What is your ideal spanker like?

[Alcina]

It has never really been about the looks, maybe because it’s more about accountability for me. Connections would always trump any physical attraction or age.

I’m learning through my different experience who works for me and who doesn’t. SN brought two amazing spankers my way at different points in time who were really strict but fair and genuinely cared about me becoming a better version of myself.

The last however was a complete nightmare and very manipulative and he was the oldest of all three. sometimes, age doesn’t bring about experience.

[Alcina]

It has never really been about the looks, maybe because it’s more about accountability for me. Connections would always trump any physical attraction or age.

I’m learning through my different experience who works for me and who doesn’t. SN brought two amazing spankers my way at different points in time who were really strict but fair and genuinely cared about me becoming a better version of myself.

The last however was a complete nightmare and very manipulative and he was the oldest of all three. sometimes, age doesn’t bring about experience.

[maelstr0m]

On 5/2/2021 at 6:32 PM, Chawsee said:

It's nice to hear this, in contrast to the domme-type in a leather mini-skirt, fishnets, and stilettos. The disciplinarian you describe sounds wholesome, maternal, nurturing.

My preference would be a solidly-built, business or collegiate appearance, verbally strict, but polite and understanding approach.  Quite experienced in the use of hair brushes.

[Naughtysparky]

I think the ideal spanker would need to be confident and have a no nonsense attitude. Year caring enough to correct your behavior or to indulge in your needs.  Yes when I was younger I fantasized about older ladies wielding a hairbrush. 

[konadogger]

To me my Ideal spanker would be a woman about 40 to 45 years old that knows just how to scold n spank at the same time but is respectfull of my limitations

[Jaclyn]

On 4/4/2021 at 12:30 AM, SpudStateSpanky said:

I had two long-term disciplinarians, spanning five years, before my current one.  My first spanker was crazy and reckless.   My second was completely serious and boringly predictable.  Finally I hit the jackpot, third time’s a charm.  But I was older and wiser this time around, so more discerning.  

What immediately impressed me about my current spanker was first how approachable she was.  I could talk to her openly about anything.  Also, it was never about her.  She wanted to know how I felt about things, and she respected my opinions and viewpoints.  She was kind and cared about me and my well-being more than she did about disciplining me.

She never “acted” dominant, treating me as an equal and being humorous and quick to laugh.  This was not what I considered “domme” behavior.  In fact, I actually thought she might be too soft and a bit of a pushover.  It wasn’t until I met her in person that I thought “Holy sh**!”  Her dominance is innate.  It’s something I felt the moment I met her, but it’s not an attitude, it’s a quiet inner strength. 

So I suggest finding someone that you look up to and trust, whose personality you like.  At this point in my life, “clicking” with someone is more important to me than age or height, or looks or attire.  

Yes! I am definitely all about personality. I don’t want to only talk to you when I’m in trouble. When we are chatting, I don’t want it to seem like you are only looking for reasons to punish me. A lot of older men push hard for phone calls, real life corner time and self spanking for pretty silly reasons. I want us to get to know each other for a while before we start any kind of discipline relationship. We will mutually agree on rules and their consequences at that point. I’m not going to call you Sir or Ma’am in the first email. That takes time, and will probably only be when I’m in trouble and know it. The rest of the time you need to be able to chill and just talk about stuff.

So I 100% agree with @SpudStateSpanky on that. Show me your personality first. Then we can talk about the spanker part. Also, don’t lie. If you have never done it real life, I’m fine with that. We can start slow and figure it out. But don’t accidentally really hurt me because you are trying to be in control of a session. Check in, see how I’m feeling. It doesn’t make you less of a spanker to make sure I’m okay. (And to know the difference between a spanking hurting and someone in real, actual pain). 

So I don’t care about age, appearance, gender, height, etc. Just be a real person 

[PantiesDownOtk]

It has to be a combination of things but I personally have an older Dom. I also wanted the Father Daughter role to feel real. I found early in life that I am a masochist and submissive. When I was choosing a spanker I wanted a man that got self satisfaction administering a sound discipline spanking. Even if I'm sobbing and can't take it I push my limits to appease my Disciplinarian. After all I gave him the responsibility and trust to carry out my discipline.

[Tiff]

I need a Dom who is dominate if you know what I mean. Both mentally and physically. A guy who is much bigger and stronger and not afraid to hurt your bottom bad. With a very gruff and stern attitude. Very angry with me and losing his temper. Really able to put the fear of God into me. I need to know immediately that a) I did something bad and b) I'm not getting out of the spanking and c) there is zero I can do about it and d) I'm totally defenseless because he's got me well secured over his lap with no kicking or squirmming or hand protecting my bottom possible and that the spanking is going well past my measly limits. If you're scared before the spanking starts you're on the right track.

[shygurl]

The biggest thing for me is the Connection. There has to be a good connection before someone can spank me. I've never been one to play around and let just anyone spank me. I'm a submissive and it takes a particular type for me to submit to.

I've always preferred an older male. Some one I can look up to. Someone I can learn from. My first spanker was 21 years older than me. My boyfriend is 13 years older than me. 

I want someone who is intelligent, mature, not into drama or game playing. Being a submissive, I need a deep connection. I need to be able to respect and trust him and I need his respect and trust. I need honesty...on both sides. Someone who is loving and nurturing, but at the same time stern when it's needed. I need someone who can control me at times, but not be a control freak. 

I don't care about looks. I'm more concerned about how he is on the inside. His personality. Someone with a sense of humor. Someone who can keep me in line when needed and be able to move away from the spanking/mentoring side of things and just be... 

[EnglishSpanker]

"So I don’t care about age, appearance, gender, height, etc. Just be a real person"

Words of true wisdom that help a great deal when applied to all forms of social relationship.

 

[brittygirl]

I definitely agree that the most important thing is connection. I was attracted deeply to my husband before spanking was ever brought up or discussed between us. He has always been very attractive to me because he’s my type, tall, skinny, very attractive face, big hands, nice head of hair, great smile. If he never spanked me, he’d still be my ideal partner. 
 

as a spanker, I like strict but caring, lots of talking/lecturing/reassuring. I like confidence and I like the feeling of being “overpowered” (consensually, of course).

[Michellessub]

Someone who is a little bit cruel and heavy handed with the cane.

[YannaBobanna]

I imagine his hands! Big and strong and calloused, the roughness making my just-spanked bottom quiver as he slides his palm across the skin. Heavy and warm, resting across my bottom in that last moment of "think time" before the first fiery smack. His fingers, tapping impatiently on my butt as I put off answering an uncomfortable question during a mid-spanking conversation about my behavior.

The rest is...complicated. Kind and gentle, but implacable when I disobey or try to bs my way out of something. I don't exactly have a physical type, but he's in good enough shape so that I can kick and struggle as hard as I can, and he just chuckles and leg-locks me.

[Newredbottom]

Exactly like my wife, very fortunate in so many ways

[Spanakopita]

Energetically, someone like Kari Lake would be excellent for myself.  Preferably with a more earthy muscley build.  Average height

[danadares]

There must be mutual respect, and we must share the same basic values. Especially in the context of discipline, if I don't respect their values, and they lack integrity, their judgment is meaningless. I would expect she feels the same way about it. If we have that going for us, then ideally we are attracted to the same elements of spanking that make it exciting and/or fulfilling.

[DisobedientHuby]

They must be strict and not let the little things slide. They will earn my respect if they are consistent and spank me or punish me for the little annoying habits that I struggle with like leaving cabinets open or leaving the lights on. She is threatening but not always consistent about even getting after me for my bad habits. In fact she has threatened to spank me for leaving lights on but has not done so yet. It's my one area where I wish she would improve her authority. Maybe I am expecting to much. She has gotten better about being strict when it comes to my attitude and for that I am thankful 

[TidyWhitey]

Not too picky. Anybody who respects boundaries is a must though

[Blushing]

A kindly aunt type. Never cross or angry but would spank me for my own good, when necessary. Maybe a little humorous too.

[James084]

On 4/3/2021 at 9:26 AM, Cavsalltheway23 said:

s there a specific type person you look for in a person?

I’ve been spanked as an adult by a lot of people over the past 23ish years.  Most have been women and most older.  The best spankings have been administered by older women, both of whom were professional disciplinarians.  I was also spanked by a woman whom I was dating at the time (4 years older than me) and it was a pretty bad.  She did not have prior experience and, although she took the task seriously, she just lacked the skills.  Same with an older man on one occasion.  However, another woman - a few years younger than me - was very good.  Bottom line (no pun intended) is that I think it depends on the individual.  A smaller, even younger, woman who knows what she is doing can be more effective than and older, larger man who is capable of physically overpowering you.  The spanker may not understand the importance of the build-up to the actual punishment, much less carrying out the task.  It’s not just the physical spanking that creates an outcome that is more or less effective.  The spanker’s level of assertiveness, confidence and even the dialog that takes place before during and after a session can make the experience memorable or leaving one wanting.  Great question!

Edited February 22 by James084

[Bspankly]

For me there is a major sexual aspect to this. I like the word funishment. 

For us it's foreplay rather than discipline. 

[DisobedientHuby]

I have my ideal spanker my wife. Does she always do it the way I want and when I want it No.  For me it's displine but she also understands the sexual aspect and will use the threat of a spanking to get me off.  She tells me if I don't pleasure her first she will spank me it works every time.  I give her what she needs and we both get pleasure.  She has only actually spanked me a few times for getting off before she can and only when I disobeyed her orders during sex. 

[AbleHanded]

On 1/4/2023 at 7:57 PM, Spanakopita said:

Energetically, someone like Kari Lake would be excellent for myself.  Preferably with a more earthy muscley build.  Average height

I’m glad you wrote “someone like.”Because, frankly, if there’s anyone whose behavior merits a month of twice daily punishment spankings, it’s Kari Lake.

[Spanakopita]

On 2/23/2023 at 11:54 PM, AbleHanded said:

I’m glad you wrote “someone like.”Because, frankly, if there’s anyone whose behavior merits a month of twice daily punishment spankings, it’s Kari Lake.

Yeah man you’ve just got to look past your hatred of her and think about it like a spanko.  When she was campaigning, didn’t she address her supporters like they were children, and she was the strict school mistress?  Yeah huh she did.  Man what an awesome trip that would be to be spanked by her

[Scorrect]

A loving & firm, no-nonsense maternal figure really appeals to me as do strict teachers and other strong, caring women.  
Count me in, if Kari Lake, is willing!

Re: the political commentary above: Best not to let political views cloud our judgement.  We greatly need leaders from either party who will help us get onto a better path.  We’re in serious danger of destroying free speech in our society and giving in to the haters of both extremes. Time to wake up and treat even those we don’t agree with respectfully.