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Who Do You Fantasize About?


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To answer the original question, it changes. I never think about a celebrity, they somehow seem less real than a figment of my imagination. But if I was going to do so, it would be Katherine Hepburn. I mean like her back in the day, cause now she's dead and all. She strikes me as a switch with a dominant side - bossy, affectionate and playful enough to take a good spanking when she's in the mood to do so.

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On 11/30/2020 at 3:45 PM, ukspanko said:

Honestly sick of the need for this somedays. If I could cut it out of my heart I would.

I hear you. I don't know that I would take it that far, but still. I get it. There's a lot about this fetish that I like. It is a significant part of who I am. Even though it's entirely hidden, without it I think I would be a different person. But there's some steep costs to having a sexuality that is out of step with the mainstream, especially the loneliness that comes with feeling like a mismatch right out of the blocks with a large majority of the population. That and the obsessiveness, although I suspect that would fade (?) if it was an actual part of my life.

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On 12/14/2020 at 2:50 PM, Chawsee said:

I have a vanilla friend who's with a spanko boyfriend. She wants no part of this lifestyle. (I shared this story in past posts.) We had a 2-hour phone conversation just last night, and as she bemoaned how spanking "does nothing for her," I just kept thinking, How sad that she lacks the spanking desire.

I wonder if she's considered how likely it is to increase her boyfriend's devotion to her. I'm not saying spanking will make it the perfect relationship but it should be about the most bonding thing she can do. If it isn't then I have to think it's a match that couldn't work. And on the other hand I also understand why someone just wouldn't want to get involved. Ours are of course endlessly fascinating affair, but nothing is more boring than other people's fetishes. I sometimes wonder how generous I would be with a prospective partner who had a fetish that did absolutely nothing for me. It's a sobering subject to ponder.

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I've had this same thought myself, more times than I can count. Yet we have to admit that spanking is pretty magical in the feelings it creates and in how connecting it can be. I have a vanilla friend

Yes and no. We're very close friends, so (for now) she trusts me to paddle him. But we both know this isn't ideal and must be limited because a spankee begins to bond with his spanker. This is somethi

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Wow...I hadn’t really thought about this before.
It’s definitely A all the way. Sometimes it’s the person I’m in a relationship with or from a previous relationship. Sometimes it is someone I would like to spank me or that I imagine would give a good spanking. Other times, it reminiscing back to spankings I’ve witnessed but had the luck (good or bad -who is to say?) avoid.

 

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20 hours ago, wide_eyed said:

....It is a significant part of who I am. Even though it's entirely hidden, without it I think I would be a different person. But there's some steep costs to having a sexuality that is out of step with the mainstream, especially the loneliness that comes with feeling like a mismatch right out of the blocks with a large majority of the population. That and the obsessiveness, although I suspect that would fade (?) if it was an actual part of my life.

You said it well about this being a significant part of who you are, and about the steep costs of having a sexuality that is out of step with the mainstream. I relate to both of these sentiments. As for the obsessiveness fading when spanking is an actual part of your life... I found it to be the opposite. The only time it wasn't raging (still a constant companion, but quieter) was in the years before I married, and in the years between my divorce and finding SN. When my husband was spanking me regularly, and I was spanking him periodically, there was the constant craving for another spanking, then another. Now that I'm engaged in spanking again, that same rage is back. Maybe it's different for other people, though.

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21 hours ago, wide_eyed said:

I wonder if she's considered how likely it is to increase her boyfriend's devotion to her. I'm not saying spanking will make it the perfect relationship but it should be about the most bonding thing she can do. If it isn't then I have to think it's a match that couldn't work. And on the other hand I also understand why someone just wouldn't want to get involved. Ours are of course endlessly fascinating affair, but nothing is more boring than other people's fetishes. I sometimes wonder how generous I would be with a prospective partner who had a fetish that did absolutely nothing for me. It's a sobering subject to ponder.

I couldn't agree more about the bonding and devotion. Trust me, I've explained this to her until I'm worn out over it. She'll ask me all these spanking-related questions, then, when I explain a spankee's needs, she replies, "I just don't get it!" She even denies that he really feels this way. They grew up together, are both members of the same religion, and are such a sweet couple. But sadly, I sense that one or both of them will eventually grow dissatisfied with the relationship. She's so against spanking, and so adamant that it "does nothing for her," that even if she goes along with it to appease him, she's never going to enjoy it. And he'll never have a mate who understands and shares his need. 

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6 hours ago, Chawsee said:

But sadly, I sense that one or both of them will eventually grow dissatisfied with the relationship. She's so against spanking, and so adamant that it "does nothing for her," that even if she goes along with it to appease him, she's never going to enjoy it. And he'll never have a mate who understands and shares his need. 

Yeah, I hear you. This is the whole thing in a nutshell. What one person shares in an attempt to open up to someone else (and yes, also get some sexual needs met) is often seen as a tedious ordeal by their significant other, assuming they're willing to participate. I'll keep pulling for them to make it anyhow.

P.S. Purple text, Chawsee? Really? Purple?

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On 12/14/2020 at 11:50 AM, Chawsee said:

I've had this same thought myself, more times than I can count. Yet we have to admit that spanking is pretty magical in the feelings it creates and in how connecting it can be. I have a vanilla friend who's with a spanko boyfriend. She wants no part of this lifestyle. (I shared this story in past posts.) We had a 2-hour phone conversation just last night, and as she bemoaned how spanking "does nothing for her," I just kept thinking, How sad that she lacks the spanking desire. She has no idea what she's missing. So I guess there really are two sides to this coin. 😉

One of the guys in the group of couples that my wife and I hang with is a total non-drinker.  No hard liquor, no wine, no beer.  He's kind of handy to have around when we go on our regular wine-tasting trips to Napa and elsewhere.  So sometimes, I try to convince him to at least try tasting some wine, or have a beer.  It's similar to what you are saying about spanking.  I like to drink so much, I just feel like anybody who doesn't enjoy it is missing out.  I mean, what could be better than sipping a super-fine Cognac along puffing on a nice expensive Cuban cigar, right?  But, it's all about our own unique tastes and preferences.  We're only missing out on life's pleasures if we don't pursue our own desires, whatever they may be.  Nevertheless, I love being a spanko, along with Cognac and the occasional cigar.  

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7 hours ago, Chawsee said:

I couldn't agree more about the bonding and devotion. Trust me, I've explained this to her until I'm worn out over it. She'll ask me all these spanking-related questions, then, when I explain a spankee's needs, she replies, "I just don't get it!" She even denies that he really feels this way. They grew up together, are both members of the same religion, and are such a sweet couple. But sadly, I sense that one or both of them will eventually grow dissatisfied with the relationship. She's so against spanking, and so adamant that it "does nothing for her," that even if she goes along with it to appease him, she's never going to enjoy it. And he'll never have a mate who understands and shares his need. 

When I was dating, there were very few gals that didn't find a playful spanking at least a little arousing.  This is ages ago, and I've been married over 25 years, yet I often wonder how it would be if I was back seeking another mate.  Would I have to find somebody who is already a committed spanko?  Or look for potential?  I think the majority of people have at least some spanko in them.  Even if somebody is a nominal vanilla, if they have some potential, can you convert them to a spanko with time and effort?  How set in stone is this trait, or any other sexual trait for that matter?

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For me it's A - I fantasize about gals I know and wonder what it would be like to spank them.  After that, it's D - A Celebrity.  Now, it's not that option A is really more attractive than option D.  I mean, how could any spanko connoisseur of the female derriere pass up a chance to spank Jennifer Lopez, right?  But obviously that's not going to happen.  The fantasy about spanking (or being spanked by) people you know is all the more tantalizing because, as unlikely as it may be, it still has that aura of possibility to it.

Like one my top fantasies:  Spanking my irritating sister-in-law.  Maybe.  One day.    :rolleyes:

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7 hours ago, Rand E said:

When I was dating, there were very few gals that didn't find a playful spanking at least a little arousing.  This is ages ago, and I've been married over 25 years, yet I often wonder how it would be if I was back seeking another mate.  Would I have to find somebody who is already a committed spanko?  Or look for potential?  I think the majority of people have at least some spanko in them.  Even if somebody is a nominal vanilla, if they have some potential, can you convert them to a spanko with time and effort?  How set in stone is this trait, or any other sexual trait for that matter?

I think it is easier to convert a Top than a bottom. But, even then... no -not everyone who shows a little spark can be converted. And I don't think it would be fair to push the issue.  A partner (who will act as a potential bottom) may not mind a few swats in fun. But, if you want to give a hard spanking or use certain implements, they might not be so excited. 

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My fantasy is no one in particular but in my fantasy spanking I would love a serious public spanking orders by the law courts for various offences bare bottom otk in front of a big crowd as the heavy bath brush spanks my naughty bottom. I would kick howl wriggle squirm ect and howl. THen for losing control get the cane in legs up position! Would love it in my fantasy not sure I I could take such a beating in real life! Though

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On 12/14/2020 at 2:50 PM, Chawsee said:

I've had this same thought myself, more times than I can count. Yet we have to admit that spanking is pretty magical in the feelings it creates and in how connecting it can be. I have a vanilla friend who's with a spanko boyfriend. She wants no part of this lifestyle. (I shared this story in past posts.) We had a 2-hour phone conversation just last night, and as she bemoaned how spanking "does nothing for her," I just kept thinking, How sad that she lacks the spanking desire. She has no idea what she's missing. So I guess there really are two sides to this coin. 😉

I get it being a spanko, but being objective, or playing ...Angel's Advocate, I would say the ideal is- no spanking, because it is violent and unnecessary and in the same ballpark as the person that beats up their lover, yet the lover refuses to press charges and keeps coming back for more and won't consider leaving. I view it as a relic from the childhood years, learnt behavior. An even purer ideal would be- no sex at all, because reproduction can occur in the laboratory, and we can devote our time to other pursuits and avoid drama. 😆Heresy, right?

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Ukspanko, can we agree Lorainne Kelly deserves a spanking for her tax shenanigans a few years ago?  After watching that clip, how she convinced the judge is something about which we could wildly speculate.  

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On 12/16/2020 at 9:13 PM, Rand E said:

When I was dating, there were very few gals that didn't find a playful spanking at least a little arousing.  This is ages ago, and I've been married over 25 years, yet I often wonder how it would be if I was back seeking another mate.  Would I have to find somebody who is already a committed spanko?  Or look for potential?  I think the majority of people have at least some spanko in them.  Even if somebody is a nominal vanilla, if they have some potential, can you convert them to a spanko with time and effort?  How set in stone is this trait, or any other sexual trait for that matter?

Sounds like I could use your help in bringing out the spanko side of her.  ;)

On 12/16/2020 at 9:26 PM, Rand E said:

For me it's A - I fantasize about gals I know and wonder what it would be like to spank them.  After that, it's D - A Celebrity.  Now, it's not that option A is really more attractive than option D.  I mean, how could any spanko connoisseur of the female derriere pass up a chance to spank Jennifer Lopez, right?  But obviously that's not going to happen.  The fantasy about spanking (or being spanked by) people you know is all the more tantalizing because, as unlikely as it may be, it still has that aura of possibility to it.

Like one my top fantasies:  Spanking my irritating sister-in-law.  Maybe.  One day.    :rolleyes:

That pesky sister-in-law of yours.... If you succeed in this endeavor, Rand E, I want to be the first to know. :lol:

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On 12/18/2020 at 1:56 PM, St.George said:

I get it being a spanko, but being objective, or playing ...Angel's Advocate, I would say the ideal is- no spanking, because it is violent and unnecessary and in the same ballpark as the person that beats up their lover, yet the lover refuses to press charges and keeps coming back for more and won't consider leaving. I view it as a relic from the childhood years, learnt behavior. An even purer ideal would be- no sex at all, because reproduction can occur in the laboratory, and we can devote our time to other pursuits and avoid drama. 😆Heresy, right?

I think part of the problems with the public perception of adult spanking and the tendency of critics to associate it with abuse, is the careless way they conflate actual consent spanking to non-consensual abuse that is later excused by the victim.  Consent and forgiveness are really very different things both from a moral and legal standpoint.  My bet is you are just as rankled by those who confuse these two distinct concepts as I am.  

I can accept that some or perhaps many uninformed folks genuinely don't understand the difference between consensual spanking and domestic abuse, but I also think that there are plenty of folks who are simply hostile to this thing we do in any form, and who will concoct any argument against it they can come up with, even if it is intellectually dishonest. 

I do like that reductio ad absurdum twist in your remarks above.   :)

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15 hours ago, Chawsee said:

That pesky sister-in-law of yours.... If you succeed in this endeavor, Rand E, I want to be the first to know. :lol:

"Pesky" is a pretty tepid adjective to describe my sister-in-law.  Infuriating would be more like it.  Just when I think I am making progress putting that thought out of my mind, she pulls some stunt that makes me again wish I could paddle her damn ass off.  :somad:

And what about you?  Anybody in your life that annoys you to the point of wanting to give them a serious spanking?  :)   

 

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5 hours ago, Rand E said:

And what about you?  Anybody in your life that annoys you to the point of wanting to give them a serious spanking?  :)   

I realize this question was directed to Miss Chawsee, but for the record, I’m the one she spanks.  Well, I’m not the only one, but I’m her main spankee. And she has given me some serious spankings, though hopefully I don’t annoy her too much.  LOL 

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3 hours ago, SpudStateSpanky said:

I realize this question was directed to Miss Chawsee, but for the record, I’m the one she spanks.  Well, I’m not the only one, but I’m her main spankee. And she has given me some serious spankings, though hopefully I don’t annoy her too much.  LOL 

I hope for your sake you don't annoy her that much.  I get the impression she is quite formidable.  

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1 hour ago, Rand E said:

I hope for your sake you don't annoy her that much.  I get the impression she is quite formidable.  

Formidable is a good description for her.  That she is!  Actually she’s an angel, a sweetheart of a gal, as long as you behave and are respectful.  But she’s not intimidated by alpha men, LOL.  She’ll whip out butts before putting up with any attitude. 

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