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Administering disciplinary spankings?


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For me, the Top's scolding technique has to be on-point, or it won't work for me at all. Scolding is what puts me in the appropriate headspace. 

I like it when a Disciplinary partner is consistent, calm, stern when necessary (and only when necessary - otherwise, be fun), and creative. 

Spanking, for me, is about being cared about - more than just simply spanking me when I break rules. The Top is showing me he or she cares enough about me to correct certain behaviors or to prevent others from recurring. The Disciplinarian wants me to meet my goals and to improve - through consistent discipline (not just spanking). Sometimes, a harsher punishment is necessary, but this should not be needed often. 

Here are some things that can wreck a discipline session for me. Other people want some of these things included, so it really depends on the person being disciplined.

• Humiliation / Degradation - these techniques have no part in spanking to me because I equate spanking with caring. There is nothing caring to me about someone attempting to degrade me.

• Insults - don't put me down; a good disciplinarian, IMO, should encourage and uplift through his/her discipline. Yes, I am being punished, but name-calling or insults have no part to play and I will simply walk out the door.

• Getting Carried Away - the punishment should fit the crime and not be unduly harsh all the time.

There are some behaviors that will ruin almost any spanking for me whether roleplay / fun or discipline: mocking sarcasm and slut-shaming (won't even watch it in videos). 

I want a disciplinary partner to also be a friend I can talk to and feel comfortable with. Some spankees prefer a more clinical approach. 

If you are ever in chat and want to discuss, feel free to message me. 

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For me, it's not about "technique" so much, as getting the EE in the right headspace. We start be reviewing performance vs. goals or expectations. I work with someone for weight management and I keep a spreadsheet where I log her daily diet and exercise. When it comes time for a "discussion," it leaves no room for argument because everything has been documented. Of course, she still tries to protest her way out of it, but she knows it's not going to work.

When I do discipline, the licks come pretty hard and fast with no warm-up. The sessions are short, usually a couple of minutes or less, but that's all it takes. Afterward, I give her a hug, we talk about how she can do better, and we usually have a glass of wine. After a while, she usually goes into the bathroom to look in the mirror and then comes out to show me the marks. 

The type of spanking you described with a gradual build-up is more what I do for a stress-relief spanking. I start out slowly with a hand spanking, then progress through a number of implements, ramping the intensity up and down and playing off of her reactions. These can go on for a long time, often an hour or more.

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  As far as I am concerned, the most important matter, which must precede any decision on details of administration, is full discussion with the 'ee (and probably more than one, to allow her to get comfortable and to think of anything she may have forgotten).

  Goals, expectations, and dealing with reasonably anticipatable contingencies should all be on the agenda.

  Then you can tailor the details of technique accordingly.  But a team that lacks a plan is certain to lose.   -Ex.

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For me, a good, calm telling off with no confusion about what I did and what have coming to me. Then following the telling off, I have to strip naked and bend over when my wife goes to town on my backside with our biggest Tasmanian Oak Paddle and no warm-up. For a real serious punishment I'm instructed to masturbate before the paddling to make sure there is no "sexual desire" left in me before my arse is blistered. 

 

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From my perspective and experience(38 M) a real discipline spanking is often unplanned. Usually there is a bit of scolding and yelling in the beginning, while getting the errant in position. After that the belt does the talking. The strokes are fast and full force. Any attempt to evade, move out of position or block will be met with a number of strokes to the upper thigh before continuing. The spanker pays little mind to the begging, pleading or crocodile tears. She knows the emotional state and condition of my bottom she wants to see. 

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  • 2 months later...

I 100% agree with @rubyredd it is all about the tone of voice for me. There is discussion beforehand (love having it all documented in black and white). I want to feel ashamed of my behavior and almost relieved by the time the actual spanking happens. All the best videos IMO have a very calm male who lays out exactly what it going to happen and why. Any argument is met with this same “you did it to yourself” attitude. There is a safe word that ends everything immediately, but other than that, it is completely out of my hands how much I receive. Writing lines or 500 words on why that behavior is inappropriate, or corner time also puts me in the proper head space. Agree that the warm and caring vibe is better than harsh and humiliating 

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It’s really impossible to use brute force to push someone into a punishment space. Brute force quickly becomes an assault which has a very different response. It is also something with quickly diminishing returns as neurochemistry (e.g. endorphins) and psychology (e.g. dissociation) will have unplug the person. I have encountered too many cases where people have reported brutality being used to dial in intensity.

For me the key is psychology. I really have always known my spankees very well. We have always done a lot of talking about spanking interests, needs, motivations, so it’s possible to dial in very strong reactions through dialog and spanking ritual. Everyone has their quirks. Buttons to push. If I pay attention, I learn them.

I have a spanking friend now. If I push all her buttons just right, she’ll be on the verge of crying before we even start the spanking. Not from being bullied or threatened. Her thing is inevitably and accountability. Being told exactly what will happen to her. A certain vibe of being unsentimental about it, to the point. If all these parts are in place, I don’t have to brutalize her as she’s going tip into her zone easily.

That doesn’t mean a strategy to spank her with a feather, but to get more bang for the buck, more smack from the licks.

 

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On 9/10/2021 at 12:43 PM, Needing correction! said:

For me, it needs to be very calm and controlled.

Similar for me for my daily maintenance spanking: calm, controlled, and i would add consistent.

The consistency in the ritual of my daily maintenance spankings is both comforting —- i know what to expect —- and arousing —- i *anticipate* the spanking throughout the day.

For me, tone of voice also plays a role: the calm, matter-of-fact trigger words “pull down your pants” convey the inevitability of what is about to happen.

The above is for routine maintenance spankings. Spanking as punishment, rare for me on my butt anyway, is different.

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A lot of people misunderstand discipline spankings. There's this misconception that it has to be extremely painful and act as a deterrent for the spankee. 

This isn't the case. It's not about pain, it's about headspace. You want your spankee to feel like they're in trouble. Which is mostly done through scolding. If you're scolding is good enough, you could do a handshaking and still get the result you both want (depending on the person, of course).

When I do disciplinary scenes (which make up most of my play) I tend to look at it in 3 levels.

Level 1 funishment

Literally any silly reason to spank someone. These tend to have either more of a lighthearted tone, or are so silly that there's no real connection with it to real life. So, I've spanked someone before now for throwing a raincoat at me, or "having her being naughty look". Someone I know also got spanked for saying British bacon is better than American bacon (this is true, the top was very rude ?).

Level 2 Fun punishment 

This is my personal sweet spot, a headspacey and intense scene for something that probably shouldn't be done, but doesn't invoke any feelings of guilt or upset in either party. 

So things like being cheeky to your top, various forms of bratting or some form of prank could be examples of this.

Level 3 "Real" Punishment 

This one seems to be the more popular option on SN. And it centers around accountability for something which the spankee wants to change or work on.

You may choose to make this more painful or intense or you may not. The important thing here is accountability within a fully consensual, negotiated to death, relationship or dynamic. They're usually not enjoyed in the moment (or they might be, who knows)

The behaviour in this case is something that, in reality, you're not going to repeat whether you get spanked or not. Like say you get spanked for not going to class, that's on you, and you know you need to go to class. 

As an example, I got punished in the summer for spending all day on the beach in extremely hot and sunny whether without putting on suncream. What made me make sure to put it on for the rest of the summer was that I got sunburnt, not that I got spanked. 

But the spanking was a nice reminder and really helped me stop feeling so silly over it.

The final point is to always keep it within the agreed upon limits and still have a safeword in place. A violation of consent in the name of punishment is still a violation of consent.

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  • 3 weeks later...

When I give discipline spankings they are always in the living room middle of the room. me fully dressed. they are naked and over my knees hand, cornertime,brush,corner, bathbrush tell you see there sorry and they mean it and if you know your spankee you'll know there body language...

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