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Just wondering... so when you receive a pm should you feel bad about non acknowledgement?  I mean seriously for the most part I do not go back and forth via pm on here, so when someone sends you a long message, indicating that they have ear your post, etc and then proceeds to ask rather personal questions, have you spanked another man, have you been spanked yourself etc what is wrong with simply deleting the message?  After all it was unsolicited, so am I missing something?

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What are they doing asking personal questions before determining if you're open to them?

Personally, I would reply, but with just a brief "I'm not going to discuss that." Then start ignoring the messages if they persist. 

I only have personal discussions with people who've established a personal relationship with me first. Even then, there may be times when I'm not up for that, and I need them to respect it.

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13 minutes ago, Bramblewine said:

What are they doing asking personal questions before determining if you're open to them?

Personally, I would reply, but with just a brief "I'm not going to discuss that." Then start ignoring the messages if they persist. 

I only have personal discussions with people who've established a personal relationship with me first. Even then, there may be times when I'm not up for that, and I need them to respect it.

Thanks, I was kind of putt off by it, on the rare occasion I address someone personally on this or any other forum I usually send a quick note asking if it’s ok send a pm?  Then if it’s ok I will follow up, admittedly I do tend err on the side of caution even on other venues which are 100% vanilla.

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I don't like it when people launch right into an overly personal string of questions. I respond to everyone who messages me... even if my response is "sorry, not interested." But, you should not feel compelled to respond to someone who creeps you out.

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14 minutes ago, rubyredd said:

I don't like it when people launch right into an overly personal string of questions. I respond to everyone who messages me... even if my response is "sorry, not interested." But, you should not feel compelled to respond to someone who creeps you out.

I believe as women we get more personal messages then men.      Ms L

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30 minutes ago, Spankingmyhuby said:

I believe as women we get more personal messages then men.      Ms L

Exactly if your profile, married makes no mention of looking for play partners, states married, etc.  Yet some persist in believing that you are just sitting anxiously awaiting the opportunity to spank a complete stranger.

 

rant off

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I reply to every PM I receive, and nearly all of them have been respectful. A very few individuals I've had to set boundaries with, but this has been the exception, rather than the rule. I suggest setting standards for how you conduct yourself. How one speaks in their posts silently conveys what they are likely, and not likely, to tolerate. It's subtle, but as a general rule, we read each other more accurately than we realize. So any tasteless or crude comments are likely to draw those kinds of responders. (Not pointing any fingers at you, just stating a general rule for all of us.) And it's perfectly okay to explain politely what you're not available for or interested in. It will be especially respectable if you can do it without demeaning the other person. 

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As a male I appreciate I’m going to suffer far less from creepy messages etc but I’ve had a few crude one liners. In general I just delete them but have blocked a few people. When sending I try just to be myself. Especially when starting out I don’t ask or share really personal information. I do have a tendency to waffle though 😂

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I think the idea of it being rude to fail to reply to any unsolicited contact strange.  That means if you reach out to someone, they are obligated to reply, therefore making YOU the rude one.  As an introvert with an extrovert job, I have decided that my social energy recovery (and my mental health) is more important than these societal expectations. Therefore I do not respond or email back unless I want to AND have the energy for it.  I also don't answer the phone or the door.  I mean, you don't really want me calling to you out the window, "wait a minute I'm nekkid" or answering the phone mid or immidiately post spanking lol

 

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5 hours ago, Child of Light said:

There is no obligation to reply to anyone. There is nothing wrong with deleting a PM without replying (especially if the PM makes you feel uncomfortable). Saying nothing is better than saying something offensive. 

Well there is that whole If you can not say something Nice perhaps it’s best to say nothing at all.  I am not one to say well so and so sent this and my goodness what we’re they thinking ...

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7 minutes ago, Gator said:

is it no longer a "rule" to ask first before sending someone a PM?

Seems to me if I were to want to send the Green Gator a pm I might start with a simple Hello, is it ok if I PM you?

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10 hours ago, Megthe said:

I think the idea of it being rude to fail to reply to any unsolicited contact strange.  That means if you reach out to someone, they are obligated to reply, therefore making YOU the rude one.  As an introvert with an extrovert job, I have decided that my social energy recovery (and my mental health) is more important than these societal expectations. Therefore I do not respond or email back unless I want to AND have the energy for it.  I also don't answer the phone or the door.  I mean, you don't really want me calling to you out the window, "wait a minute I'm nekkid" or answering the phone mid or immidiately post spanking lol

 

I thought it was ok to ignore them as well, but a few times I have received some pms which basically made me out to be the rude one for reading a deleting a series of pm’s

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1 hour ago, Gator said:

is it no longer a "rule" to ask first before sending someone a PM?

No, members do not have to ask to PM members (it was never an official rule by any site owner - a moderator at one point prior to my ownership decided to make that fake rule). Members can limit who they want to be PM'ed by (or if they wish to accept them); or ignore unwanted PM's. 

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15 hours ago, Child of Light said:

No, members do not have to ask to PM members (it was never an official rule by any site owner - a moderator at one point prior to my ownership decided to make that fake rule). Members can limit who they want to be PM'ed by (or if they wish to accept them); or ignore unwanted PM's. 

thank you for clarifying!

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I don't think it is rude to not acknowledge an unsolicited PM. You didn't tell them to PM you. So they may think they are justified a reply, but in my opinion they aren't.  If I do PM somebody that I have not chatted with before, I'm respectful and say something like "If I'm disturbing you or it's not appropriate to PM you please accept my humble apology."

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ByIf any pm makes you uncomfortable or seems too forward I see nothing wrong with ignoring it or blocking the sender or both. I wasn't actually aware of the "can I send you a pm?" policy, which wasn't actually a policy anymore, which is good because I would have inadvertently broken the rules. Typically if I private message users on any forum I'll do so only after I get to know them, insofar as that's possible, from their posts, created threads, etc. I usually treat it as I would introducing myself at a conference or work function or something. Personal questions right out the gate seems invasive and rude to me, but perhaps some people are just that forward in real life as well. Of course, I'd feel fine completely ignoring them in real life if it comes to that, so there you go.

It's funny you broaching this topic though, because yesterday I was getting somewhat agitated about a discussion that was taking place, and I read a reply with which I wholeheartedly agreed and which soothed the inner turmoil somewhat. I sent that person a pm kind of out of the blue (commented on their status several times and replied to threads but never had a pm convo or anything) and as soon as I sent it I realized I probably sounded like one of those randoom folks who walks up on the street and starts talking about random things out of nowhere. I sent a follow up immediately to say, basically, sorry for sounding like a weirdo; and the recipient of my original pm was super nice about everything so it worked out ok in that case. I wasn't asking personal questions or anything though, that would just be odd, and presumably off-putting. 

But yah, I did something entirely out of character for myself yesterday and today I see a post that parallels that situation, though thankfully not an exact parallel. Funny old world.

Bottom line, since I ramble like that actor who starres in The Rambler, is that I doubt anyone would fault a member here for ignoring any pm that seemed inappropriate. This site's purview is a sensitive subject for a lot of people, and a private one for almost everyone. 

Dermot Mulroney was the rambler. Had to look it up before posting. Thanks Google!

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I wouldn't think you necessarily have to ask anyone "May I pm you?" before sending them any kind of pm at all. It's not something I'd think to do. But I wouldn't, and don't think anyone should, ask very personal questions without first establishing that it's okay with the recipient. The establishment can take place via pm, but if the recipient doesn't respond, assume it's a no.

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The irony of asking if one can pm another person is that they have, basically, already pm'd the person without 'permission'.

If I pm someone and they don't answer, I just assume they aren't interested in talking to me.  I can handle that.  From what I've heard from various sites, there are a certain type of guys out there, that can't.  Hence the need for a 'block' button.

Never assumed that just because I pm someone, that they are under any obligation to reply.  I just enjoy it when they do. 

Maybe I start asking too many personal questions too early, but never been called on it, so maybe I don't, either.

:D

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The theory was people were supposed to get to know each other by chatting in the public room first, before going private.  So the question was to be asked publicly if it was okay to go private.   But in practice that doesn't work because more and more people sit and lurk and don't say a damn thing in public chat.   I usually only completely ignore a PM if I am already currently engaged in a PM. 

PET PEEVE:   Ohhhhh it annoys me to the Nth degree when I am PMing with someone and you know for a fact they are having multiple convos going at the same time because of how long it takes them to respond.  God I think that's rude.  Some people think they are such genius multi-taskers and can handle a dozen conversations at once without missing a beat but they are so wrong.  

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21 hours ago, AfterGeometry said:

The theory was people were supposed to get to know each other by chatting in the public room first, before going private.  So the question was to be asked publicly if it was okay to go private.   But in practice that doesn't work because more and more people sit and lurk and don't say a damn thing in public chat.   I usually only completely ignore a PM if I am already currently engaged in a PM. 

PET PEEVE:   Ohhhhh it annoys me to the Nth degree when I am PMing with someone and you know for a fact they are having multiple convos going at the same time because of how long it takes them to respond.  God I think that's rude.  Some people think they are such genius multi-taskers and can handle a dozen conversations at once without missing a beat but they are so wrong.  

Your comment about multiple PM dialogues going on simultaneously is interesting to me, because I treat the PMs as if I were writing a letter, not as if I was engaged in instant messaging.  I consider the folks that I PM with my "pen pals" with whom I am exchanging written correspondence.  I usually write at least a paragraph or two on each exchange, except perhaps when I am being snarky or teasing (all in good fun mind you).  

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