Jump to content
Create New...

Do you feel maintenance spanking in a DD relationship is necessary?


Recommended Posts

I would like the opinions from the spankee and spanker here. Deep down I have always dislikes the idea of maintenance spanking, but my past spankees have always challenged my authority as HOH that I have incorporated it. I find my self single and want to be sure I do it right with my next relationship. Another member here told me a few days ago that she didn't like the idea of maintenance spanking and that the authority of the HOH would already be established. I would love to find that very thought process in my future spanking soulmate. Then the spankings could just be used for fun play, intimate time and if the TIH earned it punishment. So please be honest and let me here the thoughts from HOH and TIH.

  • Like 1
Link to comment

Maintenance works great in the dynamic I have with my partner, but every relationship is different. For me, morning maintenance serves as a way to connect with my partner before the day begins and to stay more focused on my daily goals. It is not used to heighten respect (as I already have full respect without it), but it definitely serves a beneficial purpose for me. I would never use a word such as 'necessary' to characterize anything we do in this lifestyle - except safe, sane and consensual - as every partnership is different.

Edited by OhRedhead
Addition
  • Like 4
Link to comment

Each relationship is different. It's a good idea to learn from mistakes or experiences of past relationships, but that doesn't always translate into a template you can use for your next one. I've had women that need a maintenance spanking every Sunday to help them feel structured and secure. I've also spanked women where only the erotic and discipline was needed when called for. 

This may be a very unpopular opinion in today's culture, but it's something I hold to and has served me very well. As the HOH, I am the captain of the ship. I need to know where the ship is going, how it's getting there, the rules that define the conduct on the voyage. I have authority because I take full responsibility. I layout my expectations and its up to a woman to to accept my conditions or not. I think there is always room for discussion, but I've seen things go very sideways when an HOH abandons his expectations while trying shape his rules to meet his partner's preference. Again, just my take. Your milage may very in your situation. 

Know who you are, what you want, and what you believe in. When that's well established you're in a better place to serve as an HOH and to find the person that best matches with you. If you take the time to understand your partner, you develop a good grasp of what's in their best interest and you can go from there. 

  • Like 4
Link to comment

I am one who does not a believe in a maintenance routine regarding discipline. My intent with discipline is that it is to be the "End Result", a constant memory for the next several hrs, or possibly a couple of days, of what will happen if the incident repeats.

  • Like 3
Link to comment
1 hour ago, Imperium said:

Each relationship is different. It's a good idea to learn from mistakes or experiences of past relationships, but that doesn't always translate into a template you can use for your next one. I've had women that need a maintenance spanking every Sunday to help them feel structured and secure. I've also spanked women where only the erotic and discipline was needed when called for. 

This may be a very unpopular opinion in today's culture, but it's something I hold to and has served me very well. As the HOH, I am the captain of the ship. I need to know where the ship is going, how it's getting there, the rules that define the conduct on the voyage. I have authority because I take full responsibility. I layout my expectations and its up to a woman to to accept my conditions or not. I think there is always room for discussion, but I've seen things go very sideways when an HOH abandons his expectations while trying shape his rules to meet his partner's preference. Again, just my take. Your milage may very in your situation. 

Know who you are, what you want, and what you believe in. When that's well established you're in a better place to serve as an HOH and to find the person that best matches with you. If you take the time to understand your partner, you develop a good grasp of what's in their best interest and you can go from there. 

Thank you for your clear explanation. That helps me a lot

  • Like 1
Link to comment

For us, we do not do "maintenance spankings"...at least as I understand it. Our dynamic is disciplinary and training for growth primarily, but there is a residual hot sex aspect that is definitely there because of the spankings. 

My spankings come...or do not come...based on what I do or do not do, and how I behave, and my attitude. I might wind up having a sore red bottom every day...orI might not need one for a month or more...lol...although that is rare with me.

We do, however, have a regular scheduled "review" in which "we" look at my behavior, performance, attitude...in various areas,  of my service to my husband, family, friends, church, home...etc. If there are "patterns" of diminishment or improvement, such is noted and discussed. Paths for correction are identified. Such does not always result in spanking, but sometimes it does....depending on the degree of regression or lack of growth. We also take this time to discuss rules and expectations of me AND my husband. I am given opportunity to make requests or question anything without fear of reprisal, as long as I do so in a respectful and sincere manner...which I always do. The review also identifies patterns of success seen in my growth, and my husband is generous to reward me as he pleases when such is the case.

 

 

 

 

 

Link to comment

When I found out over 20 years ago about my boyfriend now husband interest in spanking we incorporated maintenance spankings. We are a married couple and practice and live ,where I am HoH and my husband obeys my wishes. From the very beginning my husband was willing to accept my authority. Every Sunday I have a spirited discussion with my husband across my knee receiving a spanking ( hand and paddle). I give him a reminder on Sundays who is in charge and what I expect of him as a husband for the upcoming week. Increasing the severity of our maintenance activity has decreased his urge to want another spanking for the week. 

Since I increased the heat in his seat punishment spankings have decreased dramatically. Maintenance spankings serve a good purpose.I get what I want being HoH and making rules and my husband gets his interest fulfilled each Sunday . I recommend maintenance spankings by all means for couples when one person is in charge. First of all though the spankings must be consensual and the spanker must establish their authority in the relationship.My husband does not question my authority in our Wife led marriage.

MS. L.

 

  • Like 6
Link to comment
1 hour ago, Spankingmyhuby said:

Increasing the severity of our maintenance activity has decreased his urge to want another spanking for the week.

I find your post is a very good explanation how maintenance spankings work, something that I had not been sure about before. So you give him a severe spanking once a week, and as a result he does not pester you with requests for erotic spankings and it also has the advantage that you don't need to administer punishment spankings so often? That makes sense: when he has a sore, soundly spanked bottom, he is less likely to misbehave. And everything is consensual, there is no coercion involved. He accepts your authority and your right to discipline him on his buttocks. It sounds like a very good marriage!

  • Like 2
Link to comment

Maybe I'm missing something, or oversimplifying, but maintenance spanking is necessary if you need maintenance spanking. Let your needs and desires be your guide. I have no use for it, and it could confuse things for me regarding discipline, but if my partner really wanted regular spankings for whatever purpose makes sense to her, then as long as we could do it safely, I would try to give her what she wants. Why withhold something that makes your partner's life better?

 

Link to comment

Not sure if I'd call them maintenance spankings or not, and I feel that I do need some baseline spanking whether I've been naughty, need to focus on something, or not. I have before classified these as "just because" spankings. As I realize my discipline could use a little push, I have ideas for regular "punishment in advance" spankings to remind me of what naughty boy spankings will feel like.

  • Like 1
Link to comment
11 hours ago, underpants said:

I find your post is a very good explanation how maintenance spankings work, something that I had not been sure about before. So you give him a severe spanking once a week, and as a result he does not pester you with requests for erotic spankings and it also has the advantage that you don't need to administer punishment spankings so often? That makes sense: when he has a sore, soundly spanked bottom, he is less likely to misbehave. And everything is consensual, there is no coercion involved. He accepts your authority and your right to discipline him on his buttocks. It sounds like a very good marriage!

Yes underpants our marriage has been a successful and happy one. I wouldn't say that my maintenance spankings are severe but I get the desired results. The combination of my hand spanking and small lexan paddle over a 20-25 minute span leaves a stinging red bottom. My husband does not want me to continue that's for sure. 

My husband does not pester me about a erotic spanking during the week because he knows that I ultimately make that decision. Yes I do give playful spankings and or role play if my husband has earned one which we both enjoy.

MS. L.

  • Like 1
Link to comment

@NWMOSpanker, I too have struggled with the concept of maintenance spankings. In my logical mind, it doesn't make a lot of sense to spank for no reason. How does that contribute to realism?? But I've made peace with it by acknowledging that spankees NEED to be spanked! And if they're trying to be good and follow the rules, they run the risk of their spanking need being inadequately met. So a maintenance spanking, under the guise of keeping them "toeing the line," meets that spanking need without them having to misbehave to "earn" it.

  • Like 2
Link to comment

My husband and I tried maintenance spankings. It didn't really work for us.  While I do have a need to be spanked outside of punishments earned, the whole concept of a maintenance schedule took a lot of joy out of something we both appreciated. It felt too planned and it often interfered with other plans we had. Instead it is more spontaneous and less planned which suits us much better. It could be once a week or more or less frequent depending on real life hectics etc. My husband is really good in "reading" me when it comes to my moods, stress levels and attitude. When he feels like stepping in before it explodes, he will and I appreciate it. Those kind of spankings hurt and sting, but give me also the emotional release I am not even aware of that I need. It works almost like a reset for us. So would I call it maintenance, stress relief or just because? I don't know but it works for us.

  • Like 1
Link to comment

Reposting here a note I posted to another thread earlier in the week:

Here is how it worked for me in a prior relationship. We lived together and I was HoH.  There were erotic spankings. There were disciplinary spankings. Those were severe but rare. Because I was worried about abuse, they only happened when there had been a plain violation of a a clear-cut rule previously agreed upon.

Then there were what might be called dominance-reminder spankings. These were her idea but I came to like them.  At random times, sometimes several times on the same day, sometimes at intervals a few days apart I would simply say something like: "bring the paddle," or "strip and lie over the end of the couch." Then I would admister a spanking that was enough to cause discomfort but no more than that.  The idea was to remind her that I was in charge 24 hours a day and therefore make her less likely to transgress in a way that would lead to more severe consequences.

Very rarely, if she felt too much time had passed between a maintencance spanking, she would request one by laying out an implement.  I would ask, "what do you need?" and she would tell me, e.g. "I need to lie down on the table and get twelve with the strap," or whatever.  In those situations, I would do exactly as requested.

                                                                                                                                                      H.

Link to comment

When we first started our female led relationship my wife didn't do any maintenance spankings because I was spanked so much for a while in the beginning. After my attitude changed and I began following her rules better my spankings dwindled to almost nothing but my wife felt I may have done things that she didn't know about so she started maintenance spankings once a week on a Friday evening. She liked Fridays because after my maintenance spanking we would go out to dinner and she loved seeing me squirm  while sitting in a hard chair.

Anyway what would happen is I have to be naked and standing in the corner when she got home from work then when she was ready she came into the living room and sat in her spanking chair and called me to her. I would go over her knee and she would apply the paddle for about 20 swats. Then she would ask me if I did anything wrong that she didn't know about. Now why would I admit to anything knowing I will be spanked for it. Well what happened once  was I was in a home store with a friend and we were fooling around and using so bad language. I didn't know one of my wife's friends was in the store and she heard me and told my wife. So that Friday while over my wife's knee for my maintenance spanking she asked me if I had anything I needed to confess to. I said no then she told me what was reported to her. I admitted it and just put my head down knowing what will happen next. She scolded me and pronounced my sentence which was 50 swats with the paddle. Normally if I admit to something she only gives me maybe 20 swats. I never hid anything again.

  • Like 1
Link to comment
9 minutes ago, Submissive Danny said:

When we first started our female led relationship my wife didn't do any maintenance spankings because I was spanked so much for a while in the beginning. After my attitude changed and I began following her rules better my spankings dwindled to almost nothing but my wife felt I may have done things that she didn't know about so she started maintenance spankings once a week on a Friday evening. She liked Fridays because after my maintenance spanking we would go out to dinner and she loved seeing me squirm  while sitting in a hard chair.

Anyway what would happen is I have to be naked and standing in the corner when she got home from work then when she was ready she came into the living room and sat in her spanking chair and called me to her. I would go over her knee and she would apply the paddle for about 20 swats. Then she would ask me if I did anything wrong that she didn't know about. Now why would I admit to anything knowing I will be spanked for it. Well what happened once  was I was in a home store with a friend and we were fooling around and using so bad language. I didn't know one of my wife's friends was in the store and she heard me and told my wife. So that Friday while over my wife's knee for my maintenance spanking she asked me if I had anything I needed to confess to. I said no then she told me what was reported to her. I admitted it and just put my head down knowing what will happen next. She scolded me and pronounced my sentence which was 50 swats with the paddle. Normally if I admit to something she only gives me maybe 20 swats. I never hid anything again.

Ouch, she had you set up and you made the wrong decision.  I am sure those 50 hurt like hell and in my opinion well deserved.

Link to comment
On 10/1/2022 at 10:54 AM, danadares said:

One way of describing it, "Just Because," has never made sense to me. Just because what? There's always a reason for doing something as involved as a spanking. If not sure, maybe stop and think about it for a minute.

"Just because" I want/need a spanking. I don't think there's anything more to it.

Link to comment
2 hours ago, Zhal said:

"Just because" I want/need a spanking. I don't think there's anything more to it.

I think with a fetish, the idea is wanting/needing it. Sometimes with maintenance spanking, I get the impression there is reluctance to admit it's a desire, and some other excuse or explanation is required. Just because we want to is not much of a revelation, but is the truth.

  • Like 1
Link to comment
1 hour ago, danadares said:

I think with a fetish, the idea is wanting/needing it. Sometimes with maintenance spanking, I get the impression there is reluctance to admit it's a desire, and some other excuse or explanation is required. Just because we want to is not much of a revelation, but is the truth.

I tend to use "kink" instead of "fetish" as fetish is sexually loaded. Nothing wrong with that, just my personal preference to be more distinct. While I do find spanking arousing, I don't usually associate it with sex. Once my just because was "just for the sore butt".

Link to comment
13 minutes ago, Zhal said:

I tend to use "kink" instead of "fetish" as fetish is sexually loaded. Nothing wrong with that, just my personal preference to be more distinct. While I do find spanking arousing, I don't usually associate it with sex. Once my just because was "just for the sore butt".

Common usage of the word fetish has become synonymous with kink in recent years. I'm not sure which is more closely tied to sex, but I use the word fetish to describe an obsession with something, and a kink as less focused. One person can have a long list of kinks, and any could be more-or-less important in their overall life. A fetish (or another related clinical word, paraphilia) is strongly tied to a person's identity, usually an overwhelming focus of their sexuality. In either case, though, there is a desire for something that can possibly be anything.
 

  • Like 1
Link to comment

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
×
×
  • Create New...

Write what you are looking for and press enter or click the search icon to begin your search