Spanking other people while in a relationship

[spankingforlife]

I have a girlfriend and we have discussed spanking other people or vise versa. But we have not done it yet. But for some reason I almost feel guilty if I spank another women? Has anyone else came across this problem. Is it better to start spanking another person with my girlfriend together?

[Spanknutt]

It depends upon the nature of your relationship with your girlfriend. You don't want to introduce guilt or jealousy into the relationship. But if there is an understanding that the spanking won't be sexual it can work. I know plenty of people who spank others outside of their primary relationships. I have attended parties before with partners where we have both spanked others. Honest communication is key here.

The other questions is if you spank someone else, are you going to tell her about it and vice-versa? 

[F/m_Spanking_only]

This is a slippery slope. It sounds good on paper. But... doing it is another story. I'm not saying it just can't or won't work, but it's not for everyone. Some men are totally fine with their wives having male spanking partners. Some women are good with their husbands being spanked by other women. I know that I could never be ok with it myself.  At any rate, I'd proceed very carefully. 

[dmirk]

It can be difficult to navigate or not. Depends on a lot. 
 

In my case, when I finally came out to my wife she agreed to some discipline spankings (I think the most in a year was 3; maybe that’s the average) and is fine and into the play. 
 

But she knows my spanko gene runs deeper than that and is fine with me spanking other women as long as it’s not sex. She doesn’t want the details - I mean even knowing that what I’m going out for is a spanking.  
 

Your relationship is likely completely different. Best you can do is bring it up and hope for the best knowing that it might not be what you get. 

[Zhal]

As long as you two are OK with it, I don't see a problem. Relationships require honesty. Personally, I don't see spanking someone else or being spanked by someone else as cheating, unless your partner doesn't know about it or is not OK with it.

[danadares]

It doesn't matter if I've come across this or not. Everything depends on what you feel, and it is your decision to make. I would prioritize the relationship I have, and not risk ruining it. Only you know your girlfriend and what relationship you want with her. I think honesty with her is the best place to start. You "almost feel guilty," so maybe do whatever makes you feel better about things, which could possibly be including her so she feels connected.

 

[Bramblewine]

Maybe this is a question of how monogamous you really are, or aren't.

Some people are comfortable with polyamory. Some aren't. I'm one of those people who just can't go there, even if it sounds sensible in theory. I need monogamy.

I'm not sure how I'd really feel about spanking other people while in a relationship (in my case, being spanked by other people, since I'm an -ee), because I've never gone there. I've only had that question come up around sex, and I know exactly where I stand on that: I'm not comfortable with non-monogamous sex. I'm definitely comfortable with the idea of having non-exclusive spanking relationships that don't include sex by the vanilla definition. I think I would also be comfortable with having a relationship that's sexually monogamous and includes spanking and also engaging in spanking only play with other people, but I won't know for sure how I feel about that unless and until I'm looking at it in reality.

Maybe for you, spanking feels like something that needs to be monogamous. That's something to look at more deeply.

Edited January 25 by Bramblewine

[Pgh-mature-male]

I see the group is directing and reinforcing that the ever simple - open - honest - direct communication between partners is indeed the path to your answer

[cat627]

Over the years I've had a few local 'ers who were all married. In each case it was made clear that their wives knew about it, and nothing sexual was going to happen.  As an 'ee, I felt quite reassured over this fact, as I didn't feel comfortable getting spanked by someone without their wives knowing,  simply because it would bother me personally on the other end.  Plus I was looking for non-sexual spankings anyways, and it seemed more likely to find them in these cases.

At one point, I actually met the wife of my very first 'er! It was rather awkward and embarrassing as heck, because while I knew she was aware of it, and at times the spankings would happen at his home, where his wife would be in the other room..... It was still awkward for her to come out and see me.  

It was a case where she was a nurse, and he wanted her to look at a wound that I had. She seemed totally unphased at my presence there, I think the embarrassment was only on my end.

So I have seen it happen where 'ers got their wives permission...  And I have a few friends who are poly who would also be just fine.

But for me personally, I feel like I'd be a bit bothered by it, if my partner wanted to spank other women.  I'd likely have too many other feelings wrapped up in it.

[Spanknutt]

5 minutes ago, cat627 said:

At one point, I actually met the wife of my very first 'er! It was rather awkward and embarrassing as heck, because while I knew she was aware of it, and at times the spankings would happen at his home, where his wife would be in the other room..... It was still awkward for her to come out and see me.  

It was a case where she was a nurse, and he wanted her to look at a wound that I had. She seemed totally unphased at my presence there, I think the embarrassment was only on my end.

 

Yes, I can see where that would be awkward. On the other hand, you can't shock a nurse - they have seen it all before.

[LeighOTK]

This is an interesting topic. I will echo what others have said as far as open communication being the most important thing. Personally, I would be fine with it as long as the communication was there and it didn’t become something that was being hidden.  And while it’s not really how I’m geared at ALL, I’d expect that if I was okay with it, that my partner would be okay with me interacting with others as well as long as the base of respectful honesty between us was there. And an understanding of things that are in or out of bounds. I do confess that (way) in the past I have wondered if there’s an innate sort of double standard that happens in spanking relationships. Where the er wishes to spank others but also expects to be the only spanker of his ees. Perhaps that’s not true. Ive honestly never really asked, as it’s not been super relevant.  I tend to be a one palm kind of girl. 

[nicoleS39]

With us...it is within our marriage commitment to one another that he only spanks my butt, and I only am spanked by him. This is not to condemn anybody who does not have such a relationship...just the way it is with us. Consequently...for us...spanking another or submitting to being spanked by another would be a matter of serious concern...for us.

I think many do "spank others" outside their spanking relationship. If so....communication is huge and clear understanding of the nature and scope of the spanking relationships is paramount for enabling such to be beneficial and positive for all parties.

To echo OTKLeigh...lol...kinda. I am a one man's belt kind of lady...lol. My butt is his 🙂🙂🙂

[embraerjet]

I've been aching to explore spanking a woman as well as experience a spanking from another woman. 

 

We have talked about this.  I think it's fine as long as there is communication.   

[F/m_Spanking_only]

There is definitely no one size fits all answer on this one. As others have said, it just depends on the situation really. Interestingly enough, I've talked to individuals who did this, and they said that if anyone came to them asking them for advice on how to proceed, their answer would be that they do not recommend it. I actually had a guy one time tell me that his wife would gladly spank me as much as I wanted. It being someone else's wife, I naturally had my reservations. On top of that, I was like "dude, what's the catch? What am I going to have to buy for your wife? Will I owe you and/or her something later down the road?"

The guy said "no no no... nothing like that. You can come and I'll leave y'all completely alone. You can get spanked by her from sun up to sundown. I don't care. And when I say I don't care, I mean I wouldn't be upset even if the spankings lead to something else". So at that point, I'm like "this is WAY too good to be true. Seriously....what's the catch here, man?" And he said "the only... catch....if you wanna call it that....is that my backside gets a much needed break" 😂😂 I still couldn't bring myself to do it, with her being someone else's wife. But I had to laugh. The guy was serious about his rear end needing a break 😂

[I can do it Reagan]

Agree with most of what others have already stated, but would add that it also depends upon your spanking process or service.  Example, if you always keep your clothes on and only provide spankings, maybe massaging the back of the spankee, then probably less for her to worry or have concerns.  If your style is more inclusive and you may massage other parts of the body or your kink fetish explores other areas in a session, then it may more concerning to her.

Whatever you decide, communication and honesty are key. Once it’s lost, that’s tough to regain.

Best of luck to you on whichever path you take.

[Newredbottom]

Just curious as to the context of the proposed spankings? If we are talking correction and punishment it may be less of an issue.

[F/m_Spanking_only]

On 3/21/2023 at 4:12 PM, Newredbottom said:

Just curious as to the context of the proposed spankings? If we are talking correction and punishment it may be less of an issue.

Context is everything. Just as a for instance, if a married man who gets spanked by his wife also gets spanked by other women, and he gets extremely turned on by it, that could be a bit of an issue. 

[tedy93]

With the hope of not repeating things others have (wisely) stated above me, I've recently had an relevant encounter I've thought about.

 

TL;DR - I've met a spanker that turned out to be in a relationship.

 

They had been keeping this side of theirs from their partner, for religious reasons. I felt like we had some really good chemistry, but finally I decided that the risk of hurting another human being would really be too much. So, while these circumstances seem a bit different from the original post, I guess that the main advice of "open, honest" (and as simple as you can get:P) sounds like a valid idea from my perspective

[Fannybrook]

I'm married and I haven't met up with another spanko yet but I'm considering it and have been talking to someone for a while. My husband is ok with it and he wants to see how it makes him feel. He's unconvinced that it's not sexual though but he believes me. He also has just started to spank me though. I do know that this person I've been talking to has a girlfriend who doesn't know that he meets up with women for spankings. He's been doing it for a long time since before they met. I'm all for open communication but I imagine that would be a hard thing to explain to a girlfriend who didn't understand?

[Bramblewine]

37 minutes ago, Fannybrook said:

 I do know that this person I've been talking to has a girlfriend who doesn't know that he meets up with women for spankings. He's been doing it for a long time since before they met. I'm all for open communication but I imagine that would be a hard thing to explain to a girlfriend who didn't understand?

If he's been doing it since before he met his girlfriend and she still doesn't know, that means he never even brought it up with her. How can he know she wouldn't understand, if he never even tried to tell her? 

What he's doing is the opposite of open communication.

If you're all for open communication, do you really want to do this with someone who's neglecting it?

[Scorrect]

I agree with Bramblewine.  Be very cautious, Fannybrook. I think he is dishonest and likely cheating on his girlfriend. It’s is a big red flag. Since your husband has started to spank you, why not focus on that. Maybe he could meet that need for you and you could do something to please him, too. Seems like you’ll be better off investing your time on your marriage

[Bramblewine]

3 minutes ago, Scorrect said:

I agree with Bramblewine.  Be very cautious, Fannybrook. I think he is dishonest and likely cheating on his girlfriend. It’s is a big red flag. Since your husband has started to spank you, why not focus on that. Maybe he could meet that need for you and you could do something to please him, too. Seems like you’ll be better off investing your time on your marriage

Or, if you do want to play with other people, find someone who's either single or has their partner's enthusiastic consent to do this with others.

[Peanutty]

On 1/25/2023 at 12:41 AM, spankingforlife said:

I have a girlfriend and we have discussed spanking other people or vise versa. But we have not done it yet. But for some reason I almost feel guilty if I spank another women? Has anyone else came across this problem. Is it better to start spanking another person with my girlfriend together?

I mean, it sounds like you two have had a serious, genuine, open conversation (or many) re: this issue. It certainly sounds consensual, equitable, and honest. It seems almost akin to spanking polyamory. 

[Bramblewine]

39 minutes ago, Peanutty said:

I mean, it sounds like you two have had a serious, genuine, open conversation (or many) re: this issue. It certainly sounds consensual, equitable, and honest. It seems almost akin to spanking polyamory. 

There's another layer to that, though: for it to be truly consensual, everyone involved has to enthusiastically consent. If anyone is uncomfortable with it but agreeing to it anyway, that's not enthusiastic consent.

The OP expressed discomfort with spanking someone else. That's less than enthusiastic consent on his part. It bears exploration, figuring out why he's uncomfortable. Unless he can shift to being comfortable with it, it's not advisable to do it.

[Chawsee]

On 1/24/2023 at 10:41 PM, spankingforlife said:

I have a girlfriend and we have discussed spanking other people or vise versa. But we have not done it yet. But for some reason I almost feel guilty if I spank another women? Has anyone else came across this problem. Is it better to start spanking another person with my girlfriend together?

I would say be careful. Having outside partners seems to be common in the spanking world, even amongst marrieds. If you are both completely transparent with one another and respectful of each other's boundaries, it may work fine. It does for many couples. Just keep in mind that "this thing we do" is very bonding, both on the physical and emotional level. Developing deeper feelings for a spanking partner can require super-human power to avoid. If you're going to play with other people outside of your primary relationship, it helps to go into it with a clear agreement on limits and the fortitude to always abide by those limits, no matter what.