Jump to content
Create New...

Nervous to meet people


Recommended Posts

Hello, I'm in the Atlanta area and have really been craving a spanking, when I tried out this website in September I had a lot of people messaging me and I got overwhelmed by the people willing to talk to me about it. The response was nice, though there were a few that came off as a little creepy. I've just now decided to try again. So I have a question, has anyone actually met anyone from this site and what do yall do to make sure you are meeting someone safely? 

  • Like 2
Link to comment

I have met one person from this site.

To make sure I'm meeting people safely, I firstly meet people for the first time in public to get to know them better, and usually have a 'no play on the first meeting' policy. I'll echo what xntrick above said - Make sure you've got a safe call, but I'd expand it to generally have one. If you feel uncomfortable about the person, trust that instinct.

  • Like 1
Link to comment

Go to the safety section on this site and read the articles there. You will find some very good advice.

Always go with your first gut instinct. If something feels creepy....walk away. Don't let anyone try to push you into something you don't want or you aren't ready for. Make sure you make what you want very clear to the spanker before anything happens. Take time to get to know someone online before you meet in person. Take all the time you need and don't let anyone rush you to meet.

There are some real creeps on this site who are only here to get their rocks off and nothing more. There are also some great people on this site. I have met at least 35 or 40 people from this site over the years. I still keep in touch with most of them and many have become very close friends. I met my boyfriend on this site almost 10 years ago and he's the love of my life!!

  • Like 3
  • Thanks 1
Link to comment

First get to know the person here.

Spend some time ensuring that you both have the same goals.

Be sure to get to know the person then meet in a public place. When you are comfortable with the person then go to your private place.

 

 

  • Like 1
Link to comment

I have only met one couple from here so far and plan to meet with another woman this weekend. We are going to have lunch and talk. Any spanking play will come later - if we are comfortable. In the past, I met many potential partners through spanking discussion sites or kinkster dating sites... and only one was a relatively negative experience (not scary or bad - just not good). 

  • Like 1
Link to comment

@rubyreddand @shygurl both reference great practices for meeting people.  Don't be afraid to advocate a first meeting simply be that, a meeting.  Learning about one another before a spanking encounter can be a great way to talk about topics like this.  Nerves are normal as spanking is an intimate activity but red flags should be dealt with prior to proceeding forward.  Find the folks you feel most comfortable with to ensure you can have a good first experience!

  • Like 2
Link to comment

As a spanker, and a guy. I agree with what is said above.

Chat on line. You can get a good sense of someone’s personality through pm.

Meet first, with no expectation to play. Discuss what you are after and  your hard limits. Be very clear.

Talk about what happens after the spanking.... Aftercare is very important.

Communication is so essential....

Trust your instincts. When you meet if it doesn’t seem like a good fit, politely decline to move forward.

Have a safe call.

If you chose to go forward, I would expect the person to go slow, it might a take a couple meetings to fine tune what dynamic and style works best. Spanking has an intimacy, and takes sometime to figure out, imho. It is not one size fits all. It could never be like that as it is 2 people sharing in an experience.

 

 

 

 

  • Like 1
  • Thanks 1
Link to comment

I met my mentor from a few years back on here. We met a few times for coffee. Strictly platonic stuff. The mentoring was all done online. As others say go slowly, trust your gut instinct and let a friend know where you are.

Link to comment

Definitely read the safety guidelines on this website. There's no doubt in my mind you were contacted by creeps, there's no avoiding that I am sorry to say. Learning how to filter them out is key. The best way to do that is to communicate with people online for a bit. Someone who wants to meet with you right now!!! is a problem, so block that person if you need to. An ethical spanker will be just as happy to spank you in September or October as they would be to spank you next week, so take your time. Don't let anyone browbeat you into a meeting. You'll eventually be contacted by guys who will bark at you about how they're all ALPHA, assuming you haven't been contacted by them already. Always remember that any guy who claims to be an "alpha," ain't. He's just an angry man trying to use his big mouth to bully people. Stay away from that type. 

I have met people from this site, and other sites as well. I almost always meet in a public place first; Dunkin Donuts, a diner, a walk on the boardwalk when the weather permits, etc. As was said earlier, it's just a meeting, no spanking play is implied. During the meeting I probe the other person, not just about the spanking stuff, but normal stuff. Things I look for are if they are gainfully employed. Have they been with an employer for an extended time, or do they jump from job to job every 3 - 6 months? Do they like dogs, cats, etc. More importantly, do dogs like them (seriously, that right there tells me everything I need to know). While we talk, I watch the person's body language carefully. What I especially look for is if they look down and to the left while mumbling an answer. Anyone who does that is lying. I openly admit to having a certain amount of paranoia, however I consider it within the healthy range. I say that because I temper my paranoia with empathy, so when I'm talking to a prospective play partner and something does sound right, I keep in mind that this person is just as nervous as I am and probably more so. That said, if something doesn't ring true, I give the person a chance to gather their thoughts and clarify. 

Listen to your inner voice. If everything feels OK, then schedule a follow-up play date. If you think everything's okay, but you want to think about it, schedule a follow-up coffee date. If your inner voice is telling you something isn't right, get out of the situation as quickly as possible and walk away from the person entirely. If you really honestly don't know what to think, ask us. 

Take your time. Move on this when you're ready to move on it. You have the luxury of waiting for a quality person, so allow yourself that luxury. Good luck. 

  • Like 2
Link to comment

I agree completely. I tell every person I meet whether we meet in public or behind closed doors for first time-

TRUST the bells and whistles. If something seems off, just not comfortable, not really sure anything - walk away-. Maybe ask more questions, etc. whatever you need. 

I usually chat online for quite a while, from there it usually transitions to a phone chat. Not texting etc but actually talking to one another. 
 

You have to remember that for anything to happen, you first have to consent to it. If your bells and whistles are going off for —ANY— reason, might need to remind them of that, and walk away either permanently or get your concerns answered.

HUGE pet peeve of mine.

Link to comment
Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

×
×
  • Create New...
Search In
  • More options...
Find results that contain...
Find results in...

Write what you are looking for and press enter or click the search icon to begin your search