Phantasy and gender

[Becca123]

Hi everyone, sorry for the strange editing, it‘s my first post and I don’t know how to change it... I'm curious if anyone else here feels this way: I'm a female spankee and in my imagination it was always a man being spanked by another man. Also, my favorite spanking stories have always been male/male. A few months ago I found my boyfriend who loves to spank me and while it's a wonderful and very satisfying experience, sometimes I feel like something's missing. The main part of my fantasies has always been the scolding of a young man and when he now calls me young lady, these seem to be the wrong words for me and my headspace. And don't get me wrong, apart from my spanking life, I'm very happy with my gender - only here I sometimes get confused. Anyone has similar experiences or thoughts on this topic? 

[SkipNC]

Some time ago, I read an article about a place in England that runs an adult school.  The reporter interviewed one lady who presents as female, sees herself as female and acts as female in every other part of her life.  However, for a day every couple of months, she is a teenage boy.  Sometimes she just has that need.  It may be a very big step for your boyfriend - I know it would be for me - but the only way to handle things like this is with honest and open communication.

[Drooaygah]

I am a middle aged man, but in my favorite fantasies I'm a young girl.  No idea why.  Just something that developed.  It's just one for the shrinks, I suppose.  I've simply embraced it.  Our inner selves don't need to have a fixed gender, I would guess.

[Longtimespanking]

My thinking is than when roleplaying, anything goes as long as everyone involved is in agreement.  It's very common for people to role play as a very different age, I have played very successfully with mature women who role play as littles in the toddler age range.  There is no reason that an adult female cannot choose to role play as a male of whatever age range suits the moment.  Dressing to suit the role you are temporarily assuming would certainly be a big help getting into that mindset at the time.  An honest, open discussion with your partner about your desire to try this may well lead to facilitating the actual roleplay scenarios which you would like to be part of. 

[JoKitten]

I know a person irl who is happy with being male but loves presenting as school girl at littles meet for pretty much vanilla games, activities and so on and while I can't personally say I truly understand it they're happy and I'm happy being around them as that "persona". It may be more common that even people within the communities think.

[rude_rumps]

I was watching the Ken Burns documentary about Ernest Hemingway...and it was really interesting...he liked to pretend he was a woman and his wife was a man when they were having sex...so goes to show you...people can imagine all sorts of things and enjoy it

[Becca123]

Hello everyone!

Thank you for your messages! I'm not ready to have an open discussion about this just yet with my boyfriend. I think the problem is that it's almost normal for a girl to get spanked by a guy, and to me there's nothing shameful about it. But this subject of gender change just shows how deep and confusing it all is and how much space it occupies in my mind. But that's fine with me😄

[Bramblewine]

In a similar vein, I'm cisgender female and definitely not questioning, but since I got into writing spanking stories, I've noticed that I come up with non-binary characters fairly often. Sometimes without even realizing it. Sometime after I posted a story on the Writing Desk about a character based on my screen name (link below), someone sent me an appreciative private message about it and referred to the Bramblewine the fairy character as "she." I realized that didn't sound right at all. I don't see that character being gendered in the usual way. But the real me is a she.

I also have some other spanking stories in the works, not posted, where some characters are non-binary but they're not necessarily the characters I see as stand ins for myself. Still, they come from me. 

I must have a non-binary alter ego.

 

 

[ammon]

On 4/21/2022 at 10:56 AM, Becca123 said:

I'm curious if anyone else here feels this way: I'm a female spankee and in my imagination it was always a man being spanked by another man. Also, my favorite spanking stories have always been male/male. ...Anyone has similar experiences or thoughts on this topic? 

Another possibility is that maybe you would enjoy watching a man spanking and paddling a male? 

[danadares]

This sounds very interesting to me. My spanking fascination is strongly influenced by punishments of a "young man" by his father. I see this as a most authentic and common experience. When I imagine myself as the disciplinarian, and spanking a female, I tend to want to see her as a boy, in the position of a boy as I knew growing up. This gender transformation is not necessary for me to be satisfied, but it is a powerful dynamic to consider. Over the years, I've seen a few females who have expressed similar feelings about being punished as or like a boy, but it's been rare.

[ammon]

On 4/21/2022 at 10:56 AM, Becca123 said:

I'm curious if anyone else here feels this way: I'm a female spankee and in my imagination it was always a man being spanked by another man. Also, my favorite spanking stories have always been male/male....Anyone has similar experiences or thoughts on this topic? 

Another possibility is that maybe you would enjoy watching a man spank and paddle a male? Maybe watch your boyfriend paddle another male, or watch another male paddle your boyfriend? (i wonder how many would enjoy those scenarios?) If your boyfriend likes to spank, and wouldn't mind spanking a male, lots of guys would line up for the spanking, especially with you watching.

[BansheeGal]

You are definitely not the only one. For me, I think it has to do with the idea ingrained since my childhood that girls are supposed to be sweet and nice and well-behaved, but boys will be boys and therefore are the ones who get spankings. My fantasies were always a boy getting spanking, not myself as actually myself as that thought made me uncomfortable. I have since become more balanced in my understanding of gender roles and gotten to know myself better. More and more often it's just me getting the spanking and not my "naughty alter ego". 

[danadares]

It is fascinating to me that female spankees would be interested in, or identify with, a male being spanked by another male. I don't see anything wrong with it, or a problem of some kind. I think whatever connections we make to the practice of discipline are legitimate. Boys punished by male authority figures, and girls punished by female authority figures, were the most common scenarios I grew up with, and that still resonates as authentic to me.

[StrictGent]

10 hours ago, danadares said:

It is fascinating to me that female spankees would be interested in, or identify with, a male being spanked by another male. I don't see anything wrong with it, or a problem of some kind. I think whatever connections we make to the practice of discipline are legitimate. Boys punished by male authority figures, and girls punished by female authority figures, were the most common scenarios I grew up with, and that still resonates as authentic to me.

At the big national parties, probably the most popular event with the female attendees is the M/M spanking event. They absolutely love it, it's fun to see.  

[spnkswtch]

I've always been very happy with identifying as a male.  That's never stopped me from being comfortable on either side of the M/m slash along with being comfortable with F/m and M/f.  When I grew up, dad always traveled for work so it was up to mom to be my disciplinarian.  The M/m scenario provides me with the Dad/son dynamic.  I've also been in relationships where I had to embrace my "feminine" side with having to wear panties and be in chastity.  I'm comfortable on who I am.

[Chawsee]

On 9/21/2022 at 6:27 AM, StrictGent said:

At the big national parties, probably the most popular event with the female attendees is the M/M spanking event. They absolutely love it, it's fun to see.  

I believe it. I like M/M scenes. In fact, I would rather watch a M/M scene than a M/F scene. 

[Chawsee]

On 4/22/2022 at 7:38 PM, Drooaygah said:

I am a middle aged man, but in my favorite fantasies I'm a young girl.  No idea why.  Just something that developed.  It's just one for the shrinks, I suppose.  I've simply embraced it.  Our inner selves don't need to have a fixed gender, I would guess.

I can relate to this. Though I am straight and spank only men, in some of my favorite fantasies, I've envisioned being a boy on the receiving end. Fascinating topic! 

[BansheeGal]

I had another thought...

I think with violence by men against women being such a common part of life for all of us women, a man spanking a woman just hits different. (No pun intended.) That feeling of being in danger is ingrained in us even if it's someone we trust and we know we're actually not. F/M and M/M does not carry with it the reminder of our own vulnerability. 

For me, F/M and M/M feels safer than M/F. The power is much more balanced if I were a man vs. being me. The more powerful I feel in general, the more I'm ok with being myself in my headspace.

[Chawsee]

On 12/4/2022 at 10:47 PM, BansheeGal said:

I had another thought...

I think with violence by men against women being such a common part of life for all of us women, a man spanking a woman just hits different. (No pun intended.) That feeling of being in danger is ingrained in us even if it's someone we trust and we know we're actually not. F/M and M/M does not carry with it the reminder of our own vulnerability. 

For me, F/M and M/M feels safer than M/F. The power is much more balanced if I were a man vs. being me. The more powerful I feel in general, the more I'm ok with being myself in my headspace.

Excellent point. I relate to this, perhaps because I was raised in a family where the females were never struck by the males. My dad and brothers were protective of me. Discipline was meted out by our mother, and the boys got it from Dad, as well. So males protecting females is a value that I respect and have affection for. I believe it's also behind my general disinterest in M/f spankings. I do occasionally like to be on the receiving end, but it has to be with a man who is completely free of a sexist power-trip mentality. In other words, a sweetheart of a guy. 

[danadares]

I've found that there is the reality of spanking, and then there's what I want spanking to be. In adolescence, father/son discipline was the reality, regardless of what I wanted to imagine. As a man with a wife, a woman who has no interest whatsoever in spanking anyone, but wants me to be dominant, M/f is the reality of my situation. I enjoy what I have with my wife, but I'm not really in love with the idea of M/f. Most M/f scenes in the various forms of spanking entertainment either are not interesting to me, or I dislike the male character. I don't find the alpha male type to be attractive, and I hate when a man thinks he has some innate right to his position of power, and then uses it to get his way. Of course, that is precisely the type of male many women into spanking are attracted to, and that's okay. Whatever works for you, go for it. It's all just to say that gender can be a vital element in what we fantasize, and how we view ourselves and our potential partners with regard to spanking.