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Being spanked as an outlet for someone’s stress


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This makes spanking as discipline too complicated for me. If painful spanking happens for stress relief, fun, or to take someone else's punishment, then it's going to destroy, or at least weaken, the integrity of discipline to me. It has to make sense. Erotic spanking that looks and feels different than punishment is fine.

I don't crave spankings, giving or receiving, so that puts me in a different boat here.

 

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On 9/8/2022 at 12:28 AM, danadares said:

This makes spanking as discipline too complicated for me. If painful spanking happens for stress relief, fun, or to take someone else's punishment, then it's going to destroy, or at least weaken, the integrity of discipline to me. It has to make sense. Erotic spanking that looks and feels different than punishment is fine.

I don't crave spankings, giving or receiving, so that puts me in a different boat here.

What you shared here makes complete sense, Danadares, and as someone who doesn't crave spankings, giving or receiving, the concept probably sounds ludicrous, right? Haha. 

Where something like this comes from is that some spankees crave spanking so much, and have wanted it for so long, that they'd be willing to take someone else's punishment just to get this need met. I don't know how often a scenario like this happens in real life, but it gives some of our EEs fodder for their spanking fantasies. :)

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10 hours ago, Chawsee said:

What you shared here makes complete sense, Danadares, and as someone who doesn't crave spankings, giving or receiving, the concept probably sounds ludicrous, right? Haha. 

Where something like this comes from is that some spankees crave spanking so much, and have wanted it for so long, that they'd be willing to take someone else's punishment just to get this need met. I don't know how often a scenario like this happens in real life, but it gives some of our EEs fodder for their spanking fantasies. :)

What you describe makes more sense to me than my own cravings, Chawsee. :) At least EEs who crave spankings know what they want, and so they seek to get what they want. Since I was very young, I was confused about the idea that discipline could be a focus of my fascination, that I would want to know what was happening to my peers in that regard, and that painful punishment could somehow be so provocative. I didn't know what sadomasochism was, and I have never identified as a sadist or a masochist. Yet, the idea of punishing or being punished with the disciplinary method of spanking is, indeed, exciting. I find that makes little sense, but I must accept the paradox, which is that it must be a legitimately earned penalty in order for it to satisfy my fantasy or reality.

 

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26 minutes ago, danadares said:

What you describe makes more sense to me than my own cravings, Chawsee. :) At least EEs who crave spankings know what they want, and so they seek to get what they want. Since I was very young, I was confused about the idea that discipline could be a focus of my fascination, that I would want to know what was happening to my peers in that regard, and that painful punishment could somehow be so provocative. I didn't know what sadomasochism was, and I have never identified as a sadist or a masochist. Yet, the idea of punishing or being punished with the disciplinary method of spanking is, indeed, exciting. I find that makes little sense, but I must accept the paradox, which is that it must be a legitimately earned penalty in order for it to satisfy my fantasy or reality.

Many of us spankos can relate to that fascination with painful discipline and our confusion over why we're wired this way. Some of the younger folks are finding their "tribe," and the answers they seek, when they first reach adulthood. But those of us who grew up without the internet typically find our spanking community later in life, if we find it at all. This seems to happen after a long and lonely journey of thinking there was something wrong with us. 

It sounds like your leaning is toward true discipline. If that is what you feel you need, it makes sense that you would crave a legitimately-earned penalty over the imaginary ones that we were describing upthread. ;)

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@Chawsee Well said. I found mine later in life, but not for discipline but stress relief. A spanking for either makes total sense to me. What I have accepted, but still find odd, is that I like and enjoy filling that need for a stress relief spanking as DIY. Finding that part of me later in life, already married for many years, left me with no other alternative but self-spanking. I really like, and it really works but I don't always understand the pain and pleasure dichotomy.  @danadares I am definitely not a sadist or a masochist  and the very idea of either bothers me, as to me anyway it implies a need beyond the spanking which could go too far if circumstances are not set for complete consenuality and safety. I am probably in a different boat also because I crave and need them enough to do it myself.

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16 minutes ago, selfsp12 said:

@Chawsee Well said. I found mine later in life, but not for discipline but stress relief. A spanking for either makes total sense to me. What I have accepted, but still find odd, is that I like and enjoy filling that need for a stress relief spanking as DIY. Finding that part of me later in life, already married for many years, left me with no other alternative but self-spanking. I really like, and it really works but I don't always understand the pain and pleasure dichotomy.  @danadares I am definitely not a sadist or a masochist  and the very idea of either bothers me, as to me anyway it implies a need beyond the spanking which could go too far if circumstances are not set for complete consenuality and safety. I am probably in a different boat also because I crave and need them enough to do it myself.

Thank you for sharing this, selfsp12. You are to be admired for meeting your spanking need successfully DIY, as that's not easy to do. And I speak from experience here, as DIY is my only means, as well. The pain-pleasure dichotomy is a conundrum for most of us, so you're in good company there. And I completely understand your concern about sadists or masochists taking it too far "if circumstances are not set for complete consensually and safety." You said that well.

I'm curious.... When you say you found this [spanking] part of yourself later in life, do you mean that you discovered it then? Or did it feel like it was always part of you, but it was then that you found a way to give it expression?

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On 2/18/2022 at 6:14 AM, rubyredd said:

As a spankee, I know how well spanking works to reduce my stress level - so I can only imagine it is the same for the Tops.

My friend and I have discussed this several times.  We both have highly-stressful professions.  She's a school teacher and I'm a manager.  Even if the spankings are for discipline, the benefit of stress relief happens for both of us.

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18 hours ago, Chawsee said:

Many of us spankos can relate to that fascination with painful discipline and our confusion over why we're wired this way. Some of the younger folks are finding their "tribe," and the answers they seek, when they first reach adulthood. But those of us who grew up without the internet typically find our spanking community later in life, if we find it at all. This seems to happen after a long and lonely journey of thinking there was something wrong with us. 

It sounds like your leaning is toward true discipline. If that is what you feel you need, it makes sense that you would crave a legitimately-earned penalty over the imaginary ones that we were describing upthread. ;)

Yes, I was on that long journey of thinking there was something wrong with me, with both the guilty feeling of wanting to imagine myself as a disciplinarian, and the embarrassment of seeing myself as the one being disciplined. My experience of spanking was that I hated it for a number of reasons, yet on some subconscious level, and also as part of my sexuality, it was a powerfully positive force. I really had no choice but to just accept that I was wired this way and, as I became an adult, my choice was to privately embrace the obsession without feeling bad about it. As squirmy as it still made me feel, I could see spanking discipline as a nurturing act, and part of a healthy loving relationship.

@Chawsee @selfsp12 The element of the dynamic that has always been critical for me is the humbling nature of being spanked as punishment. For that to be realized, the requirements are that the offense or failure must be real and significant, the consequences must be based on the judgment of the disciplinarian, and respect for the disciplinarian elicits feelings of justice having been served. Self-spanking misses two of the three key components, as well as the unique bond that would develop through this powerful shared experience.

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I get spanked for multiple reasons, whether it is discipline or punishment, my own stress relief, maintenance etc.

sometimes, it doesn’t happen often, my husband is stressed enough that he needs the outlet for him. In those cases for his stress relief, he will only use his hand and there is not really a limit in place for intensity or duration. I could use a safeword if needed, but have never needed too. It actually becomes an intimate bonding moment.

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I also struggled with why I wanted and enjoyed spanking for many years. Always in the back of my mind thinking there was something wrong with me ! I also have to self spank and I am making that work for me as I have seen some other people are on here are as well. At least in my mind I envision it’s my wife giving me the spanking so that helps me !!!

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I think it is safe to say that the spankings I get are in some way "stress relievers" pretty much every time. I mean, a spanking may relieve stress I feel by way of guilt, or self-disappointment, or some lack, or some negative or even destructive attitude or behavior. The awareness that my strong but loving husband is "dealing" with me so that I will better deal with myself....that is a relief from the stress all these things cause me emotionally, spiritually, mentally. In as much as my husband has a "nature" to be that special person for me, I think it is only reasonable to assume that he is relieved of the stress which comes with that responsibility regarding me. Helping me helps him in that regard. The "tension" that he may feel regarding being an adequate "authority" over me...is "relieved" when he lays his hand...or belt, paddle...whatever....lol...on me. 

Now...to the best of my knowledge, my husband has never spanked me just because he is having a bad day or because life is feeling a bit overwhelming to him, or because he is just "stressed out" in general. We have talked about these things, and I have expressed to him it would be ok with me if he did.  But, he does not think it is ok. Like I have said, he protects me from myself...which is masochistic in nature.  He really does not get stressed very often. I think a bomb could go off next to him and he might..blink...lol. He is very self controlled...but I recall a number of times since we have been together...in which he told me he was not gonna be spanking me because he only wants to spank me for some reason we have agreed is an "offense" or reason. 

 

 

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On 2/18/2022 at 6:40 PM, Chawsee said:

I have a former mentee who deserves a good spanking for his part in the fallout of our mentorship. (I apologized profusely for my part; he never admitted to any fault of his own, allowing me to accept the entire blame-- while he most certainly did play a part in what happened). So, if you make it up to NW Montana, maybe we can try out your theory. I'll paddle you and pretend it's him. :D

..I would also volunteer...Some how I imagined the implement would be a thick belt from jeans while bent over in the barn

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  • 2 months later...
On 2/17/2022 at 4:54 AM, F/m_Spanking_only said:

I have always found this quite interesting. I have actually been spanked before by female friends who needed to relieve stress, release pent up frustrations, that sort of thing. I offered up my butt, and they gladly accepted. It is actually quite fun as well as therapeutic. I remember one time in particular when a female friend was blistering my backside and getting out some long pent up frustrations and she was really let me have it verbally too. It was quite the experience. It’s interesting  being spanked for something you actually didn’t do, but are just kind of the outlet for. Now of course, all the same protocols still apply. Just as with disciplinary spanking sessions and the like, there are safe words, limits, and what not. Nothing happens that isn’t completely consensual. This particular kind of spanking may not be for everyone, but I certainly enjoy it. 

Just perfect as compensation for a missed deserved spanking.

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  • 2 weeks later...

From a spankee's standpoint, I feel like being spanked is a stress reliever in several different ways.  For me, I work in a high stress job and environment where I'm usually the one in charge and have to make a lot of high-stakes decisions.  I'm also constantly delegating and telling people what to do.  So being spanked is like the exact opposite of what I'm doing in my daily everyday life.  It allows me to escape these pressures.  The tables are turned, I'm no longer the one in charge, and it's me who has to take directions and be told what to do.  On the one hand, this can be frustrating, because I tend to really like being the one in control.  But, on the other hand, this can be very liberating for me, at the same time.  I'm forced to just give in and take it, no matter how unpleasant it may feel.  

The other way I feel like spanking is a stress relief is due to my own issues with needing to be humbled.  As a man, I feel a lot of external societal pressure to act a certain way.  For instance, a lot of people expect men to be tough, macho, not show weakness, not to show their emotions, to be in control, to be decisive, etc.  So I often feel like I'm putting up a front, which can be stressful.   When I'm being spanked, there is no place for any of that stuff.  No matter how tough I try to act and no matter how much I try to fight showing my emotions, the spanker always wins out.  I find myself giving in, crying out, wiggling around in pain, borderline crying. I'm no longer the big tough guy in charge.  This can be a huge relief in many ways.  I'm forced to confront this side of me and to let it all out.  

Lastly, I feel like I probably have too much pride and I can definitely be too modest about how others perceive me. For instance, I don't like feeling vulnerable in my everyday life, which causes me to be rather private about certain things, such as disrobing and revealing myself.  It's not that I'm ashamed about my body, rather, I think it has more to do with wanting to be in control. I'm trying to retain my modesty and cover myself up which, in many ways, is me trying to control other people's perceptions of how they see me. When I'm forced to reveal myself for a spanking, especially in front of a fully clothed woman, it makes me feel extremely vulnerable.  It feels like she's getting the best of me; she can now see me in this fully exposed state and there's nothing I can do about it but comply and allow her to look as much as she pleases.  Although it makes me cringe to suffer through this embarrassment, I definitely think it's therapeutic and stress-relieiving for me, as well. It allows me to let my guard down and let go of these everyday pressures of modesty. It's very humbling for me and I think I truly benefit from being humbled every once in awhile. It keeps me grounded and down-to-earth.

 

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On 9/12/2022 at 10:25 AM, Chawsee said:

Thank you for sharing this, selfsp12. You are to be admired for meeting your spanking need successfully DIY, as that's not easy to do. And I speak from experience here, as DIY is my only means, as well. The pain-pleasure dichotomy is a conundrum for most of us, so you're in good company there. And I completely understand your concern about sadists or masochists taking it too far "if circumstances are not set for complete consensually and safety." You said that well.

I'm curious.... When you say you found this [spanking] part of yourself later in life, do you mean that you discovered it then? Or did it feel like it was always part of you, but it was then that you found a way to give it expression?

I'm late returning to this party. I was spanked as a very young child, at the time i think I acted to be spanked to get attention  since I knew (on some level) that I was an  unwanted child. By 4 I was adopted, wanted and loved, and never spanked. Much later in life when stress and anxiety become over whelming, this want, desire, need came up. Over time I got good at and found it helpful and pleasurable. My wife knows in some part of her that I like this, but she will not help and does not acknowledge it. After over 30 years of marriage, that is ok.

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