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28 minutes ago, Am123 said:

When scolding, or being scolded, for punishment I actually prefer a softer approach than this, it kind of feels like its conveying anger as opposed to disappointment,

I’d see this type of approach as the result of having messed up a second chance. I’m ok with this level of scolding if there’s aftercare to follow. What I don’t enjoy is inappropriate verbal humiliation in a scolding. For example the time I was told “you look stupid” in the middle of an age play spanking scene. That just angered me.

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I’m all about phrasing, whether giving or receiving one! I think a big part of it is hearing the “sentencing.” That is, being told “You’re getting a good long spanking over my knee.” I think

A good scolding is an art IMHO, so much is more than just the words spoken, there is that certain inflection in the voice, the tone, a glint in the eyes, maybe some meaningful body gestures like patti

To me personally, a spanking is more effective when I’m being scolded during it. He reminds me why he is spanking me and what needs to change.

3 minutes ago, ukspanko said:

I’d see this type of approach as the result of having messed up a second chance. I’m ok with this level of scolding if there’s aftercare to follow. What I don’t enjoy is inappropriate verbal humiliation in a scolding. For example the time I was told “you look stupid” in the middle of an age play spanking scene. That just angered me.

This is a really good point, perhaps on the second offence I may raise to be a bit harsher. 

I've had people go at me for verbal humiliation before, which I like in the context of the spanking ie, references to being bare bottomed/in the corner/generally being spanked. But this one in particular went beyond that, using derogatory terms etc, which just takes me right out of it. 

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17 minutes ago, ukspanko said:

I’d see this type of approach as the result of having messed up a second chance. I’m ok with this level of scolding if there’s aftercare to follow. What I don’t enjoy is inappropriate verbal humiliation in a scolding. For example the time I was told “you look stupid” in the middle of an age play spanking scene. That just angered me.

To me, insulting comments like that have no place in a scolding. I am sorry someone said that to you.

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11 minutes ago, rubyredd said:

To me, insulting comments like that have no place in a scolding. I am sorry someone said that to you.

100% agree!

I read an interesting point about it, I think it was someone on here, stating that a scolding should "shame the behaviour, not the person". And comments like that just make it worse.

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Yeah, that is not scolding to me, that is just terrible behavior.  Abuse.

But to answer the question as a top:  Scolding is pretty important to me for the same reasons that it can be important to a bottom.  It gets me in the proper mindset, and it sets the tone.  It can be a great warm-up before the warm-up.  When I see my bottom's face start to quiver slightly, or pout, or get contrite, I melt a little.  I love the result.  Then, to top it off, there is a spanking I get to administer after! 

But also from a technical point of view, especially in a discipline situation, I find scolding is needed to help reinforce what the punishment is about, and why it is happening.  It also establishes a baseline for who is in charge.  It can snuff out brattiness.  Scolding can accomplish a lot.  Since I am currently long distance with my partner, sometimes it is the only tool I really have to use, and it can work just fine on its own. 

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A good scolding makes all the differences in setting the tone and getting her into her spankee mindset...

"Get over here right now!" 

And 

"Hands and feet on the ground and don't you move young lady or I will just add more"

And

"Go ahead and cry all you want, I'm just going to keep on spanking young lady"

Also, a grab of the ponytail and pulling her head up so you can scold right into her ear works wonders 😉

 

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6 hours ago, SpankingBanker said:

A good scolding makes all the differences in setting the tone and getting her into her spankee mindset...

"Get over here right now!" 

And 

"Hands and feet on the ground and don't you move young lady or I will just add more"

And

"Go ahead and cry all you want, I'm just going to keep on spanking young lady"

Also, a grab of the ponytail and pulling her head up so you can scold right into her ear works wonders 😉

 

All of those things are certainly effective!

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On 1/2/2021 at 2:08 PM, ukspanko said:

I find the best scolders aren’t necessarily those who yell but the ones with the right tone of voice. 

Yes, so true!  Love the Jillian Keenan video, by the way. 😉

On a separate note, what I WON'T do when scolding is shout, say anything demeaning, or grab a spankee's ear or hair. I consider these "ugly" ways of treating someone, and they are hard-limits with me. 

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53 minutes ago, Chawsee said:

Yes, so true!  Love the Jillian Keenan video, by the way. 😉

On a separate note, what I WON'T do when scolding is shout, say anything demeaning, or grab a spankee's ear or hair. I consider these "ugly" ways of treating someone, and they are hard-limits with me. 

Same here, I'm not opposed to the idea of throwing someone over the knee (not ear or hair pulling though).

But I prefer the whole ritual approach of scolding, baring the bottom and over the knee they go. 

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I don't mind a little hair pulling if it fits the situation. I don't remember being pulled by the ear, but I am sure it has happened at least once. I would rather my Top grab my arm and take me into another room. The worst, to me, is when I am looking down during a scolding and my Top lifts up my chin to make me look at him... ugh.

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My first adult spanker/mentor would have me sit on a chair first of all, lecture me firmly without shouting and then take my hand and lead me over to her spanking chair. Having the scolding and spanking separate but close was always effective for me.

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On 1/3/2021 at 11:15 PM, ukspanko said:

I’d see this type of approach as the result of having messed up a second chance. I’m ok with this level of scolding if there’s aftercare to follow. What I don’t enjoy is inappropriate verbal humiliation in a scolding. For example the time I was told “you look stupid in the middle of an age play spanking scene. That just angered me.

Nobody wants be told that they look stupid but a little good natured teasing can also add to that exhilarating  feeling of anticipation before a spanking. I recall standing before my disciplinarian with my underpants round my ankles and realising that her eyes were firmly fixed on my private parts

I started self-consciously fumbling with my shirtfront in an effort to cover my nakedness but ended up assuming a somewhat comical knock-kneed stance that she obviously found highly amusing. 

“You look quite ridiculous,” she teased “as if you’ve been kicked in the balls” and started to giggle uncontrollably.

I couldn’t hide my embarrassment but my adrenaline was pumping.

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I can't imagine a punishment spanking without scolding. As a spanker, I insist on an exchange with the spankee. The questions listed by a previous commenter as rhetorical would NOT be rhetorical from me -- I would expect answers! I think the spankee should be very aware during the spanking of why she is being spanked and to answer questions about her poor behavior and be willing to make promises about how her behavior is going to improve. After all, behavior modification is the point!

As a spankee, I also want my disciplinarian to scold and demand promises of improved behavior.

As mentioned by others, scolding should be stern but not angry. A controlled, forceful, parental voice is much better than yelling. The disciplinarian's tone is to be  disappointed in the behavior and to expect in no uncertain terms that it will not be repeated.

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I’m ok with embarrassment but not verbal humiliation. That’s a subjective thing I guess. On one hand being over someone’s knee with a bare bottom does indeed make me look daft and I’m ok with that but I don’t want to be told that. I think because it brings back memories of verbal bullying at school in a subconscious way. But something along the lines of “the cheeks on your bottom are going to be as red as the cheeks on your face” is fine. A lot does depend on how much I can trust the spanker. As an abuse survivor thats not always easy for me. 

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On 1/2/2021 at 4:05 PM, Chastener said:

I've always felt scolding was an integral part of the entire spanking process, and I couldn't spank without it.  My favorite method is asking a series of rhetorical questions.  "So you spoke harshly to a co-worker?  And would you like it if she spoke to you that way?  And what do you think should happen to you?  Where should you be spanked?  And should you do cornertime after that?"  I need not go on, but the woman should almost be in tears before the hand hits her behind.

I always try to not cry, but scolding gets me into the headspace to start feeling those emotions. It would be especially hard to hold back the tears with this kind of questioning!

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A few quiet almost whispered words go much further than a raised voice I feel. Letting the miscreant know that they are about to learn a lesson and one they will remember for some time. A methodical calmness can always increase the perception of seriousness and severity of punishment to come.

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46 minutes ago, UncleArthur said:

A few quiet almost whispered words go much further than a raised voice I feel. Letting the miscreant know that they are about to learn a lesson and one they will remember for some time. A methodical calmness can always increase the perception of seriousness and severity of punishment to come.

I absolutely agree.

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On 1/2/2021 at 5:05 PM, Chastener said:

I've always felt scolding was an integral part of the entire spanking process, and I couldn't spank without it.  My favorite method is asking a series of rhetorical questions.  "So you spoke harshly to a co-worker?  And would you like it if she spoke to you that way?  And what do you think should happen to you?  Where should you be spanked?  And should you do cornertime after that?"  I need not go on, but the woman should almost be in tears before the hand hits her behind.

Oooh yes, I'm all about this style of scolding. I haven't had it but I want it. Esp the humiliating bit about being made to say I should be spanked on my bare bottom.

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I think scolding and/or lecturing is super important. My old mentor scolded well over text but when it came down to spanking, it wasn’t the greatest. It was a very quiet spanking. There were scolds for moving around and whatnot, but in my opinion, that is only half of what needs saying.
 

I’m a naturally a quiet person. Lala land is my home. So like, having someone scold and take me out of my mind is very much desired. ESPECIALLY during a spanking. I feel like it drives any point trying to be made home. Also I feel like it may keep you aware of more than just the pain, and in my case; your own personal goals for the spanking (ie staying stoic). 
 

Now, if the spanking is just for funsies, who needs scolding. A just for the funsies spanking can be whatever you want. It’s all fun and games, y’know 😜

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Scolding isn't often used, but when it is, I know I'm in for a hot, sore and very red bottom with a reminder spanking later, ( often before bed or the next morning). My wife doesn't believe in doing only half a job.

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I love a good scolding! I NEED it. The phrases that my disciplinarian uses are great. She knows how to REALLY lay into me! "I'm going to whip your butt" and "I'm going to tan your fanny" are among my favorites. I recall one time during a discipline session, one of the things that I was being punished for was pulling pranks. Ohh...she let me have it good! 

She started off very calm. She said "so... pulling pranks huh? I see. My goodness! You just turned how old? 47? My my, young man. Well...why don't you tell me what kind of pranks you have been pulling. Now, before you speak, understand, if you aren't truthful with me, if you leave out anything, it's only going to get you into more trouble. Now, I want specific examples of the pranks you've been pulling". And so I tell her and the look on her face has me in tears already.

Then she begins to REALLY lay into me. She will say "unbelievable....just unbelievable! And you think that this is funny? Do you? You know, whoever you pulled pranks on, I wonder what they would think if they knew that you were about to have your pants and your underwear removed and be turned over my knee for a paddling. Well, boy, you will be thinking twice when you are tempted to pull pranks from now on! You WILL start acting your age..... because... sweetheart....I will tear that fanny up when you don't!" 

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4 minutes ago, F/m_Spanking_only said:

It's definitely different LOL. My disciplinarian uses that word at my request. It adds to the humiliation of my punishment 

That is great!  💜 In fact, it is an interesting topic all by itself - the different words we use or don't use for "bottom." I am sure it has been discussed here in the past, but I can't bother with a search. LOL

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