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How Diverse Is Your Community


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The Kink world is a wide expansive space and as the internet has made exposure to TTWD more accessible  wonder how diverse is your community?  When I began exploring this lifestyle  pre internet, the community to me was very small and inclusive. But as things opened up it got increasingly exclusive rather than inclusive for PoC, LGBTQIA, Older and Handicapped players. And this was particularly evident in my experiences  in the Spanking Community As much as we all would hope that we have walked into a welcoming community for many of us it is not.  

I bring this up as someone who has been involved in the scene for over 40 years and active as an event organizer and educator.  This post is not about admonishing the community but opening a door for reasoned discussion.  Whatever comments or thoughts you have are welcome.   

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I wanted to know, are we talking about being inclusive with play partners or just inclusive with people we’re willing to discuss spanking with and be friends with? I think we should be inclusive within the community, but who people pick as play partners is too intimate and individual to say anyone is unwelcoming. I could only be spanked within a monogamous relationship with a man. That doesn’t mean I’m noninclusive toward women or non-binary or anyone else. It’s just an expression of how this works for me. 

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5 hours ago, Summer said:

I wanted to know, are we talking about being inclusive with play partners or just inclusive with people we’re willing to discuss spanking with and be friends with? I think we should be inclusive within the community, but who people pick as play partners is too intimate and individual to say anyone is unwelcoming. I could only be spanked within a monogamous relationship with a man. That doesn’t mean I’m noninclusive toward women or non-binary or anyone else. It’s just an expression of how this works for me. 

The question is about the community as a whole... is it as inclusive as it could be?

 

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3 minutes ago, CaliSpanker53 said:

The question is about the community as a whole... is it as inclusive as it could be?

 

Ah okay. I’m too new to the community to be able to give a good answer, so I’ll bow out now and read and learn. ?

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I think there will always be the spanking community as a macro, with smaller sub-groups forming the microcosms within it. Some are exclusively into punishment spanking (the serious stuff), others are exclusively into erotic, relaxation, and/or funishment spanking (the playful stuff), and still others do it all. Every form of spanking is welcomed on SN, but that doesn't mean we're attracted to all of it. 

It's no different with the interpersonal relationships we seek and the individuals we choose as spanking partners. While SN welcomes all races, genders, and sexual orientations, I think who we engage with has more to do with our personal viewpoints and preferences than it does with how exclusive or diverse the community is at large. 

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9 hours ago, Chawsee said:

It's no different with the interpersonal relationships we seek and the individuals we choose as spanking partners. While SN welcomes all races, genders, and sexual orientations, I think who we engage with has more to do with our personal viewpoints and preferences than it does with how exclusive or diverse the community is at large. 

The constant in life is that people gravitate towards those they feel align with their preferences, so I agree with  your premise there.  What I am looking at as a Black Male is that those preferences become systemic and limit inclusion.  Diversity in the community isn't about someone playing with someone of a different race, gender identity or age, for me it's about do I feel welcome within the community or tolerated and are the doors open wide for me as a full participant.  Inclusion and diversity to me is about acceptance as an equal participant not an anomaly.  

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I guess as a community it’s helpful to look at ourselves individually to ask who we’d be welcoming to. As I said on the racism thread, I’d have no issue with an HOH that’s a different race than me. Nor would it bother me if he was handicapped or badly scarred from a fire or anything like that. I think all kinds of people are beautiful. 
 

While I wouldn’t have an HOH that’s LGBQ because of my own sexual preference, I’d have no problem being friends with anyone with that lifestyle. 
 

I struggle with this kind of topic a lot. I really don’t understand the desire to pigeon-hole people based on what really amounts to window dressing. Stay away from people like true narcissists, toxic people, people who would be damaging to your soul. Who cares about the other differences?

We can’t really change how others see people, but we can make decisions for ourselves on who we allow into our inner circle of important people. ?

 

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4 minutes ago, Summer said:

I guess as a community it’s helpful to look at ourselves individually to ask who we’d be welcoming to. As I said on the racism thread, I’d have no issue with an HOH that’s a different race than me. Nor would it bother me if he was handicapped or badly scarred from a fire or anything like that. I think all kinds of people are beautiful. 
 

While I wouldn’t have an HOH that’s LGBQ because of my own sexual preference, I’d have no problem being friends with anyone with that lifestyle. 
 

I struggle with this kind of topic a lot. I really don’t understand the desire to pigeon-hole people based on what really amounts to window dressing. Stay away from people like true narcissists, toxic people, people who would be damaging to your soul. Who cares about the other differences?

We can’t really change how others see people, but we can make decisions for ourselves on who we allow into our inner circle of important people. ?

 

Hi @Summer What you just said is actually informed.  How we make decisions on who to engage with shouldn't be tied to the cosmetic and neither should  organizations or communities.  The unfortunate thing is too often that is the case. Thanks for participating in the conversation.

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On 8/14/2021 at 7:54 AM, CaliSpanker53 said:

The constant in life is that people gravitate towards those they feel align with their preferences, so I agree with  your premise there.  What I am looking at as a Black Male is that those preferences become systemic and limit inclusion.  Diversity in the community isn't about someone playing with someone of a different race, gender identity or age, for me it's about do I feel welcome within the community or tolerated and are the doors open wide for me as a full participant.  Inclusion and diversity to me is about acceptance as an equal participant not an anomaly.  

I respect this. I read some of your posts, and of what I saw, you have a balanced mind and good emotional intelligence. We need more thinkers of this caliber to raise the quality of our discussions. So let me ask you this: Do you feel welcome within our community, or merely tolerated? And if the latter, what do you need to feel more welcomed, included, and accepted as a full participant? 

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1 hour ago, Chawsee said:

I respect this. I read some of your posts, and of what I saw, you have a balanced mind and good emotional intelligence. We need more thinkers of this caliber to raise the quality of our discussions. So let me ask you this: Do you feel welcome within our community, or merely tolerated? And if the latter, what do you need to feel more welcomed, included, and accepted as a full participant? 

I asked this of Diversity Roundtable Group I hosted and the words that came up  where...Be seen...Question what we bring to the table...don't include by highlighting our differences...don't be made to feel someone is giving us permission to join in... don't ask us to teach you about us without asking questions first... don't turn our concerns into something about you.  

For me it isn't what anyone does for me at this point.  It's about the people younger than me that are coming in.  There is a stigma associated so deep that there are PoC here that no one will never know are here because they don't want people to know.  It's easier to hide  in places like this.  I make it obvious that I am  Black Man.  I don't hide that I have White Play partners.  

I come to sites like this and even in the Real world and jump in because I want people to see that I play similarly, enjoy the same activities ect ect, but I have a style that influenced by my culture. My style of playing may be different than most but that's ok.  We are influenced by our environments and draw people tom us that feel like us.  The difference for me and PoC is that we have to explain all that before coming in. The reality is I know more about the White world real and in kink because your perspectives are the only ones we see.  I do my homework to understand it is almost never the reverse.

This is a long winded way for me to answer your question... what can you do...ask questions.

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