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Question: For women who spank are you the boss or if married head of household. For male spankees is your girlfriend the boss or if married is your wife head of household? As a woman who spanks her husband , I find it hard for a relationship to be equal when I am spanking him. I make the rules. I don't feel are marriage is a FLR one. I feel more like a mommy and my husband as a son who still needs spankings . Ms L

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You specified husbands or boyfriends and I’m neither.  My ER and I have a spanking partnership without the dating-romance aspect, but for what it’s worth, no, she is not the boss or head of our relationship, nor has she ever tried to be.  I am treated as an equal, as a man, not a child.  The only time I’m made to feel childish is when I have to drop my pants and take my place over her lap, but this is for infractions I’ve committed that we agreed on together that I wouldn’t commit, or if I get mouthy, as sometimes happens.  😬  She helps me where I’ve asked for her help (like the way I interact with colleagues), or where she can see that I need help (like in dealing with my ex).  It’s always done in a supportive way though, not in a demeaning way.  So there is more nurturing and encouragement than discipline.

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We are a bit different as well.  Not married, but we do live together full time in our FLR with DD household.   For all household and relationship aspects, she is the HoH and in charge of everything.  I am not a slave and thus maintain my own bank accounts and personal property.  I have my on real property as well.  We do not to the 'mommy and son' concept, but I do submit to her complete authority on all relationship and household concerns.  We agreed that punishment would consist of only bare ass spankings.  We both drafted the agreement and rules and with the adoption of such, I agreed to accept her punishments without question as to determination of need, place, time, position, duration or implements used.  For over 12 years, this arrangement has worked very well for us.

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I have been wondering lately whether this type of "Mommy/Son" marital dynamic also includes nurturing and the softer side of parental relationships (support, affection, positive reinforcement rather than constant threat of punishment) as well as the punitive parenting style and near-total power exchange that is frequently discussed. I understand that everyone has a dynamic they feel comfortable with, but am genuinely curious about the balance. I know from being this field that people who grow up with a stern, punitive parent without the counter-balance of love and nurturing often struggle long-term. Just wondering.

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