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Ee or ER?


Shelly32

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I am all spankee. I have never spanked anybody in my entire life. Just the thought of me doing that makes me sick. I recall I even tried to take on a spanker role in a few chat role plays here...out of silly curiosity really...and I honestly did my best to put myself into it....but in the end all I felt was anger and cruelty in me....not in a firm but helpful spanking way...but more like the destructive anger I had that got me put in prison in younger days. So...I NEVER want to become like that again. I really just have no desire to spank anybody because I guess I lack the emotional maturity to do it in a beneficial way.  Now...I will say...there ARE a few people I run across in my living now and then that I "wish" could be spanked by "somebody"....but I do not want to be that "somebody". So...but I guess that is as far as the "spanker" nature goes in me...."benign"...lol.

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  • 2 weeks later...

I’m a ER.  Long ago O didn’t want the responsibility of being on the left side so I bottomed for about 1.1 scenes.

Nope.

There is something lively in the trust bestowed upon me, it’s amazing to change someone for a while with pain and words and touch from their workaday self to their primal real core self.

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On 9/30/2022 at 12:38 AM, SternSteve1 said:

I’m a ER.  Long ago O didn’t want the responsibility of being on the left side so I bottomed for about 1.1 scenes.

Nope.

There is something lively in the trust bestowed upon me, it’s amazing to change someone for a while with pain and words and touch from their workaday self to their primal real core self.

Interesting that you utilized the euphemism, “workaday.” In my new draining, stress-filled profession- when I first started working in my first position, which was fraught with insecurity, intense, overwhelming, etc., and ultimately did not work out, I ended up finding, on another similar site, to which most of us are likely familiar, which caters to a wider variety of kinks, someone who recognized my deep NEED for this, once again, w/a trusted guide/protector/leader, and took me under his wing, for a bit. This person practiced a lot of DDlg flavor D/s during this period. He ended up utilizing it with me, in a far different fashion than the traditional type, in a manner that was essentially trusted CNC forced infantilisation, I wa BERY hesitant. I normally don’t kink-shame-but in the short time this type of D/s was even on my radar, all I had observed were people who refused to grow up, selfish, spoiled, needy brats who wanted everyone else to do everything for them. I had many contact me out of the clear blue sky-even on traditional dating sites. I told them, time and time again, that I was already digging from a deep/dark well from serious clinical burnout where I legitimately almost died thrice, and was suffering from new onset serious health concerns from chronic and acute heavy stressors. What this Daddy Dom did was entirely the opposite. He did it to MAKE me SLOW DOWN, ALLOW SOMEONE ELSE TO TAKENCATE IF ME, NOT ALLOW ME TO NEGLECT MYSEKF AND TAKE CARE OF DVERYOB EKSE BUT ME. It was essentially a neuropsych rebooting into safe mode, so my whole mainframe and system didn’t fry in overload. It worked, far better, and deeper, than I ever imagined-once I finally  fully let go and trusted the process and the practitioner. We’ve sober parted ways, and I find things are frequently spiking like that in my current position. I have felt what I need is someone to intermittently, at least, do what he did, for my own health and wellness-and ultimately, for the rest of the world, given what exp. It’s so hard to find though. People are either far away, have creepy undertones, are secretly married/partnered and hiding this from them-or if they do know, they’re, “accepting” of it begrudgingly, and unhappily. I’m such a deep, empathic feeler, and my ethics are so high, and I’m reachable, that I could never participate in this, and ultimately hurt someone else-even if it’s through no fault of my own, and I have the very best intentions. 
 

All that said, rare break time is over… back to Night Shift duties. 

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I'm definitely a EE.  The real world gives the impression that males are Alpha.  I try to give that impression to my only Adult child (age 38) and my granddaughter (age 11).  But, deep inside me, I'm a submissive who has the desire, hopes, and dreams to be spanked when necessary.

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On 10/6/2022 at 4:59 AM, Peanutty said:

Interesting that you utilized the euphemism, “workaday.” In my new draining, stress-filled profession- when I first started working in my first position, which was fraught with insecurity, intense, overwhelming, etc., and ultimately did not work out, I ended up finding, on another similar site, to which most of us are likely familiar, which caters to a wider variety of kinks, someone who recognized my deep NEED for this, once again, w/a trusted guide/protector/leader, and took me under his wing, for a bit. This person practiced a lot of DDlg flavor D/s during this period. He ended up utilizing it with me, in a far different fashion than the traditional type, in a manner that was essentially trusted CNC forced infantilisation, I wa BERY hesitant. I normally don’t kink-shame-but in the short time this type of D/s was even on my radar, all I had observed were people who refused to grow up, selfish, spoiled, needy brats who wanted everyone else to do everything for them. I had many contact me out of the clear blue sky-even on traditional dating sites. I told them, time and time again, that I was already digging from a deep/dark well from serious clinical burnout where I legitimately almost died thrice, and was suffering from new onset serious health concerns from chronic and acute heavy stressors. What this Daddy Dom did was entirely the opposite. He did it to MAKE me SLOW DOWN, ALLOW SOMEONE ELSE TO TAKENCATE IF ME, NOT ALLOW ME TO NEGLECT MYSEKF AND TAKE CARE OF DVERYOB EKSE BUT ME. It was essentially a neuropsych rebooting into safe mode, so my whole mainframe and system didn’t fry in overload. It worked, far better, and deeper, than I ever imagined-once I finally  fully let go and trusted the process and the practitioner. We’ve sober parted ways, and I find things are frequently spiking like that in my current position. I have felt what I need is someone to intermittently, at least, do what he did, for my own health and wellness-and ultimately, for the rest of the world, given what exp. It’s so hard to find though. People are either far away, have creepy undertones, are secretly married/partnered and hiding this from them-or if they do know, they’re, “accepting” of it begrudgingly, and unhappily. I’m such a deep, empathic feeler, and my ethics are so high, and I’m reachable, that I could never participate in this, and ultimately hurt someone else-even if it’s through no fault of my own, and I have the very best intentions. 
 

All that said, rare break time is over… back to Night Shift duties. 

Thanks for your thoughtful reply.  I see your critique of DD/little it never was my cuppa but for me caring and catalyzing growth is incumbent in the ER/left side.

The ee/right side partner can drift and get lost in revelry and sensation both physical and mental/emotional.  The ER must remain present in all senses of the word.

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  • 4 weeks later...
On 9/6/2022 at 6:25 PM, Shelly32 said:

Curious, what’s more common? The desire to spank or the desire to be spanked? Or is there a healthy balance? Which are you? 

I used to be an ER I spanked my first wife several times and I used want to spank my girlfriends but never followed thru till I met her. To my surprise it did little for me because she really wasn't into it. When I met my current wife I would spank her during sex but she was not really  into it either than after a huge fight that was my fault I suggested she spank me at first it didn't really work for her but over time she realized I really did need someone to help me with several issues and the best way to get my attention was with me over her knee being paddled. She is now the boss and I get it when I need it. No I am firmly an EE and I love her for it

 

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