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Asking for a longer spanking


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1 hour ago, David! said:

I don't think you spank someone one to make them repentant or persuade them what they did was wrong. When I get spanked it is because we both agree what I did was wrong, and I should've known better than to do it. So of course I'm sorry I did it, and not just because I'm going to get a spanking. By the time the spanking is over, I am in my wife's words "a lot sorrier!". Some might say "truly sorry" but I don't think they mean I wasn’t actually sorry before. The goal of the spanking isn't really a measure of repentance, but of sufficient suffering to make a lasting impression and deter future similar behavior. Another factor is the spankee's suffering being proportional to any suffering the bad behavior potentially caused others, so the spankee gets "what they deserve" or justice. 

Talk of "making someone sorry" is sloppy language, but doesn't really differentiate between caring discipline and sadism, IMHO.

I agree on the deterrence. That was my point.


Your point about being sorry and not just because you are going to get spanked is an interesting one.  If you knowingly break a rule, why would you have done it yet be sorry independent of the punishment?

 The only situations that come to mind for me like that would be ones where I was so driven by some urge or perceived need to do something, that I somehow compartmentalized or ignored the part of me that didn’t want to do it and then, in a more lucid moment, regretted it. Then, I would feel sorry independent of the punishment. However, the punishment would not make me sorry that I did it other than because of the fear and pain associated with it.
 

In contrast, if I get a ticket for doing 75 mph in a 65 mph zone, my only regret is getting caught and fined because I am not invested enough in the rule to feel regret over the act apart from the punitive consequences

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2 hours ago, David! said:

I don't think you spank someone one to make them repentant or persuade them what they did was wrong. When I get spanked it is because we both agree what I did was wrong, and I should've known better than to do it. So of course I'm sorry I did it, and not just because I'm going to get a spanking. By the time the spanking is over, I am in my wife's words "a lot sorrier!". Some might say "truly sorry" but I don't think they mean I wasn’t actually sorry before. The goal of the spanking isn't really a measure of repentance, but of sufficient suffering to make a lasting impression and deter future similar behavior. Another factor is the spankee's suffering being proportional to any suffering the bad behavior potentially caused others, so the spankee gets "what they deserve" or justice. 

Talk of "making someone sorry" is sloppy language, but doesn't really differentiate between caring discipline and sadism, IMHO.

I forgot this. The specific scenario that led to my comment was this idea of spanking someone and then demanding that they make a statement that shows sufficient contrition or remorse and continuing to spank them if they do not. 
 

 That rings false to me.  I can’t see how continuing to beat someone will elicit real contrition or remorse over the act because it is  elicited under duress, like a coerced confession. They will say and do anything to end their pain.  It will make them sorry that they did it because of the consequences and increase the deterrent effect, but so would spanking them longer without demanding an expression of “acceptable” contrition.  

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2 hours ago, gravano said:

Your point about being sorry and not just because you are going to get spanked is an interesting one.  If you knowingly break a rule, why would you have done it yet be sorry independent of the punishment?

 The only situations that come to mind for me like that would be ones where I was so driven by some urge or perceived need to do something, that I somehow compartmentalized or ignored the part of me that didn’t want to do it and then, in a more lucid moment, regretted it. Then, I would feel sorry independent of the punishment. However, the punishment would not make me sorry that I did it other than because of the fear and pain associated with it.

 

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You are much more aware and thoughtful than I am, if you have to compartmentalize in order to act without thinking... sometimes impulsiveness and sometimes mental carelessness leads me to do something without really thinking things through.  Outcomes and criticism of my behavior then forces me to consider, and in hindsight, I really SHOULD have known better... So I feel sorry independent of the punishment, although the punishment being proportional to the unhappiness and inconvenience I caused others, can actually make me more sorry about what I did.

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2 hours ago, gravano said:

I forgot this. The specific scenario that led to my comment was this idea of spanking someone and then demanding that they make a statement that shows sufficient contrition or remorse and continuing to spank them if they do not. 
 

 That rings false to me.  I can’t see how continuing to beat someone will elicit real contrition or remorse over the act because it is  elicited under duress, like a coerced confession. They will say and do anything to end their pain.  It will make them sorry that they did it because of the consequences and increase the deterrent effect, but so would spanking them longer without demanding an expression of “acceptable” contrition.  

I agree. Certainly I will say anything to try and get a severe spanking to stop... it doesn't mean anything.  The only thing like this that I experience is when the spanking has stopped, but a question about what I have learned gets an answer that is too narrowly focused or too slow, suggesting I still have not thought everything through and grasped a broader possibility of harm from what I did. I get a brief additional spanking, but no further questioning. This really is for shock value, so that my reflections on my sore bottom during the following week will lead me to further thought about the broader implications of my misbehavior. 

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14 hours ago, Summer said:

You raise an important point for me. Like I said before, both me and my HOH are completely new to spanking. Any tips on giving an inexperienced spanker feedback since I’m also inexperienced? I don’t want to push him beyond what he’s comfortable with, but I also don’t want to leave him wondering in his own head if he should be spanking harder or longer. He’ll be an enthusiastic erotic spanker but a cautious disciplinarian. 

This is a great question, Summer. Give me a little time to wrap up some other projects I'm working on, then I'll devote some time to starting a thread on this topic, with some tips that may help you. Others will chime in too, so you'll get lots of ideas to try. :) 

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8 hours ago, David! said:

I don't think you spank someone one to make them repentant or persuade them what they did was wrong. When I get spanked it is because we both agree what I did was wrong, and I should've known better than to do it. So of course I'm sorry I did it, and not just because I'm going to get a spanking. By the time the spanking is over, I am in my wife's words "a lot sorrier!". Some might say "truly sorry" but I don't think they mean I wasn’t actually sorry before. The goal of the spanking isn't really a measure of repentance, but of sufficient suffering to make a lasting impression and deter future similar behavior. Another factor is the spankee's suffering being proportional to any suffering the bad behavior potentially caused others, so the spankee gets "what they deserve" or justice. 

Talk of "making someone sorry" is sloppy language, but doesn't really differentiate between caring discipline and sadism, IMHO.

Well said, @David!. You often make valid points. Thanks for your good input.

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10 hours ago, David! said:

You are much more aware and thoughtful than I am, if you have to compartmentalize in order to act without thinking... sometimes impulsiveness and sometimes mental carelessness leads me to do something without really thinking things through.  Outcomes and criticism of my behavior then forces me to consider, and in hindsight, I really SHOULD have known better... So I feel sorry independent of the punishment, although the punishment being proportional to the unhappiness and inconvenience I caused others, can actually make me more sorry about what I did.

The compartmentalization I was referring to is not necessarily conscious.  It just means that in the moment, your decision making is not what it would otherwise have been if you fully subscribe to the rule and would feel bad not to have done so because you believe in its legitimacy.

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