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Humbling, embarrassment, humiliation

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If I am honest... nothing. There is nothing about being spanked than embarrasses me. I know you don't want to differentiate between the words, but the meanings are vastly different.

• I can be humbled by discipline without feeling embarrassed or humiliated. While I am not in a disciplinary relationship at the moment, I have been spanked for discipline / punishment and I am most humbled when scolding is involved. 

• I can pretend to be shy or embarrassed, but it isn't real. I am a bit of an exhibitionist and I love being spanked and touched. I love being watched during cornertime. Now, scolding... that will make my face turn red; that is the closest I get to embarrassment.

• Humiliation or degradation are hard limits for me. Anything akin to mocking, slut-shaming, insulting - and I will stop the session. Anyone I have let spank me knows this limit and no one has ever crossed that line.

I could be spanked in the middle of a busy intersection during rush hour and not be embarrassed. I would be more likely to stick my tongue out at passing motorists or smile and wave. 

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1 hour ago, badbackside said:

Yeah, degradation can me another matter entirely, and that is why I didn't put it on the list.


Some people enjoy that aspect, though. Which is why folks often differentiate between embarrassment and humiliation. I put humiliation and degradation together because both are a turn-off for me and the terms are interchangeable. Others might enjoy that and not assign it a negative connotation. 

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I'm not a prude. I know everything shows. But I find it humiliating and squicky in a bad way when a top makes a point of yanking my legs apart, or worse, yanking my butt cheeks apart. I mean, are you spanking me, or checking for hemorrhoids? Leave that alone!

Scolding is the good kind of squirmy. Or being made to get up and go get an implement mid-scene.

I agree that humiliation and degradation go together. I make this differentiation:

Naughty girl/bad girl: embarrassment.  Nasty bitch/dirty slut: humiliating and degrading. The latter is so not for me.

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Another word I’d add to the list is contrition

i had a spankee who could take the hardest of spankings, canings, strapping and with the exception of a few oohs and grimaces would be fine afterwards. A good scolding and the errors of her way pointed out to her in advance would have her in floods of tears accepting her faults long before she went over my lap. I don’t believe it’s about embarrassment, and Never should be about humiliation, but an effective spanking starts and ends on the spankee accepting the spanking is justified even in a consensual or role play situation.

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Embarrassment in either role is like catnip for me. A quiet but firm remonstrance and a spoken reminder of exactly why this is happening, that it’s for your own good, and that you’ve had it coming for a long, long time…

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— Being an adult submitting to being spanked like a child by another adult (no age play involved)

— Being bared or naked while my spanker is fully clothed

— Being bared or naked for a non-sexual activity* and avoiding arousal in the process

— Rituals like scolding, baring the bottom, assuming positions and corner time

— Trying to take the spanking without squirming too much or using a safe word

— Most role plays are designed to be humiliating and embarrassing

Almost everything about spanking is naturally humiliating and embarrassing in a delightful way! Extra humiliation or embarrassment isn’t necessary. I think I kind of lump humiliation and embarrassment together, because to me it is also humiliating to submit to a spanking and I love the feeling I get when it happens. But I’m definitely with other posters who aren’t into degradation.

I need to trust my spanker not to take unfair advantage of my vulnerability. It takes a lot of personal strength to sign up for such treatment in the first place. I need to be guided through the experience as much as directed. Whether practiced in real life or just in role play, domestic spanking is rooted in the idea of discipline, meant to correct behavior. While lecturing and scolding can be as blistering as the spanking itself, it should be about the offense and assuring it doesn’t happen again, not making the spankee feel abused. Positivity should be emphasized over negativity.

As a spankee I want to be treated with respect and I want my spanker to retain a sense of humility. I’m fine with heavy scolding and lecturing about my behavior, real or fictitious — go ahead, read me the riot act and make me feel remorse if you can! But please keep it domestic by leaving out any BDSM aspects, such as body shaming, personal belittlement and degradation in general.

For those who are into degradation, power to them. But it's just not for me.

*For me spanking is remotely sexual, which is to say that I experience arousal before and after a spanking, but generally not during.




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I recently told someone I don't really like embarrassment, even though a certain amount of it is a given in this thing we do.

But with the right person, I can be vulnerable, and more open to whatever it is they do. What's the difference?

Vulnerability is something I choose, whereas embarrassment is something imposed upon me.


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I feel humbled already when I've gone to get the spanking that I've arranged. Depending on the reason, sometimes I can be scared too, especially for a punishment spanking. When my spanker pulls down my pants and underwear, especially if they bare me in front, I feel even more humbled and sometimes embarrassed. After all, I'm showing a private part to someone I'm not intimate with.

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Been thinking about this. I guess for me, there is not much real embarassment. I am not in the scene, so all my spankings come from my husband. Very rarely, I have been spanked by my father in law...and THAT will always be embarassing for me...but I guess it has been 5 or 6 years since that happened. Humiliation....well...I just do not think that applies in our relationship. I am not really humiliated when my husband takes me in hand or demands specific service from me. I see that as more being kept in "my place". I am, however, humbled as I submit myself over to my husband for discipline. It reminds me that I cannot control myself regarding certain matters...that I trully need his firm hand....and I am humbled when I am reminded of such....by his paddle or belt or cane or whip. The realization that in many ways I still have a long way to go in my attitude, demeanor, performance, and love of God, my family, and others...is humbling...but not so much as to destroy me...but rather to motivate me to realize I can grow.

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12 hours ago, badbackside said:

I was sure I said for the purpose of the question just assume that the three things are the same things and describe ways it is accomplished for you. It's descended into distinctions between them. Do I need to take half of you over my knee? LOL 

Hmm...yes...guilty here. My apologies. So the ways I am "humbled" by my husband....because ours is a disciplinary relationship....any way in which I am spanked is humbling....his very intense "scoldings" before, during, or after spankings, being made to fetch implements, kneeling before him either fully naked or my breasts and/or bottom and bush uncovered, being made to struggle to accomplish a challenging physical task. kneeling or standing in corner before and/or after a spanking, sometimes for prolonged periods, and some forms of bondage post spanking designed to enhance my feeling of being at his complete mercy.

Was that better Sir.....lol.

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It’s never happened to me, but something I would find both intense and embarrassing is getting spanked in front of someone else or having my impending punishment discussed among others while I have to silently listen.

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The internal meaning of those three (3) terms as well as others are quite important.

I would suggest to all spankers, that it is ever so important both to know as well as understand, how your spankee sees and wants those terms to apply. Once there is communication and understanding, you are well positioned to bring the proper experience that your partner wants, needs, and desires.

Invest the time to learn what your spankee wants.


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I'm not sure where the exact lines can be drawn to separate the different words, but to me the most important thing is respect. No matter how embarrassing, humbling or humiliating a spanking feels to be under the circumstances, there is no loss of respect for the one being spanked, especially no loss of self-respect. A key to distinguishing this for me is that there is no attack on the person's character, their worth or who they are. It's about addressing and correcting an issue, for the good of the spankee, and it's not good to feel unworthy of respect. Being called naughty or bad is referring to the behavior not the person, though feeling "bad" in the moment is the psychology that attracts me. A bad boy or girl at the center of this scenario is what stirs the pot, so to speak. While this is not a pleasant situation, when all is said and done, everyone feels good about themselves and each other. If it's not a positive experience, I don't know why we would be going there.

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5 hours ago, badbackside said:

Is it worse to have your clothes be taken off than ordered to bare your own behind?

I actually prefer to have the spanker get me to the desired level of undress. Helps me feel more like I'm participating in the spanking. A good in between for me is me taking down my pants, then the spanker taking down my underwear.

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My embarrassment starts when I know I'm going to be spanked.  It's magnified when I'm naked in front of my spanker.  I have had the strap take to me while naked since I was 8 and the embarrassment has never decreased.

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Over the knee is a really embarrassing (and my favorite) position.

If your spanker holds you in place correctly, you shouldn’t be able to escape. So you’re stuck lying on someone’s lap, your bare ass right there for them to spank. Totally helpless, they can spank you as hard as they want, and you can only endure it.

plus corner time. Standing with your red sore bottom hanging out and displayed is a pretty memorable experience.

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