Afterwards

[ukspanko]

Following a punishment spanking and any connected discipline such as corner time are there any particular routines or rituals that people find helpful.

When I was seeing the Finnish lady I've mentioned before after a spanking when I was allowed to stand up and compose myself she would say "Now you may pull up your underpants and trousers and I expect better behaviour in future". It was always said in a caring way but she was still in control. We would then have a coffee and cake in her kitchen where I'd sit on a slightly lower wooden chair to her on a throbbing backside. I used to find that really helpful as it allowed me to get back from little/spankee headspace to my adult self.

Would be interested to hear what works for others

[rubyredd]

I am probably the odd duck on this one as I really do not like specific routines or rituals following a spanking. My preference is that each event be (at least slightly) different. None of my long-term or regular partners have the type of ritual you described... I don't mean the exact thing - though I am always ready to drink coffee - but, I mean any type of routine that is standardized.

[PatrickC]

42 minutes ago, rubyredd said:

I am probably the odd duck on this one as I really do not like specific routines or rituals following a spanking. My preference is that each event be (at least slightly) different. None of my long-term or regular partners have the type of ritual you described... I don't mean the exact thing - though I am always ready to drink coffee - but, I mean any type of routine that is standardized.

No coffee afterwards. Check.

[Spankingmyhuby]

This question really depends on whether I have given a my husband a maintenance or punishment spanking. If it is maintenance spanking with my hand like every Sunday he will get a hug and a pat on his red bottom. Because these spankings are a bonding between us like a mommy and a juvenile. This reastablishes my authority for the week and he is told by me what I expect for the coming week. The punishment spankings are different he gets nothing from me but a sore hiney and a night on the couch alone.

[sassylittle]

That depends on who I am doing it with/ done it with. Also the type of spanking. Most of my punishment spankings were with my first Dom and from my ex-husband. Hugs, forgiveness. With my ex-husband after a hug he would tell me that he loved me and then we would just get on with the day! Sometimes he gave me spankings before bed and we would bring me in a cup of cocoa after. With my first Dom, hugs whilst sat on his lap. He'd expect me to eat or drink afterwards and would sit and watch to make sure that I did it. Often we did spankings in the evening and I would stay at his, if there, or vice versa if he was at mine. Sometimes, we'd go out for a meal after. We'd stay up talking sometimes. Sometimes I fell asleep on the sofa and he'd help me to bed and tuck me in... he had a habit of really wearing me out! If during the day, similar situation but without going to bed.

I have played with some Doms and we' ve basically said goodbye and nothing else! Others hugs, lunch, dinner, drinks etc.

Ideally, if I had a Daddy I would like much more than hugs! Obviously if it was a punishment spanking, other activities would confuse things so hugs, forgiveness, being rocked etc.

[Jenna1220]

I am a big fan of aftercare.  I need that time to come down from the experience, get back to reality.  I’ve also found it’s a time when I’m most open and vulnerable.  In those moments I’m all about TLC.  The routine varies depending on the connection with my spanker, sometimes it can be more physical.  However, cuddling, some conversation and a cup of tea have often helped me regain balance after a spanking.  

[LateBloomer]

19 hours ago, Spankingmyhuby said:

This question really depends on whether I have given a my husband a maintenance or punishment spanking. If it is maintenance spanking with my hand like every Sunday he will get a hug and a pat on his red bottom. Because these spankings are a bonding between us like a mommy and a juvenile. This reastablishes my authority for the week and he is told by me what I expect for the coming week. The punishment spankings are different he gets nothing from me but a sore hiney and a night on the couch alone.

I am an EE but not a submissive and there is no HoH in my marriage, so perhaps I just don't understand the dynamic. What I am not seeing in the above is forgiveness or affection. Isn't the HoH supposed to put the needs of the submissive first? What am I missing?

[Spankingmyhuby]

3 hours ago, LateBloomer said:

I am an EE but not a submissive and there is no HoH in my marriage, so perhaps I just don't understand the dynamic. What I am not seeing in the above is forgiveness or affection. Isn't the HoH supposed to put the needs of the submissive first? What am I missing?

I am giving him the  punishment spanking that he needs. No the spankee needs are not first , he needs to learn from his mistake. I decide the length and severity of his spanking and he needs to learn and be a better husband. The HoH makes the rules not the other way around.

[sassylittle]

25 minutes ago, Spankingmyhuby said:

I am giving him the  punishment spanking that he needs. No the spankee needs are not first , he needs to learn from his mistake. I decide the length and severity of his spanking and he needs to learn and be a better husband. The HoH makes the rules not the other way around.

I'd find that very hard and I certainly wouldn't choose a HOH who didn't think about my after- care needs. Yes, us ee's can mess up at times but I always thought the idea of accepting punishment was so that we could pay our dues and then be forgiven. How hard would it be to give him a hug afterwards and let him know that you forgive him? To tell him that you love him?  None of us are infallible and I'm sure that you mess up too. Yes, he shouldn't have any say in the punishment but he is offering you a gift also, by giving you that power over him. I think discipline should be given out of love and that the ER should only punish out of love. If I was treated like that I'd soon feel resentment. It's not anyone else's dynamic and you are free to do it your way. I'm sorry but I just think it's harsh.

[Spankingmyhuby]

8 minutes ago, sassylittle said:

I'd find that very hard and I certainly wouldn't choose a HOH who didn't think about my after- care needs. Yes, us ee's can mess up at times but I always thought the idea of accepting punishment was so that we could pay our dues and then be forgiven. How hard would it be to give him a hug afterwards and let him know that you forgive him? To tell him that you love him?  None of us are infallible and I'm sure that you mess up too. Yes, he shouldn't have any say in the punishment but he is offering you a gift also, by giving you that power over him. I think discipline should be given out of love and that the ER should only punish out of love. If I was treated like that I'd soon feel resentment. It's not anyone else's dynamic and you are free to do it your way. I'm sorry but I just think it's harsh.

Well when I give him a maintenance spankings on Sunday's he gets hugged. But until the day comes that I don't have to spank him a grown man across my knee,then he will be treated like a juvenile with no sympathy from me after a punishment spanking.

[sassylittle]

44 minutes ago, Spankingmyhuby said:

Well when I give him a maintenance spankings on Sunday's he gets hugged. But until the day comes that I don't have to spank him a grown man across my knee,then he will be treated like a juvenile with no sympathy from me after a punishment spanking.

Like I said, it's not my dynamic and that's between you two. I guess people sign-up for different things and have different expectations. It's good that you are both on the same page.

[Spankingmyhuby]

9 minutes ago, sassylittle said:

Like I said, it's not my dynamic and that's between you two. I guess people sign-up for different things and have different expectations. It's good that you are both on the same page.

Thank you sassylittle I am going to write down rules set by me under writings so there is better understanding why I spank him.

[NewEr]

22 hours ago, Jenna1220 said:

I am a big fan of aftercare.  I need that time to come down from the experience, get back to reality.  I’ve also found it’s a time when I’m most open and vulnerable.  In those moments I’m all about TLC.  The routine varies depending on the connection with my spanker, sometimes it can be more physical.  However, cuddling, some conversation and a cup of tea have often helped me regain balance after a spanking.  

For us After care is never neglected, just saying.

[LateBloomer]

14 hours ago, Spankingmyhuby said:

Well when I give him a maintenance spankings on Sunday's he gets hugged. But until the day comes that I don't have to spank him a grown man across my knee,then he will be treated like a juvenile with no sympathy from me after a punishment spanking.

I'm still not seeing the forgiveness. When does that come? 

[OhRedhead]

I, too, find that talking, gestures of affection after a punishment spanking are needed. The spanking wipes my slate clean, guilt and tension have been released, and after a spanking is 'rebuilding' time. I occasionally have subdrop episodes after a hard spanking, and aftercare helps mitigate that problem. Also, the spanking *was* the consequence. I have 'paid my dues' already. Any coldness or lack of forgiveness afterwards would make me abandon that relationship, at least in terms of spankings.

[rubyredd]

3 minutes ago, OhRedhead said:

I, too, find that talking, gestures of affection after a punishment spanking are needed. The spanking wipes my slate clean, guilt and tension have been released, and after a spanking is 'rebuilding' time. I occasionally have subdrop episodes after a hard spanking, and aftercare helps mitigate that problem. Also, the spanking *was* the consequence. I have 'paid my dues' already. Any coldness or lack of forgiveness afterwards would make me abandon that relationship, at least in terms of spankings.

100% this. 

[SETN]

While I never feel that a “script should be followed” during a session, having some consistency in your spanking routine is definitely acceptable.

Like most of you, I am a fan of “after care”. Corner time is often a good option. Finishing a spanking session with a nice hug or embrace strengthens the conceptions that the spanking was not delivered with anger or harmful intentions.

Having a “after spanking discussion” is always helpful.

[SETN]

While I never feel that a “script should be followed” during a session, having some consistency in your spanking routine is definitely acceptable.

Like most of you, I am a fan of “after care”. Corner time is often a good option. Finishing a spanking session with a nice hug or embrace strengthens the conceptions that the spanking was not delivered with anger or harmful intentions.

Having a “after spanking discussion” is always helpful.

[IntsenseSwitch]

Ok, im actually going to say something a little different here. So embarrassing to admit it.

When I was in my early 20's I got into switching and I had a girlfriend who absolutely love to beat my butt. And she never believed in short spankings or giving slow swats. Of course she was always good with giving TLC afterwards, she loved the fact that I would totally take it until Iost my composure. These were days before I ever heard about safe words.

But the first time she used a wooden implement on me and literally beat the bare off my behind, the second she stopped I jumped straight up arched my back, pushed my hips forward frantically rubbing my behind while I hopping up and down turning about. It was so embarrassing. I must have been quite sight with everything pushed down hopping around. She was so amused/entertained by my post spanking dance performance, she inisted I do it after everyone after that. She also inisted I hop around for longer periods of time. If i didn't I go back into position for another round until I do. 

So I'd have to do the after spanking hopping war dance first, than, I get TLC.

[sassylittle]

3 hours ago, IntsenseSwitch said:

Ok, im actually going to say something a little different here. So embarrassing to admit it.

When I was in my early 20's I got into switching and I had a girlfriend who absolutely love to beat my butt. And she never believed in short spankings or giving slow swats. Of course she was always good with giving TLC afterwards, she loved the fact that I would totally take it until Iost my composure. These were days before I ever heard about safe words.

But the first time she used a wooden implement on me and literally beat the bare off my behind, the second she stopped I jumped straight up arched my back, pushed my hips forward frantically rubbing my behind while I hopping up and down turning about. It was so embarrassing. I must have been quite sight with everything pushed down hopping around. She was so amused/entertained by my post spanking dance performance, she inisted I do it after everyone after that. She also inisted I hop around for longer periods of time. If i didn't I go back into position for another round until I do. 

So I'd have to do the after spanking hopping war dance first, than, I get TLC.

Thankfully, my dancing skills are terrible so no-one will be asking me to do that? No way, that I'd sign-up for that but I admire your honesty and bet she loved it. Hope that you milked that aftercare big time?

[IntsenseSwitch]

Just now, sassylittle said:

Thankfully, my dancing skills are terrible so no-one will be asking me to do that? No way, that I'd sign-up for that but I admire your honesty and bet she loved it. Hope that you milked that aftercare big time?

Oh I did, I was dancing for her for a good year and half. Loved the good carthetic release I alway got. She actually had the upmost respect for me and she alway gave me good aftercare.

But boy she sure did love giving a intense (meduim force fast and furious swats) paddling for a good long time nonstop. He implement of choice was the flat part of the handle of a bamboo backscatcher backscatcher. Light weight but OMG stung like a thousand bees at once and it smacked both cheeks simultaneously. Her moto, "bamboo until you boohoo! Let's get you daning! Now take'em down!"

Its been over 20 years but I still remember them.

 

[sassylittle]

1 minute ago, IntsenseSwitch said:

Oh I did, I was dancing for her for a good year and half. Loved the good carthetic release I alway got. She actually had the upmost respect for me and she alway gave me good aftercare.

But boy she sure did love giving a intense (meduim force fast and furious swats) paddling for a good long time nonstop. He implement of choice was the flat part of the handle of a bamboo backscatcher backscatcher. Light weight but OMG stung like a thousand bees at once and it smacked both cheeks simultaneously. Her moto, "bamboo until you boohoo! Let's get you daning! Now take'em down!"

Its been over 20 years but I still remember them.

 

It actually sounds like good fun. I might have shit dancing skills but I have other skills to offer that I excel better in. It's always nice when some-one has the utmost respect for you but who you can completely let go with. Glad you got to have that experience and the fun memories that you have now?

[Chawsee]

On 4/11/2021 at 10:35 AM, ukspanko said:

Following a punishment spanking and any connected discipline such as corner time are there any particular routines or rituals that people find helpful.

When I was seeing the Finnish lady I've mentioned before after a spanking when I was allowed to stand up and compose myself she would say "Now you may pull up your underpants and trousers and I expect better behaviour in future". It was always said in a caring way but she was still in control. We would then have a coffee and cake in her kitchen where I'd sit on a slightly lower wooden chair to her on a throbbing backside. I used to find that really helpful as it allowed me to get back from little/spankee headspace to my adult self.

Would be interested to hear what works for others

I like what your Finnish disciplinarian said to you. It was simple and to-the-point, but caring in the maternal way that I favor. The coffee and cake in the kitchen was a nice touch, too.

After providing physical comfort, I like to take my spankee for a drive. I live in a scenic part of the state where there are lakes, mountains, and a national park close by. It's nice to close the session by doing something quiet and relaxing together, and this has worked for us. We stop at our favorite cafe for sandwiches, then hit the road for a little outing. 

Due to Covid, our last meet-up was in early October, but for winter sessions I envision wrapping up aftercare by sitting on the sofa, watching the snow fall outside the cabin window, and talking. And I think I may have to borrow the idea that @ukspanko shared and serve up a slice of cake.  

[StrictGent]

Wow, Chawsee, that sounds heavenly. I hope one day I can enjoy both the spanking experience with you, and that serene, calm, aftercare. Brilliant. ?

[Chawsee]

37 minutes ago, StrictGent said:

Wow, Chawsee, that sounds heavenly. I hope one day I can enjoy both the spanking experience with you, and that serene, calm, aftercare. Brilliant. ?

Thank you, my friend. Likewise!