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How much structure is really needed?  We are looking to put a program in place.  If you have been doing it for a while can you offer some suggestions?  From what we have learned consistency and communication are the keys.  While I really do not want to be on the receiving end it really only seems fair that spanking should be an available consequence for each of us if the need arises.

 

I am thinking of compiling  a list of behaviors that he needs to work on and outlining consequences.  One of our issues have been in the past that immediate correction is not always an option any thoughts?

 

Thanks

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Been in two 24/7 DD relationships, one a marriage.  You are right communication is key.  Message me if you would like detailed suggestions.

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Okay.  I take it that your are thinking of evolving from a straight FLR to a cooperative domestic discipline arrangement.  So, here's what I would say from my own experience, for what it's worth:

My wife and I practice co-DD, but I will admit, I am more dominant between us.  Nevertheless, the fact that I submit to my wife for rule breaks makes all the difference in the world.  So, I would recommend that you think about whether you feel the need to submit to your spouse on occasion.  It doesn't need to be most of the time.  But I could not do DD with my wife otherwise.

I also highly recommend a formal set of rules.  Try to get a meeting of the minds about the rules and the consequences.  And think about the rules you need to follow as well as your spouse.  This is where you are really consenting to the arrangement.  Clear rules make for clear consent.  And I can tell you, when I break the rules, it's good that the rules are clear, and there's no question that consequences are required.  I enforce the rules on her, but it's as important to me as it is to my wife that I answer to her when I am out-of-line.  In fact, I insist on it.  

Also, and take this as strictly my own opinion from my own experience, don't make a bunch of rules about pet peeves and minor gripes.  Set the bar high.  Figure out what the really bad behaviors are that need to be addressed.  Maybe you have a near perfect marriage, and there are no major dysfunctions.  But that would make your marriage the rare exception.  My wife and I took the things that would normally grow to the point of breaking up a marriage, we identified them, and made a rule list and dedicated ourselves to resolving those issues.  And much to my surprise, it really worked.

Finally, I will admit that I make it sound easy.  It's not easy.  Unless you are a couple of angels, you will have some bumps in the road trying to get this to work.  Just stick to your guns.  If you love each other, you can dig deep and make it work.  Just keep at it and don't give up.

 

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I think if you are just starting out, it helps to have very specific guidelines as to what is a spankable offense.  When my wife and I decided to use Female Led Domestic Discipline in our marriage, we sat down and literally wrote down a list of things that would result in me being spanked.  (The particulars of our list don't really matter, it's YOUR list that is important.)  In addition to the list of spankable offenses, there was also a paragraph where I acknowledged the need for loving discipline in our marriage, and a paragraph where she agreed to administer that discipline. I then word processed it, and printed it out.  We each signed it, then it was framed and hung in our bedroom closet, along with her paddles.  From that point on, I knew exactly what was expected of me, as well as what she would and would not tolerate. 

Although it might seem like a silly exercise, let me give you an example of just how powerful that document turned out to be.  A good year or so later, my wife decided I had earned a trip over her knee, but that particular day I was in no mood for a spanking.  I begrudgingly got across her knee, and she started paddling me.  Mentally, I wanted nothing to do with a spanking and my stubbornness got the best of me.  I literally got up off her lap, still complaining about being spanked.  In my anger, I went into the bedroom closet and pulled our "contract" off the wall, removed it from the frame, and tore it to pieces.  

A few weeks later, full of guilt over what had occurred and wanting to make it right, I asked my wife to spank me.  I even offered to reprint our contract for discipline.  She calmly stated she didn't want me to reprint our agreement.  To my surprise she produced a small paper bag and handed it to me, along with a roll of scotch tape.  In the bag was the original agreement that I had torn to shreds.  Instead of throwing it away, she had saved the pieces (knowing full well I would eventually regret my decision).  She then said, "I'll spank you once you have put that back together, and not until."  

Needless to say, I immediately got to work taping all the little pieces together, put it back in the frame and hung it back on the wall.  She still made me wait a few days before deciding to spank me again, and when she finally did march me down into our family room and put me over her knee, before delivering the first swat of her paddle she said, "If you EVER climb off my lap again when I am spanking you, that will be the LAST time I'll ever spank you."  She didn't ask me if I understood, or wait for a response.  She just started paddling my fanny. 

Since that occasion, I wouldn't dream of not staying put . . .

Hope this was helpful.

 

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15 hours ago, SpankorBSpanked said:

I think if you are just starting out, it helps to have very specific guidelines as to what is a spankable offense.  When my wife and I decided to use Female Led Domestic Discipline in our marriage, we sat down and literally wrote down a list of things that would result in me being spanked.  (The particulars of our list don't really matter, it's YOUR list that is important.)  In addition to the list of spankable offenses, there was also a paragraph where I acknowledged the need for loving discipline in our marriage, and a paragraph where she agreed to administer that discipline. I then word processed it, and printed it out.  We each signed it, then it was framed and hung in our bedroom closet, along with her paddles.  From that point on, I knew exactly what was expected of me, as well as what she would and would not tolerate. 

Although it might seem like a silly exercise, let me give you an example of just how powerful that document turned out to be.  A good year or so later, my wife decided I had earned a trip over her knee, but that particular day I was in no mood for a spanking.  I begrudgingly got across her knee, and she started paddling me.  Mentally, I wanted nothing to do with a spanking and my stubbornness got the best of me.  I literally got up off her lap, still complaining about being spanked.  In my anger, I went into the bedroom closet and pulled our "contract" off the wall, removed it from the frame, and tore it to pieces.  

A few weeks later, full of guilt over what had occurred and wanting to make it right, I asked my wife to spank me.  I even offered to reprint our contract for discipline.  She calmly stated she didn't want me to reprint our agreement.  To my surprise she produced a small paper bag and handed it to me, along with a roll of scotch tape.  In the bag was the original agreement that I had torn to shreds.  Instead of throwing it away, she had saved the pieces (knowing full well I would eventually regret my decision).  She then said, "I'll spank you once you have put that back together, and not until."  

Needless to say, I immediately got to work taping all the little pieces together, put it back in the frame and hung it back on the wall.  She still made me wait a few days before deciding to spank me again, and when she finally did march me down into our family room and put me over her knee, before delivering the first swat of her paddle she said, "If you EVER climb off my lap again when I am spanking you, that will be the LAST time I'll ever spank you."  She didn't ask me if I understood, or wait for a response.  She just started paddling my fanny. 

Since that occasion, I wouldn't dream of not staying put . . .

Hope this was helpful.

 

Dude, that was one of the most heartwarming stories I have read on any spanking site in a long time.  I'm glad you and your wife have such a loving and powerful relationship.  If I ever had the chance to be in a DD relationship, I'd want it to be just like yours.  Thanks for sharing.

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On 1/24/2021 at 12:52 PM, FLRspanker said:

How much structure is really needed?  We are looking to put a program in place.  If you have been doing it for a while can you offer some suggestions?  From what we have learned consistency and communication are the keys.  While I really do not want to be on the receiving end it really only seems fair that spanking should be an available consequence for each of us if the need arises.

 

I am thinking of compiling  a list of behaviors that he needs to work on and outlining consequences.  One of our issues have been in the past that immediate correction is not always an option any thoughts?

 

Thanks

If you don't want to be on the receiving end, then you shouldn't have to be. Just because you spank him does not mean he gets to spank you! Especially in a female-led relationship. You are dominant and he is submissive. You punish him, but he does not punish you. Is it unfair that you don't receive the same consequences when you "misbehave"? Not if that is what you both agreed to. In that sense it is somewhat like a parent-child relationship. The parent doesn't often get punished for misbehaving, and certainly not by the child! This does put a lot of responsibility on the dominant--to act responsibly, to not take advantage of her dominance. That gets back to the communication and structure that you spoke about. Have a clear understanding from the beginning. A submissive can certainly point out to his dominant some behavior by her that he thinks needs to be improved. But he should not expect to be able to spank her for it! In an FLR that's a tool SHE uses to improve his behavior, not the other way around.

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6 hours ago, IndySpanko said:

If you don't want to be on the receiving end, then you shouldn't have to be. Just because you spank him does not mean he gets to spank you! Especially in a female-led relationship. You are dominant and he is submissive. You punish him, but he does not punish you. Is it unfair that you don't receive the same consequences when you "misbehave"? Not if that is what you both agreed to. In that sense it is somewhat like a parent-child relationship. The parent doesn't often get punished for misbehaving, and certainly not by the child! This does put a lot of responsibility on the dominant--to act responsibly, to not take advantage of her dominance. That gets back to the communication and structure that you spoke about. Have a clear understanding from the beginning. A submissive can certainly point out to his dominant some behavior by her that he thinks needs to be improved. But he should not expect to be able to spank her for it! In an FLR that's a tool SHE uses to improve his behavior, not the other way around.

I totally agree with you about the structure of traditional DD with a straight dom-sub relationship.  Your analogy of parent-and-child is apt, in the sense that the dom has the authority and the discretion, and the sub's role is to be, well, submissive.  However, I think this sort of dynamic really requires folks that have a dom-sub ratio that is nearly 100% dom or 100% sub, or like 90/10 at least.  Is that really all that common?  I have chatted with plenty of folks in traditional DD, CDD, or FLR relationships, and I often wonder if all of them deep-down really have that extreme lopsided dom/sub ratio?  It would stand to reason that lots of folks fall more in-between, perhaps skewed a bit one way of the other, perhaps not 50/50, but 60/40 or 70/30 perhaps?  And if so, what happens to the dom part of you when you are living the role of 100% sub, or vice-versa? 

I will be the first to admit, I'm coming from a position of bias on the subject.  My wife and I are by no means 100% submissive.  We each have our submissive sides, but we have considerable conflict and vigorous engagement in our marriage.  We argue, we fight, but, as an added dimension, we also spank.  We spank each other because we are a long-time spanko switch couple, so I think that the cooperative discipline arrangement just came easy.  But it really works well, and it fits our dynamic.  

But a dom doesn't need to be spanked in order to submit occasionally in other ways.  There are plenty of ways that a submissive spouse can take authority when needed without it involving corporal punishment.  Maybe it's extra chores.  Maybe it's a day of total obedience to your spouse's every demand.  Maybe it's corner time.  In any case, submission to your spouse is a real act of love. 

I guess that I am skeptical that there are doms out there that are that perfect that they never waver off-track or need some stern guidance.  Dom or sub, if your spouse can't step up and provide that when it is needed, then it just seems out-of-balance.  A good marriage can be greater than the sum of its parts.  

My 2 cents worth, for what it's worth.

 

BTW  I say spouse, but I think this applicable to any relationship, gay or straight, with a similar long-term mutual commitment.  

 

          

 

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You shouldn't have to switch with your husband; especially if he has a host of behaviors you are looking to change.  My wife and I switched for a few years when we first got into domestic discipline, but she really didn't like being spanked.  In fact, she HATED it.  I quickly realized it was just a bad idea for me to even think about wanting to spank her.  (Which is why I spank other women on occasion . . . but NEVER her, and she is perfectly okay with that.)

As for not being able to immediately punish him for something . . . We had young children when we first started using domestic discipline, so most of the time she had to wait before spanking me.  That can actually be used to your advantage.  There is nothing worse than knowing you are going to be spanked (in a day or two) and knowing that with each passing hour, you are getting closer and closer to your pending punishment.  This is particularly effective if you  have an idea of when you will be able to spank him and actually "schedule" it . . . 

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On 2/3/2021 at 7:13 AM, SpankorBSpanked said:

You shouldn't have to switch with your husband; especially if he has a host of behaviors you are looking to change.  My wife and I switched for a few years when we first got into domestic discipline, but she really didn't like being spanked.  In fact, she HATED it.  I quickly realized it was just a bad idea for me to even think about wanting to spank her.  (Which is why I spank other women on occasion . . . but NEVER her, and she is perfectly okay with that.)

As for not being able to immediately punish him for something . . . We had young children when we first started using domestic discipline, so most of the time she had to wait before spanking me.  That can actually be used to your advantage.  There is nothing worse than knowing you are going to be spanked (in a day or two) and knowing that with each passing hour, you are getting closer and closer to your pending punishment.  This is particularly effective if you  have an idea of when you will be able to spank him and actually "schedule" it . . . 

This sounds a lot like the process my wife and I went through. She hated to be spanked,  so other than playful swats on her bottom, I don't spank anyone. It forced me to explore my spankee and submissive side more and  has worked out well for us.

I also agree with the effects of "scheduling" a spanking. This is something I've suggested that my wife to do. She will sometimes announce that I have earned a spanking for something, but doesn't tell me when it will be. She seems to wait until she's in the mood. At times that means the spanking she announced never happens. Then all of those built up emotions of anticipation, nervousness, and guilt lead to frustration on my part.

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My wife recently posted this, I hope it helps you.

 

Domestic spanking relationship

My husband and I are in a domestic discipline relationship. Mostly that means that we have consensually agreed to address his transgressions by way of real corporal punishment or domestic discipline spankings. Which even though consensual, they are very real spankings. Meaning, no warm up, no pauses or rubbing the butt after each swat. The implements used are a harsh leather belt and a wooden bath brush, the spanking is intended to teach a lesson and be a deterrent for future transgressions.

There is A LOT more to it then just that, however. There has to be a lot of communication, trust and love.

While not for everyone, we believe that many couples could benefit by incorporating domestic discipline spankings into their lives.

 

 

What are the benefits of domestic spanking discipline?

A couple of benefits come right to mind. The first is that it reduces many unnecessary spats or arguments over minor things. For instance, we’ve all heard of the toilet seat fiasco or husbands not putting their clothes in the hamper. Tension points like this can grow into something they shouldn’t be. Well, a trip to the woodshed, I call it that when I’m going to spank him, but is out bedroom, fixes those little issues and prevents further occurrences. The second thing that comes to mind is it really “balances” my husband. He has a strong personality and can bit a bit much to handle sometimes as his work traits sometimes carry over to his home life. This I believe is exacerbated as he works from home. After a good spanking, he is much more mindful of work/life separation and remembers just how good a gentleman he can be. And last but not least…he adores me for enforcing the rules in this manner. And pampers me as a result. He’s always pampered me but it has transcended to new levels. Harmony in the home and a loving relationship are strong and present.

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18 hours ago, Nalgadas said:

My wife recently posted this, I hope it helps you.

 

Domestic spanking relationship

My husband and I are in a domestic discipline relationship. Mostly that means that we have consensually agreed to address his transgressions by way of real corporal punishment or domestic discipline spankings. Which even though consensual, they are very real spankings. Meaning, no warm up, no pauses or rubbing the butt after each swat. The implements used are a harsh leather belt and a wooden bath brush, the spanking is intended to teach a lesson and be a deterrent for future transgressions.

There is A LOT more to it then just that, however. There has to be a lot of communication, trust and love.

While not for everyone, we believe that many couples could benefit by incorporating domestic discipline spankings into their lives.

 

 

What are the benefits of domestic spanking discipline?

A couple of benefits come right to mind. The first is that it reduces many unnecessary spats or arguments over minor things. For instance, we’ve all heard of the toilet seat fiasco or husbands not putting their clothes in the hamper. Tension points like this can grow into something they shouldn’t be. Well, a trip to the woodshed, I call it that when I’m going to spank him, but is out bedroom, fixes those little issues and prevents further occurrences. The second thing that comes to mind is it really “balances” my husband. He has a strong personality and can bit a bit much to handle sometimes as his work traits sometimes carry over to his home life. This I believe is exacerbated as he works from home. After a good spanking, he is much more mindful of work/life separation and remembers just how good a gentleman he can be. And last but not least…he adores me for enforcing the rules in this manner. And pampers me as a result. He’s always pampered me but it has transcended to new levels. Harmony in the home and a loving relationship are strong and present.

was this posted on another site? I am always looking for good sources of information.

Thanks

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On 2/3/2021 at 6:13 AM, SpankorBSpanked said:

You shouldn't have to switch with your husband; especially if he has a host of behaviors you are looking to change.  My wife and I switched for a few years when we first got into domestic discipline, but she really didn't like being spanked.  In fact, she HATED it.

I am not sure if it would be switching?  For the most part spanking has improved his behavior and for him it works.  So seriously perhaps it is worth a try to be on the other side of the paddle?  I have seen what it does for him and his change in attitude.  Mostly he seems to appreciate the his remorse is gone after a spanking.

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On 2/2/2021 at 10:30 PM, Rand E said:

 

But a dom doesn't need to be spanked in order to submit occasionally in other ways.  There are plenty of ways that a submissive spouse can take authority when needed without it involving corporal punishment.  Maybe it's extra chores.  Maybe it's a day of total obedience to your spouse's every demand.  Maybe it's corner time.  In any case, submission to your spouse is a real act of love. 

I guess that I am skeptical that there are doms out there that are that perfect that they never waver off-track or need some stern guidance.  Dom or sub, if your spouse can't step up and provide that when it is needed, then it just seems out-of-balance.  A good marriage can be greater than the sum of its parts.  

My 2 cents worth, for what it's worth.

 

 

          

 

Very well put.  Not everyone would be considered a Dom.  I like to think of my self more as a disciplinarian.  Someone who understands his needs for guidance correction. and accountability.  So is there really anything wrong accepting punishment even if its on a very rare basis?

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4 hours ago, FLRspanker said:

was this posted on another site? I am always looking for good sources of information.

Thanks

Yes, in Quora, there you can find a lot of information. 

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On 2/5/2021 at 11:24 AM, Nalgadas said:

A couple of benefits come right to mind. The first is that it reduces many unnecessary spats or arguments over minor things.

Thanks, it works out that way for me, too. Instead of a scolding or argument or hard feelings over minor household things, mistakes, infractions, and thoughtlessness, those are disposed of in strokes. The daily spanking is a cleansing for my Husband and myself.

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  • 3 weeks later...
On 1/25/2021 at 7:21 AM, SpankorBSpanked said:

I think if you are just starting out, it helps to have very specific guidelines as to what is a spankable offense.  When my wife and I decided to use Female Led Domestic Discipline in our marriage, we sat down and literally wrote down a list of things that would result in me being spanked.  (The particulars of our list don't really matter, it's YOUR list that is important.)  In addition to the list of spankable offenses, there was also a paragraph where I acknowledged the need for loving discipline in our marriage, and a paragraph where she agreed to administer that discipline. I then word processed it, and printed it out.  We each signed it, then it was framed and hung in our bedroom closet, along with her paddles.  From that point on, I knew exactly what was expected of me, as well as what she would and would not tolerate. 

Although it might seem like a silly exercise, let me give you an example of just how powerful that document turned out to be.  A good year or so later, my wife decided I had earned a trip over her knee, but that particular day I was in no mood for a spanking.  I begrudgingly got across her knee, and she started paddling me.  Mentally, I wanted nothing to do with a spanking and my stubbornness got the best of me.  I literally got up off her lap, still complaining about being spanked.  In my anger, I went into the bedroom closet and pulled our "contract" off the wall, removed it from the frame, and tore it to pieces.  

A few weeks later, full of guilt over what had occurred and wanting to make it right, I asked my wife to spank me.  I even offered to reprint our contract for discipline.  She calmly stated she didn't want me to reprint our agreement.  To my surprise she produced a small paper bag and handed it to me, along with a roll of scotch tape.  In the bag was the original agreement that I had torn to shreds.  Instead of throwing it away, she had saved the pieces (knowing full well I would eventually regret my decision).  She then said, "I'll spank you once you have put that back together, and not until."  

Needless to say, I immediately got to work taping all the little pieces together, put it back in the frame and hung it back on the wall.  She still made me wait a few days before deciding to spank me again, and when she finally did march me down into our family room and put me over her knee, before delivering the first swat of her paddle she said, "If you EVER climb off my lap again when I am spanking you, that will be the LAST time I'll ever spank you."  She didn't ask me if I understood, or wait for a response.  She just started paddling my fanny. 

Since that occasion, I wouldn't dream of not staying put . . .

Hope this was helpful.

 

Your account of life at home is inspiring, sir. I congratulate you and your wonderful wife for co-creating a great dynamic and sound basis for a happier home. I am a spanked husband and consider myself exceptionally blessed. My wife has trained me well for a quarter-century along much the same lines as you describe (she favors the hairbrush) and she still considers me a work in progress. Sometimes all it takes is a few words to the wise; sometimes there needs to be actual consequences. Generally, the result is one of marital harmony.

4F0F5C42-970E-4DC1-9737-0BA78492B8E6.jpeg

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  • 2 weeks later...
On 1/24/2021 at 7:49 PM, Rand E said:

Clear rules make for clear consent. 

Love this.  Should be a mantra.  Printed on T-shirts.  Shouted from the rooftops, etc. 

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So I am 52 and my Gf is 25 , we have been together off and on since she was barely 19 and spanking has always been involved as a punishment for her In our relationship we Just had a baby so I insisted that the game changes and she gets her act together and becomes a good girl .. so we come to the conclusion that She basically believes I’m her daddy and I’m her Daddy , so I spent some time and wrote up a contract that outlines her actions and behavior, her responsibilities and punishment scales . And it was signed. So before I drop the hammer and blister her bottom I have her a chance to start off on the right foot and I’m thinking she is doing pretty good . Here is the apology she wrote me and I told her to add in what she thinks her punishment should be , I added a photo of Daddy’s little girl . 

Dad, 

 

  I don’t know where to start. When I was a teenager, and the years to follow. You tried telling me many things. Maybe not always in the way I wanted, but you tried. You still are.. I’m grateful to you. You knew about my mom and saw the negative of me letting her in our life. The affects it had on us. Along with others that were brought into our lives, I’m sorry for the part I played in that. 

 

  I relapsed a lot.. for many reasons. All reasons aside, in the end.. it was my choice to relapse. I’m sorry for not quitting  when you told me to this last time, or any time before. No reason is good enough as to why I didn’t quit. I guess I was mad, or afraid that I couldn’t be what you needed or wanted, while being sober. Silly huh? I was wrong, very wrong. I just hope we stay like we’ve been these past couple week. The love and concern and effort we’ve been giving on another for our family. Specially once I’m in your arms again. 

 

   I love our relationship right now. You have been there for me daddy, more times than I can count. When everyone else failed to do so. I’m really sorry. Sorry doesn’t even cut it right now. I wish.. so badly.. that I could change the past but all I can try to do is move forward from there. Only of course, with our family. You, Hudson and I. Also, with your guidance, support, discipline (good and bad), and love. I love you sooo very much daddy. To infinity and beyond. Forever and always your daughter- Mariah. 

 

Punishment suggestion: 5 with wooden paddle. 10 with hand. Each cheek.  30 total. Breathing Breaks  between paddle if I ask. No more spanks afterwards less it’s with the hand only till marks are healed. 

 

 

Hand will hurt more after paddle.. or paddle will hurt more after hand? 

Hand spanking for the warm up ? Then wooden paddle will hurt more. Idk. ?

67C98945-DD21-4919-9F1A-E7F461962DCD.jpeg

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