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How important is achieving real genuine tears or sobbing...to you as a spanker or spankee?

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The tears are extremely important to me, I feel I am one who really needs that "release" ... However having said that, sometimes they don't happen and one shouldn't attempt to "force" them.  If I focus so much on *trying* to cry, it's not going to happen. If all I'm focused on is trying to cry, and my mind is distracted by that, it often can ruin the experience. Likewise I believe if an 'er is only focused on trying to force the tears, especially with an 'ee who does not cry easily, it can go too far if the tears are the only signal that enough is enough.

For me, I know that it's usually my "mental state" that sets off the tears, moreso than the actual pain of the spanking... ( Though I have had a couple of spankings where it was the pain that set me to tears)

I can be brought to tears from a lecture alone, long before the spanking has even started...    I've had spankings in the past, where the spanking was extremely light, pain was minimal if anything (It had been from an elderly man who had some health problems at the time)  And I was definitely crying, however all those tears weren't from the severity of the spanking, rather it was all from the shame and the guilt of having disappointed him, and the feelings of genuine remorse having found myself over his knee because I had really messed up, and knew I could have done better...

Likewise sometimes I'm just an overwhelming pile of mushiness, on the verge of tears anyways, but just need that outlet, where spanking almost gives permission to cry if that makes sense.

But sometimes, it just doesn't happen, and I won't deny the fact it leaves disappointment and frustration...    Because I'm someone that just desperately needs those tears, however I know if I try and force them, it only makes things worse.  Usually if I don't cry during the spanking, 9/10 times I'm usually going to feel or have all of those emotions later on, post-spanking and need to talk or process all of those feels with my 'er because I didn't get all those feels out at the time of the spanking.

I feel it would be a lot more helpful and productive, at least for me...  Would be finding out what kinds of things "encourage" the tears and that kind of release...  In my case, knowing it's mostly mental state, needing to be unguarded, vulnerable, and in the right frame of mind to be humble and open up....   Often taking things slow, or lecturing , or having a pause or talking through stuff helps...   It's usually the get right to the spanking moments where the tears don't come easily, I don't feel I've had a chance to process things, they are moving too fast, or I haven't been able to open up or experience that sensation of being with someone who can give that stern look or scolding that reassures me of how much they care and exactly what situation I'm in.

For me, the intensity of the spanking can control how *much* of those tears come out, but not cause the tears to begin with usually...  I can usually tell before a spanking or right at the start, whether or not there is a chance of tears or not.

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