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What is your ideal spanker like?


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Is there a specific type person you look for in a person? Maybe someone who is taller, bigger,older. I ask because I see a lot of older spankers with success. Is it more a desire to be spanked by a older person? Obviously age may not always be a factor but I feel like some people have a type.

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I think it is more complex than just preferring older or younger spankers.  I think many would prefer a spanker their age, but with certain characteristics of older spankers.  Younger spankers may tend to be more selfish, volatile, or aggressive and that may lead to spankees preferring someone who has mellowed with age, has more of an interest in the spankees needs, less judgmental, and around which the spankee can feel more comfortable and be themselves.  People want the best of everything, but as with everything else, you must compromise.  So some may trade youth for security.

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5 minutes ago, BratToaster said:

I think it is more complex than just preferring older or younger spankers.  I think many would prefer a spanker their age, but with certain characteristics of older spankers.  Younger spankers may tend to be more selfish, volatile, or aggressive and that may lead to spankees preferring someone who has mellowed with age, has more of an interest in the spankees needs, less judgmental, and around which the spankee can feel more comfortable and be themselves.  People want the best of everything, but as with everything else, you must compromise.  So some may trade youth for security.

I agree BraToaster, it's a complex subject. Also, it brings up the question of how does a inexperienced spanker learn to do things right?  

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43 minutes ago, Cavsalltheway23 said:

Is there a specific type person you look for in a person? Maybe someone who is taller, bigger,older. I ask because I see a lot of older spankers with success. Is it more a desire to be spanked by a older person? Obviously age may not always be a factor but I feel like some people have a type.

Perspective from the other side of the paddle, Spanker would need to be open honest, sincere and genuinely caring about making a difference.  Communication is key nothing 

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38 minutes ago, Cavsalltheway23 said:

Is there a specific type person you look for in a person? Maybe someone who is taller, bigger,older. I ask because I see a lot of older spankers with success. Is it more a desire to be spanked by a older person? Obviously age may not always be a factor but I feel like some people have a type.

My ideal spanker would be a Daddy and these are the things that would make him ideal:

Older. Preferably not more than 25 years older and no younger than 50.

Taller ( well, that's not hard!) but ideally 5 ft 10 and over. Not sure I would want a giant so under 6 ft 6.

Looks manly and not massively overweight. Clean shaven.

I don't care about the size of his manhood and would prefer that he isn't massive as I'm small.

But overall personality is the most important thing: loving, kind, caring, thoughtful/considerate, patient, adores me ( that takes time I know), not promiscuous, proud of me, only wants me and isn't looking for anyone else; horny!; protective, reasonably possessive, reliable, honest and open, trustworthy, strict when needed; loves cuddles and kisses; enjoys being spoilt(not monetary); not shallow; enjoys my company; fun, sense of humour; soft but knows how to be firm; and did I say horny?

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14 minutes ago, ukspanko said:

Coming from a fantasy angle my ideal spanker would be a traditional English governess or Nanny type figure...

Or as usual Marge Simpson...

..And now I've got the image stuck in my head of Marge Simpson with a paddle...   :)

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I have heard from quite a few people that their spanking partners were quite different from how they had imagined they would be.

It appears that the great imponderable and unpredictable - inter-personal chemistry - often pulls surprises on us!  

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4 hours ago, Cavsalltheway23 said:

Is there a specific type person you look for in a person? Maybe someone who is taller, bigger,older. I ask because I see a lot of older spankers with success. Is it more a desire to be spanked by a older person? Obviously age may not always be a factor but I feel like some people have a type.

Ideally, my partner will be within 5-10 years of my age, taller and bigger and stronger than me. My best spanking partner was actually a year younger than me and we met in our early 20s. I do not have a specific desire to meet with older men or women, but I wouldn't discount an older partner if we were well-suited.  When I was in my 20s, I had an age cut-off of 35-40, though. 

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I had two long-term disciplinarians, spanning five years, before my current one.  My first spanker was crazy and reckless.   My second was completely serious and boringly predictable.  Finally I hit the jackpot, third time’s a charm.  But I was older and wiser this time around, so more discerning.  

What immediately impressed me about my current spanker was first how approachable she was.  I could talk to her openly about anything.  Also, it was never about her.  She wanted to know how I felt about things, and she respected my opinions and viewpoints.  She was kind and cared about me and my well-being more than she did about disciplining me.

She never “acted” dominant, treating me as an equal and being humorous and quick to laugh.  This was not what I considered “domme” behavior.  In fact, I actually thought she might be too soft and a bit of a pushover.  It wasn’t until I met her in person that I thought “Holy sh**!”  Her dominance is innate.  It’s something I felt the moment I met her, but it’s not an attitude, it’s a quiet inner strength. 

So I suggest finding someone that you look up to and trust, whose personality you like.  At this point in my life, “clicking” with someone is more important to me than age or height, or looks or attire.  

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My first adult spanker who to be fully open was a pro-domme is still my gold standard. Yes there was money exchanged but she really did care and despite being physically smaller than me she could set my bottom alight. At the time I was seeing her I was very depressed and the physical sensations of spanking and the light bdsm she used on me started to make me feel alive again. I remember one time she had me over her knee whilst she was wearing a very casual Jeans and sweater outfit. It felt like a very loving but strict domestic spanking. After the session we had a long chat and coffee. She never rushed me and had a great sense of humour. Eventually she retired due to ill health but we stayed in touch. She was very much the right person at the right time. 

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4 hours ago, ukspanko said:

My first adult spanker who to be fully open was a pro-domme is still my gold standard. Yes there was money exchanged but she really did care and despite being physically smaller than me she could set my bottom alight. At the time I was seeing her I was very depressed and the physical sensations of spanking and the light bdsm she used on me started to make me feel alive again. I remember one time she had me over her knee whilst she was wearing a very casual Jeans and sweater outfit. It felt like a very loving but strict domestic spanking. After the session we had a long chat and coffee. She never rushed me and had a great sense of humour. Eventually she retired due to ill health but we stayed in touch. She was very much the right person at the right time. 

It sounds like you too had a really good one.  Too bad about the ill health.  What kind of mild bdsm was she in to? You ever talk to her nowadays? 

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7 minutes ago, SpudStateSpanky said:

It sounds like you too had a really good one.  Too bad about the ill health.  What kind of mild bdsm was she in to? You ever talk to her nowadays? 

It was just a little rope play from time to time. We exchange hellos on social media every so often. Nice lady :)

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  • 4 weeks later...

I've always envisioned a man who looks like Merlin Olsen (Jonathan Garvey, Little House on the Prairie). Older than me, physically larger, bearded-- the perfect father-figure in my mind: a strong, hard-working country man. Mr. Garvey was always honest, soft-spoken and kind. I can't tell you how many times I've fantasized about feeling crushed because I'd disappointed him, so much so that he decided he needed to give me a spanking. :D

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Soft spoken, calm, good judgment, both enjoys and deserves a position of authority. I've written a little more on the psychology of an ideal spanker and the sorts of things they might do elsewhere. But the above is a pretty good chunk of it.

Strong is good. I remember reading some time ago that one woman who went to a social gathering of Aunt Kay's Disciplinary Wives Club was a former high level volleyball player who mostly gave hard hand spankings. I think that combination of height, strength and preference for using her hands would be very attractive to a good sized group of male EEs.

I'm also partial to those who can use both "your" and "you're" correctly (just one doesn't count), and who are moderate in their use of capital letters and exclamation points.

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13 hours ago, Chawsee said:

I've always envisioned a man who looks like Merlin Olsen (Jonathan Garvey, Little House on the Prairie). Older than me, physically larger, bearded-- the perfect father-figure in my mind: a strong, hard-working country man. Mr. Garvey was always honest, soft-spoken and kind. I can't tell you how many times I've fantasized about feeling crushed because I'd disappointed him, so much so that he decided he needed to give me a spanking. :D

OMG, seriously??!  I knew you to be the kind of country girl who would watch Little House on the Prairie.  ? But to fantasize about being spanked by one of the characters... really???  ?

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I've always fantasized about having a big brother. Probably 3-5 years older than me. Smart, athletic, funny, respectful, good decision-maker, a leader who shows how to make good decisions, supportive, but not micro-managing.

Oniichan (Big Brother in Japanese) would always be available to listen to me vent, help me with problems, support me while I empower myself and push me to be the best I can be. He would have no qualms turning me over his knee or making me write lines or washing my mouth out with soap. His discipline and mentoring would help me to push myself to make the best decisions for my own highest good. 

I know Oniichan is a fantasy.

So in real life, my ideal spanker would be as close to that as I could get. I'd prefer a little older, but if he is mature, he could be younger. (I like to be the younger one in the relationships, lol) He would be fit and active. Obviously, we are all aging and our bodies aren't like when we were 20 and 30, so his fitness would be inline with his age. He definitely has to be strong enough to hold me down if I fight to get off his lap. His voice is deep and soothing. He doesn't yell. That would hurt me too much. He would give great hugs and snuggles and hold me on his lap after a spanking. And my real life spanker would quiz me every night to help me get my next degree. 

LOL, I wonder if I am still mixing up fantasy and IRL?

;)

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7 hours ago, SpudStateSpanky said:

OMG, seriously??!  I knew you to be the kind of country girl who would watch Little House on the Prairie.  ? But to fantasize about being spanked by one of the characters... really???  ?

Yep. I was into Little House on the Prairie (and The Waltons) and my favorite Little House character, to this day, is still Jonathan Garvey. And being the spanko I've always been, it's a given where my quiet little mind went with that.... :lol:

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