Co-Worker

[insearchofotk20]

Hi All,

I have a very cute co-worker that I recently found out she is on the "FetLife" site (saw her pictures and was very intrigued). I'm also on there, but my picture doesn't show my face. I messaged her and said "You look familiar" and never got a response. I would love to talk with her more about interest in spanking. Would genuinely appreciate her spanking me. We are both married, so there's that. Not sure how to proceed. Especially since she doesn't know it's me that messaged her.

 

Thank you!

[Justlooking4otk]

Try to talk to her via her fetlife account, if she responds great, if not then try talking to her at work if you can, then see what happens.

[otkpantsdown 49]

My opinion from having been a middle level manager is DO NOT BRING THIS UP AT WORK.

Can you be identified at all by your photo? If not tell her on fetlife that you work together. If she responds go from there. If not just forget about her. If you push it at work you may be looking for a new job.

[insearchofotk20]

38 minutes ago, otkpantsdown 49 said:

My opinion from having been a middle level manager is DO NOT BRING THIS UP AT WORK.

Can you be identified at all by your photo? If not tell her on fetlife that you work together. If she responds go from there. If not just forget about her. If you push it at work you may be looking for a new job.

Good advice, no I can't be identified from photo. Thanks!

[secretman]

I know a few women in the spanko scene - there is a huge (and very justified) fear of stalkers and being "outed" non-consensually - if you're going to communicate and you know her real-life name and identity, either don't bring it up until she identifies herself on her own, or identify yourself early on so that she doesn't think it could turn into any kind of an unsafe situation. 

I know you would never do anything like that from the sounds of things, but it's something a lot of women have dealt with at some point or another in their lives and justifiably worry about.

The number one thing that you can do as a guy into kink is make sure that whoever you interact with feels totally safe at all times. 

Edited December 4, 2022 by secretman

[rubyredd]

1 hour ago, secretman said:

I know a few women in the spanko scene - there is a huge (and very justified) fear of stalkers and being "outed" non-consensually - if you're going to communicate and you know her real-life name and identity, either don't bring it up until she identifies herself on her own, or identify yourself early on so that she doesn't think it could turn into any kind of an unsafe situation. 

I know you would never do anything like that from the sounds of things, but it's something a lot of women have dealt with at some point or another in their lives and justifiably worry about.

The number one thing that you can do as a guy into kink is make sure that whoever you interact with feels totally safe at all times. 

Fabulous advice. 

@insearchofotk20- You messaged her and she has not messaged back - so just drop it at this point. Continuing to message her would not be appropriate until she responds.

[Spanknutt]

There are vanilla people who know about me, but no one at work, ever. I have a really good friend and I waited until I left the company to tell him about it. And here's the big thing to me - you said, "Would genuinely appreciate her spanking me." She is married, you are married, and you work together. I doubt anything good would come from that, but something bad might.

[NewBrandon]

Personally I would just drop it. If she doesn’t respond then it’s safe to assume that she doesn’t want to talk about it. 

[BansheeGal]

Yikes! Absolutely not. Unless you both have open relationships, this is an automatic no-go anyway. But as woman, I can think of few things more awful than a male co-worker finding me online like that. It would mean I've basically just been outed, non-consensually, and it would have just made my workplace feel at worst very unsafe and at best extremely awkward and uncomfortable. Keep work at work and play at play. Mixing the two rarely ends well. 

[sortofanadult]

20 hours ago, insearchofotk20 said:

Not sure how to proceed. 

Don't proceed.

[Spanknutt]

7 hours ago, BansheeGal said:

Yikes! Absolutely not. Unless you both have open relationships, this is an automatic no-go anyway. But as woman, I can think of few things more awful than a male co-worker finding me online like that. It would mean I've basically just been outed, non-consensually, and it would have just made my workplace feel at worst very unsafe and at best extremely awkward and uncomfortable. Keep work at work and play at play. Mixing the two rarely ends well. 

Good point, we men tend not to thing about it from a female's perspective. It is...different.

[DaChief]

The first thing I want to say is that while she may not have answered, it doesn't mean she won't. Women's DMs on Fet tend to get slammed and sometimes it takes the women I communicate with regularly 2 or 3 days to answer me over there for that very reason.

This is a tricky thing with a co-worker. I have one I strongly suspect is one of us. I just got out of a virtual meeting which made think of this thread because several times during the meeting she was directing playfully bratty comments at me. My only response was to give her "the look" via webcam, and her reaction to that just reaffirms my suspicion. But I said nothing.

Tread carefully with this. 

[insearchofotk20]

18 hours ago, secretman said:

I know a few women in the spanko scene - there is a huge (and very justified) fear of stalkers and being "outed" non-consensually - if you're going to communicate and you know her real-life name and identity, either don't bring it up until she identifies herself on her own, or identify yourself early on so that she doesn't think it could turn into any kind of an unsafe situation. 

I know you would never do anything like that from the sounds of things, but it's something a lot of women have dealt with at some point or another in their lives and justifiably worry about.

The number one thing that you can do as a guy into kink is make sure that whoever you interact with feels totally safe at all times. 

Great stuff! I appreciate and value your input. And your right, do no harm is my motto.

[Chastener]

Don't push it any further!  You're a man, and in these situations, if it gets out of hand, will be a deficit.