Not being clear about gender.

[babygirlie81]

Dishonesty is a hard thing to come back from sometimes, especially when it is something fairly important like gender.

I haven’t had anyone claim a different gender when talking but I have had switches and realistically submissives pose as dominants. I don’t really get how that isn’t just going to end in frustration but as soon as someone says they are a switch it puts my guard up. I don’t switch and I’m not interested in being dominant so it feels like a waste of time when you talk for a bit and they start asking if I’ll spank them etc. 

[Newredbottom]

10 hours ago, babygirlie81 said:

Dishonesty is a hard thing to come back from sometimes, especially when it is something fairly important like gender.

I haven’t had anyone claim a different gender when talking but I have had switches and realistically submissives pose as dominants. I don’t really get how that isn’t just going to end in frustration but as soon as someone says they are a switch it puts my guard up. I don’t switch and I’m not interested in being dominant so it feels like a waste of time when you talk for a bit and they start asking if I’ll spank them etc. 

Agreed not sure why people can not just be upfront out of the gate?  Seems like there are always some that think oh you will want to try it if they push enough.  Kind of like a former friend I had  who was Gay.  I thought he might be Gay when we met, but so what? Seemed like we had some of the same interest etc.  So it really did not matter to me until he started in with well you won’t know unless you try it approach.  Seemed like he was purposely dishonest about his intentions and motive.

 

It stinks when people do not value you enough to accept you as you are instead of what they want you to be.

 

Yeah Honestly is important.

[sortofanadult]

11 hours ago, Oldfashiondaddy said:

Games….always games on this site. Long drawn out conversations leading no way. Never an actual meet up for a spanking session! I have yet to have anything positive come out of being on this site. Games, games and more games. 

This sounds so whiny.  

If there's never anytime positive, why stay?

[Oldfashiondaddy]

2 hours ago, sortofanadult said:

This sounds so whiny.  

If there's never anytime positive, why stay?

HOPE! I meet someone real! 

[Rand E]

When you are chatting with folks and you are both anonymous participants, I would just keep my guard up.  I have chatted anonymously with both guys and gals (and non-binary for all I know) on this and other sites, but it's always kind of clinical, along the lines of what they do in their relationships or marriages, and what I do in mine, so nothing is ever said that would result in the unpleasant yuck factor of finding out that I was cat-fished.  But before you try to connect with anybody to have any sort of relationship, even if it's entirely on-line, do some more verification, such as a phone call or better yet a video chat.        

[Oldfashiondaddy]

4 minutes ago, Rand E said:

When you are chatting with folks and you are both anonymous participants, I would just keep my guard up.  I have chatted anonymously with both guys and gals (and non-binary for all I know) on this and other sites, but it's always kind of clinical, along the lines of what they do in their relationships or marriages, and what I do in mine, so nothing is ever said that would result in the unpleasant yuck factor of finding out that I was cat-fished.  But before you try to connect with anybody to have any sort of relationship, even if it's entirely on-line, do some more verification, such as a phone call or better yet a video chat.        

That’s the problem. No one ever want to do anything other than continue to chat on this site. So there’s no way to verify anything. People on the other side could just be having fun with any one of us and our addiction to our fetish.  

[Oldfashiondaddy]

53 minutes ago, Oldfashiondaddy said:

HOPE! I meet someone real! 

I’m sorry if you hear it as whiny. I hate having this fetish. I would do anything to turn it off in my brain. In fact I’ve tried numerous things over the years. It never goes away and unfortunately I need it in my life. It’s a part of my whole being. So I get frustrated trying time and again and again. Only to run into the same situation over and over and over. Games and more games and lies and completely wasted time. And nothing ever turns into a spanking session…ever!!! Again I’m sorry if you take it as whiny. But we’re not in the position in our fetish world. I’m a male who wants to spank a female. Females in our fetish world have all the power. A woman (spankee)can call any male or female friend and say…I want you to come over and spank me. I bet they find themselves over someone’s knee getting spanked in no time. It’s not the same for everyone. 

[obafgkm]

15 hours ago, Oldfashiondaddy said:

No you’re wrong. We were plans on meeting and spending some time together. Then all of a sudden…the female I thought I was talking to told me in a comment that she was actually a he. He didn’t even have the respect to tell me directly. He had to hide it in a comment like I already knew. Games….always games on this site. Long drawn out conversations leading no way. Never an actual meet up for a spanking session! I have yet to have anything positive come out of being on this site. Games, games and more games. 

I have met several now "real-life" friends here, at least three I could pick up the phone and call, and many others who are "social" friends, such as FB.  There are indeed TONS of games on this site.  A brief look at chat just about anytime shows that: why do so many simply "lurk" instead of participate in a faceless, anonymous chat?  Why are there so called "pervs" who simply seem to be using it for a cheap thrill?  Why can't someone be totally upfront in this type of setting, as if chat is truly the "first step" in "meeting" someone, if one lies in chat, wouldn't they be more likely to lie even more in the future?  I'm not talking about "playing safe," as in not disclosing information like towns or addresses, but instead the internal "deceptions" that so many engage in. 

People in chat often tell me, "I don't like talking in the main room" when I get unsolicited PMs.  People often tell me that they're "apprehensive" about talking in chat.  Maybe my point of view is naive, but I would JUMP at an opportunity to get my thoughts either "validated," or have access to so many other's opinions.  When some of us are in chat, it is highly insightful and sometimes even "fun."  But as the OP suggests, there are many folks looking to chat to meet other "needs" which should be met elsewhere - the "games."  Anyway, that will probably never change, but that is why, even though there is so much "riff-raff" on chat, I still am able to pull the positives from it, and hopefully will continue to meet others and move forward, regardless of all the "distractions" and distortions that come from a faceless, anonymous chat.

[Oldfashiondaddy]

19 minutes ago, obafgkm said:

I have met several now "real-life" friends here, at least three I could pick up the phone and call, and many others who are "social" friends, such as FB.  There are indeed TONS of games on this site.  A brief look at chat just about anytime shows that: why do so many simply "lurk" instead of participate in a faceless, anonymous chat?  Why are there so called "pervs" who simply seem to be using it for a cheap thrill?  Why can't someone be totally upfront in this type of setting, as if chat is truly the "first step" in "meeting" someone, if one lies in chat, wouldn't they be more likely to lie even more in the future?  I'm not talking about "playing safe," as in not disclosing information like towns or addresses, but instead the internal "deceptions" that so many engage in. 

People in chat often tell me, "I don't like talking in the main room" when I get unsolicited PMs.  People often tell me that they're "apprehensive" about talking in chat.  Maybe my point of view is naive, but I would JUMP at an opportunity to get my thoughts either "validated," or have access to so many other's opinions.  When some of us are in chat, it is highly insightful and sometimes even "fun."  But as the OP suggests, there are many folks looking to chat to meet other "needs" which should be met elsewhere - the "games."  Anyway, that will probably never change, but that is why, even though there is so much "riff-raff" on chat, I still am able to pull the positives from it, and hopefully will continue to meet others and move forward, regardless of all the "distractions" and distortions that come from a faceless, anonymous chat.

Thank you for your input! It’s just so hard and frustrating 

[Chawsee]

13 minutes ago, Oldfashiondaddy said:

I’m sorry if you hear it as whiny. I hate having this fetish. I would do anything to turn it off in my brain. In fact I’ve tried numerous things over the years. It never goes away and unfortunately I need it in my life. It’s a part of my whole being. So I get frustrated trying time and again and again. Only to run into the same situation over and over and over. Games and more games and lies and completely wasted time. And nothing ever turns into a spanking session…ever!!! Again I’m sorry if you take it as whiny. But we’re not in the position in our fetish world. I’m a male who wants to spank a female. Females in our fetish world have all the power. A woman (spankee)can call any male or female friend and say…I want you to come over and spank me. I bet they find themselves over someone’s knee getting spanked in no time. It’s not the same for everyone. 

Your frustration is completely understandable, and you're not alone. Many spanko guys are struggling to find a partner, and I've read other accounts of men here on SN or on Fet, chatting with a woman, only to later discover that it was a man.

As far as the non-binary thing, I don't get it. I mean, from an intellectual standpoint I get it, but I just don't get it. Seems like the latest trend. I miss the days when it was male or female, straight, gay, or bi. It's not my intention to insult anyone, so I apologize up-front if I am. (And I don't need an intellectual discourse on the semantics of this so that I better "understand" it.) I'm merely explaining the it is frustrating for many of us to have to deal with the added layers, especially if it includes deception. I realize that people who identify as non-binary worry about rejection, so they're protecting themselves. Yet I still believe that they have a responsibility to be honest about this and what they're seeking. It shouldn't fall on us to have the extra work of weeding this information out.

And even though women may seem to have all the power, female EEs often deal with considerable frustration when it comes to finding someone safe to play with. Here and there you'll see the threads they start, pouring out their exasperation. 

When it comes to PMing with fellow members, I agree with Rand E's suggestion to keep it kinda clinical for awhile. Someone who is sincere will put in a lot more effort over the long haul than someone who isn't. When I was new here, I think I pretty much trusted everybody, but I've learned to be more cautious. A big red flag with me is a member who has very few, or zero, posts-- someone who has made up an account and reaches out in PMs, or maybe in chat, but who is not a contributing member of the forum. A person who puts in the effort to be part of the "tribe" is more likely to be authentic, and is usually going to care a little more about their reputation. 

[Jimhhh]

I have noticed lately that there are a lot of "females " posting. I think that most are fake.

[Newredbottom]

31 minutes ago, Jimhhh said:

I have noticed lately that there are a lot of "females " posting. I think that most are fake.

Guess I do not understand what  there is to be gained from that?

[Zhal]

38 minutes ago, Newredbottom said:

Guess I do not understand what  there is to be gained from that?

I hate to think this, but probably some guy pleasuring himself to his fantasies. There are a number of accounts here that I'm sure are all the same person.

[Rand E]

22 hours ago, Oldfashiondaddy said:

That’s the problem. No one ever want to do anything other than continue to chat on this site. So there’s no way to verify anything. People on the other side could just be having fun with any one of us and our addiction to our fetish.  

I understand what you are saying.  I really only go on this and other sites to chat with other spanko folks.  I'm not looking to find spanking partners.  But I can see how it would be much more challenging if I were single and looking for another spanko partner.  And if I was, I probably wouldn't expect much out of devoting a lot of time to the various spanking or other internet fetish sites (e.g. FetLife).  Something tells me that all of them are much more chaff than wheat.  I'm not knocking SN by any means, it's my favorite, but as SpankNutt said earlier, it's still the internet.   

 

 

[Newredbottom]

18 hours ago, Zhal said:

I hate to think this, but probably some guy pleasuring himself to his fantasies. There are a number of accounts here that I'm sure are all the same person.

I guess to each their own.  Seems like efforts would be better directed in a different direction, perhaps truthful exchanges, munches etc.

[Zhev]

I just wanted to add something here....One of the easiest ways for cis straight people to avoid conversing with a trans person to a point that's past their comfort level when they later find out said person is trans is to say it upfront. It is 100% safer for you to say upfront whenever talking to people hey I'm only interested in talking about this with people who have a vagina/penis than it is for a trans person to reveal they are trans. (And if you think that is unnecessary I ask you to careful consider why you think it is unnecessary for you to tell people your own preferences for who you engage with, which carries very minimal safety risks, but expect other people to reveal private medical information that puts their own safety at risk with you?)

You can not expect trans people to guess your own sexual preferences. Plenty of cis straight people do not care about what body parts a trans person has as long as they check the right gender box. Some do. Both are fine, but people can not know your preferences if you do not express them. Most trans people will respect your preferences if you just tell us.

 

(And I say this as someone who has had many people start a conversation with me, ask my gender, and then get mad at me for giving them an honest answer with information that is available on my profile page. PS if anyone every wants to talk to an agender person about gender related things, I'm always down and don't mind any questions asked with good intentions)

[obafgkm]

On 10/24/2022 at 1:20 PM, Newredbottom said:

I guess to each their own.  Seems like efforts would be better directed in a different direction, perhaps truthful exchanges, munches etc.

As much as I would like to agree with you, I can't see many people doing what you suggest.  Many people are "afraid" or otherwise "unwilling" to take any form of interpersonal risk (on the positive end of the equation); or simply, as others have suggested, are using this as a way for cheap, quick gratification.  I can understand and even relate to those who are genuinely "afraid," but also feel that one must show some level of "reaching out" in the hopes of easing those fears. 

I like your diction of "truthful exchanges, munches," as a "solution" to this, but again, many aren't willing to do so, as they are afraid, and in their eyes perhaps, a "fantasy" room like this is the only way to realize their fantasy or need (at best) or need for instant gratification/cheap thrill (at worst).  Being "truthful" yet safe and not too disclosing of personal information are not mutually exclusive.

I feel "sad," so to speak when great opportunities abound but people are too afraid to reach out and grow in a positive direction.  While there's nothing I can do when people say "my PM are open" or simply lurk, I can work to encourage those newly arrived to the site to safely embrace TTWD.  This website is a first step for many, chat is a second, then other means of meeting others IRL can be the third.  Very few people live in areas where there is no potential to meet others at a munch or other IRL social gathering, so my question always comes back to "Why would someone want to forever exist in a 'fantasy' world and never attempt to realize their dreams?"  Opportunities abound, but people must be willing to take acceptable interpersonal risk, learn more effective communication techniques, know their boundaries, and have enough insight to realize that the journey is a growing process.

[Bramblewine]

On 10/23/2022 at 12:34 PM, Chawsee said:

As far as the non-binary thing, I don't get it. I mean, from an intellectual standpoint I get it, but I just don't get it. Seems like the latest trend.

I don't think cisgender people can get it, except from an intellectual standpoint. We don't live it. Our personal experience just doesn't include it. Best we can do is observe and listen, and take non-cisgender people's word for it when they say they're something other than plain male or female. 

Speaking as a cisgender person whose friends and acquaintances irl include trans, genderqueer, and non-binary folks. One of my oldest and closest friends has made a full gender transition. I take my friend's word for it that it makes them more solidly who they are, but I still don't share their experience of it. And that's okay. Best I can do is be a supportive friend.

On 10/23/2022 at 12:34 PM, Chawsee said:

I miss the days when it was male or female, straight, gay, or bi.

It was simpler then, wasn't it? 

But being able to miss those days is a cisgender privilege. 

Gender isn't really as simple as we've been made to think.

On 10/23/2022 at 12:34 PM, Chawsee said:

And even though women may seem to have all the power, female EEs often deal with considerable frustration when it comes to finding someone safe to play with. 

 

 

This, this, this.

As a female -ee, I probably could post a request for a spanking partner and get multiple offers in short order. I could even say, someone spank me tonight, here's where I live, and probably someone would volunteer. But no way in hell am I meeting anyone for a spanking that way. I need to know who I'm playing with. That means lots and lots of just plain getting to know each other first. I need to know I can trust this person. I need to know that the particular kind of spanking they want to engage in is compatible with what I want (wouldn't do for it to be all about discipline when that's not what I desire). That doesn't happen from just a bit of online chat. Maybe the initial introduction can happen that way, but not the rest of it.

[Bramblewine]

On 11/3/2022 at 11:39 PM, Zhev said:

 (And if you think that is unnecessary I ask you to careful consider why you think it is unnecessary for you to tell people your own preferences for who you engage with, which carries very minimal safety risks, but expect other people to reveal private medical information that puts their own safety at risk with you?)

Here's an even better thought exercise for cis folks: do you go around telling people whether you have a vagina or a penis?

If not, why expect trans people to?

Unless you're seriously considering someone as a potential sex partner or you're their reproductive healthcare provider, it's not your concern what kind of genitalia they have. Maybe spanking partner preference qualifies under the sex partner umbrella, but still, just chatting doesn't necessarily mean you're going to do the deed. Either kind of deed.

Edited November 12, 2022 by Bramblewine
typo

[danadares]

I'm old with old opinions, but mine is that sites like this ask for a gender specification because it's basic info many members want to be able to consider. With regard to preferences, I'm not going to necessarily list every one I have for every potential connection. Would it be okay for me to say I'm a Spanker if I'm a Switch? Maybe I'm in the process of transforming, and what if I don't trust how people will respond to the real me? Should everyone have to specify in their profile that they don't want to talk to a person in this role or that? My role is "Curious." That's the truth, as I don't know what fits better.

I think it would be best if everyone could just be honest about who they are. Why would you want the potential for meeting people who think you're something else, and the bad feelings that could be the result of that intentional ambiguity?

 

Edited November 13, 2022 by danadares

[Bramblewine]

8 hours ago, danadares said:

I'm old with old opinions, but mine is that sites like this ask for a gender specification because it's basic info many members want to be able to consider. With regard to preferences, I'm not going to necessarily list every one I have for every potential connection. Would it be okay for me to say I'm a Spanker if I'm a Switch? Maybe I'm in the process of transforming, and what if I don't trust how people will respond to the real me? Should everyone have to specify in their profile that they don't want to talk to a person in this role or that? My role is "Curious." That's the truth, as I don't know what fits better.

 

 

People who don't want to talk to someone in this role or that should say that up front, yes. People who are willing to talk to anyone regardless of role don't have to say anything.

That ambiguity is why I'm sticking with my About Me instead of checking off all the handy categories recently provided. That way I can spell out the nuances of what I want.

I'll talk to anyone as long as they're not a jerk. For anything that would move off of this site, there's a lot of it depends. I will say that I only have a gender preference if we're talking romantic/sexual (not just spanking) relationship, and as a spankee I need my partner to be the -ER, but if someone's just going to be my friend it doesn't matter what their spanking role is.

[AbleHanded]

On 10/23/2022 at 12:34 PM, Chawsee said:

Your frustration is completely understandable, and you're not alone. Many spanko guys are struggling to find a partner, and I've read other accounts of men here on SN or on Fet, chatting with a woman, only to later discover that it was a man.

As far as the non-binary thing, I don't get it. I mean, from an intellectual standpoint I get it, but I just don't get it. Seems like the latest trend. I miss the days when it was male or female, straight, gay, or bi. It's not my intention to insult anyone, so I apologize up-front if I am. (And I don't need an intellectual discourse on the semantics of this so that I better "understand" it.) I'm merely explaining the it is frustrating for many of us to have to deal with the added layers, especially if it includes deception. I realize that people who identify as non-binary worry about rejection, so they're protecting themselves. Yet I still believe that they have a responsibility to be honest about this and what they're seeking. It shouldn't fall on us to have the extra work of weeding this information out.

And even though women may seem to have all the power, female EEs often deal with considerable frustration when it comes to finding someone safe to play with. Here and there you'll see the threads they start, pouring out their exasperation. 

When it comes to PMing with fellow members, I agree with Rand E's suggestion to keep it kinda clinical for awhile. Someone who is sincere will put in a lot more effort over the long haul than someone who isn't. When I was new here, I think I pretty much trusted everybody, but I've learned to be more cautious. A big red flag with me is a member who has very few, or zero, posts-- someone who has made up an account and reaches out in PMs, or maybe in chat, but who is not a contributing member of the forum. A person who puts in the effort to be part of the "tribe" is more likely to be authentic, and is usually going to care a little more about their reputation. 

@Chawsee - very well put and balanced. I don’t get non-binary either, though I’m trying to understand it, since it’s part of the lives of my beloved niece and nephew. Both my niece’s boyfriend (live-in) and my nephew identify as non-binary. Both recently changed the names they wished to be called.

My niece is 27; her boyfriend has used they/them pronouns in the 2+ years that he’s been romantically involved with my niece (who is very feminine in appearance and manner, and 100% heterosexual to my knowledge; a bright, well-educated, well-employed cheerful young woman). As far as I can discern, they enjoy a conventional heterosexual sex life. He (oops, They) recently adopted a gender-neutral nickname that was his nickname as a kid. Fortunately, their full given name supports use of this nickname.

My nephew (23) came out as bi-sexual, and his parents fully accept him. He’s in college, has only dated girls, and has a current girlfriend. He recently adopted they/them as his pronouns and prefers to be called by a name that is decidedly female, although it incorporates part of his boyhood nickname.

I’m consistently liberal politically, though I don’t fit into the aggressively progressive mode of AOC or my own representative. I adore my niece and nephew, and I admire fully how their parents (my brother and sister-in-law) raised them. I also know some prople of various generations whose identification as NB makes sense to me. But I have trouble seeing the non-binary identification of my nephew and niece’s boyfriend as anything other than a fad, inspired by the zeitgeist of their college experience.

I’ve also had difficulty with they/them pronouns from the start on grammatical grounds; the usage seems illogical and I get confused at timed holding a conversation with my relatives where I keep expecting more than one person to be the reference. For example, when I wrote they/them to refer to my niece’s boyfriend, it was ambiguous whether I was referring just to them (the boyfriend) or them (the couple).

As a writer, I’m not as strict with pronouns as Winston Churchill, but I long for the certainty and logic of the former “accepted English.” But I also know that accepted English makes women seem invisible when “man” is used to mean “person” (even though that’s its etymological origin). I try to write with gender inclusive language, without resorting to he/she or other ungainly usages. As a lawyer, I revised my contract templates accordingly.

I think I need to put these questions directly to my niece and nephew, in a totally non-judgmental manner (questions, not statements) and hope that I’ll learn something that helps me understand what this truly means in their lived and why it is important to them.

This is the first time (I think) I’ve written something on SN that doesn’t have anything to do with spanking. I suppose I could do so by mentioning that no one in my family (immediate or extended) knows about my fetish.

Thanks, Chawsee, for your comment that got me thinking and writing.

 

[Chawsee]

2 hours ago, AbleHanded said:

@Chawsee - very well put and balanced. I don’t get non-binary either, though I’m trying to understand it, since it’s part of the lives of my beloved niece and nephew. Both my niece’s boyfriend (live-in) and my nephew identify as non-binary. Both recently changed the names they wished to be called.

My niece is 27; her boyfriend has used they/them pronouns in the 2+ years that he’s been romantically involved with my niece (who is very feminine in appearance and manner, and 100% heterosexual to my knowledge; a bright, well-educated, well-employed cheerful young woman). As far as I can discern, they enjoy a conventional heterosexual sex life. He (oops, They) recently adopted a gender-neutral nickname that was his nickname as a kid. Fortunately, their full given name supports use of this nickname.

My nephew (23) came out as bi-sexual, and his parents fully accept him. He’s in college, has only dated girls, and has a current girlfriend. He recently adopted they/them as his pronouns and prefers to be called by a name that is decidedly female, although it incorporates part of his boyhood nickname.

I’m consistently liberal politically, though I don’t fit into the aggressively progressive mode of AOC or my own representative. I adore my niece and nephew, and I admire fully how their parents (my brother and sister-in-law) raised them. I also know some prople of various generations whose identification as NB makes sense to me. But I have trouble seeing the non-binary identification of my nephew and niece’s boyfriend as anything other than a fad, inspired by the zeitgeist of their college experience.

I’ve also had difficulty with they/them pronouns from the start on grammatical grounds; the usage seems illogical and I get confused at timed holding a conversation with my relatives where I keep expecting more than one person to be the reference. For example, when I wrote they/them to refer to my niece’s boyfriend, it was ambiguous whether I was referring just to them (the boyfriend) or them (the couple).

As a writer, I’m not as strict with pronouns as Winston Churchill, but I long for the certainty and logic of the former “accepted English.” But I also know that accepted English makes women seem invisible when “man” is used to mean “person” (even though that’s its etymological origin). I try to write with gender inclusive language, without resorting to he/she or other ungainly usages. As a lawyer, I revised my contract templates accordingly.

I think I need to put these questions directly to my niece and nephew, in a totally non-judgmental manner (questions, not statements) and hope that I’ll learn something that helps me understand what this truly means in their lived and why it is important to them.

This is the first time (I think) I’ve written something on SN that doesn’t have anything to do with spanking. I suppose I could do so by mentioning that no one in my family (immediate or extended) knows about my fetish.

Thanks, Chawsee, for your comment that got me thinking and writing.

Thank you, AbleHanded. I can imagine some of what you must be feeling around this subject concerning your niece and nephew. And, I believe those feelings would be normal for any family member.

I had a gay male friend some years ago (he has since passed on). In 2020 I had a gay male life coach (awesome individual!), and I have a gay male coworker now. He is one of my favorite dispatchers. I spend my days on the road, so I check in at base in the morning for only a few minutes, but I adore this guy. So I really don't have an issue that way. It's just the non-binary thing, and the feeling that this movement has gone too far. I can't help but wonder how many people nowadays are actually straight, but claim bisexuality or non-binary status because somewhere they absorbed the message that this is "cool"? I don't have the answer to that, and this is admittedly a delicate subject. So while I genuinely enjoy my gay guy friends, I would personally never date a man who wasn't completely straight. But, that's just me. 

[ReformedEE]

2 hours ago, Chawsee said:

It's just the non-binary thing, and the feeling that this movement has gone too far. I can't help but wonder how many people nowadays are actually straight, but claim bisexuality or non-binary status because somewhere they absorbed the message that this is "cool"? 

Agreed.  It has gone way too far, and that’s coming from a liberal.  Now we can’t watch TV without it being crammed down our throats everywhere.  And as a father with a young daughter, I’m concerned about social media influences swaying our youth into embracing and maybe even trying these kind of relationships, something they might otherwise not even consider.  My colleagues were talking about this exact topic one day before a big zoom meeting.  Everybody I know is sick of it, or has kids and is concerned like I am.   I’m with the rest of you who think (and hope) that it’s just a trend.

[StrictGent]

Alternate view here, and coming from the parent of a kid who is non-binary. You know, before they (yes, new pronoun is "they") came out to us (during the pandemic) they were depressed, anxious, and a hermit in their room. Afraid of what we might say, for one thing. Afraid we'd say, "Oh, what a silly phase, stop trying to be trendy." We didn't, and they are thriving.

I get that many people find it hard to understand. Gender norms are, in fact, what's been shoved down our throats all our lives, so any deviation from that I suppose automatically makes us suspicious or questioning. I'm sorry it's hard to remember and respect pronouns when you're not used to them, but think about it: how does doing so affect you negatively? (I don't mean any particular "you," I guess I mean "one" - not picking on any particular person here!)

And even if you're right and people are calling themselves bi-sexual because it's cool, even trying it because it's cool, so what? I'm kinda surprised at someone labeling themselves a liberal and then being so down on "these kinds of relationships." My god, this is a website for people who like to spank and be spanked, I would imagine it might be a little more enlightened or at least less judgmental.

And yes, my kid is non-binary so I'm defensive. I just can't fathom the criticisms from people who are utterly unaffected by it, other than it challenges their world view and they my have to use a different pronoun for someone.

Right, rant over. I love you all.