How Important is physical attraction to your decision to engage with spanking with someone?

[Imperium]

Spankings come in different forms. Everything from fun and sexual to intense and disciplinary. How important is physical attraction to you when deciding if you’re going to engage in spanking behavior with someone? Does the nature of the spanking factor into that decision? Can you get involved in spanking or being spanked by someone that you don't find attractive? 

[Spanknutt]

Spanking is an intimate activity so there has to be an attraction of some sort for me. Would you date someone you don't find attractive? Same with spanking for me. Having said that, there are multiple things that may be components of attraction and physical is only one of them.

[danadares]

Physical attraction is not a bad thing, but also not important. Personality attraction is important, but the relationship calls for a different kind of compatibility than other intimate relationships.

[rubyredd]

Well, it depends. In the past, I needed to be attracted -  physically and intellectually - to a Top for it to be a long-term relationship. I already have my long-term partner, so physical attraction to play partners is not as important as it once was.

[nasbb]

I think if its a pure disciplinarian type relationship then physical attractiveness it not really an issue. For me at least it would be much more important to connect with the person personality wise and have an understanding and trust.

Now if spanking is just part of life with a romantic partner then the physical attraction probably came before the spanking part developed - or maybe it all happened at the same time!

[tinie316]

When I looked for an ER, I've met 3, physical attraction has not been something I looked for. Of course good hygiene is a must. But I looked at personality, their interests regarding spanking and if we click while talking online and or in person.  It seems I have always been more comfortable meeting with someone older than myself. (40+)

I wasn't looking for a date or a romantic relationship and spankings are not of sexual nature for me. 

[brittygirl]

I think there has to be attraction somewhere because my spanking partners have always been sexual partners with the exception of my very first one whom I only contacted because I enjoyed his videos and in all of them he wore a hat and sunglasses. I was quite put off by his physical appearance in person. 

[dmirk]

Obviously, if it's an erotic spanking the attraction needs to be there.

For discipline sometimes what they are getting spanked for is a piece of the lack of attraction.  For instance, I had an ee with an enormous weight issue.  Spankings put her on a much better path.  She lost nearly 100 pounds by following the simplest of rules.

Yes, basic hygiene is important but otherwise if she needs a spanking she'll get one.  Or two. Or however many it takes to drive the point home.

[Chawsee]

Physical attraction does add to my enjoyment, but it's not as important to me as is emotional attraction. If I connect with a guy, I can overlook an appearance that may not be quite ideal. However, if I dislike a guy's personality, it doesn't matter how handsome and hot he is-- I won't be bothered.

[SpankerGeek]

As a mentor it doesn't matter. In a relationship it matters a lot, I definitely want a cute bottom to spank.

 

[spike]

For me, physical attractiveness is a must in a romantic- physical/sexual relationship. In "spanking only" on the other hand (no pun intended) it's a much lower bar. There has to be some, even minimal level of attractiveness. I can remember only two women who I refused to spank during my entire spanko life (which I explained in a recent post). The first one had as hairy a butt as I've ever seen on a human being. The second was hideous-looking, which I might have been able to overlook were it not for her personality. Other than these two isolated incidents, I've always been able to find SOMETHING attractive I could wrap my head around, and therefore go ahead with a spanking.

[nicklead123]

Personality, character and intelligence trump physical attractiveness in different type of spanking scenarios. I am married to wife and she’s everything I mentioned along with the physical attractiveness so sexual/fun spankings I can’t speak too, but if it’s a punishment or maintenance spanking, then it doesn’t matter much if I’m attracted to them or not because that’s not the reason why we’re there.

[Bspankly]

I guess I'm a prude ( wow I've never said that ). To me this is a sexual intimate activity. It needs to be someone I am attracted to. My wife is awesome.

A ven diagram of people I am attracted to and willing to spank me shows I am a really lucky guy. Finding a spanko partner must be difficult. It underscores the need for this site.

 

[Bramblewine]

To me, spanking is always sexual, but it's not always sexual in the same way as sex. For me to want someone as a sex partner, it has to be someone I feel attracted to. Someone who gives me some pleasant sense of his sexiness when I'm around him (it's always hims I get attracted to in that way). It also has to be someone I'm emotionally comfortable with, because sex is such an intimate act.

For a spanking partner, it's theoretical at this point, because I have yet to have a spanking partner who's not also my partner partner, but I'm open to a wider range of possibilities. I don't necessarily have to be attracted to them in the same way as a sex partner. I just have to be attracted to being spanked by them. I also have to be emotionally comfortable with them, but we don't necessarily have to be compatible on every point necessary for couple compatibility. And they don't necessarily have to be male. I might be attracted to the way someone spanks no matter what gender they are.

Edited February 13 by Bramblewine

[Scorrect]

I’m also a newbie with limited experience, so my thoughts about what physical characteristics attract me to a spanker are speculative.  Like some folks above, I don’t have specific attractions or hesitancies, except that I am only attracted to women spankers. My fantasies (which I’ll gladly share sometime) include women of every size shape, ethnicity, and age (over 21, of course). Whether petite, average, or full figured I’m drawn to a complex blend of self assurance, assertiveness, dominance, and strictness.  I don’t dwell on hair color, breast size or physiognomy.  I do care about strength, especially arm and leg strength so that she has no difficulties giving me long, blistering, painful OTK punishments, while holding me firmly in place with her free arm and putting one leg over mine to keep me in place even if I kick a little (which, of course, she quickly brings under her control with firm instructions and much firmer spanks).

 

My romantic tastes are primarily focused on height and shape. I am drawn to taller, athletic woman, since I am also tall and athletic.  Breast size doesn’t matter, but having a shapely bottom does. Since I’m from a Swedish heritage, I like nordic facial features. That said, I have had several serious and long lasting relationships with wonderful women who don’t fit this mold at all.  One was from an Eastern European Jewish heritage and was rather full figured. The other was a diminutive red head of Irish ancestry. For me, character (e.g. integrity, kindness, patience, reliability, and openness) as well as intelligence and humor are far more important.than appearance.

 

[Bramblewine]

2 hours ago, Scorrect said:

My romantic tastes are primarily focused on height and shape. I am drawn to taller, athletic woman, since I am also tall and athletic.  Breast size doesn’t matter, but having a shapely bottom does. Since I’m from a Swedish heritage, I like nordic facial features. That said, I have had several serious and long lasting relationships with wonderful women who don’t fit this mold at all.  One was from an Eastern European Jewish heritage and was rather full figured. The other was a diminutive red head of Irish ancestry. For me, character (e.g. integrity, kindness, patience, reliability, and openness) as well as intelligence and humor are far more important.than appearance.

 

Something I've observed is that when people say they're attracted to certain physical characteristics, usually what they're really attracted to is the personality they associate with those physical characteristics.

What kind of personality do you associate with tall, athletic, shapely bottomed women with Nordic features? Do you see that personality in the partners you've had who don't have those physical characteristics?

[nicoleS39]

16 minutes ago, Bramblewine said:

Something I've observed is that when people say they're attracted to certain physical characteristics, usually what they're really attracted to is the personality they associate with those physical characteristics.

Excellent observation....I think such is the case with many of us.

[Scorrect]

Of course, I agree with you, in part, which I noted both by observing my long relationships with and attraction to several women who didn’t meet those physical characteristics (both of whom are still dear friends) and also by listing character, intelligence, and humor as both highly attractive to me and more important for me than physical features.  That said, I am also “wired” to notice and, as I’ve learned, to find myself attracted to the “nordic’ physical features I described. I don’t think this primal attraction is necessarily linked  to personality characteristics associated with this physical type.  In my experience, there is a rather broad range of personality characteristics exhibited by folks with quite similar physical characteristics.  One only needs to spend time with siblings who appear similar physically, but who sometimes have quite different personalities, to see how common this phenomenon is.

I was reminded recently that “physical attraction” and “personality attraction” are different as a result of an experience when I joined  a committee to help plan an upcoming high school reunion. To my surprise, a woman I had a crush on years ago has also joined this committee.  When I saw her at the initial meeting, I was incredibly attracted to her physically. But, sadly, when I spoke with her, I found her personality and the life experiences she freely shared with me so distasteful that I had a hard time being courteous and pleasant.  Both her reactions at the time and a subsequent note she sent me, convinced me that I had succeeded in behaving civilly. However, I am finding the prospect of working with her difficult.

I wonder if this dynamic of being strongly physically attracted to someone who is not compatible personality wise often results in failed relationships or even marriages (especially in younger people, who haven’t learned yet what works and doesn’t work for them relationally). In my experience, physical attraction quickly fades, in the absence of deep emotional intimacy, which results far more from attraction to a person’s personality, rather than their appearance. Emotional attraction also can emerge quickly and is typically something we experience rather than rationally decide. Most folks, I thinks discover that they’ve fallen in love and don’t sit down with a Ben Franklin diagram to reach that conclusion. Emotional intimacy itself takes time to develop and requires hard work to nourish.  I’m guessing that Valentines Day which is fast approaching is probably an important time to point this out. Nevertheless, I think it is  worth noting that some folks succeed in finding partners with whom they are both mutually attracted physically and, if you will, spiritually.  These folks are truly blessed.

[Bramblewine]

15 minutes ago, Scorrect said:

I wonder if this dynamic of being strongly physically attracted to someone who is not compatible personality wise often results in failed relationships or even marriages 

Of course it does.

If you're a spanko and you're physically attracted to someone who may be a compatible personality but isn't a spanko, there's a whole other layer to that.

[Scorrect]

So true!!! And, of course, there are some folks who aren’t spankos, but who are understanding and tolerant as contrasted with those who are not.  I suspect, it’s sometimes possible to convince a non-spanko to be a spanker, but nearly impossible to persuade them to be a spankee.  Some vanilla folks strongly resist becoming spankers, though, because they have deep feelings about not wanting to intentionally hurt anyone physically.

Also, many spankos are fine with having “spanking only” relationships.  I think relationships of this kind can work well for both and don’t require the same degree of physical or personality attraction.

[Needing correction!]

It isn't. I'm caned for either punishment or discipline by a mentor who (like me) is a heterosexual male. 

[SpankingBanker]

I spank for several reasons or "themes"(discipline, therapeutic, maintenance, erotic, role play, etc). For erotic spankings yes looks do matter more.  Not so much for a strictly discipline or therapeutic spanking.  I have more particular tastes when it comes to actual dating that I do not necessarily carry over to my spanking sessions.  They do not all have to be "perfect 10's", just no bbw, no guys, good hygiene, and must be sober and mentally stable.  

[nicoleS39]

I am only spanked by my husband. I am very "attracted" to him physically. However, I would "think" that physical attraction would beca factor in a romantic or more sexual based based, or even funishment type  spanking dynamic. But...physical attraction is based on the ways various individuals are "attracted" to one another. I hope we can all "see" and value the unique beauty that is in every individual, regardless of what their physical attributes might be. 

[frizzy91]

Extremely low

[FtWorthOTK55]

3 hours ago, frizzy91 said:

Extremely low

A physical attraction can definitely add to the pleasure I get from giving a spanking but there are other factors I rate much higher.  First is gender.  Even though I generally prefer a plutonic relationship with my spanking partners, I do not spank males.  Second would be do we "click"?  I do not know exactly how to explain this part except to say "Do we enjoy each other's company."  Third, and definitely ahead of physical attraction, is do I enjoy her reactions to the spankings.  I get little pleasure smacking a girl with my hand or implement, if she can lay there motionless and quite.  I am a bit of a Sadist and I like a girl he is a bit of a Masochist and wants to have her limits pushed a little.

I live in the Dallas-Fort Worth area and attend spanking parties regularily.  I never turn down any woman who wants to be spanked except for a few cases when I had shoulder problems and the pain was too much for me.  That night, I turned down a couple of very attractive friends who asked me to play.  I had shoulder reconstruction surgery less that a month later.  That was almost 3 years ago and I have not turned down a single play partner once I healed from that.