept and agree to these boundaries. 5 1 Link to comment
Bramblewine Posted February 24 Share Posted February 24 8 minutes ago, michgal.k said: I fervently disagree, And here's why. As strange as this may sound to "newbies" the true power and control in the ER/ee dynamic is ALWAYS with the ee. The ee DECIDES who does or doesn't spank them, under what situations they are spanked and can ALWAYS withdraw consent before and DURING a spanking. Some people use safe words, but I'm a fan of clear, concise language that cannot be mistaken or misinterpreted, such as " I am withdrawing consent NOW" at which time the ER MUST stop IMMEDIATELY or suffer the consequences of not doing so. I have yet to meet an ER that didn't accept and agree to these boundaries. Excellent post! All these premises... Quote "Spankings don't end until the spanker says so, not the spankee." "When you've been bad and you submitted to being spanked, sorry to say, you lost most of your rights." "..any demands/requests you have become void" " It's to foam in the fact that they have no says in the matter" ...may work just fine as part of the fantasy, but ONLY IF both parties are clear that it is a fantasy, AND there are also safe words in play that can be used to break the fantasy if it starts feeling unsafe. Personally, I wouldn't even consider playing with anyone who doesn't show from the moment we start talking about it that they're paying attention to boundaries and safety. Hash it all out before the scene starts, have your emergency exit strategy in place, and then you can afford to indulge in the fantasy that the spanker is fully in charge and the spankee has no say in the matter. Otherwise, you can't. 3 Link to comment
dmirk Posted February 24 Share Posted February 24 I’m an er and I agree with every word michgal says and Branblewine expands on. It’s not even that you can’t give a pretty severe spanking to someone with safe words. Someone needs professional help before he ends up criminally charged. 2 1 Link to comment
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