Jump to content
Spanking Needs Forums

First spanking jitters


Recommended Posts

So as my first adult spanking gets closer, I’m feeling quiet anxious as to so many details. There are so many unknowns that my mind tries to fill in! What will we discuss before? What do you wear to a spanking? How will i know when it will begin? Positions? Hand? Strap? Paddle? Cane? Pants up or down? Underwear? Do you leave your shoes on? How much will it hurt? Do I have to count? Will I cry? When it’s over, cornertime? Or is that before? Or not at all? 
 

Sooooooooo much my mind screams at me all day long it seems, but I also don’t want to overwhelm my disciplinarian asking 1000 questions, when it will be something she decides possibly in the moment anyway.

How in depth do you plan things out before your first punishment?

Link to post
2 minutes ago, Spankinlyfe said:

So as my first adult spanking gets closer, I’m feeling quiet anxious as to so many details. There are so many unknowns that my mind tries to fill in! What will we discuss before? What do you wear to a spanking? How will i know when it will begin? Positions? Hand? Strap? Paddle? Cane? Pants up or down? Underwear? Do you leave your shoes on? How much will it hurt? Do I have to count? Will I cry? When it’s over, cornertime? Or is that before? Or not at all? 
 

Sooooooooo much my mind screams at me all day long it seems, but I also don’t want to overwhelm my disciplinarian asking 1000 questions, when it will be something she decides possibly in the moment anyway.

How in depth do you plan things out before your first punishment?

No offense but these things should be discussed well ahead of time.

  • Like 1
Link to post

@NewEr is right, these things should be discussed before you agree to anything. No-one can tell you what you discuss because everyone's different. What's important to me, might not be important to you and vice versa. You need to ask yourself " what things are important, to me, to discuss?" If she can't or won't answer them or she makes you feel like you're overwhelming her with questions then she shouldn't be spanking you in the first place. Get a pen and paper and write down all the things that you want to know and ask her them.

  • Like 1
Link to post

Here's something to discuss:  Will you be using a safeword.  While it's your choice, ultimately, it has to be decided beforehand whether you will or not, and if so, what it is, and if not, are you aware of what not using one entails.  Also, what are your hard limits, soft limits and no limits, as well as your er's (mine is canes; I won't use a formal cane on someone, no matter if it's not a limit for them).

Those are just a couple general, overall things that you should discuss well before the knock on the door for your first spanking to begin. And don't worry, like sassylittle says, if all your questions won't be answered, perhaps the first spanking should be put off until they are, as a good er will answer any and all questions beforehand. I spent over an hour, sitting in a diner, answering every question my ee had and filling in a lot of those she didn't, before she ever made the decision to move forward with her first spanking, ever.  It made it all that much more enjoyable for both of us.

Good luck and ask away, you have the right to know.

  • Like 1
Link to post

I love the anticipation of not knowing all of the details... almost as much as I love knowing most of the details. 

Since it is your first time, you should definitely talk to your partner about implements, corner time and other punishments, positions, etc. You don't need to plan every second, but you should communicate thoroughly. 

As for crying... it is hard to say. I have cried twice in my life from a spanking. It doesn't happen to everyone or all the time.

  • Like 2
Link to post

It’s very normal to be nervous, and think about all the “what ifs”. Make sure you feel 100 percent comfortable with this person, as you’re putting your trust in them to keep you safe.  You should feel comfortable enough to ask as many questions, there’s no question to small or silly.  If someone doesn’t want to answer your questions, that’s a red flag in my opinion.  I want people I spank to ask anything, and likewise I ask many questions. I need to know things , such as their hard limits, any phrases I shouldn’t use that could cause a trigger for them.  The list goes on and on.  Ask your questions, and you’ll still be nervous, but getting your answers will help you not dwell on them.  Remember your in control of this, so don’t hesitate to state your limits.  Be safe, and I hope it goes well.  

Link to post

Sounds like your hard limit, right now, is not knowing the answers to your questions.

You should not be spanked until that limit is met. It wouldn't be safe. Even if it doesn't physically harm you, it's not emotionally safe to start a spanking without being comfortable with all the contingencies.

If there's anything you'd rather not know specific details of until it happens--like, say, you'd prefer to find out then and there whether she'll use a paddle or a strap--then ask the question behind the question. You really want to know, I think, what she would and wouldn't do. If she's already a disciplinarian to other people (I'm assuming she is, the way you described it) she'll have her usual way of doing things: preference for implements, whether and when she'd use corner time, things like that. She can tell you how she tends to go about it without telling you specifically what she's going to do with you. And she might vary her approach with different people, so just because she might do something under some circumstances, doesn't necessarily mean she'll do it in your session.

As others said, if she refuses to answer any of your questions, or makes you feel you shouldn't ask them, that's a red flag.  Enough of one for a whole Communist parade.

Link to post
1 hour ago, sassylittle said:

@NewEr is right, these things should be discussed before you agree to anything. No-one can tell you what you discuss because everyone's different. What's important to me, might not be important to you and vice versa. You need to ask yourself " what things are important, to me, to discuss?" If she can't or won't answer them or she makes you feel like you're overwhelming her with questions then she shouldn't be spanking you in the first place. Get a pen and paper and write down all the things that you want to know and ask her them.

Alternative option is a introduction spanking where you aren’t getting punished so much as going through what the expectations and limits are. that’s how every spanker I’ve had has done it. 
then a spanking comes with actual discipline. 
 

  • Like 1
Link to post
3 minutes ago, NeedDiscipline1 said:

Alternative option is a introduction spanking where you aren’t getting punished so much as going through what the expectations and limits are. that’s how every spanker I’ve had has done it. 
then a spanking comes with actual discipline. 
 

I think that he should be doing both. I would never agree to anything until my questions are answered and I never play hard on the first meet. How do you even know that you are going to be compatible, without doing either? The first play/ punishment or whatever anyone wants to call it, should be some kind of introduction spanking... you are getting the feel of each other. Trust isn't an instant thing either so you need to build that before anything serious happens. Has he even met this woman? If not he should be meeting her for coffee or something first. This doesn't feel like a safe situation and so much can go wrong. Always ask questions and stay well away from people who won't answer them or make you feel like some kind of burden for doing so. Don't rush anything either. Safety first, spanking second.

  • Like 1
Link to post

I appreciate the constructive thoughts, and surprisingly enough, apparently the easiest solution is...ask. It’s the obvious enough but still difficult to do.

We had a great conversation and she’s someone I trust. It definitely helps know what the situation will actually entail, although no less daunting.  I agree with the red flags thing, but she’s always been open and supportive the whole journey. 

I think the apprehension, nerves, and not wanting to feel needy are simply my issue. It’s still difficult for my brain to wrap itself around the idea that there’s a person who understands and accepts my needs, and is actually supportive in wanting to provide for them! It’s wonderful to have a community of those that understand these feelings though.

 

 

  • Like 2
  • Thanks 1
Link to post
1 hour ago, sassylittle said:

I think that he should be doing both. I would never agree to anything until my questions are answered and I never play hard on the first meet. How do you even know that you are going to be compatible, without doing either? The first play/ punishment or whatever anyone wants to call it, should be some kind of introduction spanking... you are getting the feel of each other. Trust isn't an instant thing either so you need to build that before anything serious happens. Has he even met this woman? If not he should be meeting her for coffee or something first. This doesn't feel like a safe situation and so much can go wrong. Always ask questions and stay well away from people who won't answer them or make you feel like some kind of burden for doing so. Don't rush anything either. Safety first, spanking second.

For sure, the plan would be to meet publicly and make sure we are both comfortable first, and any interaction that day will be more “maintenance” style introductory spanking, just to explore feelings and how my body reacts. Safety is always first and foremost, but any apprehension or nervousness I have isn’t based there.

Link to post
On 2/11/2021 at 5:13 PM, Spankinlyfe said:

That’s why I’m asking what you discuss...

So have you addressed your concerns with her?  Is this a first time encounter?  How did you come to know of her services, and does she have others that she has disciplined that you can talk to?

 

It it were me I would be meeting with you, and you would be made to prepare for your spanking, then we would discuss specifics.  Afterwards you would be sent home to think about it, and make a decision if it’s going to work for each of you or not.

Link to post
8 hours ago, IndySpanko said:

Wear your prettiest panties -- not a thong. Most spankers like to see the bottom nicely encased ... before they come down ...

tony

Who says they have to come down?  I do so enjoy spanking a bottom in panties.

Link to post
22 minutes ago, NewEr said:

Who says they have to come down?  I do so enjoy spanking a bottom in panties.

Haha I’d normally agree, but it’s been made clear that my spankings are to be given on the bare bottom. No panties for me.

Link to post

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
×
×
  • Create New...