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How to adequately show that I'm sorry


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Hi everyone,

I wanted to get some opinions on this.

Recently, I did something that caused a serious breach of trust between me and a friend. 

The reasons why I did it were stupid. I was impulsive, and didn't think about how my actions would come across to the other person. I didn't think about how it might affect the relationship, and just did it to "get a reaction". 

Now that the other person approached me, I realized how serious the effects of my actions were. I feel terrible. 

I will be receiving punishment for the offense, but aside from that, I want to build back trust. 

Any ideas on how to mend the breach of trust?

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Without understanding the seriousness of the breach of trust, it would be difficult to offer an opinion on this.  Sometimes an explanation and apology will go a long way, other times not so much. Acceptance of these depends a lot upon the other person. My sister did something a few years ago that damaged her relationship with her best friend. Despite explanation and apologies ad nauseum, their relationship was never the same again. Be honest and hope the other person is the type who knows how to forgive.

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A full explanation & sincere apology (Maximum remorse & contrition wouldn't hurt) from you + the appropriate discipline (which would impress upon you Not to ever repeat) to follow should be sufficient reparation of the momentary & without forethought breach of trust. 

 

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Question - is the person you broke trust with the one who will administer the discipline?  If not, does that person know you will be disciplined? The the fact that you are willing to accept discipline for the infraction might be pretty powerful, especially if that person is vanilla. Of course, you might have to out yourself, but maybe that is what you need. Just a thought.

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Broken trust can only be earned back...over time. Trust...must be earned. So...yes...a willingness to confess or accept the guilt and consequences of breaking trust are important.. A sincere apology is also important....but the best way to mend the breach of trust is by far harder than those. That is, "showing" and "demonstrating" that you are indeed "trustworthy" in your attitude and actions within the relationship moving forward. The amount of time required to bring restoration of trust is then in the hands of the one you broke trust with... but if they truly value your relationship, they will see your sincere heart and effort....and repentance...and extend grace and trust once again to you. 🙂

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3 hours ago, nicoleS39 said:

Broken trust can only be earned back...over time. Trust...must be earned. So...yes...a willingness to confess or accept the guilt and consequences of breaking trust are important.. A sincere apology is also important....but the best way to mend the breach of trust is by far harder than those. That is, "showing" and "demonstrating" that you are indeed "trustworthy" in your attitude and actions within the relationship moving forward. The amount of time required to bring restoration of trust is then in the hands of the one you broke trust with... but if they truly value your relationship, they will see your sincere heart and effort....and repentance...and extend grace and trust once again to you. 🙂

Perfect answer.

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They say, "Time heals all wounds." I don't know if that statement is ENTIRELY true, but it does have some truth to it. Some time will need to pass for things to smooth over. Hopefully they can return to the way there were before the breach of trust. A sincere apology goes a long way. If I were to put myself in this other person's shoes, there are some things I might like to hear. Explain why you did what you did. I'm not talking about making excuses, but an explanation is OK. Let them know that you are aware that you hurt them, and empathize with what they must be feeling. Finally, let them know that you want things to return to normal. But make it clear that you understand that the decision to restore trust is up to them and on their time frame. And since we're all spankos, accept whatever punishment this person feels is appropriate. 

 

Hurting someone that you are close to sucks. And I sincerely hope that you are able to work everything out.

Dave

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