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Spanking and arousal


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49 minutes ago, Chawsee said:

This methodology seems to work for your marriage, and I certainly respect that. For me, as long as a man's behavior is respectful, (something he can control) I am not offended by his body's involuntary reaction (something he can't control), nor would I want him to feel shamed because of it. I find it best to just quietly ignore any arousal. For most guys, it dissipates after the first few swats anyway, so "no harm, no foul."

Great response. 

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On 4/17/2021 at 9:40 PM, Chawsee said:

This methodology seems to work for your marriage, and I certainly respect that. For me, as long as a man's behavior is respectful, (something he can control) I am not offended by his body's involuntary reaction (something he can't control), nor would I want him to feel shamed because of it. I find it best to just quietly ignore any arousal. For most guys, it dissipates after the first few swats anyway, so "no harm, no foul."

This. I don’t think you should be punished for something you can’t control. It will quickly leave during a punishment anyway.

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33 minutes ago, Spankinlyfe said:

This. I don’t think you should be punished for something you can’t control. It will quickly leave during a punishment anyway.

First of all it is debatable whether a man can control his sexual excitement. As the spanker I control the punishment and my husband must relieve himself before going across my knee in the restroom. I only use a ruler on him if the above mentioned does not work. As a wife it is me who decides the procedure before,during or after a spanking. Most men don't like this answer because the spanking will sting sufficiently more after relieving himself. Well my husband knows the rules and I prefer him having no excitement over my knee.

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3 hours ago, Spankingmyhuby said:

First of all it is debatable whether a man can control his sexual excitement. As the spanker I control the punishment and my husband must relieve himself before going across my knee in the restroom. I only use a ruler on him if the above mentioned does not work. As a wife it is me who decides the procedure before,during or after a spanking. Most men don't like this answer because the spanking will sting sufficiently more after relieving himself. Well my husband knows the rules and I prefer him having no excitement over my knee.

Your dynamic works for you, which is wonderful. It’s just my personal view that I would become resentful of being punished for something I felt I did not control. I’m sure the issue is personal between each eR and their eE, as everyone’s different. 

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On 4/17/2021 at 4:06 PM, Spankingmyhuby said:

Under no circumstance should a spanker allow a spankee to have his willy protruding before before a spanking. Being a women I find it disrespectful. My husband must relieve himself in the bathroom or I have a wooden ruler that will cure my husband if he is having problems. Also if I have to resort to either method above to cure the problem,then my spanking will just be that much harder to take. If my husband does have a accident then we go on to another phase of his punishment.

I believe that a female spanker who is disciplining a male ought to have full control of what is allowable before, during, and after the spanking.  If she sets a rule that he is not allowed to have an erection during the spanking, then if one occurs she is free to deal with that situation in whatever manner she chooses.  If the male spankee actually ejaculates when that has been forbidden, even if it happens involuntarily with no physical contact, then that ought to be punished severely as well. Either situation is very disrespectful to the female spanker, if she has forbidden it. 

Over the years I have spoken with a number of female spankers/disciplinarians and all of them agree that after ejaculation, a male spankees attidude changes dramatically and he becomes much more submissive and feels the pain of being spanked more.  For those reasons, some of the women require the man to ejaculate before the spanking because they find the subdued attitude more desirable, and others simply wish to humiliate him by requiring the ejaculation in their presence whether witnessed or not.  Some prefer that he does it privately, while others require him to masturbate in a more clinical manner while she watches.  

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56 minutes ago, Longtimespanking said:

I believe that a female spanker who is disciplining a male ought to have full control of what is allowable before, during, and after the spanking.  If she sets a rule that he is not allowed to have an erection during the spanking, then if one occurs she is free to deal with that situation in whatever manner she chooses.  If the male spankee actually ejaculates when that has been forbidden, even if it happens involuntarily with no physical contact, then that ought to be punished severely as well. Either situation is very disrespectful to the female spanker, if she has forbidden it. 

Over the years I have spoken with a number of female spankers/disciplinarians and all of them agree that after ejaculation, a male spankees attidude changes dramatically and he becomes much more submissive and feels the pain of being spanked more.  For those reasons, some of the women require the man to ejaculate before the spanking because they find the subdued attitude more desirable, and others simply wish to humiliate him by requiring the ejaculation in their presence whether witnessed or not.  Some prefer that he does it privately, while others require him to masturbate in a more clinical manner while she watches.  

That was a great post. As a wife ,HoH and spanker you are completely right. Since when does the spankee make the rules? For some reason in this forum the man sexual enjoyment is being considered instead of his behavior warranting a spanking to begin with. A spanking is a punishment and the man"s enjoyment of the correction should not be considered. By making the man relieve himself now we are on a level playing field. Today is Sunday and I give my husband his maintenance/ hand spanking , I make him relieve himself if he is protruding. I discuss his behaviour from the following week and discuss what I expect in the up in coming week from him. What authority would I have if I permitted him to release across my knee each week? Once again your post is 100 percent correct.         Ms L

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I don't allow my spankees to touch themselves during a spanking but I do allow them to straddle a single knee and grind the clitoris into it during the spanking, which often results in an explosive orgasm (and I quite enjoy watching the bucking and grinding and time my swats in rhythm to it). However, once that happens I keep right on spanking so she doesn't get to bask in the afterglow and instead sees the session as more intended punishment than intended pleasure, though in the final analysis they often become one and the same.

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On 4/25/2021 at 9:14 AM, Spankingmyhuby said:

That was a great post. As a wife ,HoH and spanker you are completely right. Since when does the spankee make the rules? For some reason in this forum the man sexual enjoyment is being considered instead of his behavior warranting a spanking to begin with. 

That's because you're posting on the erotic spanking board. This part of the forum is for discussing erotic spanking specifically. If it's erotic spanking, of course the spankee's sexual enjoyment is paramount. If you want to discuss punishment spanking, other parts of the forum are more suitable for that.

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19 hours ago, Bramblewine said:

That's because you're posting on the erotic spanking board. This part of the forum is for discussing erotic spanking specifically. If it's erotic spanking, of course the spankee's sexual enjoyment is paramount. If you want to discuss punishment spanking, other parts of the forum are more suitable for that.

Indeed. Seems there are two different discussions going on here.

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On 4/28/2021 at 7:08 AM, IndySpanko said:

I don't allow my spankees to touch themselves during a spanking but I do allow them to straddle a single knee and grind the clitoris into it during the spanking, which often results in an explosive orgasm (and I quite enjoy watching the bucking and grinding and time my swats in rhythm to it). However, once that happens I keep right on spanking so she doesn't get to bask in the afterglow and instead sees the session as more intended punishment than intended pleasure, though in the final analysis they often become one and the same.

Good thought. I may have to try this. 

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  • 2 weeks later...

It’s a well known fact that a stinging feeling in the buttocks stimulates other sensitive parts of the anatomy. In plain English, a sore bottom often means a wet vagina or stiff penis. I once read that a survey revealed that one in three couples include spanking in their foreplay. I think that this may vary from a playful smack to an extended session using some form of spanking implement that will leave its mark.

My vanilla wife and I have always enjoyed a healthy sex life but spanking has never been part of our foreplay. However whenever I’ve taken her from behind (a favourite position 😏) I’ve haven’t been able to resist giving her a whack on her shapely bare bottom. She’s very understanding and allows me to carry on my spanking activities outside our relationship with like minded people. It works for us and we will be celebrating our golden wedding next year.

However stimulating a spanking might be I’ve always tried to resist the urge to include any kind of sexual activity. I was once spanked to orgasm which was really an involuntary reaction that I honestly couldn’t control. One female domme seeing my excited state did decide, without asking that I needed to be relieved and I just couldn’t resist the hand of a pretty young blond bringing me to a climax. Needless to say I felt very guilty afterwards.  

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  • 2 weeks later...
On 12/9/2020 at 12:30 PM, REALTEARS said:

I get seriously aroused  when spanked and caned esp otk and do ejeculate sometimes on my spankers lap or thigh it’s not that I won’t sex it’s a mechanical thing I think? It’s due to all my wriggling  kicking and clenching ect I need to learn control sometimes I get an extra beating for doing this as some spankers don’t like it unless i tell them what is likely to happen  I often put a towel on my spankers lap!

Do you find that it stings more after orgasm?

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YES it does a lot more start the wriggling and kicking again its a bit of a vicious circle for me sometimes! when do i cum i get  a harder spanking for losing control!  occasional get the cane for doing that as well slow learner need to learn control

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  • 1 month later...

I personally find it very meaningful when I see my husband starting to masturbate as he is being spanked. It's a very emotional and embarrassing experience for him and those feelings have a direct connection with his private parts. It's like they are linked, and his masturbation and ejaculation are simply an extension of the intense emotions he is experiencing. I don't see it as him being selfish or needing to be punished for it, although there are many things that he feels he deserves to be spanked severely for. 

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10 hours ago, christyspanks said:

I personally find it very meaningful when I see my husband starting to masturbate as he is being spanked. It's a very emotional and embarrassing experience for him and those feelings have a direct connection with his private parts. It's like they are linked, and his masturbation and ejaculation are simply an extension of the intense emotions he is experiencing. I don't see it as him being selfish or needing to be punished for it, although there are many things that he feels he deserves to be spanked severely for. 

Well said.  I love how you are in touch with the psychological side of this!  It's not just a beating.  

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  • 2 weeks later...

Being punished for something out of one's control seems needlessly harsh. Sexual excitement is largely an involuntary process. I can no more control it than I can affect the weather. If my ER punished me for it, resentment would result and trust in his authority would erode.

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I give erotic spankings to women so yes this is central to the practice.  I make it a point to check the spankee's arousal level during the spanking.  The spanking focuses her attention and makes all the sensations more intense.  I always provide a sexual release during or afterwards.  Happy endings!

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  • 1 month later...

Wow, about 90% of the women I’ve spanked over the years have gotten excited. It’s pretty normal ad not something all were even expecting. Even the ones looking for non-sexual discipline would find themselves soaking wet while struggling and even crying. I took it as a complement and if this was just a strictly discipline relationship, that’s where I kept it. Talk about this before hand especially with newbees, letting them know this could happen but that you will respect the limits pre-set. If you have one that does and you don’t want that happening, just don’t see them again. 

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