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How do others deal with the idea of desiring a spanking, but also legitimately wanting to follow your rules as to not get one? It seems like such a weird issue, but when you have a desire to feel the calm and controlled feeling that being put in your place brings, it seems like a hard thing to then have to brat or purposely break a rule to get it. 
 

I suppose there are “good boy” or Maintenance spankings, but I’m not sure it would be the same?

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I like spanking for fun and for discipline. I don't need to mix the two. If I have a Top or spanking partner, and I want a spanking, I just ask for one. That doesn't change the disciplinary side of things, at least in my experience. I am a spanko, so it is natural that I would want to be spanked beyond my need for discipline. 

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Yes this is quite the conundrum. 

I am not a fan of "good girl" spankings. The language is wrong for me and I get frustrated.  I prefer a stern tone and wording.

This is why we seperated our rules into "real rules" and "bratting rules".  Bratting rules are little things that wouldn't even be brought up But they are to fill my spanking need.  We started with having to line up my shoes and close cupboard doors.  He will change how he wants the shoes so there is a chance I will forget.  Also, he will spank me for playful bratting, sticking my tongue out, or hitting him with pillow.  These things don't hurt our dynamic and are just a style of play.  If he wants me do or not do something for real, he makes it clear, and I don't brat at that.

Also this is where maintenance comes in.  I would prefer a strong maintenance spanking once a week or so, and playful "Taken in hand- bratting" spanking on the daily.  Maintenance gives a stronger, sterner spanking without making it a full punishment level.

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That makes sense I suppose. I’ve always kind of assumed “spanking is spanking”, but in considering ACTUALLY getting one, I know I don’t like the idea of breaking a rule on purpose to get one. I’m sure that after an actual punishment spanking, it will be plenty of a deterrent. The way it’s supposed to be! 
 

just such a weird feeling to want one but not want one at the same time.

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With my now retired spanker, I used to have her give me a spanking once a month. initially it was a fat loss reminder, then it just became routine. I've been given stress relief spankings, and once I asked for a spanking just for the sore butt!

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1 hour ago, Spankinlyfe said:

....I’ve always kind of assumed “spanking is spanking”, but in considering ACTUALLY getting one, I know I don’t like the idea of breaking a rule on purpose to get one. I’m sure that after an actual punishment spanking, it will be plenty of a deterrent. The way it’s supposed to be! 

Just such a weird feeling to want one but not want one at the same time.

What you're feeling is completely normal, and most of us can relate. It's natural for us to want spankings. We wouldn't be spankos if we didn't. 😊 Even those who claim they don't like being spanked get pretty desperate for this attention and discipline when they're not getting it. Funishment can be useful when you want a spanking, but not a full-out punishment session. It can be pretty intense, if the players involved make it that way, or it can be light and fun. If this idea is not your cup of tea, that's fine too. You can always confess to something small that you did-- perhaps an honest mistake, or a thought that went through your mind that you aren't please with-- and get a spanking for it, without having to brat or break rules intentionally. 

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I blow hot and cold over this. I don’t always like the pain of a spanking but the overall ritual I do enjoy. I also like the idea of someone taking me in hand and caring enough to spank me. I flit between being an erotic and disciplinary spankee really. 

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I am caned for purely discipline purposes.  I genuinely dislike it but recognise that I need it and benefit from it.

I have improvement areas that I report on weekly.

Failure brings a sore bottom. I find I fail often enough not to need maintenance canings. I see the value but not the need in my case. 

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"Good girl/ boy" spankings are just a way to phrase non-punishment spankings. You should never deliberately break rules so that you can get spanked. Some people do the same thing constantly and it just becomes a game/ roleplay. With a good Dom, a proper punishment spanking should be enough to stop whatever behaviour warranted it in the first place- if a Dom has to constantly punish for the same thing, then they are either are not good on the disciplinary side or the other person is treating it as a game. 

I have had plenty of spankings that weren't so called "punishment" spankings and the intensity etc can be exactly the same. The only difference, for me, is that I don't have the guilt of letting a person down. This might sound strange but just knowing that I let the person down; the guilt; the scolding is ample punishment for me- add on a spanking and I'm not going to go out of my way to do it again! My ideal spankings are very hard erotic ones so I would much rather get one of those! When I eventually find the right Daddy, there's no way in hell that I want punishment spankings, just being denied the erotic part is going to be the most evil punishment for me. I'm going to be on my best behaviour so that I get " good girl" rewards😂

 

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  • 4 weeks later...

Good question indeed. While I am usually spanked for disciplinary reasons, I also enjoy role playing. Of course, in the role plays, I am spanked as punishment for something I did, in the roleplay. For instance, when my disciplinarian and I play wife/husband, I will get spanked because I maybe didn't put the dishes away or I was a selfish husband or something like that. The spankings I get for real life offenses are harder than the ones I get in role play, although the roleplay spankings are quite sound too. 

And sometimes, a good maintenance spanking is in order. If I've been good, then why not keep me good? Keep me sweet. 😊

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