Angry at repeated misbehavior.

[Angelac]

I met someone to discipline me for my misbehavior.  He had to drive for 90 min. or so.  Had some trouble finding his way.

I was punished with multiple impliments & it hurt.  He gave me lines & corner time too.

After that day, he was angry when I misbehaved again.  Essentially, I'd gone off my diet.

A part of me understands his disappointment.  On the other hand, he told me there was at least one thing about our meeting that he liked.  (He didn't share his thoughts or emotions much at all, at the time).

Tell me he didn't enjoy "all of the elements involved in this," including attention being paid to him by a much younger woman.

I'm ambivalent about his reaction.  It's like saying, "After I punish you for this, you will never repeat this behavior again."

He's an older gentleman too. 

Thoughts?

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Edited by Site Owner: There is no need to mention minors in this post. 

[RossCaliban]

You've provided a lot of details, Angelac, but I'm still not sure of the thrust of the question. Punishment as a means of correcting negative behaviours is... well, that's what punishment is. This gentleman did exactly what was commissioned of him, and quite soundly from what you've said.

So maybe there's an expectations gap. He sees his discipline as something that he acts on as misbehaviour happens, but you see it as something that has be maintained - and with something like a diet, I can understand your thinking. But if you're looking for a disciplinary relationship, it doesn't sound like that's been communicated, or even if this fellow is interested.

[Angelac]

Hi Ross,

Thanks for your reflections and your very thoughtful reply. 

Your thoughts are correct.  I do see behavior as something to be maintained.

I suppose my question would be, why did he expect that my misbehavior would be 'cured' with one session?  That is not a realistic expectation.

Re: a relationship.  We didn't discuss if this was to be a relationship or just one session.  I know that I wanted to see how this one session went first and would decide after that as to the next step.

Re: his level of interest.  Well, he was interested enough to go to all the trouble he went to to make this happen so he did this for himself too.

Best regards,

Angela.

[Angelac]

Hello Ross,

I think you're right.  It seems his expectation was that this was a 'one and done'.

However, in this lifestyle, it's more common to have a long-term relationship where there are multiple sessions needed for discipline, so I'm disappointed by his erroneous expectation of a 'one and done'.

Thanks again Ross.

Angela.

[Lineok]

  Angela....Yes usually bad behaviour does not go away in one session.....many ongoing sessions are usually done as in this kind of relationship...maybe you should let him no of your dissapointment...but thats up to you...enjoy your day and good luck with everything

[Angelac]

Hi Lineok,

I will consider that.  Thanks Lineok.

You also have a good day.

Angela.

[Bramblewine]

7 hours ago, Angelac said:

 

I suppose my question would be, why did he expect that my misbehavior would be 'cured' with one session?  That is not a realistic expectation.

 

 

That's a lack of communication right there. You and he have different understandings of what spanking means, and that wasn't communicated.

 

7 hours ago, Angelac said:

Re: a relationship.  We didn't discuss if this was to be a relationship or just one session.  I know that I wanted to see how this one session went first and would decide after that as to the next step.

 

 

This, too.

Exactly why you need to discuss what it means to you, and what you want out of it, with anyone you're meeting for spanking.

[Angelac]

Hi Bramblewine,

He & I agree on what spanking means.

He knew what I wanted out of it.

Angela.

[Bramblewine]

3 minutes ago, Angelac said:

Hi Bramblewine,

He & I agree on what spanking means.

He knew what I wanted out of it.

Angela.

If he knew what you wanted out of it, why is he angry that you need discipline again and you feeling that's not reasonable?

You and he didn't communicate about what your disciplinary dynamic would mean, at the very least.

[Angelac]

The issue is his error in his expectation of my behavior.

Re: you feeling that's not reasonable.  That's not why he was angry.  Also, I never said that I feel that that's not reasonable.

[dmirk]

It’s unreasonable to expect that one spanking will permanently cure behavior.  
 

I’ve had a very few one and dones for the ee’s preference more often than not I don’t find out until later that was the case. 
 

I wouldn’t take back those experiences. Some people like that kind of thing, or felt we didn’t click (though none said that).

Were in your ers position I’d be regularly spanking as needed. Essentially because you know that for you that’s necessary. 

[spike]

Hello Angela,

Hope you don't mind a personal message response to your post. My first reaction to this older gentleman's attitude is that he must suck lemons, (and Is not much of a gentleman). Sounds like he was more angry for not finding his way than for your behavior. Even if it was only for going off your diet, I find his reaction troubling. My response is to actually say in an understanding manner that I'm not going to get angry, you're human and you gave in to a human weakness. As promised, you''re still going to get a very decent spanking and hopefully it will encourage/remind you the next time to try harder. 

Only going by the few details you gave, this guy is sending up more red flags that the Olympic Games in Beijing. A spanker with anger issues can be trouble. (And by the way, if you're within reasonable proximity to northern New Jersey I'd be glad to provide what you need without the anger). 

At any rate, wishing you well.

- Spike

[Angelac]

Hello Spike,

Well, thank you very much.

Yes, he seems to lack basic understanding that humans are not perfect.

Thank you for your thoughts, reply & offer of discipline. 🙂

Have a good day.

Angela.

[Child of Light]

When I am spanked or disciplined for something I am expected not to repeat that offense as well. What you describe is part of the scolding and nurturing motivation that a lot of us desire to help curve unwanted behaviors. If the discipline was to do with health/ diet related and the very same day you broke the rule I can see why they would feel defeated and frustrated. Was this a one time discipline session or is there goals and plans for your future behaviors? Normally it's not just discipline that helps a behavior but a set out plan.

[Angelac]

Hi Child of Light,

This was the 1st time that we met, so there was no long range plan.

Perhaps if he was a regular er, then there could be a behavior plan.

Due to his schedule, that was an obstacle to our meeting regularly.

Thanks,

Angela.

[Angelac]

Hi dmirk,

Thank you for responding.

Yes, even one offs can be good experiences, on the whole.  But sometimes IRL you don't actually click, eventhough one may invest a lot of time getting to know the other person before meeting.

Best regards,

Angela.