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Why Does Spanking Work?


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I take it as a given that spanking works because I have been a member here long enough to be convinced by the testimonies of countless spankees. Every day I see the eagerness and even longing some EEs have to be spanked even on a daily basis. 

But I would like a richer understanding and delve more deeply into WHY ?   What is unique to spanking that makes it an effective tool in your life maintenance?  

Some preliminary thoughts...

- is it the ritual of submitting to another person and/or confessing that you screwed up?
- is it the pain that acts as an actual deterrent ?
- is it the accountability it offers, the feeling of starting from scratch with a clean slate when the spanking is over?
- is it because dealing with inadequacies and failures ("adulting") is hard (Life Is Hard!) and thus spanking offers comfort in that someone is still there to watch over you and hold you to account ?
 

Maybe the reason it works is unique to every individual.  But I am eager to hear your thoughts and rationale as to WHY spanking works for YOU.  🙂  

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Depends on how you define "works" and I imagine that this is different for many people. 

I've said this on a couple of threads before, but I don't think spanking on it's own does very much as a deterrent. Especially since most of us are kinda into that 😉. But where it DOES work, is as part of an accountability system that's set up between the EE and an ER who have the utmost trust and respect for one another. So when that person says they're unhappy with your behaviour, you're going to listen whether they spank you or not. The spanking then serves as the "punishment" to close off the issue and leaves you with a clean slate. 

It could also just be flat and simple stress release, spanking is AWESOME, and floods us with all kinds of endorphins. Or the erotic value that it does provide for many (if not all) of us. 

I think the main reason it works is due to clear and honest communication of exactly what we're hoping to get out of it. And working together to ensure that those needs are met. If we do that then, nine times out of then, a spanking relationship/dynamic is going to work out very well for us :)

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I think spanking works for me because having the negative reinforcement of a sore bottom after I know I did something I shouldn't have or didn't do something I should have motivates me to get back on track. Having not had much of an outlet for my emotions as a child, sometimes the ritual of a spanking, and my bottom gradually getting more sore just helps realign me and let go of guilt and stress. On the other hand, sometimes I'm guilty of asking for a spanking just for the sore butt.

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Does spanking work? No. 

Does spanking work? Yes.

As a lifelong spanko who loves spanking and who also desires some form of discipline and accountability, I know that spanking alone does not work to change my behavior. But, it works in other ways - joy, stress relief, sexual release, etc. It works for me in ways that nothing else does. 

- is it the ritual of submitting to another person and/or confessing that you screwed up? Hmm... maybe? Confessing my bad behaviors does help. 


- Pain does not work to deter me at all.


- is it the accountability it offers, the feeling of starting from scratch with a clean slate when the spanking is over? Yes...I like the accountability of having a disciplinary partner.


- is it because dealing with inadequacies and failures ("adulting") is hard (Life Is Hard!) and thus spanking offers comfort in that someone is still there to watch over you and hold you to account ? Spanking absolutely makes me feel cared for and protected. All types of spanking. Working with a disciplinary partner and being accountable to that person can be so helpful. 

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I have had to think about a response on this one. I agree with what others have said. I also think that spanking creates a bond between two people that is incomparable, whether it is for discipline or other reasons. I remember when I was new, about 15 years ago, a woman told me the level of trust you have to have when you submit to someone is even stronger than the trust in a marital relationship. I don't know it that is true for everyone, but that was her perspective on it. And when you have that, you can't help but be close to the other person.

With my EE, I think it hurts her more if she disappoints me than the spanking itself. But we have developed a relationship over 6 years and we have become incredibly close. When I had a surgical procedure a few years ago, she stayed with me 24/7 for 10 days and took care of me. No one else I know would do that.

I think there is a bit of a conundrum though. My philosophy on disciplinary spankings is that they are meant to change behavior. In order to change behavior, they have to be feared. In order to be feared, they have to hurt. Pretty simple right? But if its that simple, why do the spankings have to keep being repeated? I have found that the shelf life of a disciplinary spanking is about two weeks. After that, they slip back into their old habits.

Maybe some of the EEs can enlighten me on this.

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@Spanknutt, I think in my case I have habits that I've fallen out of that I know I need to get back to. And yes, it will suck to get spanked repeatedly for the same thing. But, given how long I've been away from the habit, the spankings will need to be frequent at first. It's not that I don't know I should do it, it's that I need the extra motivation.

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57 minutes ago, Spanknutt said:

the level of trust you have to have when you submit to someone is even stronger than the trust in a marital relationship.

I completely agree with this, was in a marriage/domestic discipline relationship for 16 years and it’s very true.

I also agree that disciplinary spanking should be feared but it has to be followed up with a lot of positive reinforcements. Everyone is human at the end of the day.

I have found that not doing that they slip back into it. Everyone is different ( different strokes for different folks) but I have found great success going that route. Yes, it’s a constant battle sometimes but worth it in the end.

as for pain aspects not all EE’s respond to it but you can adapt your strategy, no phone, wants to go out with friends on Saturday night, nah you can go stand in the corner till bedtime etc, and it usually works wonders. 
 

To me domestic discipline isn’t always about putting her over a knee. Sometimes other approaches work just as well. Just my two cents.

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30 minutes ago, Topspanker said:

as for pain aspects not all EE’s respond to it but you can adapt your strategy, no phone, wants to go out with friends on Saturday night, nah you can go stand in the corner till bedtime etc, and it usually works wonders. 

YIKES!

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2 minutes ago, rubyredd said:

YIKES!

It works, I’m telling ya. As @Am123 worded it were all into spanking. Switch up the strategy if it’s not working and you just might be surprised at how effective alternative punishment can be.

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Starting from scratch with a clean slate, and knowing that my wife cares enough to give me a spanking when I deserve it, are certainly reasons I like that I get spanked, along with my natural fascination for spanking in general. But also spanking does work as behavior modification, because while I am glad that my wife spanks me when needed, I very much do not like "getting a spanking" even though I deserve it. There are three different types of behavior that I get me spanked:

"Oww that hurt! My bottom is so sore, I'm never going to do that again!" 

This happens when I didn't think something was a big deal, but it was to her. I knew better than to do it, but I did it without thinking, or thought I could get away with it. Before she puts me over her knee, she makes it clear how upset she is (there are possible consequences I didn't foresee, she has emotional baggage that was triggered, she views what I did differently) and then she gives me a spanking that makes that much clearer! I spend a lot of time thinking about what she said during the following week each time my bottom reminds me of that spanking. I really don't do that again in the future, not because I fear the pain, but because I remember how it upsets her. This happened more back when we hadn't been married so long, and she first was spanking me.

"Bad habits are hard to break, but you're going to keep getting spanked until you learn!" 

This is true, and she has broken quite a few bad habits over the years. A habit you do without thinking, but once an association with getting spanked is established, you remember not to do it.  Unfortunately, I seem to develop new bad habits at times.

"That's the last straw! You're getting another spanking!" 

Some things are just part of my nature (smart remarks, impulse behaviors). As an occasional thing they're not so bad, but if they happen too often, she becomes annoyed, and I get spanked.  Then I keep them under control, at least for a while. The spankings don't get rid of these behaviors, but keep the amount and her frustration down.

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Great question and one I could potentially think about for a long time. However trying to be succint I think it's a combination of childhood experience, pain, embarrasment and that  indefiniable "X" factor. That probably doesn't really help I know but it's how I've more or less come to accept and embrace this.

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On 7/6/2021 at 1:20 AM, AfterGeometry said:

I take it as a given that spanking works because I have been a member here long enough to be convinced by the testimonies of countless spankees. Every day I see the eagerness and even longing some EEs have to be spanked even on a daily basis. 

But I would like a richer understanding and delve more deeply into WHY ?   What is unique to spanking that makes it an effective tool in your life maintenance?  

Some preliminary thoughts...

- is it the ritual of submitting to another person and/or confessing that you screwed up?
- is it the pain that acts as an actual deterrent ?
- is it the accountability it offers, the feeling of starting from scratch with a clean slate when the spanking is over?
- is it because dealing with inadequacies and failures ("adulting") is hard (Life Is Hard!) and thus spanking offers comfort in that someone is still there to watch over you and hold you to account ?
 

Maybe the reason it works is unique to every individual.  But I am eager to hear your thoughts and rationale as to WHY spanking works for YOU.  🙂  

For me, you summarised it well. (I suspect it may not apply to many who find pleasure in spanking).

I am caned for pure correction. It hurts. But it is simple: offence-sore bottom-catharsis.

The accountability element is important, too.

I will summarise the medieval theologian, Aquinas on 'satisfaction'*: satisfaction is not necessary for absolution. But having been [caned] helps put the sinner in the mindset to receive absolution.

 

*satisfaction in the context of his writing is effectively the caning of young monks, 16-24 for sinfulness that they have confessed.

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Well I started thinking about this question more deeply ( instead of just accepting it as a given) when more and more testimonials came forth with people saying they had no exposure to spanking as a child, had no inkling of it's existence really except perhaps thru nutty cartoons.  Which was the case with me , I was never spanked and never knew anybody who was spanked...if anything it was some old fashioned form of Church discipline they used in the South on hillbilly kids back in the day. 

So I kept wondering where this innate need came from if it wasn't due to any childhood exposure at home and it was not pervasive in the culture at large.  It just came out of nowhere?? From watching Foghorn Leghorn spank Bugs Bunny on LooneyTunes???  Naw, really?? And how did these people who were born with the "spanko gene" innately KNOW that spanking WORKED for them? And it was a NEED ?   

The only thing that made sense initially was that it WORKED because it was the pain being used as a deterrent to stop the bad behavior.  And I suppose the ass is the most effective place for that to occur because it is about the only place on the body where we can be hit without serious injury.  It is about the only place on the body that can withstand multiple blows, except perhaps the soles of the feet, which may be effective too though I have never seen spankos get excited about sole-torture lol (there is a technical name for that...thanks brain fog).

I don't know ... that's kind of where AG's brain was going when he was contemplating this thread and flummoxed  about how spanking materialized and deemed effective even if it was not present in childhood.  Thank you all for the additional insights!!   Shutting up now 😄😬 !!!  

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I think it's pretty easy to actually injure the feet by beating on the soles (bastinado)... in any case it's easier to carry on when you can't sit than when you can't stand or walk!

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On 7/5/2021 at 5:37 PM, Topspanker said:

I completely agree with this, was in a marriage/domestic discipline relationship for 16 years and it’s very true.

I also agree that disciplinary spanking should be feared but it has to be followed up with a lot of positive reinforcements. Everyone is human at the end of the day.

I have found that not doing that they slip back into it. Everyone is different ( different strokes for different folks) but I have found great success going that route. Yes, it’s a constant battle sometimes but worth it in the end.

as for pain aspects not all EE’s respond to it but you can adapt your strategy, no phone, wants to go out with friends on Saturday night, nah you can go stand in the corner till bedtime etc, and it usually works wonders. 
 

To me domestic discipline isn’t always about putting her over a knee. Sometimes other approaches work just as well. Just my two cents.

Geez! Stand in the corner till bedtime 😅. Oh you're strict, strict! I'm new to all of this, haven't even had my 1st spanking yet (and was never spanked as a child) but I would be a sad something if I were made to stand in the corner till bedtime especially depending on the start time I had to stand there. Although I haven't had one (yet) I fear discipline spankings already.

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When I was a bottom, I spent my first few encounters just savoring the sensory and mental aspects.   I couldn't believe this idea that had held my fascination for as long as I could remember was actually happening.  I did not truly understand the feeling of true connection, physical and mental safety.  I took chances I shouldn't have.  But, once I met my husband, the intimacy and security of having someone that gets both 'it' and you is intensely powerful.  

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On 7/10/2021 at 8:37 AM, Pgh-mature-male said:

Forgive my simple response 

• Spanking gives the receiver release

Release defined as ranging from atonement to explosive sensual release

Simply stated but there's a lot there. 

Outside of atonement which I agree is a kind of release, when punishment spanking works, for those for whom it does work, it's probably because it ends with release of an attitude or an emotion. Since it's pretty much been established that spanking or any punishment does a poor job of teaching, this is a likelier explanation. Maybe some people equate it with learning because they experience the letting go of a certain belief (e.g. "You're not the boss of me." or the like) in accompaniment with the loosening and then release of a certain mood or posture. And of course these moods, attitudes, states of mind have their own patterns of muscular tension which can also be released.

There's also the release of tension within a relationship even when strictly speaking there's no act demanding punishment.

It's a thought provoking way to phrase it.

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If by "works" you mean curtails some objectionable behavior, it works by shifting the cost-benefit balance of the behavior at issue.  The behavior provides some benefit, sometimes unconscious, sometimes conscious.  If the benefits outweigh the consequences, you'll continue to do it.  The threat of pain and/or humiliation/shame (depending on how someone experiences a spanking) shifts the balance. 

For example, if you have a problem overeating, it is likely because it distracts you from some sort of fear or anxiety that you may not even be aware of.  If the only consequence is weight gain, you might continue because not experiencing the fear or anxiety is worth the weight gain.  You can deal with the overeating by getting at the fear and anxiety that drives it or by shifting the balance of the benefits and consequences of overeating.  Spanking does the latter.  The real long term consequences of overeating may be very severe, but they may be too distant to internalize.  So, the fear of physical pain makes them tangible and near term.  

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  • 2 weeks later...

One way or other, a spanking is going to happen.  Whether physical or some form of emotional such as withdrawal. I’ll take the former over the latter. I like his direction, his guidance, his straightforward approach versus if he withdrew from me, which he never does.  Let’s recognize the problem, let’s deal with it now, let’s move on. 

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20 minutes ago, Leelee said:

One way or other, a spanking is going to happen.  Whether physical or some form of emotional such as withdrawal. I’ll take the former over the latter. I like his direction, his guidance, his straightforward approach versus if he withdrew from me, which he never does.  Let’s recognize the problem, let’s deal with it now, let’s move on. 

I agree. I wouldn’t do well in a relationship in which my partner withdrew from me regularly when upset. 

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On 7/11/2021 at 12:23 PM, redzonedefense_F said:

When I was a bottom, I spent my first few encounters just savoring the sensory and mental aspects.   I couldn't believe this idea that had held my fascination for as long as I could remember was actually happening.  I did not truly understand the feeling of true connection, physical and mental safety.  I took chances I shouldn't have.  But, once I met my husband, the intimacy and security of having someone that gets both 'it' and you is intensely powerful.  

Nicely explained. 

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