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How Do You Prefer To Structure Your Disciplinary Spanking Activities (Corporal Punishment)?


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For the past few years, my wife and I have maintained a cooperative domestic discipline arrangement, each of us holding the other accountable through mutually agreed-upon rules and consequences. This is sometimes referred to as “Spencer” style arrangement referring back to the old Spencer Spanking Plan first published around 1930 by Dorothy Spencer. There are still some core takeaways from the Spencer Plan applicable to modern versions of cooperative DD, but it's nearly 100 years old, with much of it dated and inapplicable, so I can't recommend it as a foundation of any sort of modern cooperative DD arrangement. The main general points from Spencer which still do apply are the cooperation, mutual discipline, and sharing of authority.

I would like to start by attempting to classify all the forms of corporal punishment that I see people practicing here on this forum:

  • Traditional Domestic Discipline (including the Christian flavor).

  • Female Led Relationship.

  • Cooperative (or Mutual) Domestic Discipline.

  • Mentor and Mentee Relationships.

  • Other? Tell me what I am missing.

As a general rule, the various forms of domestic discipline involve the creation of a fair amount of structure surrounding the arrangement. The couple will develop rules of behavior or areas of responsibility, define punitive consequences for failures to follow those rules or meet those responsibilities, and perhaps even commit these to writing in a form similar to a contract.

The main difference in structure between DD, FLR, and coDD have to do with which participant has authority to make decisions concerning the arrangement, sometimes referred to as the head-of-household, who may be either male or female, or divides this authority between both participants in some agreed-upon manner. The domestic discipline arrangements tend to be between spouses in a marriage or between folks in long-term committed domestic relationships. The mentor/mentee disciplinary arrangements that I see practiced on this forum seem to be more loosely structured, but still involve a mentor or disciplinarian who exercises authority and a sub who answers to the authority of the disciplinarian.

In any case, I will have to leave it to others on this forum to provide more insight into the forms of domestic discipline outside the one with which I am familiar, that being cooperative domestic discipline.

So, when we started the coDD arrangement, my wife and I began by figuring out the rules and the consequences. The rules were based on behavioral problems that we had identified in our marriage, and the consequences were some form of corporal punishment to serve as a deterrent to those behaviors.

Figuring out the rules was surprisingly easy. We wanted to do some form of coDD because we already knew we had some problem behaviors to resolve. We followed the recommended 4 D's classification system for the rules (D)isrespect (D)isobedience (D)ishonesty and (D)angerous behavior. We made rules only about big important issues, and avoided generating a myriad of picayune rules about minor stuff. My main concern was to craft rules that would be clear to us both in order to avoid disputes about whether a rule break had actually occurred or not should the issue arise. Given that our arrangement is cooperative, and isn't driven by a single authoritative head-of-household, clarity and agreement about the rules was paramount.

Figuring out the consequences was not so easy. The problem we faced, and I suspect that this is a common problem for many of the spanko couples here who have a disciplinary relationship, was the fact that we had a long-standing spanking relationship already in place involving sometimes pretty intense spanking play just for fun. Although we didn't suffer from the “leather-butt” syndrome, we both nevertheless had developed quite high pain tolerance thresholds. What would be punishment for some folks would be like typical spanking play for us.

This raised the issue of how to decide on punishments for disciplinary spanking that would distinguish them from non-disciplinary spanking activities. And we basically answered that question by selecting a more severe implement for discipline and wielding it with more force so as to make it decidedly unpleasant and something to be avoided. Note: I'm much larger than my wife, so what constitutes a punitive level of force for her would obviously be much less than for me, but the same principal applies. Whatever your level of experience or pain tolerance, it isn't punishment if it's something you would otherwise enjoy. The method of punishment must be sufficiently severe (and unpleasant) with respect to the person being punished that it achieves its goal of deterring misbehavior.

What I am very curious to hear about from folks on here that have a disciplinary relationship, long-term or not, concerning these sorts of issues my wife and I had to deal with in our coDD arrangement.

  • Did you give your arrangement structure by having a list of rules and designated consequences?

  • Do you have just a single HoH or dom who makes the final judgments concerning discipline?

  • Do you make the rules cooperatively, or does the HoH make them unilaterally?

  • Do you have a cooperative power-sharing arrangement, or perhaps, even something in-between?

  • If you do share authority, how do you negotiate details and resolve disagreements?

  • Have you had a lot of disagreements about whether a particular rule-break and consequence was fair or appropriate?

  • Does your disciplinary arrangement work toward reducing and eliminating the problem behaviors that brought it into being in the first place?

  • And, assuming you do a lot of spanking for non-disciplinary reasons (erotic, stress-relief, role-play, etc), did you take any steps to define how actual disciplinary sessions would be conducted, and what implements would be used, to distinguish them from your other regular non-disciplinary spanking activities?

  • Do you follow the solution my wife and I adopted, where discipline is associated with higher levels of intensity and more severe implements than your usual level of spanking play?

  • Do you designate a different implement for punishment than those used for pleasure or fun?  Do you use multiple implements in one disciplinary session?

  • Do you follow different protocols for disciplinary versus non-disciplinary spanking.  For example, scolding by ER (or not), warm-ups (or not), designated time of day (e.g. bed-time), form of apology and/or submission by the EE?


 

 

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2 hours ago, Chawsee said:

And by the way, @Rand E, we need to hear from YOU, wise sage with many years' experience in this area. :D

Thanks for the encouragement.  But I don't usually post threads like this that come off like I'm doing a survey with a big list of questions.  Posts like that don't tend to be that interesting, and they don't seem to generate a lot of responses.  The best postings are those that are focused on specific questions and interesting hot topics.  I should really just break this overly broad topic down and re-post as various component sub-topics instead and try to make them more interesting each as they stand alone.  

As far as knowledge and experience, I'm something of a specialist, maybe we all are to some degree.  My experiences are pretty much confined to spanking as a switch, both disciplinary and otherwise, within a monogamous marital relationship.  And by monogamous, I mean that my wife and I not only don't have sex outside the marriage, we don't spank outside the marriage either.  So, this forum is my best source of spanko knowledge as to what is going on in the broader spanko community and allows me to hear back from others about their differing experiences.  

 

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On 8/26/2022 at 11:50 AM, Rand E said:

Thanks for the encouragement.  But I don't usually post threads like this that come off like I'm doing a survey with a big list of questions.  Posts like that don't tend to be that interesting, and they don't seem to generate a lot of responses.  The best postings are those that are focused on specific questions and interesting hot topics.  I should really just break this overly broad topic down and re-post as various component sub-topics instead and try to make them more interesting each as they stand alone.  

As far as knowledge and experience, I'm something of a specialist, maybe we all are to some degree.  My experiences are pretty much confined to spanking as a switch, both disciplinary and otherwise, within a monogamous marital relationship.  And by monogamous, I mean that my wife and I not only don't have sex outside the marriage, we don't spank outside the marriage either.  So, this forum is my best source of spanko knowledge as to what is going on in the broader spanko community and allows me to hear back from others about their differing experiences.  

I know that you and your wife don't have sex outside of your marriage, nor do you two spank outside of your marriage-- which, honestly, is just as it should be. My husband and I were very much the same way. Spanking and sex were sacred ground, confined to our personal partnership. But I'm not sure why being in a monogamous marriage means that you can't share here. Of course this forum is a good place to hear back from others about their differing experiences. But did you ever consider that they might also like hearing about your experiences?

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If I was going to try to write down, in detail, the policies, guidelines, and protocols that my wife and I follow for disciplinary spanking, i would list them as follows.  But please, understand that these are the core tenants of the arrangement that my wife and I have with respect to discipline.  If you do something different, that is not only to be expected, but I would love to hear about how your arrangement differs from what my wife and I do.

Be on the same page:  Disciplinary spanking is corporal punishment.  And punishment needs to be based on clear rules and clear consequences.  I can't overemphasize how important structure is to a disciplinary arrangement.  If you and your partner don't have the same understanding of the rules you have established, what they mean, what sort of consequences they demand, what kind of results you are hoping to achieve, then you could be losing much of the positive benefits that you might otherwise obtain.  How structured is your disciplinary arrangement?

It's gotta hurt:  If it's well within your pain tolerance, it probably doesn't qualify as punishment, and is not likely to have the same effect as punishment.  The whole idea of punishment is that the severity level needs to be unpleasant.  Of course, we all have different levels of pain tolerance, but the key thing is to take it beyond the line.  You can go through all the same motions, have rules, rule-breaks, scolding, corner-time, etc. but if you are doing it because it is fun, amusing, or exciting, then what you are doing is just funishment or role-playing.  By the way, I'm not knocking funishment.  I love funishment sessions more than any other type of spanking sessions.  They may not be the real deal, but they can be such a close approximation that they really get the heart pumping.  How severe are the punishments you engage in?  Perhaps, just as interestingly, how severe are the funishment sessions you engage in?   

If it isn't improving love and trust, then maybe you should stop:  It may sound counter-intuitive to many folks, especially those that have never been in a close disciplinary relationship, but it can strengthen the bond between spouses, long-term partners, perhaps even just really solid friends who care about one another.  Does discipline play a role in strengthening your relationship?  

It is not an end to itself:  Disciplinary spanking (i.e. domestic discipline) should not be considered a lifestyle.  I say this because I have chatted with DD folks who seem to treat their DD arrangement as a pretext for doing a lot of harsh punishment, and the beatings never seem to end.  My wife and I only did it as a means to an end, that end being to reduce or eliminate problem behaviors through negative reinforcement.  As far as I'm concerned, the most successful disciplinary arrangement is the one that gradually becomes unnecessary as the reasons for it diminish. 

In the interest of full disclosure, that's exactly what happened to my wife and me.  Our last disciplinary session was over 1 1/2 years ago.  The rules and the structure are still there.  We didn't rescind them.  They are there if we need them.  But at the moment, we do not.

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