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Difference Between Spanker & Dominant

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This question is primarily aimed towards all of those that identify as a Spanker but is open to all opinions. I would like to gain a better understanding of how Spankers perceive the role of Dominance in romantic relationships that involve spanking.


Is there a difference for you between a Spanker and Dominant? Do you identify with one but not the other? If so, why? 


I tried to see if a thread like this already exists and could not locate one. If it is redundant, I apologize in advance. 

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To me labels are not easy to apply in this context.

For me, there is an intersection between  dominant and spanker.

And there will be varying  degrees of both attributes within a top.

Me, I am a spanker first, dominant second. Its just the way I think of my personality and interests.



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My wife and I choose to have fun when we play.  I am almost exclusively the ER.  Am I dominant?  Yes, but only because I am playing a part.  I have no doubt it is part of who I am but the dominance lasts for as long as the session.

I imagine that wouldn't be everyone's cup of tea, but it works for us.

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I am a spankee, but you said we could crash the party. For us...yes....spanking me is a part of the overall role of dominance my husband has over me as his submissive servant wife. But, having been on this site for awhile and learning how others live out their spanking needs, I think it is safe to say not all spankers are truly "dominant" in the relationship or their role as spankers. 

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I have spanked women in varying contexts. Maintenence spanking... Just because spanking... The dominant role, for me, depends on the need, the person, and the context. 

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My wife and I are switches, so I'm going to put on my ER hat to express my opinion, but my answer is also informed to a large extent by the fact that I am sometimes the EE.

To me, ER/EE or Top/Bottom simply refers to the physical act. It's as simple as who is spanking whom. Dominance and submission in their trivial sense can also refer to the physical act of administering a spanking or submitting to it, but that's not usually what I think of when I hear those terms.  There is far more to dominance and submission than the question of who is ER/EE or top/bottom. I would say that, except for straight erotic spanking and spanking games or horse-play, the dominance and submission aspects of the relationship tend to determine who is ER or EE, not the other way round.   

As I assume is the case in many marriages (as in mine) or long-term relationships, or perhaps even in many short-term relationships, there is a bit of a power struggle for dominance and control and grudging submission when called for.  Lots of negotiation, horse-trading, and give-and-take.  The spanking activities are just a part of that.  

It also occurs to me that in situations of topping from the bottom, it's actually the sub who is ER and dom who is EE, in which case, the dom/sub and top/bottom aspects are separate questions altogether.  I am somewhat more the dominant in my marriage, but I don't have to top from the bottom with my wife.  She is perfectly capable of straightening me out all on her own initiative when I get out of line.


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  • 2 weeks later...

When we do spanking, I'm always the spanker, so I take that dominant role very naturally in that setting. Spanking for us is about having fun, getting sexually excited, but also setting the roles, as in daily life I tend to be not enough assertive/dominant, and spanking helps to build confidence in that role. 

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I'm not a dominant type person, but my wife likes me to dominate in the bedroom. She is not a submissive personality. In a sexual foreplay context, spanking is more about dominance and submission than anything, followed closely by the physical sensations that spanking produces.

In a discipline relationship, I prefer the idea of authority rather than dominance. Spanking is an act of nurturing, a close resemblance to parenting. A good parent isn't exerting their will for the sake of dominance, but rather taking control to fulfill their responsibility to apply loving discipline. I'm talking about adults here, where a traditional parental role is assumed.

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