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Questions about moving to spanking on the bare


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I maybe unusual among the EEs here as I am not spanked on my bare bottom (I never have been). I am spanked only for discipline. My EE is a close friend and some of you will know that we've compromised and normally I wear spandex shorts and occasionally a boring one-piece swimsuit - my EE hasn't even seen me in my underwear and he's really good at respecting my privacy. But recently he has suggested that bare should be a kind of last resort option and has asked me to think about it; he thinks the mere prospect of this will be a big deterrent that will help me with my goals, keeping to my rules etc. I accept that's probably right but I still feel quite apprehensive about it. In the end I'll be the one who makes the decision. I'd really appreciate your thoughts on the following (I guess particularly from you female EEs and especially those who are not spanked by a partner - so where privacy might matter more):
 
1. whether you feel that from a pure deterrence point of view the possibility of having to bare your bottom has been effective / makes a difference re behaviours / keeping to commitments and rules. Or does it not really make a difference?
2. do you think the same can be achieved by wearing a thong or g-string, or is the psychology of it not the same as having to wear nothing?
3. if it is to be done do you have any advice about how you take a spanking on the bare without risking showing other areas that you  want to keep hidden - have you found that particular positions help for this, or removing underwear at a certain moment?
 
Not sure yet if we'll go down this path but always appreciate the views of you experienced people when I am thinking about this stuff.
 
Thanks guys.
Naomi
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I have always been spanked bare but if you don't want to be, don't let anyone force you. If you are conscious about being exposed, I can see how that would be a good consequence as a last resort.

Pain wise wearing a thong and being bare wouldn't make any difference- it's the embarrassment of exposure that would. 

Your spanker could just pull your panties down at the back, whilst in position, if you don't want the full exposure.

Just don't do anything that you are uncomfortable with and don't let anyone pressurise you into doing it either. It's your body and only you get to decide who sees what and when😀

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1. No - bare or not makes no difference to me (with maybe the exception of the first time with a new partner). The threat of a spanking on bare skin would not deter me or be enough to change behavior. Of course, the only thing that will actually make me change my behavior is... me. 

2. A thong will bare the same amount of skin for spanking. 

3. Like sassy said, he could just pull your panties down to your sit spot. But, I have never really worried about the exposure. 

Do what makes you comfortable!

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Naomi, here is an unsolicited (as usual) spanker's opinion.  I've always believed that a woman's feeling of being bare-bottomed is itself a vital part of the spanking.  That is, a woman cannot experience the full emotional effect of a disciplinary spanking while covered.  I do spank on the knickers (See? I speak British!) but only as a prelude to spanking on the bare.  My two pence.

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IMHO the lowering of the panties is all part of the psychological aspect of the spanking.  That said, wearing a thong would not be detrimental to that element, particularly if a skirt was involved, or long nightshirt, etc.  I think at some point, the spankee should feel at least a bit "exposed" (for the embarrassment factor if nothing else . . .).

Yes, you should be "comfortable" with whether you are spanked on the bare or not, but you should also consider that (in general) an effective spanking should be "uncomfortable" unless you are spanking for fun or foreplay. 

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1 hour ago, SpankorBSpanked said:

 

Yes, you should be "comfortable" with whether you are spanked on the bare or not, but you should also consider that (in general) an effective spanking should be "uncomfortable" unless you are spanking for fun or foreplay. 

There's uncomfortable, and there's uncomfortable. A discipline spanking may be physically uncomfortable, but it shouldn't feel violating.  Even a fun or foreplay spanking is physically uncomfortable, it just comes with a wonderful alchemy that makes the discomfort desirable.

I think the question to ask here is, would being spanked bare feel like a violation to you? There's no right or wrong answer. It's a question of how you experience it.

And there are different gradations of bare. Naked from the waist down is one thing. Wearing a thong is another. Panties pulled down but not all the way off is still another. Would one work for you but not another?

If you're still unsure, maybe you could try experimenting. One possible way: wear a skirt and thong next time you're spanked. Have him pull up your skirt, give you a few swats, and then check in with you. If you feel too exposed, put the skirt back down for the rest of the spanking. If you're okay with taking more on the bare, continue, but check in periodically, or have a special safe word that means "I really can't do this on the bare anymore," and nothing else.

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If you are considering taking it bare... I hope that you can be assured that you will experience greater pleasure or beneficial feelings.
In other words, by taking a “bare spanking” you may simply show that you completely trust your spanker. That would likely benefit the relationship you and your spanker share.
By taking it “bare”, you (the spankee) may just enjoy the additional submissive feelings created.
Anyway- IMHO... if you want...strip and enjoy whatever brings you: fulfillment, good feelings, and benefits. But remember- you are always in control of yourself.

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A lot of good advice here.

I'm not saying one way or the other even as I normally spank bare.

There absolutely needs to be complete trust here.  That seems to be a given in your case (feel free to correct me if I'm wrong).

Is he saying that he thinks that there are times when your behavior would make this more appropriate?

The fact that you are on the fence about it does show that if you went in that direction it would certainly be a more memorable event for you.  If you can manage that and still both retain the level of respect in the relationship I'd say it's a good idea.  I caution that with you don't want to mess up something that has been working.   Decide together whether that's the case.  He may think he's kept from giving you the spanking you deserve by not allowing bare.  He may or may not be right.

Once all is said and done, it's up to you.  He's made his case.

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Thanks all for the thoughts and advice. It will help my thinking and my discussions

bramblewine - really good points. My hesitation comes from being a private person and not liking the idea of being exposed in front of someone who isn't a romantic partner. I think it would feel embarrassing but not violating (or at least not with my ER). But part of me knows (and maybe doesn't want to fully admit) that the fear of that embarrassment is partly why knowing that he could bare my bottom might be a really strong deterrent. The gradations of bare point seems important. I feel that I definitely wouldn't want to be undressed from the waist down (i think that's too far for me, and he hasn't suggested it), a thong would be easier (although I definitely would rather be in what I wear for spankings now!) but as others say that wouldn't have the same impact emotionally, it may be that lowering my shorts just enough would be okay (although that still feels like it'd pretty unpleasant). It's a tricky one.

If I went with the lowering the shorts (what I am generally spanked in) option, does anyone have thoughts on which position would be best to minimise any exposure of the parts which aren't relevant for the spanking? We don't use otk.

dmirk - you are right, there's definitely no trust problem, we're good friends and he's been great since we started this. While I'm still quite new to this, he has experience of spanking others in the past and is definitely really well read and well watched on stuff do with spanking and discipline. He does think that spanking should be done bare if appropriate. He knows me and what I've been struggling with in terms some of the rules and expectations I've set for myself (with him) - as well as where I've improved with spanking or the possibility of spanking; I think he's saying that he feels that having the consequence/option of a bare bottomed spanking for one or two issues/rules would (a) help me because it would be a really powerful incentive for me to stick rules I've agreed and not to do stuff that I really want to cut out of my life, (b) give him more tools to help manage my behaviours and discipline me if necessary. We've kind have had the same discussion around implements and he ended getting a more serious implement that's an absolute last resort, I've now had it twice and just knowing it's an option has been very effective. 

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Keep us posted on what you decide.  It's the old there isn't a wrong answer.

I'm having a similar discussion with an ee who I'll be spanking while on a bit of a road trip.

I'm one who believes in the effectiveness of bare bottom and she's not so much.  We've been very open, honest and upfront about it.  The discussion in moving forward and I think we've both learned a lot about each other and ourselves from talking it out.

I'm not going to go into more detail than that or even report what finally happens because even anonymously I respect her privacy but I still maintain that for them most part, especially in stress relief, guilt-cleansing, or discipline spankings that communication is everything.  I consider spanking itself to be a direct form of communication.

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9 hours ago, Naomi said:

 

If I went with the lowering the shorts (what I am generally spanked in) option, does anyone have thoughts on which position would be best to minimise any exposure of the parts which aren't relevant for the spanking? We don't use otk.

 

If you're bent over something, your shorts could be pulled down after you're bent over.

Wearing a thong underneath the shorts could also give you coverage there.

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If you did use otk it would probably be easier to not expose what you don’t want exposed.  
 

Disclaimer: I virtually always spank otk.  

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You mentioned boring one piece?  Guessing swim wear?  If so how much coverage does it provide?  While not being a fan of pushing someone to go bare bottom. perhaps a good compromise would be a wet bottom spanking?  If the logic behind getting it bare bottom is to increase the level of correction, I think a few swats on a wet bottom would really make the point while maintaining the same level of coverage.

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49 minutes ago, otktillred said:

Why don't u find a man u want to be naked with, then ask him to spank u? He wont say no.

She's not comfortable even being bared for a spanking so now she should strip completely naked? Sounds like natural progression, right? She has a discipline relationship and only a Dom/ ER, who is doing this for his own selfish interests is going to insist that a woman should be naked. It's a discipline spanking which last time I checked involved her bottom... not her entire body so no need for nudity. And for your information, not every man who enjoys the naked female form is interested in spanking. Shocking, I know, but vanilla men like nude women too.

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I’m not catching completely bare in the poster’s story. Just bare bottom. 
 

And she’s processing.  Give her that time. 

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u misunderstood my point. She does not want bare bottom with this guy as they aren't lovers, and i offered a different way to approach it. Don't put words, or thoughts, into my reply.

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11 hours ago, otktillred said:

u misunderstood my point. She does not want bare bottom with this guy as they aren't lovers, and i offered a different way to approach it. Don't put words, or thoughts, into my reply.

It's just not a very helpful response to the op's question. How do you know that the reason she doesn't want to be bare bottom is because they aren't lovers? Some people have been through abuse or trauma and don't want to show their body to anyone. Others are asexual so don't even want a lover. Maybe she has a partner who won't spank her but who she loves dearly and she sees nudity as cheating. Same situation but she's religious and her husband has allowed her to be spanked by another man but her religious beliefs stop her from being nude with a man who isn't her husband. She could have an eating disorder and doesn't want anyone seeing her naked. There are so many reasons why she might not want to be bare or nude and tbh it's none of our business unless she chooses to tell us. It doesn't help to make assumptions why and it doesn't help the OP if we don't answer her question.

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Certainly a point.   

The decision is ultimately hers and I don't suspect she's going to find her answer by us talking about it, even as she essentially invited that.

I think she has her answer; she just needs to acknowledge it.

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Most spankers, including myself, would prefer to spank bare, but I also think most, including myselfm are ok with your wearing a thong or just panties.  Or even over pants if you cannot feel comfortable otherwise.

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Thanks all for the suggestions.

Interesting to read your debate - but definitely no question of me getting totally naked! Neither of us would want or be comfortable with that.

@FLRspanker - yeah, it's just swimwear, standard coverage I guess. Thanks for the suggestion. In my case it is not so much about increasing the level of correction because he has a more serious implement if it's needed, and I don't have a very high tolerance so there's always scope for him to dial up the intensity/how hard he spanks. I think the main reason he's suggested having the option of baring my bottom is that he knows that it would the possibility of that exposure would be a really big big deterrent for me (that's definitely right). It's not really a pain thing. The spankings are plenty bad enough when I'm spanked in my shorts (mostly) or the swimsuit (rarely).

We discussed it again at the weekend. I think we're going to take it stages. We've agreed that he'll have the option of spanking me on the bare bottom as a last resort if I do certain things. If that's going to happen, he's going to tell me in advance and I am going to wear a particular thong under the shorts I get spanked in (it's a bit of a compromise because the strip and waistband is transparent so there will be no physical or visual coverage at the back, the front is basically normal underwear); and I will then be asked to lower my shorts to my thighs when I'm in position. I always have my safe word if I am not okay with it. So it's not totally or properly bare bottomed - but this is already a big deal and step up for me. Knowing that this is now a potential consequence has already made me think again about certain behaviours. 

I'm obviously hoping that this won't happen any time soon and might never be necessary. If it does, I'll try to blog to share my reflections on it.

N

 

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That’s a pretty good solution.  
 

I have lowered thongs but you are in a very different situation.  
 

Since this is for your behavior and you’re being careful to avoid the situation this sounds like an excellent compromise. 

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On 3/25/2021 at 3:38 AM, Naomi said:

Thanks all for the suggestions.

Interesting to read your debate - but definitely no question of me getting totally naked! Neither of us would want or be comfortable with that.

@FLRspanker - yeah, it's just swimwear, standard coverage I guess. Thanks for the suggestion. In my case it is not so much about increasing the level of correction because he has a more serious implement if it's needed, and I don't have a very high tolerance so there's always scope for him to dial up the intensity/how hard he spanks. I think the main reason he's suggested having the option of baring my bottom is that he knows that it would the possibility of that exposure would be a really big big deterrent for me (that's definitely right). It's not really a pain thing. The spankings are plenty bad enough when I'm spanked in my shorts (mostly) or the swimsuit (rarely).

We discussed it again at the weekend. I think we're going to take it stages. We've agreed that he'll have the option of spanking me on the bare bottom as a last resort if I do certain things. If that's going to happen, he's going to tell me in advance and I am going to wear a particular thong under the shorts I get spanked in (it's a bit of a compromise because the strip and waistband is transparent so there will be no physical or visual coverage at the back, the front is basically normal underwear); and I will then be asked to lower my shorts to my thighs when I'm in position. I always have my safe word if I am not okay with it. So it's not totally or properly bare bottomed - but this is already a big deal and step up for me. Knowing that this is now a potential consequence has already made me think again about certain behaviours. 

I'm obviously hoping that this won't happen any time soon and might never be necessary. If it does, I'll try to blog to share my reflections on it.

N

 

So sounds like your spankings are working, so why try and fix them?   If I may suggest other alternatives, to add as a deterrent, what about corner time After your spanking followed up by a few extra swats afterwards?  If getting spanked in shorts works, why not reserve the swim suit for the times when your behavior warrants it?

 

 

 

 

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On 3/25/2021 at 3:38 AM, Naomi said:

Thanks all for the suggestions.

Interesting to read your debate - but definitely no question of me getting totally naked! Neither of us would want or be comfortable with that.

@FLRspanker - yeah, it's just swimwear, standard coverage I guess. Thanks for the suggestion. In my case it is not so much about increasing the level of correction because he has a more serious implement if it's needed, and I don't have a very high tolerance so there's always scope for him to dial up the intensity/how hard he spanks. I think the main reason he's suggested having the option of baring my bottom is that he knows that it would the possibility of that exposure would be a really big big deterrent for me (that's definitely right). It's not really a pain thing. The spankings are plenty bad enough when I'm spanked in my shorts (mostly) or the swimsuit (rarely).

We discussed it again at the weekend. I think we're going to take it stages. We've agreed that he'll have the option of spanking me on the bare bottom as a last resort if I do certain things. If that's going to happen, he's going to tell me in advance and I am going to wear a particular thong under the shorts I get spanked in (it's a bit of a compromise because the strip and waistband is transparent so there will be no physical or visual coverage at the back, the front is basically normal underwear); and I will then be asked to lower my shorts to my thighs when I'm in position. I always have my safe word if I am not okay with it. So it's not totally or properly bare bottomed - but this is already a big deal and step up for me. Knowing that this is now a potential consequence has already made me think again about certain behaviours. 

I'm obviously hoping that this won't happen any time soon and might never be necessary. If it does, I'll try to blog to share my reflections on it.

N

 

Glad you discussed it, take you time and do what is best for you.

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In the interests of full disclosure, my spanking experiences have been all sexual in nature, so I have to admit, I have no experience with where you are coming from on this.  So, admittedly, for me, the question of spanking on the bare or not is a sexually loaded question.  If you are concerned about the sexual aspects of being spanked on the bare, I would say that you should explore other options.  

If your interest is entirely about effectiveness of punishment, then I would recommend that you focus on the substance and not the form.  First point I would make is that if you were okay with being spanked in a thong (not that you are), that's effectively the same as being spanked on the bare, so really, there is no need for nudity unless you need that added dimension.

My second point would be that, even if you settled on being spanked over panties, that's still no impediment to severity.  That's especially true since any serious implement over panties is still capable of hurting like a total mo-fo.  Although I don't like spanking my wife over jeans because I can't tell what's going on.  But over panties, no problem.  

Also, with panties, or swimwear for that matter, it's quite easy to expose more skin around the target area.  Think of swimmers, divers, or gymnasts showing off their fetching cheeky bottoms after a routine before they think to tug their shorts back into place.  I'm not suggesting that your ER initiate this, but how would you feel about exposing a bit more cheek as it were.  Show some skin and request your ER to lay it on harder and you may even get more than you bargained for.  With panties, or even swimwear, you can approximate the effect of taking a spanking on the bare without any nudity or unnecessary exposure.  

Finally, are you being spanked by hand or with an implement?  Hand spanking is just way more intimate and prone to be erotic.  Getting whacked with a serious wooden paddle, not so much.  If you are serious that you just want to find a suitable level of severity, but want to steer clear of eroticism, choose a decent spanking implement that's all business and hurts like hell.    

  

 

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