Difficulty not using safe word

[BansheeGal]

Maybe you could try having a safe word for if you need a break, but not having one to end the punishment entirely.

[nicoleS39]

After the first couple years of our marriage, my husband insisted we have a safe word and signal, in the event my speech might be impaired by a gag or... I might not be able to get the word out for some reason. It is not to "stop" the punishment...but to pause. The signal must be used for legitimate reasons, which we have defined as...illness, injury, a muscle cramp. An acceptable reason is not pain from the actual spanking or just "wanting the discipline" to end. My punishments are defined by him, and I have learned to trust him...and am confident he will not go too far or actually injure me. I have only used my safe word a hand full of times. Once I became nauseated..not from my punishment, but I had a stomach thing going on and it got worse during the punishment. The other times were muscle cramps in my legs. When I used the safe word...he immediately stopped and asked me what was wrong...and did not continue unless I was OK. All those times...the pause turned into a "stop" because of my suffering. I have not yet used the safe word for an unacceptable reason. I am so weird....I actually ask him all the time to not be afraid to punish me hard. I know it is weird, but a long story I do not have the energy to get into this evening...lol. 

lol...he has actually used the safe word "for" me a few times....as a kind of reprimand for wanting "too much" in terms of severity now and then. 

I honestly think those here who are not with a long term, well known spanker...probably "should" insist on a safe word. Maybe a "pause" is the best way to implement and still preserve the authenticity of the experience. My husband and I have been together for 15 years plus....and I feel I fully can trust him and his loving but strong hand in dealing with me....and even protect me from myself and my sometimes masochistic nature. I am just saying....I think it takes a while to develop that assured trust.

Now...regarding purely sexual spankings...lol....foreplay. lol...as for me...no mercy. Lets send each other to moon baby! lol....Hmm...I guess illness or injury...lol...would be legitimate reason for pause...among us more "savage" nymphos...lol.

[danadares]

We've never needed a safe word because my wife would not say stop if she didn't really want it to stop. Any word or phrase that means stop is all I need to hear. Or lighten up, that's too hard, etc.. If she wanted to try absorbing a more painful spanking, she could just remain silent until I decide she's had enough. Do people who use safe words pretend they want it to stop, but only actually stop when the designated word for it is uttered?

[Spank61]

On 12/17/2022 at 2:27 AM, nicoleS39 said:

... The signal must be used for legitimate reasons, which we have defined as...illness, injury, a muscle cramp. An acceptable reason is not pain from the actual spanking or just "wanting the discipline" to end. My punishments are defined by him, and I have learned to trust him...

I do appreciate your restricted usage of the safe word that will guarantee that only your husband has to decide the intensity of your disciplinary measure generally. Everything else would counteract the nature of spanking as punishment.

[Submissive Danny]

On 12/16/2022 at 4:45 PM, BansheeGal said:

Maybe you could try having a safe word for if you need a break, but not having one to end the punishment entirely.

It's not my choice when the spanking is over. If it were up to me it would end before my wife feels I learned my lesson. After all it's a spanking and it's suppose to hurt.

[David!]

On 12/16/2022 at 9:42 PM, danadares said:

We've never needed a safe word because my wife would not say stop if she didn't really want it to stop. Any word or phrase that means stop is all I need to hear. Or lighten up, that's too hard, etc.. If she wanted to try absorbing a more painful spanking, she could just remain silent until I decide she's had enough. Do people who use safe words pretend they want it to stop, but only actually stop when the designated word for it is uttered?

I often end up yelling "Stop, stop, please stop!" as I'm paddled, because I'm getting a painful punishment and I do wish it would stop- but I know my wife will just ignore it until she's accomplished what she set out to accomplish. I have a strong urge to say this along with repeating "I'm sorry!" over and over, which is also true. I could be careful not to say anything that means stop, but that would interfere with letting myself become overwhelmed by my regret and complete powerlessness as I'm being punished. We do have the common "red-light" safeword. It's not something I would ever spontaneously yell in my distress from getting paddled, but if I have chest pain, am about to vomit, or something like that, I think I would remember to use it. We have agreed that if I ever use this safeword inappropriately, such as just wanting to pause or decrease my spanking, once the facts are determined I will get the rest of my spanking, including "making up" for the pause, and then another spanking for misuse of the safeword! We've never discussed it, but I believe that if I did interrupt a spanking with the safeword because of something like a heart attack, once I was home from the hospital and sufficiently healthy, my wife would give me the original spanking over again from the start, because I deserved it!

[danadares]

7 hours ago, David! said:

I often end up yelling "Stop, stop, please stop!" as I'm paddled, because I'm getting a painful punishment and I do wish it would stop- but I know my wife will just ignore it until she's accomplished what she set out to accomplish. I have a strong urge to say this along with repeating "I'm sorry!" over and over, which is also true. I could be careful not to say anything that means stop, but that would interfere with letting myself become overwhelmed by my regret and complete powerlessness as I'm being punished. We do have the common "red-light" safeword. It's not something I would ever spontaneously yell in my distress from getting paddled, but if I have chest pain, am about to vomit, or something like that, I think I would remember to use it. We have agreed that if I ever use this safeword inappropriately, such as just wanting to pause or decrease my spanking, once the facts are determined I will get the rest of my spanking, including "making up" for the pause, and then another spanking for misuse of the safeword! We've never discussed it, but I believe that if I did interrupt a spanking with the safeword because of something like a heart attack, once I was home from the hospital and sufficiently healthy, my wife would give me the original spanking over again from the start, because I deserved it!

Thank you for the explanation. I can't imagine being in a situation where I'm blurting out involuntary pleas, yet I am still able to discern the difference between spontaneous reactions and my safe word. Granted, I haven't been in that situation, so I'll leave that as an unknown. If I was negotiating this with an ER, I would either go one way or the other. Either anything that means stop means stop, or nothing does. I think my ultimate safety in the case where things are really going too far, would be to physically stop it before it actually goes too far. I wouldn't put myself in a situation where I'm truly helpless.

BTW, just an added thought. If I was having a heart attack, my safe word would be "HEART ATTACK!"

Edited December 27, 2022 by danadares

[David!]

4 hours ago, danadares said:

BTW, just an added thought. If I was having a heart attack, my safe word would be "HEART ATTACK!"

That would probably work too! But some issues are hard to put into a few words, especially under duress, and even heart attack is longer than red-light, so it seems a  good safeword to have. The safeword is for emergencies, I have to trust my wife not to "go too far" in punishing me. And yes, when healthy I can physically force my way off her knee- but if I suddenly got really sick in some way maybe not. I do have to use some restraint not to misuse the safeword or struggle to the point of forcing myself off her knee, but I can let myself go with pleas and apologies and sincerely express my feelings of regret and pain while my bare bottom is paddled without risk of blurring out red-light, which only has meaning as a safeword! 

[danadares]

On 12/26/2022 at 10:27 PM, David! said:

That would probably work too! But some issues are hard to put into a few words, especially under duress, and even heart attack is longer than red-light, so it seems a  good safeword to have. The safeword is for emergencies, I have to trust my wife not to "go too far" in punishing me. And yes, when healthy I can physically force my way off her knee- but if I suddenly got really sick in some way maybe not. I do have to use some restraint not to misuse the safeword or struggle to the point of forcing myself off her knee, but I can let myself go with pleas and apologies and sincerely express my feelings of regret and pain while my bare bottom is paddled without risk of blurring out red-light, which only has meaning as a safeword! 

I can see that. I'm not sure I would remember my safe word in every kind of emergency. I might also have a difficult time explaining what's wrong, so maybe there's nothing entirely safe. I haven't heard of the use of a safe word during conventional sex, but maybe it would be safer to have one when one partner is in a position where they're impeding a need to stop.

If there were no other considerations, I would say that a safe word is a good idea for everyone when being spanked, as long as they trust the ER to honor it. However, if one wants to feel totally under the control of their ER, a different psychological experience, then part of that is putting all trust in them to recognize an emergency without a safe word. Then, a coherent expression, like "Heart Attack" or "Cramp," or "Stop, I'm not kidding," or just through body language or sound of voice, would have to be relied upon. It may be riskier, but people do take bigger risks all the time to have the experience they're looking for.

[David!]

On 12/28/2022 at 4:59 AM, danadares said:

If there were no other considerations, I would say that a safe word is a good idea for everyone when being spanked, as long as they trust the ER to honor it. However, if one wants to feel totally under the control of their ER, a different psychological experience, then part of that is putting all trust in them to recognize an emergency without a safe word. Then, a coherent expression, like "Heart Attack" or "Cramp," or "Stop, I'm not kidding," or just through body language or sound of voice, would have to be relied upon. It may be riskier, but people do take bigger risks all the time to have the experience they're looking for.

Agreed, there's always some risk, everyone has their own risk/benefit tolerance!