How Important is physical attraction to your decision to engage with spanking with someone?

[dmirk]

43 minutes ago, FtWorthOTK55 said:

A physical attraction can definitely add to the pleasure I get from giving a spanking but there are other factors I rate much higher.  First is gender.  Even though I generally prefer a plutonic relationship with my spanking partners, I do not spank males.  Second would be do we "click"?  I do not know exactly how to explain this part except to say "Do we enjoy each other's company."  Third, and definitely ahead of physical attraction, is do I enjoy her reactions to the spankings.  I get little pleasure smacking a girl with my hand or implement, if she can lay there motionless and quite.  I am a bit of a Sadist and I like a girl he is a bit of a Masochist and wants to have her limits pushed a little.

I live in the Dallas-Fort Worth area and attend spanking parties regularily.  I never turn down any woman who wants to be spanked except for a few cases when I had shoulder problems and the pain was too much for me.  That night, I turned down a couple of very attractive friends who asked me to play.  I had shoulder reconstruction surgery less that a month later.  That was almost 3 years ago and I have not turned down a single play partner once I healed from that.   

I hope you reconnected with your very attractive friends after you healed. 
 

Your mention of how they react is a key. I’ve had a very attractive ee who hardly reacted at all. Meanwhile, I had one where there was little attraction but she cried like a baby through and after the spankings she’s had. 
 

Different things attract. It’s not at all just physical appearance. 

[FtWorthOTK55]

2 hours ago, dmirk said:

Different things attract. It’s not at all just physical appearance. 

Very true.  I like the ones who cries real tears.  To me, that means they trust me enough with me to let go of the emotion and they want to experience a hard spanking.  It does not seem to happen very often but sounds of an orgasm from the spanking alone is a hugh compliment.    

[Chawsee]

On 2/13/2023 at 9:41 AM, Chawsee said:

Physical attraction does add to my enjoyment, but it's not as important to me as is emotional attraction. If I connect with a guy, I can overlook an appearance that may not be quite ideal. However, if I dislike a guy's personality, it doesn't matter how handsome and hot he is-- I won't be bothered.

I'll add to my previous comment, above, by saying that attraction is a mysterious thing. The more I like someone on the inside, the more attractive they become in my eyes.

[danadares]

2 hours ago, Chawsee said:

I'll add to my previous comment, above, by saying that attraction is a mysterious thing. The more I like someone on the inside, the more attractive they become in my eyes.

I feel the same way. I guess it is more evidence that physical beauty is not only subjective on its face, but relies on other feelings. I have been superficially attracted to females I didn't know, like for instance, celebrities, but, on getting to know more about them, the attraction completely evaporated.

[needsdirection]

I like this topic. There's no question that spankings are sexually arousing to me, yet I find interesting that it doesn't matter at all if I'm not sexually attracted to the spanker.  Since I'm into disciplinary spanking, physical/sexual attraction is probably at the bottom of the list of importance for me.  

Intellelectual and emotional connections matter far more important.  Also highly important are a woman's attitude, demenor, and maturity level.

Her looks don't factor much into it. In fact, whenever I've fantasized about spanking in the past, I hardly ever picture the spanker as sexually attractive. Rather, I just love the idea of being spanked by an average-looking woman who perhaps might be a bit bigger or overweight.  

[MrBottoms]

As a disciplinarian, general physical appearance has never been an issue. The "issue at hand" on the table is primarily the issue. I have declined on only a couple of potential connections where body weight was an issue. I can deal with " a little extra pound here and there". However, anything excessive is way beyond my personal limit.  

[verynaughtyboy8]

When spanking yes, I have to fancy her and it needs to be a her. When being spanked, preferably older and strict, that's it.

[spike]

On 2/18/2023 at 12:18 AM, Chawsee said:

 attraction is a mysterious thing. The more I like someone on the inside, the more attractive they become in my eyes.

How true. Chawsee always impresses.

[spankingpurist]

Agreed! Chawsee, I like your style.
 

For me, physical attraction isn’t a factor in whether I’ll spank a willing lady.  To me, all female bottoms are beautiful and become more so the more they glow. That said, I do find myself attracted to personality qualities such as meekness, kindness, humility, and transparency.  The better communicator an EE, the more I’m attracted and the better I can meet her needs effectively.  
 

By far the most attraction I’ve ever felt for an EE occurred when a woman who was crying alligator tears from a very firm, long encounter with my favorite belt and paddle grabbed onto me when I had finished and, instead of going immediately to the corner as I had instructed her to do, clung to me while thanking me profusely. I was truly touched and comforted her, then put arnica cream on her blistered bottom, and let her sit on my knee.  After she calmed down, she stood up and shuffled very cutely to the corner with her panties around her ankles, turned her head briefly towards me and said, smiling, that I had given her exactly what she needed. 

[boy_otk]

 For me, no amount of physical attraction can compensate for a lack of good personality.  On the other hand, I can see myself putting the attraction aspect away if I'm really impressed by her personality/attitude.  That said, I'd naturally reach out to someone whom I find more attractive, so while attraction might help initially....it doesn't last long enough to make it the sole criteria of selection. 

[GoodLittleGirl]

On 2/13/2023 at 9:29 AM, spike said:

For me, physical attractiveness is a must in a romantic- physical/sexual relationship. In "spanking only" on the other hand (no pun intended) it's a much lower bar. There has to be some, even minimal level of attractiveness. I can remember only two women who I refused to spank during my entire spanko life (which I explained in a recent post). The first one had as hairy a butt as I've ever seen on a human being. The second was hideous-looking, which I might have been able to overlook were it not for her personality. Other than these two isolated incidents, I've always been able to find SOMETHING attractive I could wrap my head around, and therefore go ahead with a spanking.

That's kind of what I'm thinking. But for me since I can't see very well, it's their voice and the way they talk that matter. I don't think I could be spanked by someone who's voice or mannerisms reminded me of a friend or family member. On the other hand, pun intended because I like puns, if it was someone who sounded really hot I'm not sure I could keep my mind on just the discipline aspect. I don't know for sure as I've not had a non sexual spanking as an adult.

[Bramblewine]

8 minutes ago, GoodLittleGirl said:

 But for me since I can't see very well, it's their voice and the way they talk that matter.

I'm also attracted to voice much more than to looks, and I don't have poor vision. It's just the way I'm wired.

To be attracted to someone, I have to hear their voice, and it has to be in a certain range. Hard to describe exactly what that range is, but it's a masculine range. Looks play a much smaller part, and I see attractive looks in both men and women. But I'm not physically attracted to women, at least not to anything like the degree I'm attracted to men.

There are certain actors I find especially attractive when I see them on screen. But looking at a still photo of the same actor does nothing for me. I was well into adulthood before I realized that the reason why that's so is because when I see an actor on screen, I hear him speak. That crucial piece is missing from a photo.

[Chawsee]

On 2/24/2023 at 7:38 PM, Bramblewine said:

I'm also attracted to voice much more than to looks, and I don't have poor vision. It's just the way I'm wired.

To be attracted to someone, I have to hear their voice, and it has to be in a certain range...

This is interesting. I am attracted to voices, as well. In fact, I know it played a part in why I married my former husband (a musician with a good voice). I won't say that I'm more attracted to voice than looks, but I will say that the right voice makes a man considerably more attractive to me. I can't describe this voice exactly, because it varies, but I know immediately when a man's voice has this quality. For me, it seems to be a combination of pitch, volume, inflection, and cadence. A sexy voice, to my ear, tends to be a tad deeper and has a calm quality to it.

[countspankulot]

10 hours ago, Chawsee said:

This is interesting. I am attracted to voices, as well. In fact, I know it played a part in why I married my former husband (a musician with a good voice). I won't say that I'm more attracted to voice than looks, but I will say that the right voice makes a man considerably more attractive to me. I can't describe this voice exactly, because it varies, but I know immediately when a man's voice has this quality. For me, it seems to be a combination of pitch, volume, inflection, and cadence. A sexy voice, to my ear, tends to be a tad deeper and has a calm quality to it.

This is interesting. So what are some examples of actors, musicians or other famous people who have sexy voices?

[James084]

On 2/17/2023 at 11:18 PM, Chawsee said:

that attraction is a mysterious thing. The more I like someone on the inside, the more attractive they become in my eyes.

Yes.  As we mature, most people value appearance less and a persons other attributes, like personality, more.  In my opinion, there is nothing more attractive in a woman than the confidence she has in herself.  She can tell you what’s on her mind in a non-confrontational manner, even if she knows it is not something you want to hear.  She isn’t concerned that you may disagree and does not change her position based on what others think of her.  I suppose this is the same for men as well.  

[Chawsee]

On 2/26/2023 at 7:13 AM, countspankulot said:

This is interesting. So what are some examples of actors, musicians or other famous people who have sexy voices?

An actor with a voice legendary for its quality is Sam Elliott. Another is Chris Hemsworth. John Denver had a very melodic voice. A man doesn't have to sound like these guys, though, to have an attractive voice. I've known some average Joes who sounded nicer than many actors. I think it comes down to talking a little slower, with a calm demeanor. People who talk a mile a minute typically don't sound soothing or sexy. Also, pronouncing words "fully," so that they sound their best, lends a voice to sounding nicer. 

[Topspanker]

For me physical attraction means nothing. This is going to sound silly but for me it’s mental/emotional attraction that’s important 

[Bramblewine]

18 minutes ago, Topspanker said:

For me physical attraction means nothing. This is going to sound silly but for me it’s mental/emotional attraction that’s important 

In general, or just with spanking partners?

I also find mental/emotional attraction important, but there's a difference between who I'm attracted to as a friend and who I'm attracted to romantically. For it to be romantic, I need both physical and mental/emotional attraction. Physical attraction without mental/emotional attraction just means I notice the person is attractive, but I don't really want to go anywhere with them. Mental/emotional attraction without physical, we'd be platonic friends. Maybe very close friends, but platonic.

[GoodLittleGirl]

On 2/27/2023 at 8:25 PM, Chawsee said:

An actor with a voice legendary for its quality is Sam Elliott. Another is Chris Hemsworth. John Denver had a very melodic voice. A man doesn't have to sound like these guys, though, to have an attractive voice. I've known some average Joes who sounded nicer than many actors. I think it comes down to talking a little slower, with a calm demeanor. People who talk a mile a minute typically don't sound soothing or sexy. Also, pronouncing words "fully," so that they sound their best, lends a voice to sounding nicer. 

I agree. For me I think the slower, more calm speaking makes it sound like they really care about what they're saying and giving you their full attention. So for me it's not just that it's sexy, but it genuinely does make me feel comfortable.

[Topspanker]

14 hours ago, Bramblewine said:

In general, or just with spanking partners?

I also find mental/emotional attraction important, but there's a difference between who I'm attracted to as a friend and who I'm attracted to romantically. For it to be romantic, I need both physical and mental/emotional attraction. Physical attraction without mental/emotional attraction just means I notice the person is attractive, but I don't really want to go anywhere with them. Mental/emotional attraction without physical, we'd be platonic friends. Maybe very close friends, but platonic.

In general. I don’t distinguish between the two. I don’t need the physical aspect in either romantic or Spanko relationships 

[brattysavysub]

I am a spankee. It is less about physical attraction for me and more about if I relate well with the other person. So, I guess you could say I consider the chemistry the most important. I am sure there are plenty of men I find to be physically attractive who would make awful spankers because they do not know the right phrases to say or they do not know how to scold well. I wouldn't want to be spanked by someone I wasn't attractive to. But attraction is more than physical attraction. If I have chemistry with the person and I am attracted to their demeanor than that is enough for me. 

[Explorify]

On 2/15/2023 at 5:02 PM, FtWorthOTK55 said:

Definitely ahead of physical attraction, is do I enjoy her reactions to the spankings.  I get little pleasure smacking a girl with my hand or implement, if she can lay there motionless and quiet. 

 

   I agree with this from both sides.  I consider a spanking to be an interactive experience.  If the 'ee fails to show concern before the punishment and then just lies there and takes it, I don't think the partners are in as much communion as is ideal. -Ex.

[Thorn]

It's an interesting question because the body type of a woman I want to spank me is often different than the one I want to give a spanking to, have sex or an exclusive relationship with. I kind of need to feel some maternal vibe; so she has to have a mom bod for sure. I'm new to this though so I may just fall in love with a woman if she knows how to give a good spanking regardless of her body type. 

[slammin sam]

Not important. Just someone with the who can capably and safely administer an effective punishment spanking with a strap on my bare behind and who will be absolutely discreet regarding our sessions. Not a sexual relationship. 

[Thorn]

On 3/2/2023 at 12:53 PM, Topspanker said:

For me physical attraction means nothing. This is going to sound silly but for me it’s mental/emotional attraction that’s important 

I don't think that's silly at all. Maybe less typical for men but not silly.