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Helping my husband understand


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Hey all

im sure this has been discussed to death so apologies up front

I’ve been into spanking forever and since my 20’s have had a number of experiences. I married my husband 7 years ago and as we were friends first he’s always known about that side of me and understood it from a sexual kink side. He’s not into it himself but has played around a little with it over the years. 
 

these last few years things have been a bit difficult and spanking in any form has taken a major backseat in fact it’s been off the radar totally

ive recently found I’m thinking about it more and more and realising it’s less the kinky side I feel I need but more the discipline. I took the plunge a few weeks ago to speak to him and he did his best to understand but was quite clear he can’t see him being able to do that for me. He brought up the option of it being someone else who provided that but he’s understandably struggling with what that means and how he’d cope with the reality. I guess my question is do I continue this conversation or am I being selfish by asking him to take this in? How do I explain it’s not a sexual need although it’s an intimate act

thanks for reading and apologies it’s a long post 

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It’s a difficult decision and one that ultimately you have to decide. If it’s Ok with him then it then becomes a logistics exercise to get him to trust that what you’re explaining to him is ultimately not going to interfere in your marriage. That is a slow process and one that you may want to introduce him via a zoom chat or in person to a like minded person to try and explain the difference between a spanking as part of foreplay and that of punishment in a non sexual manner. 
you are effectively asking him to be ok with another man (assuming you wish to be spanked by a man) hurting his wife. Any man worth his salt would have him having very mixed feelings about this.

conversely if he’s not ok with you seeking relief elsewhere and is uncomfortable with it then do you wish to damage your marriage?

I’m willing to chat privately if you have any further questions.

  • Like 1
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My heart goes out to you honey.  I have never been in your shoes and probably have nothing to offer you dear soul.  I know this probably sounds weird here, but I will,pray for you and suggest you may too, if that is something in your faith. Its important tomyou and your marriage, and God knows your needs sweetie.  I personally think you should continue the conversation...reinforcing how much this is a "need" versus just a want.  And...maybe suggestbbaby steps...gradually working up in intensity.  Maybe funishment at first....gradually moving into more disciplinary framework....reward him dexually for every move he makes your way...show him the  tangible benefits he too can enjoy by doing this..I dunno..specifiic ways he  can get better oral...or outside thembedroom...a cleaner house...better cooking.  All that...you would know best for your man..He needs to experience that spanking you brings betternthings in your overall relationship...including sex but not limited to,that..Just my opinion. I have no right to intrude...but my heart is breaking for you because innow understand how much it is an actual "need" for most of us here.  I send you a hug and my prayers....

 

 

 

 

 

  • Like 4
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10 hours ago, Buttercupp said:

Hey all

im sure this has been discussed to death so apologies up front

I’ve been into spanking forever and since my 20’s have had a number of experiences. I married my husband 7 years ago and as we were friends first he’s always known about that side of me and understood it from a sexual kink side. He’s not into it himself but has played around a little with it over the years. 
 

these last few years things have been a bit difficult and spanking in any form has taken a major backseat in fact it’s been off the radar totally

ive recently found I’m thinking about it more and more and realising it’s less the kinky side I feel I need but more the discipline. I took the plunge a few weeks ago to speak to him and he did his best to understand but was quite clear he can’t see him being able to do that for me. He brought up the option of it being someone else who provided that but he’s understandably struggling with what that means and how he’d cope with the reality. I guess my question is do I continue this conversation or am I being selfish by asking him to take this in? How do I explain it’s not a sexual need although it’s an intimate act

thanks for reading and apologies it’s a long post 

Hey!

There's a couple of videos  which may help explain things a lot better than I can. 

Maybe watch both of these together with your husband and see if this helps him understand.

Hope this helps you both out :) 

  • Like 2
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I would continue the conversation. 

My husband is a spanko Top and a sexual sadist. We limit our spanking to fun, eroticism, and sometimes funishment roleplay. I also had a need for discipline in my life, but that was not something that would work within our dynamic for a variety of reasons - even though we did try it. After over a decade of marriage and many discussions, he encouraged me to have a disciplinary partner. Even though that didn't work out - and I really don't find myself craving discipline like I used to - the door is still open. It has allowed us to enjoy our type of spanking and bondage with each other, while giving me an outlet for discipline. 

  • Like 1
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Thank you all, some great advice. I’ve watched one of those videos this morning @Am123 and honestly think I learned something. In fact what it has done is to make me realise if I don’t continue this turn I’m hiding and denying a major part of me

i think I’ve trivialised it before but I should be willing and able to be open and honest with the person I’m spending my life with 

so yep I’m gonna continue this conversation and try to explain what it is and what it means 

 

wish me luck 🍀 

 

  • Like 2
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Your husband should want to do this for you.  He is more than capable of doing this for you, he just needs to truly understand from your point of view why it stirs such a deep need.  In his eyes, spanking may still seem like mere frivolous kinky foreplay because that's all he knows from your time together.  It's up to you to educate him (or for him to immerse himself) in the more serious, psychological and disciplinary aspects of spanking.  I personally could not imagine sub-contracting out to another ER such an intimate task to be performed on my wife.  If that's not a job ready-made for a husband, then I don't know if anything could be one. 

 

  • Like 1
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10 minutes ago, AfterGeometry said:

Your husband should want to do this for you.  He is more than capable of doing this for you, he just needs to truly understand from your point of view why it stirs such a deep need.  In his eyes, spanking may still seem like mere frivolous kinky foreplay because that's all he knows from your time together.  It's up to you to educate him (or for him to immerse himself) in the more serious, psychological and disciplinary aspects of spanking.  I personally could not imagine sub-contracting out to another ER such an intimate task to be performed on my wife.  If that's not a job ready-made for a husband, then I don't know if anything could be one. 

 

Thanks for your views and I do understand them to a point but I think it’s also quite different our views as people who get it then it is for a man who’s whole life has been conditioned that “you don’t hit women” 

whilst you and I know this is very different he is struggling with it. I guess my question would be even if he immersed himself, won’t he always be doing this just for me which makes me feel guilty and selfish 

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No it's not selfish at all.  It's not like it's all one-sided instant gratification going in your direction...spanking for discipline and accountability is for your edification and growth as a woman.  And your husband should want to step up and work with you on that, as a team effort.    It's not about forcing him to comply with your fetish.   Spanking is the tool that you want to explore in helping you reach your goals, and your husband should be open and amenable to at least try it.     I don't buy into this notion that that men are specifically conditioned not to hit women.  Decent people aren't supposed to hit anybody.  But spanking isn't hitting, and there is a method behind the madness here... that spanking will aid in the personal growth of Buttercupp and may strengthen your marriage to boot!!  ;)

 

 

  • Like 1
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2 hours ago, Buttercupp said:

Thanks for your views and I do understand them to a point but I think it’s also quite different our views as people who get it then it is for a man who’s whole life has been conditioned that “you don’t hit women” 

whilst you and I know this is very different he is struggling with it. I guess my question would be even if he immersed himself, won’t he always be doing this just for me which makes me feel guilty and selfish 

Was supposed to tag you in the above post, sorry Buttercupp

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Hi buttercup...I can't stop thinking of you and how you must feel.  Maybevtry this if you have not already. We have now and then read toneach other...in our case while in bed, from books I found on Amazon. They are domestic spanking novels, and there are lots of them believe it or not. Some are very good presnting the inner feelings and needs and emotions of the female spankee and alsomthe male spanker role. Indon't know, but maybe hearing you read these striesvto him might help himhear not just your words, but hear your heart. I send you a warm hug sweetie.

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1 minute ago, nicoleS39 said:

Hi buttercup...I can't stop thinking of you and how you must feel.  Maybevtry this if you have not already. We have now and then read toneach other...in our case while in bed, from books I found on Amazon. They are domestic spanking novels, and there are lots of them believe it or not. Some are very good presnting the inner feelings and needs and emotions of the female spankee and alsomthe male spanker role. Indon't know, but maybe hearing you read these striesvto him might help himhear not just your words, but hear your heart. I send you a warm hug sweetie.

And...even if he did immerse himself in this ...just for you....well...is that not what love is? Giving himself to you?  Sometimes love is not doing whatbyou prefer...for the sake of the one you love even more than yourself. I believe he will eventually find deeper love for you...and joy...in doing so.  Just from this silly freak who is probably all wrong.

 

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