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The Pros and Cons Being a Male Switch


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I wear my Switch Button proudly, but there are pros and cons when it comes to participating in the Spanko Community as such.  And this is my opinion only not to be taken for gospel or absolutes.

Pros:

§  Experiencing a wider spectrum of the lifestyle

§  Enhanced insights on how both mindsets work

§  Diversity of play

§  Choices

Cons:

§  Self -Limiting potential play partners

§  Disrespect within the community

§  Living within a world that has hard wired absolute value systems

§  Perceived weakness

§  Not worthy of Top designation

§  Seen as simply being bottoms masquerading as Tops

§  Perceived as manipulators

This is something that I have experienced almost exclusively in the Spanko Community. Being someone who has played in the Kink community as a whole I have found the Spanko community to be much more judgmental of Male Switches than any other segment.  And no doubt there are truths to both the Pros and Cons.

 I believe the Spanko Community could benefit from taking a closer look at what Switches both Male and Female bring to the table that makes the community richer and more inclusive of a broadening world. 

Above all else I am Spanko who doesn’t limit myself to the term. I am Player who loves both sides of this TTWD. I use the terms only because labels are how this world operates to identify.  I began my life as a Spanko long before I knew there was an actual thing to ascribe a name to.  So much of how I see myself and how I define my personal relationships have nothing to do with the labels and nomenclature I found when I arrived at the doorsteps of the Kink world. I had lived in two marriages that were defined by an order, a head of the household, clear lines of consequence and accountability and spanking as a result of resolution.  In one I was clearly the HOH and in another I was certainly involved in a Female Led Relationship and in each we were equal partners in our lives together. In other words, I was a Switch before I ever heard the term.

As I have seen more and more younger Players entering the Kink community with a less restrictive let’s play in this box in the manner printed on the outside, I would think that we, the old guard would embrace an evolution that not only takes us outside the box but crushing all the boxes altogether.    

But I am curious about what others have to say on this subject pro or con.

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3 hours ago, CaliSpanker53 said:

As I have seen more and more younger Players entering the Kink community with a less restrictive let’s play in this box in the manner printed on the outside, I would think that we, the old guard would embrace an evolution that not only takes us outside the box but crushing all the boxes altogether.

My thoughts are not that the younger generation is less restrictive, but that they are expressing spankoness on their terms - and that includes Tops, bottoms, and switches. I don't think there are necessarily more switches than before - though I do think younger spankos have more avenues for exploration than I did 20 years ago or you did 30 years ago. 

I know switches of all ages. And I know Tops and bottoms (who identify solely as one or the other) of all ages. There is nothing wrong with identifying as any of those things. I cannot embrace an evolution that isn't really there - because it is not evident that our spanko preferences are really changing so much on an individual level. 

In my 20s, I tried switching for a couple of guy friends... and tried repeatedly out of friendship. And I recently spanked another woman a couple of different times. What all that exploration helped solidify is that I am 100% bottom / spankee. I am not a switch and I am not a Top. I find it draining. It doesn't excite me. I don't fantasize about it. 

There is nothing wrong with being happy in the role that brings you joy, that feels comfortable, that excites you, that stimulates you. For you, that is being a switch - and that is wonderful. For me, it is being a bottom - also wonderful (and doesn't make me limited or small-minded). We are being true to our own needs and desires. 

*Will address some other aspects after work. 

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A well thought and expressed discussion on both of your parts. I will have to think about this more before I respond, I think it is a topic that deserves discussion and thought to help others and honestly to help me and others searching for their own idenity ikn the spanking world. Thanks for opening this discussion

 

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1 hour ago, rubyredd said:

 

There is nothing wrong with being happy in the role that brings you joy, that feels comfortable, that excites you, that stimulates you. For you, that is being a switch - and that is wonderful. For me, it is being a bottom - also wonderful (and doesn't make me limited or small-minded). We are being true to our own needs and desires.

I could be wrong, but I don't think he was saying that people who prefer one role or the other are necessarily small minded or limited.  I think he was referring specifically to the people who are "anti-switch". The people treat switches with disdain and judgement as being confused, posers, manipulators, instead of potential play partners.  Those people say you Have to pick a lane and stay in it.  Nothing wrong with staying in your lane of you are happy there!  

It is awesome that you were willing to try for friends, and that you know exactly the type of play you like.  I, on the other hand, am like an indecisive puppy in the treat store and want to be spanked by and spank every one, with every impliment, in every position, in all circumstances.  I do have general leanings and cravings for particular things, but I still want everything else also.  

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1 hour ago, rubyredd said:

My thoughts are not that the younger generation is less restrictive, but that they are expressing spankoness on their terms - and that includes Tops, bottoms, and switches. I don't think there are necessarily more switches than before - though I do think younger spankos have more avenues for exploration than I did 20 years ago or you did 30 years ago. 

I know switches of all ages. And I know Tops and bottoms (who identify solely as one or the other) of all ages. There is nothing wrong with identifying as any of those things. I cannot embrace an evolution that isn't really there - because it is not evident that our spanko preferences are really changing so much on an individual level. 

In my 20s, I tried switching for a couple of guy friends... and tried repeatedly out of friendship. And I recently spanked another woman a couple of different times. What all that exploration helped solidify is that I am 100% bottom / spankee. I am not a switch and I am not a Top. I find it draining. It doesn't excite me. I don't fantasize about it. 

There is nothing wrong with being happy in the role that brings you joy, that feels comfortable, that excites you, that stimulates you. For you, that is being a switch - and that is wonderful. For me, it is being a bottom - also wonderful (and doesn't make me limited or small-minded). We are being true to our own needs and desires. 

*Will address some other aspects after work. 

My point about things evolving is based upon the fact that noting stands still everything moves forward as new ideas , information and players become active.  And I totally agree a lot of that comes from having more access and that access is different than when I came in.   It's not that there are more Switches than before but that more people are coming in without having to fall into one group or another. 

And I also agree with you that people should embrace who they are and how and whom they choose to play with.  That is a basic tenet of  life.  My point is about perception becoming the absolute as to who and what Switches are and what they can be.  What I did not say or posit is anything about being limited or small minded, although there are those that are both of those things.  

I also stated that there are truths to both the Pros and Cons that I posted.  That all of the points are valid because someone had them or voiced them and I personally give them all weight.  What I have always said is that those perceptions and experiences shouldn't become the absolute narrative.  And as I stated  from the beginning I'm stating my opinion based upon my experiences.  It is personal only as that not an assignment to others personal experiences.  I simply wanted open the discussion and I welcome the fact there are going to a lot of people who don't see my perspective and that is what makes good dialogue. 

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9 hours ago, Megthe said:

I could be wrong, but I don't think he was saying that people who prefer one role or the other are necessarily small minded or limited. 

The comments about small-mindedness, etc. were from the chat discussion yesterday on this topic. I forgot that not everyone was part of that discussion. LOL

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12 hours ago, Megthe said:

I could be wrong, but I don't think he was saying that people who prefer one role or the other are necessarily small minded or limited. 

 

This is exactly right.  And yes as was pointed out, the terms small minded and limited or limiting were used yesterday in the main chat. As were everyone of the points Pros and Cons I listed.   But this post isn't about personally pointing anyone and their preferences out.  It is an observation of my experiences and many Switches experiences dealing with how Switches are perceived as well as how there might be room for some of those perceptions to not be applied as absolutes.  And also that yes indeed people including myself have been guilty of the specific item regarding manipulation.   But this post while the genesis for bringing the topic up for discussion may have generated from the chat the beliefs that I have regarding the topic are born of my over 20 years of dealing with those perceptions. And I think it is worthy of reasoned discussion from all perspectives.

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I actually completely agree with @CaliSpanker53 on this subject especially when it comes down to the disrespect within the community aspect.

I’ve been an active member of spanking fetish community for a really long time, I was 3 days past my 18th birthday the day I screwed up and outed myself in -spectacular- fashion. 
 

Spankos don’t go to munches, we go to parties. Big difference. Every year I have gone to one it always ends up the same too.

You will have a younger significantly inexperienced person that thinks a persons title in the community is based on their own social norms/ what they are attracted to and why, anyone that doesn’t fit within their scope isn’t a top etc, almost to the point that they will successfully piss off every single person in the ballroom/hotel. It never ends well for them. Ever. 
 

sooner or later they start parading around smirking laughing carrying on like it’s nobody’s business. Sooner or later it ends up escalating too, last time it was a 20 something female vs Michael from real spankings network. Too bad she didn’t do her due diligence and know who she was toying with.

This happens every day. Male switches that have a knack for catching from a female are judged by the same tokens. There viewed as being submissive, less manly, waste of space. I’ve heard them all.

some of my best friends, are in fact switches. I personally have nothing but respect for switches etc. I’m not capable mentally of placing myself in that position, I can’t do it, not happenin. 
 

but I will always back up as well as stand in there corner of the ring no questions asked. Do you know why?

Cuz we are indeed the Spankos, we’re the largest fetish in the history of human civilization. We get enough shit as it is, treat fellow community members with the respect they deserve and I can guarantee you will get it back tenfold on a dollars day.

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This is an interesting topic and I have enjoyed following the discussion. I can relate easily to this as my interest began long before I even knew about terminology and labelling. I too have experienced what can only be described as hostility ( not on this site I add) at my label as a Switch from it has to be said females. There seems to be many that think that you will try to get, encourage or require that they spank you in return, which is not what it's about.

I get a lot of enjoyment out of both aspects of our kink, both giving and receiving spankings but I rarely mix the two in one session, unless that has been agreed and discussed before hand. In short I respect my partners  views and stance on the topic but it still isn't good enough for some 100% ee's, which s extremely frustrating.

On the plus side, my having been spanked myself has undoubtedly contributed to making me a more understanding spanker and that is the truth. 

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Let me start off by saying I'm not involved in any BDSM type sexuality group that meets somewhere offline. But I am familiar with the perceptions of switches, well most of them.

On 9/13/2021 at 2:21 AM, CaliSpanker53 said:

§  Perceived as manipulators

I haven't heard this one. I'm curious to know why those who hold this view would think it a reasonable one to hold. Have you ever heard any justification for it? The only thing I can imagine that would prompt such a notion is someone trying to blow off a proposition with "Well gosh it's too bad but we're both tops. Sorry!", Persistent And Maybe Desperate Spanko replies "Actually I'm a switch. So, uh, are we on?".

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40 minutes ago, wide_eyed said:

Let me start off by saying I'm not involved in any BDSM type sexuality group that meets somewhere offline. But I am familiar with the perceptions of switches, well most of them.

I haven't heard this one. I'm curious to know why those who hold this view would think it a reasonable one to hold. Have you ever heard any justification for it? The only thing I can imagine that would prompt such a notion is someone trying to blow off a proposition with "Well gosh it's too bad but we're both tops. Sorry!", Persistent And Maybe Desperate Spanko replies "Actually I'm a switch. So, uh, are we on?".

@wide_eyedIt is something that happens. And it is a valid complaint of spankee's who are not switches.  Male seeking to turn Women who are 100% spankees into Tops for the sake of getting spanked. I listed it a Con because it is a perception that exits against Male Switches and a problem that Women spankees deal with. 

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  • 3 weeks later...

I hadn't heard any of this. Then again, I'm pretty cloistered living where I do and having limited personal interaction with fellow spankos. Also, I never spend time in the chatroom, so whatever goes on in there is unbeknownst to me. I always thought switches, male or female, were the lucky ones, as we get to enjoy the best of both worlds. Sometimes ignorance is bliss. ;) 

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On 10/3/2021 at 7:29 PM, Chawsee said:

I hadn't heard any of this. Then again, I'm pretty cloistered living where I do and having limited personal interaction with fellow spankos. Also, I never spend time in the chatroom, so whatever goes on in there is unbeknownst to me. I always thought switches, male or female, were the lucky ones, as we get to enjoy the best of both worlds. Sometimes ignorance is bliss. ;) 

@Chawsee  I totally agree with you.  We are lucky!

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  • 2 weeks later...
On 9/13/2021 at 10:30 PM, Topspanker said:

 

Spankos don’t go to munches, we go to parties. Big difference. Every year I have gone to one it always ends up the same too.

Really? My spanko friends and I go to munches and sloshes all the time, as well as private parties and other events. However, I'm lucky to live in an area where there is pretty much always something going on.
 

 

 

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Just now, Topspanker said:

Meant jokingly, probably could have clarified that. Its kind of a running joke around here. its difficult to arrange munches due to demographics.

Aah...

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