Wife spanking should be more common?

[Chawsee]

On 11/11/2021 at 5:46 AM, SpudStateSpanky said:

 @Chawsee are you going to have a spanking blog?  I know you’ve talked about it....

Yes, it's in the works, but is simmering on the back burner until I return to a normal schedule and have more time.

[SpudStateSpanky]

13 hours ago, Chawsee said:

You bring up a point that I hadn't put into conscious thought, but you are absolutely right. The importance of good will. I was talking on the phone once with the wife of the couple I referenced above, and in the conversation I was relating to her how queasy I felt after seeing Miss Rose's "thorn paddles," which contain numerous small metal spikes that break the skin and cause bleeding. The wife responded, in a spiteful voice, "I would LOVE to get one of those and use it on him!" That was the last thing I expected to come out of her mouth, because her husband was NOT a masochist. I was so shocked, I remember going silent for a moment. That is not good will, that is hatefulness. Thank you for sharing, Wide_Eyed. You always have good insights.

That sucks.  They talk about abused women defending their abuser, not seeing at all that they’re being abused.   So it sounds like it could happen the same way with a guy.  Did you say anything to this couple about their unhealthy patterns?

[Rand E]

On 11/15/2021 at 12:01 AM, BansheeGal said:

Strongly disagree. I think it comes from a very patriarchal worldview to say that it should be the norm and gender specific. If they applied it both ways, I could maybe get behind that but as soon as you start putting one gender in a position of authority over the other across the board, you're implying that one is more mature/more capable than the other instead of viewing everyone as equals. It essentially turns women into daughters with benefits. 

If I get married, I won't get spankings because I am a wife. I'll get spankings because I broke a rule that we agreed on and am taking the punishment that we agreed on. Him administering the punishment is an act of service to me, not an exercise of authority.

I admit I have a bias on this, but I'm a big fan of cooperative discipline.  I feel that the best spouse/partner is the one that both answers to you, and to whom you answer.  If you can manage and share that mutual authority with your partner, you have a strong bond indeed.

[Rand E]

On 11/15/2021 at 6:33 AM, Chawsee said:

Yes, it's in the works, but is simmering on the back burner until I return to a normal schedule and have more time.

And I have no doubt when you get the opportunity, your blog will be most interesting and educational.  I look forward to it.    

[wide_eyed]

On 11/15/2021 at 9:13 AM, Chawsee said:

I was talking on the phone once with the wife of the couple I referenced above, and in the conversation I was relating to her how queasy I felt after seeing Miss Rose's "thorn paddles," which contain numerous small metal spikes that break the skin and cause bleeding. The wife responded, in a spiteful voice, "I would LOVE to get one of those and use it on him!" That was the last thing I expected to come out of her mouth, because her husband was NOT a masochist. I was so shocked, I remember going silent for a moment. That is not good will, that is hatefulness.

Disturbing. Really not sure what else there is to say. It makes me sad for her almost as much as it does for him. Is this where she wanted to end up? I doubt it.

Even though it's a minor objection compared to the others, every time this or a similar subject comes up I can't help thinking: And where are they going to find that many people deserving of positions of authority?

On the other hand, I wonder if an FLR was her idea or her husbands. I've come across so many accounts of men badgering partners who are clearly disinterested that it makes me wonder if the wife wound up this way from resentment at being nagged into participating in something which she found disagreeable.

And on an unrelated note, I did go check out the Miss Rose Paddles shop. The thorn paddles are a big yuck, but those taffy paddles are pretty eye-catching.

[wide_eyed]

On 11/15/2021 at 9:13 AM, Chawsee said:

I was talking on the phone once with the wife of the couple I referenced above, and in the conversation I was relating to her how queasy I felt after seeing Miss Rose's "thorn paddles," which contain numerous small metal spikes that break the skin and cause bleeding. The wife responded, in a spiteful voice, "I would LOVE to get one of those and use it on him!" That was the last thing I expected to come out of her mouth, because her husband was NOT a masochist. I was so shocked, I remember going silent for a moment. That is not good will, that is hatefulness.

Disturbing. Really not sure what else there is to say. It makes me sad for her almost as much as it does for him. Is this where she wanted to end up? I doubt it.

Even though it's a minor objection compared to the others, every time this or a similar subject comes up I can't help thinking: And where are they going to find that many people deserving of positions of authority?

On the other hand, I wonder if an FLR was her idea or her husbands. I've come across so many accounts of men badgering partners who are clearly disinterested that it makes me wonder if the wife wound up this way from resentment at being nagged into participating in something which she found disagreeable.

And on an unrelated note, I did go check out the Miss Rose Paddles shop. The thorn paddles are a big yuck, but those taffy paddles are pretty eye-catching.

[Chawsee]

@SpudStateSpanky- Abused adults generally know that they're being mistreated, but they may be inclined to defend the one who does this to them. For women, it's often out of fear. For men, it can revolve around a sense of denial and/or worry about their partner leaving them.

At the very end of the time I corresponded with that couple, I suggested to the wife that she forgive her husband for past resentments she held against him, and that she model more emotional stability, since she was putting him through a roller coaster of ups and downs. But that was literally one message to her. Beyond that, it wasn't my place to offer advice.

~~~~~~

I regret posting as much as I did about this couple yesterday. I thought about it quite a bit today and knew I needed to log back on and add a few more thoughts, since there's no way to edit something already submitted. I don't want to speak disparagingly about these folks. There is a lot of good in them, and they taught me a great deal. And, it's their marriage, not mine.

So if anything positive can be taken from this example, it's this: Work through little issues before they build into resentments, and don't sweep things under the rug. All they do is fester under there. Listen to each other. Talk it out, and hug it out. You can tell if something is truly healed because you'll feel closer to each other, like you've fallen in love all over again. Spanking the submissive isn't always the answer, and it can build resentment when it feels unfair. The submissive's viewpoints matter. His/her feelings matter. Dominants are not infallible. They are human, and they have flaws and shortcomings, too. Guaranteed. The HoH can dole out a good deal of discipline, but it needs to be balanced with even more love and affection. 

[Chawsee]

1 hour ago, wide_eyed said:

Disturbing. Really not sure what else there is to say. It makes me sad for her almost as much as it does for him. Is this where she wanted to end up? I doubt it.

Even though it's a minor objection compared to the others, every time this or a similar subject comes up I can't help thinking: And where are they going to find that many people deserving of positions of authority?

On the other hand, I wonder if an FLR was her idea or her husbands. I've come across so many accounts of men badgering partners who are clearly disinterested that it makes me wonder if the wife wound up this way from resentment at being nagged into participating in something which she found disagreeable.

And on an unrelated note, I did go check out the Miss Rose Paddles shop. The thorn paddles are a big yuck, but those taffy paddles are pretty eye-catching.

Good questions.... which I don't know the answers to. People themselves are complex, and HoH relationships are even more so.

It's only fair to mention that I have two male friends who are in FLR marriages, and both of them have loving relationships with their wives. One said (quote): "I say that I am in a FLR (and a D/s dynamic), but really I’m in a communication focused relationship. We are relationship nerds, by necessity, and we are constantly talking and tweaking. It makes the relationship much stronger, and I don’t see how else it would work." So well said! He knows of what he speaks, and he's living proof that FLRs can be a success. But, there's a lot of communication there, and he describes his wife as a sweet and loving person. 

Miss Rose paddles are really nice, aren't they? But those thorn paddles.... they would NEVER make it into my home!

[Chawsee]

3 hours ago, Rand E said:

And I have no doubt when you get the opportunity, your blog will be most interesting and educational.  I look forward to it.    

Thank you. You get some credit for nudging me toward this step. But I've never blogged before, so I'm sure I'll be fumbling my way through it for awhile, figuring it out as I go. Or failing miserably. Ha! This ought to be amusing... 

[Rand E]

On 11/16/2021 at 6:27 PM, Chawsee said:

@SpudStateSpanky- Abused adults generally know that they're being mistreated, but they may be inclined to defend the one who does this to them. For women, it's often out of fear. For men, it can revolve around a sense of denial and/or worry about their partner leaving them.

At the very end of the time I corresponded with that couple, I suggested to the wife that she forgive her husband for past resentments she held against him, and that she model more emotional stability, since she was putting him through a roller coaster of ups and downs. But that was literally one message to her. Beyond that, it wasn't my place to offer advice.

~~~~~~

I regret posting as much as I did about this couple yesterday. I thought about it quite a bit today and knew I needed to log back on and add a few more thoughts, since there's no way to edit something already submitted. I don't want to speak disparagingly about these folks. There is a lot of good in them, and they taught me a great deal. And, it's their marriage, not mine.

So if anything positive can be taken from this example, it's this: Work through little issues before they build into resentments, and don't sweep things under the rug. All they do is fester under there. Listen to each other. Talk it out, and hug it out. You can tell if something is truly healed because you'll feel closer to each other, like you've fallen in love all over again. Spanking the submissive isn't always the answer, and it can build resentment when it feels unfair. The submissive's viewpoints matter. His/her feelings matter. Dominants are not infallible. They are human, and they have flaws and shortcomings, too. Guaranteed. The HoH can dole out a good deal of discipline, but it needs to be balanced with even more love and affection. 

I have the same issue when I opine negatively on the relationships of others.  I give it some thought, and then, it sinks in that every couple is responsible to find their own way, and that me being negative and judgmental is not going to help that along.  There's a line between judgmental criticism and respectful disagreement.  I don't always get that line figured out properly on the first go-around, but I try hard to sort out where I got it wrong in hindsight and get it right the next time.  And I am certainly not criticizing you, Chawsee.  You are a thoughtful and considerate person, so don't beat yourself up.  I think you set the right tone the first time most of the time.      

 

[SpudStateSpanky]

On 11/16/2021 at 7:27 PM, Chawsee said:

@SpudStateSpanky- Abused adults generally know that they're being mistreated, but they may be inclined to defend the one who does this to them. For women, it's often out of fear. For men, it can revolve around a sense of denial and/or worry about their partner leaving them.

At the very end of the time I corresponded with that couple, I suggested to the wife that she forgive her husband for past resentments she held against him, and that she model more emotional stability, since she was putting him through a roller coaster of ups and downs. But that was literally one message to her. Beyond that, it wasn't my place to offer advice.

~~~~~~

I regret posting as much as I did about this couple yesterday. I thought about it quite a bit today and knew I needed to log back on and add a few more thoughts, since there's no way to edit something already submitted. I don't want to speak disparagingly about these folks. There is a lot of good in them, and they taught me a great deal. And, it's their marriage, not mine.

So if anything positive can be taken from this example, it's this: Work through little issues before they build into resentments, and don't sweep things under the rug. All they do is fester under there. Listen to each other. Talk it out, and hug it out. You can tell if something is truly healed because you'll feel closer to each other, like you've fallen in love all over again. Spanking the submissive isn't always the answer, and it can build resentment when it feels unfair. The submissive's viewpoints matter. His/her feelings matter. Dominants are not infallible. They are human, and they have flaws and shortcomings, too. Guaranteed. The HoH can dole out a good deal of discipline, but it needs to be balanced with even more love and affection. 

Aw, no biggie.   It was the behavior of some anonymous couple you were pointing out, and only as a warning to be aware of unhealthy patterns in these kinds of relationships.   I’ve seen a nasty attitude in FLR “leaders” here and on Fet, and I find it distasteful and wonder why guys stay in such unloving marriages with some dominant shrew.   I just don’t get it.  

I like your last paragraph here.  ?

[SpudStateSpanky]

On 11/16/2021 at 8:51 PM, Chawsee said:

Thank you. You get some credit for nudging me toward this step. But I've never blogged before, so I'm sure I'll be fumbling my way through it for awhile, figuring it out as I go. Or failing miserably. Ha! This ought to be amusing... 

Wait a minute!  Don’t I get some credit?  And I thought it was a spanko friend of yours outside SN who encouraged you to do this.  Am I right?

I don’t see you failing, ever.  You’re very intelligent and express yourself remarkably well.   You’ll rock it, wait and see.  ?

[Chawsee]

On 11/18/2021 at 10:02 PM, Rand E said:

I have the same issue when I opine negatively on the relationships of others.  I give it some thought, and then, it sinks in that every couple is responsible to find their own way, and that me being negative and judgmental is not going to help that along.  There's a line between judgmental criticism and respectful disagreement.  I don't always get that line figured out properly on the first go-around, but I try hard to sort out where I got it wrong in hindsight and get it right the next time.  And I am certainly not criticizing you, Chawsee.  You are a thoughtful and considerate person, so don't beat yourself up.  I think you set the right tone the first time most of the time.      

Wise words, Grasshopper. You are right.

I take issue when power is abused, or used for intentions that are less than loving. And I can't promise that I won't always feel this way and try to bring awareness to this issue. But I will be more mindful to do it without pointing out anyone as an example. 

[Chawsee]

On 11/19/2021 at 2:47 AM, SpudStateSpanky said:

Aw, no biggie.   It was the behavior of some anonymous couple you were pointing out, and only as a warning to be aware of unhealthy patterns in these kinds of relationships.   I’ve seen a nasty attitude in FLR “leaders” here and on Fet, and I find it distasteful and wonder why guys stay in such unloving marriages with some dominant shrew.   I just don’t get it.  

I like your last paragraph here.  ?

Thank you.

[Chawsee]

On 11/19/2021 at 3:57 AM, SpudStateSpanky said:

...I thought it was a spanko friend of yours outside SN who encouraged you to do this.  Am I right?

Yes, it was.

[Rand E]

On 11/20/2021 at 8:22 PM, Chawsee said:

Wise words, Grasshopper. You are right.

I take issue when power is abused, or used for intentions that are less than loving. And I can't promise that I won't always feel this way and try to bring awareness to this issue. But I will be more mindful to do it without pointing out anyone as an example. 

Ah yes.  When you can snatch the paddle from my hand, it will be time for you to ......   

[Chawsee]

On 11/23/2021 at 10:46 PM, Rand E said:

Ah yes.  When you can snatch the paddle from my hand, it will be time for you to ......   

Oh, I'll snatch that paddle from your hand. You've never seen how fast I can move!  Now, finish that sentence..... 

[Rand E]

On 11/25/2021 at 6:02 AM, Chawsee said:

Oh, I'll snatch that paddle from your hand. You've never seen how fast I can move!  Now, finish that sentence..... 

I don't need to finish the sentence.  You know exactly what I was thinking.   

[star1976]

I believe that the husband should spank his wife whenever she gets out of line or gets off the limits. I lived with a man for a couple of years, and I got spanked on a daily basis, so that I wouldn't get out of line. For him, if I did something wrong within a week, I would get punished on that weekend to be forgiven for the wrong I had done. We both had a good relationship till the end, as he had to move out of state. Sadly, I wasn't able to follow him. I was disciplined, loved, and punished with love by him. And, I strongly agree that a man should spank his woman to tell her how much he loves her, and tell her that she is being spanked because he loves, and cares about her well being in life forever.

[Chawsee]

On 12/6/2021 at 7:49 PM, Rand E said:

I don't need to finish the sentence.  You know exactly what I was thinking.   

No, no... I need to hear it. 

[EricP]

Well said Star,

As a husband, it is my responsibility to guide my wife to be the best woman she can be. That includes punishing her when she misbehaves. The most effective way I have found to correct a woman is to spank her bare bottom.

Eric

 

[SteveSpank]

No, disagree. It is up to the couple and individuals to determine. I do think the world would be a calmer place if adults could spank one another, but that could be couples, friends, etc. and men to men, women to women, men to women and women to men. 
 

I believe a lot of people could really use a good spanking from a good friend to help them with guilt, stress, frustration, etc.

 

[Ducky]

Female EE here. We always had role playing with DD. Met this couple that did it in real life, met their friends. After becoming part of their group we decided that this was something we wanted in our lives. Arguments were now rare, we were happier. He grew more loving because he knew I wasn’t going to attack his decisions/suggestions. I loved the fact that he cared for my well being. It was nice to have friends that didn’t think this was assault and didn’t have to hide sore bottoms. When it was time for a punishment, I would have to meet him in his office, I’d sit across from him at his desk. He would explain what I did wrong and how he was going to correct my behavior. He let me defend my actions. Of course I got punished but at least I got to explain myself. Then I would stand up, he would bare my bottom, then bend me over his desk. I would get my ass blistered and have to stay in that position until he said to move. Didn’t matter if we had company over or not. Even though our friends lived the DD life, it still was embarrassing. If he hadn’t passed away, I still would be living this life and my own life wouldn’t be so out of control and crazy.

DD is not for everyone, but it worked for me.

[Topspanker]

I actually seen a Dr. Phil episode from the south the other day. Husband had flat had it with his wife so he snatched her up, did a wicked number on her backside with a wooden spoon. 
 

Cops didn’t do anything etc, Dr. Phil put him on blast for it, guy stood his ground and said wife’s attitude has changed for the better, and now they are happier together apparently.

You could tell Dr. Phil’s mind was friggin blown, couldn’t process what he was hearing.

[rubyredd]

48 minutes ago, Topspanker said:

I actually seen a Dr. Phil episode from the south the other day. Husband had flat had it with his wife so he snatched her up, did a wicked number on her backside with a wooden spoon. 
 

Cops didn’t do anything etc, Dr. Phil put him on blast for it, guy stood his ground and said wife’s attitude has changed for the better, and now they are happier together apparently.

You could tell Dr. Phil’s mind was friggin blown, couldn’t process what he was hearing.

I am gonna need you to share a video clip of this one.