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Went Down in Flames


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After a couple abortive attempts to get a birthday spanking over the past three years or so, I decided to go a more direct route with my wife. I thought I'd sell spanking me as a win-win for her, but also for me.

Yesterday morning we're just relaxing in bed and;

Me: I have an idea for how to spend part of this morning.

My Wife: How is that?

Me: I'll go get you the coffee you want from where ever you want it (the local coffee place, Starbucks, Dunkin, where ever.

My Wife: I can make my coffee drink here.

Me (thinking) "not quite what I'd figured but I'll forge ahead."

Me: Well, while your drinking your coffee, or after you finish, how about we do something that I really think will help us both relax.

My Wife: (with an odd, knowing, tone to her voice) oh no, what are you thinking?

Me: Well, I think a good sound spanking would help us both relax and maybe even given you a chance to vent some of your frustrations. I think It'll help me relax also.

My Wife: oh no not this again. I can't, I really can't.

Me: (since I'm not above bribery). Do a good job, and I'll take you to breakfast/brunch/lunch where ever you want.

My Wife: oh. no, no, no.

Me: (you'd think I'd have figured it out by now). I know you want to go to the mall  later to (her favorite) 'xxxx' store. I'll buy you something there. I'm not above bribery.

My Wife: I'd like to for you, but I just can't. I think you got me at 'sound'.

Me: well, think about ok. We can start easier.

My Wife: we have some errands to do.

Me (thinking) "rats. Not how I figured this would go. Now what. when will I be able to spank myself, I really need a spanking'.

 

Moral of the story. No plan survives first contact. Oh and my bottom still hasn't, and may never get a full adult spanking. I was very disappointed for a while.

Maybe I'll suggest; how about a short mild spanking?

She has to brief errand to run herself later today. That should give me enough time for a quick hard bath brushing. I'll take what I can get, but I still want a 'real' spanking.

Look in 'Writing Desk' tomorrow or Tuesday. I plan to write about how it could have gone ( at least in my mind).

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You might try a subtle approach with a cute F/M spanking image that suggests that SHE may actually like it.   Many EE's and some ER's are hesitant to find out that they actually like spanking, often because they have no idea that it can be fun, a turn-on, and quite often, both.

No pressure.  No high expectations.  If that doesn't do it, wait a week and send her something similar.  No salesperson will call.

fm_OTK_hairbrush.jpg

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I know no one wants to hear this, but please - for her sake and yours - do not force the issue. No one would want to be hounded or coerced or guilt-tripped or bribed. It isn't fair to either of you. If you have already talked seriously to her about it and explained your needs, then that is all you can do. Accept your wife for how she is.

Slightly different, but I cannot imagine if I were married to a man who wanted me to switch - knowing that I am a bottom - and then he tried to get me to change. That would be hurtful. 

PS: I hope one day she will come to you and say she has changed her mind. 

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Agree with ruby red, how would you feel if your wife kept asking you to do a sex act which repulses you? (Because if she won't even try it's fairly sure to be a massive turn off just thinking about it) She said you guys had chores to do, Chores! she's that damn desperate not to be forced into this. If it is a real need maybe visit a prof spanker as then you can show your wife there is no sex involved and then come home and have a romantic evening with your wife....

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"(with an odd, knowing, tone to her voice) oh no, what are you thinking?"

I've heard this from women before but it didn't have anything to do with spanking. Lol

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@rubyredd  @BritSpank Please don't misunderstand me, I fully agree. The 'bribe' was more of a joke to keep things light. I will of course respect her wishes, anything else would be uncomfortable, and unworkable, for both of us. We've been married to long, forcing something would undercut mutual relationship and undestanding.

Thanks though, it is good advice.

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I agree with the earlier advice not to push this. Some people just can't or won't spank their partner even if asked nicely to, for their own legitimate reasons.  It seems unlikely that you are going to find any easy way to convince her to try.  I did get my wife to at least accept that I have that desire, but it took a long time to get to that point. 

My wife's position on it has always been that she can't understand why anyone would want that done to themselves. But she does know that there are people who do, even if it's not something she likes herself.  She is OK with other people giving and receiving spankings if that's what they want to do.

She will occasionally spank me if I ask for one, and only once in a very, very long while will she decide that I need to be spanked.  Seems to me the last time she decided I really needed one was when I unintentionally backed her truck into an immovable object resulting in a visible dent in the back of it.  On those sorts of occasions she's capable of giving me a lengthy and hard spanking, which she knows I would like more often. But the chances of that becoming a regular thing are zero, and both of us know that.  Since she knows that I like to give spankings, and that I've spanked other women and continue to do so, she will very rarely allow me to give her a playful one, but it can't be hard.  For that I am grateful, as part of it is the visual aesthetics.  

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You mention the need is so great that you'll self spank. How do you hide that red rump from your wife?...vanilla relationships are for the birds, but unfortunately lots are stuck in  it because we didn't know that there was an alternative when we fell in love, and now were getting to old to change. Fortunately there's this site where you might be able to set up some kind of clandestine meet between two like minded people with the same problem.....well, maybe...or we can dream......

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Honestly, she does not see it that much, and if she has, she has never asked about it.  I've self spanked enough, for long enough that there is always a bit of a rosy look around the sit spots. She probably does not even notice or assumes it's from sitting at a desk all day. And you are correct, when we meet, dating, even the first 15 years of our marriage, this was not something I thought about. At some point I started feeling like a wanted to be spanked, but I did not know what I really wanted or why. At that time she was willing to do a few spanks as part of foreplay. I always felt like I wanted more, but when I said that it hurts she would stop. Now I know if I'd only kept my mouth shut, I might have gotten a decent spanking. I had no clue why I wanted to be spanked, I just did. The understanding of why only came really in the last year, even that has some assumptions and suppositions in it, but it makes sense.

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26 minutes ago, selfsp12 said:

Honestly, she does not see it that much, and if she has, she has never asked about it.  I've self spanked enough, for long enough that there is always a bit of a rosy look around the sit spots. She probably does not even notice or assumes it's from sitting at a desk all day. And you are correct, when we meet, dating, even the first 15 years of our marriage, this was not something I thought about. At some point I started feeling like a wanted to be spanked, but I did not know what I really wanted or why. At that time she was willing to do a few spanks as part of foreplay. I always felt like I wanted more, but when I said that it hurts she would stop. Now I know if I'd only kept my mouth shut, I might have gotten a decent spanking. I had no clue why I wanted to be spanked, I just did. The understanding of why only came really in the last year, even that has some assumptions and suppositions in it, but it makes sense.

Well your problem is a little different than most here at the forum . You have not had the desire to be spanked until recently. I knew about my husband desire to be spanked before we were married. I have handled that and my husband is a spanked by me on a regular basis and we have been married a little longer than you. I personally feel self spanking is not the answer . Have you considered going to a professional lady to warm your bottom or do you feel that would be cheating. Maybe a good spanking from a professional would get the idea of receiving one leave your head. You are torturing yourself and the desire is going to get stronger. I was mostly spanking my husband 5 to 6 times a month and after 18 years of marriage I found out he needs more of my undivided attention. I wish their were more wives who would spank their husbands and give them what they need. Spanking my husband is good for our marriage,hopefully your wife will reconsider her naughty husband needs and put you across her knee.              Ms L

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@Spankingmyhuby Going to anyone outside without my wife's consent I definitely  view as cheating, and so would my wife. No way am going to risk a happy marriage in that way. Fortunately for me, self spanking does satisfy the need. My drive is for relaxation and stress relief not discipline. I have gotten good enough over time to be able to give myself a good sound spanking. I'd like the connection to my wife that spanking could bring, but I will respect her wishes and what makes her comfortable. Her comfort is more important then mine (I'm old fashioned that way). Since it is stress relief, it is the combination of the pain and the emotional feelings (from way early in childhood), that clears my mind and allows me to reset myself, so to speak. I can differentiate the giving part of a spanking, from the receiving part which is where the benefit comes from.

I've just always wondered what a 'real' (maybe real is the wrong word as my spankings feel quite real) spanking would feel like. I guess that will be an unfulfilled desire. If that is the worst unfulfilled desire, I'll count myself extremely thankful in the grand scheme of things.

For what is is worth, and it's juts my 2 cents as everyone and how they live in this lifestyle is different; I cannot imagine my wife spanking me as punishment, and I would not accept that. But that is just me and my needs. Your husband is luckily that you are willing to and can meet his needs so well.  Punishment to me, would require a trusted partner, fortunately for me that is not where my need is.

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14 minutes ago, selfsp12 said:

@Spankingmyhuby Going to anyone outside without my wife's consent I definitely  view as cheating, and so would my wife. No way am going to risk a happy marriage in that way. Fortunately for me, self spanking does satisfy the need. My drive is for relaxation and stress relief not discipline. I have gotten good enough over time to be able to give myself a good sound spanking. I'd like the connection to my wife that spanking could bring, but I will respect her wishes and what makes her comfortable. Her comfort is more important then mine (I'm old fashioned that way). Since it is stress relief, it is the combination of the pain and the emotional feelings (from way early in childhood), that clears my mind and allows me to reset myself, so to speak. I can differentiate the giving part of a spanking, from the receiving part which is where the benefit comes from.

I've just always wondered what a 'real' (maybe real is the wrong word as my spankings feel quite real) spanking would feel like. I guess that will be an unfulfilled desire. If that is the worst unfulfilled desire, I'll count myself extremely thankful in the grand scheme of things.

For what is is worth, and it's juts my 2 cents as everyone and how they live in this lifestyle is different; I cannot imagine my wife spanking me as punishment, and I would not accept that. But that is just me and my needs. Your husband is luckily that you are willing to and can meet his needs so well.  Punishment to me, would require a trusted partner, fortunately for me that is not where my need is.

Well I am happy that self spanking meets your needs. I only suggested a professional because that is where my husband went before he me. Also my husband and I have consensually agreed to rules set forth in our marriage and that I would administer discipline when needed. We have a loving good marriage but I am strict with him,something we both agree he needs. Someday your wife might give you the spanking you need. Be careful what you asked for I am sure your wife if she wanted is capable of giving you a good spanking. Does she know about you belonging to this forum? She might spank you if she doesn't know,just a thought.When I was dating my husband and found his stash of women spank men material and videos did he ever get a inaugural spanking from me. I received my wedding ring not to long after that spanking . Wish you well.       Ms L

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1 hour ago, Spankingmyhuby said:

Well your problem is a little different than most here at the forum . You have not had the desire to be spanked until recently. I knew about my husband desire to be spanked before we were married. I have handled that and my husband is a spanked by me on a regular basis and we have been married a little longer than you. I personally feel self spanking is not the answer . Have you considered going to a professional lady to warm your bottom or do you feel that would be cheating. Maybe a good spanking from a professional would get the idea of receiving one leave your head. You are torturing yourself and the desire is going to get stronger. I was mostly spanking my husband 5 to 6 times a month and after 18 years of marriage I found out he needs more of my undivided attention. I wish their were more wives who would spank their husbands and give them what they need. Spanking my husband is good for our marriage,hopefully your wife will reconsider her naughty husband needs and put you across her knee.              Ms L

As usual, a beautiful statement of power and purpose, Ms. L. With remarkable clarity, you see through to the essence of the male psyche, at least as is the case with millions of us naughty boys. For at heart, that is exactly what we are. More wives would do a lot to improve their marriages by taking their husband’s pants down and turning him over their knee for a solid old-fashioned spanking on a regular basis. In my view, these wonderful strict women would be doing themselves and society at large a big favor. And don’t spare the hairbrush, ladies! Tan him good and maybe even add some corner time afterward so you can admire your handiwork with his blazing bottom on display. (🔴l🔴)

Gary 

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27 minutes ago, GaryMcKee said:

As usual, a beautiful statement of power and purpose, Ms. L. With remarkable clarity, you see through to the essence of the male psyche, at least as is the case with millions of us naughty boys. For at heart, that is exactly what we are. More wives would do a lot to improve their marriages by taking their husband’s pants down and turning him over their knee for a solid old-fashioned spanking on a regular basis. In my view, these wonderful strict women would be doing themselves and society at large a big favor. And don’t spare the hairbrush, ladies! Tan him good and maybe even add some corner time afterward so you can admire your handiwork with his blazing bottom on display. (🔴l🔴)

Gary 

Yes Gary more men should be help accountable for their behaviour. I believe we as women should run the Household but I do know that some wives do not want that. However wives and girlfriends should administer spankings when their boys are out of line. Yes corner time is very good tool for punishing my husband. Also we as women should invite our girlfriends over if they would not object to seeing this punishment.  Yes when my husband is very naughty he has experience this over the years. We consensually agreed to this because I have a dominant girlfriend who has helped me train him.  Good post Gary.

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