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Do men and women view spanking differently?


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I agree with @KentuckyGuyand @rubyredd. Spanko is my personal sexuality, though I don't publicly declare it, but sex is rarely part of a session for me. While I spank female partners only, simply due to personal comfort and preference, i would say maybe 5% of my spankees and I have had sex over the years. 3 of those have been long time partners. It's not that I'm averse to a physical relationship outside of spanking with a partner, just that it isn't really necessary, at least for me, and that while I'm certainly no prude, I generally don't sleep around casually. Not in 15 years or so anyway. Always exceptions, but my sexual partners who are also spanking partners are in the single digits since the early 2000s. Admittedly I was less selective in my late teens very early 20s. But by 2003 or so I was pretty much set in my ways as far as that goes. 

I'm quite sure it's extremely difficult for male bottoms to find partners, and that's probably why "pros" are so common. I get requests quite a lot from men, though not on this site generally, and usually made in coarse, brusque ways that would cause me to refuse regardless of the requesters gender appearance or financial offer. I love to spank but I have to at least like my spankee, and suggesting I can be bought like a ribeye at Kroger is not the way into my good graces. Bought like a cheap flank steak past it's sell by date is more often the case anyway. But either way, that's a no.

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My disciplinarian and I have never had sex (not that I’d be adverse to the idea!), but even though we are not sexual partners, spanking is innately sexual for me.  Even before her, my spanking partners were always women.  My first one was a girlfriend, so we were sexually active.  My second was a disciplinarian only, so no sex.  And no sex with my current one.  The thought of a man spanking me is a place I just can’t go.  For one, I won’t submit to another man.  But I’m also completely straight, whether my spanking partner is someone I have sex with or not.  So there’s no way I’m taking my pants down with another man!  To each his own,  as I don’t care what anyone else does.  Just sharing how it is for this male EE.

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I think both men and women who are into spanking like the look of the apposites backside and focus on that. My wife adores my behind and love turning it red as much as I like the warm afterglow that follows it. I don't think there is a difference in what draws either sex to spanking, only the approach to how it is done. 

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  • 2 weeks later...

Guess it's time to finally break my silence.  In my experience, I have not witnessed the different spanking views/passions along gender or sexuality lines.  With the persons I've interacted with, I've noticed that there are fewer and fewer people who are spankofiles like many of us.  However there are many more people out there who see spanking as a very minor part of their sexual agenda.  Over time, I've noticed there are many more people in the latter category, possibly due to the more mainstream nature of spanking in today's world.  Or at least that's my 2 cents worth...

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I agree with @rubyredd (often) and I would also classify spanking/spankophile/spanko as my sexuality. It is complicated because spanking is a highly sexualised activity (I find it arousing).  But in ways it is also asexual.  When I am spanked (I am a bottom), I do not immediately (or even ever) want to jump into bed with my spanker! I also enjoy sex, but not necessarily at the same time as spanking and putting both together might even detract from both.  However, if I was offered a choice between spanking and sex I would take the spanking every time.

From a sexual orientation point of view I am straight and can only really imagine myself having sex with a woman. I also used to think that I only really wanted to be spanked by a woman, and maybe that is still my preference. But I believe a spanking and the associated scolding, corner time etc would be equally satisfying from a man.  It may even add an interesting new dynamic. So I am going to self-identify now as 'straight' for sex but as a bi-sexual spanko! (Bi-spanko?)

@rubyreddis also right when she says it is hard for male bottoms to find a partner.  I am afraid that even within the spanking community it is often hard to even find respect from other spankos as a male bottom. Gender stereo-typing seems to suggest it is somehow more acceptable for men to be tops and women to be bottoms and male bottoms seem to be regarded as somehow weak and pathetic.  Some male and even some female tops can appear disgusted to be approached by male bottoms in chat and I'm afraid to say that even some (though not all) female bottoms appear to have a similar reaction.  I am not sure why this is, because as a pure 'spanko' I just like to chat about this subject with as many people as I can who seem to share the interest.  So if I approach people to chat, please do not ignore me or feel aggrieved. I am not coming on to you, I am simply trying to engage you as another human being interested in one of my favourite subjects.  Like Rubyredd I just like interacting with other people.

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6 hours ago, indisgrace said:

So I am going to self-identify now as 'straight' for sex but as a bi-sexual spanko! (Bi-spanko?)

Bi-spanko. I like that!

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