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StevenSampson

What pointers to give to a new spanker?

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My awesome wife has agreed to spank me very hard, and this will happen probably either next week or the week after that.

She said first time probably won’t be the best and I agree with her, it will take practice.

We’ve chosen the implements- wooden spoon, hard plastic cooking spoon, belt and a piece of cut off belt that is like a strap. 

We’ve decided it will be bare bottom all the way, and the point is to make it very painful and possibly bring tears.
 

I’m thinking of first an otk with one of the spoons then some corner time, then a strapping in the bedroom.


What advice can I give her on the day of, to make it an effective spanking? Any pointers?

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Look up Jillian Keenan videos!  Tips for tops and Scolding are my favorite.  Do you want her to scold you? Keeping you replying Occassionally can help prevent you from being able to control your breathing and putting up mental blocks. Tears are very rarely from the direct pain.

 My tip for her is don't break character.  Even if she feels bad during.  Have you guys discussed after care?  For me, I need hubbs to be strong until after care.  He may even leave the room or move to a different place while I cry It out for another minute.  For us, aftercare is always naked cuddling in bed, especially if it was a punishment.  I also need him to tell me what to do when he is done.  "Put the implements away and then get into bed for a cuddle" or something like that. 

For you, don't beg her to stop.  It isn't fair at first.  Safeword if you need to, but don't tell her to stop other than that. Begging can come when you both have more experience.  Afterwards, whenever you are both ready, discuss it.  Repeatedly if necessary.  Talk about what you both liked and didn't like.  

Good luck!

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Hi Megthe,

This is great advice, and much appreciated especially coming from someone who began being spanked if I’m not mistaken fairly recently.

I think Jillian Keenan is amazing, and her videos have helped me understand a bit more about my spanko identity. I don’t know if I agree with everything she says (I come from a monotheistic religious perspective also), but yeah I had this desire also since I can remember and didn’t know what to do with it and thought something was wrong with me- perhaps there is but I guess if I’m messed up sexually I now know that I am not the only one.
 

I’m not sure about the scolding part. I do hope to be made to cry, but tbh it’s something I want and I don’t want to be making mistakes or misdeeds on purpose just to get spanked. My wife and I talk things out if we hurt each other or did something wrong and apologize to each other if necessary then move on. Spanking wouldn’t replace that. I can think of some things I did that I was ashamed of that we dealt with and maybe ask her to scold me for that, if it would help with the crying on my part. I will God willing watch the 2 videos you brought up by Jillian Keenan on scolding and Tips for Tops 2 (I saw the fist one months ago).

Can I ask some follow up questions?

When your husband spanks you to tears (I think you said this happened before?) what was it that made you cry?

Can I ask you to please clarify what you meant by “keeping you replying occasionally”? Yeah I don’t want to put up a mental block and “zone out”. I want to feel the pain- first of the spoon and then hopefully later the strap or belt.
 

I didn’t think of the rule for myself of not saying “please stop” but it makes total sense. At the same time if she delivers hard (like I hope she will) I will probably be saying “ow” and “that hurts” and other similar stuff lol. That would be expected, right?

We didn’t discuss aftercare but yeah cuddling is something that we both love to do :).

Thanks so much 

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9 hours ago, StevenSampson said:

Hi @Megthe (sorry I forgot to tag you in my previous reply, am still kind of figuring out how the posting mechanics work).

This is great advice, and much appreciated especially coming from someone who began being spanked if I’m not mistaken fairly recently.

I think Jillian Keenan is amazing, and her videos have helped me understand a bit more about my spanko identity. I don’t know if I agree with everything she says (I come from a monotheistic religious perspective also), but yeah I had this desire also since I can remember and didn’t know what to do with it and thought something was wrong with me- perhaps there is but I guess if I’m messed up sexually I now know that I am not the only one.
 

I’m not sure about the scolding part. I do hope to be made to cry, but tbh it’s something I want and I don’t want to be making mistakes or misdeeds on purpose just to get spanked. My wife and I talk things out if we hurt each other or did something wrong and apologize to each other if necessary then move on. Spanking wouldn’t replace that. I can think of some things I did that I was ashamed of that we dealt with and maybe ask her to scold me for that, if it would help with the crying on my part. I will God willing watch the 2 videos you brought up by Jillian Keenan on scolding and Tips for Tops 2 (I saw the fist one months ago).

Can I ask some follow up questions?

When your husband spanks you to tears (I think you said this happened before?) what was it that made you cry?

Can I ask you to please clarify what you meant by “keeping you replying occasionally”? Yeah I don’t want to put up a mental block and “zone out”. I want to feel the pain- first of the spoon and then hopefully later the strap or belt.
 

I didn’t think of the rule for myself of not saying “please stop” but it makes total sense. At the same time if she delivers hard (like I hope she will) I will probably be saying “ow” and “that hurts” and other similar stuff lol. That would be expected, right?

We didn’t discuss aftercare but yeah cuddling is something that we both love to do :).

Thanks so much 

@Megthe

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@StevenSampson I'm glad I could be helpful.  You are right.  We really only started our spanking journey in January.  I got obsessed.  It started as one play session that was not discussed in advance and within a week I was trying to get it repeated daily lol.  We had done a little slap and tickle stuff before, but never like this.  My poor hubbs had no idea what he was about to unleash when he thought up that scene lol.  

I am happy to answer any questions.  

The crying is from me feeling bad.  The pain helps get me there, but I can take a lot on a play session without crying.  During a punishment he actually doesn't have to spank me THAT hard if his words are on point.  And he never degrades or shames me, it is more of just the knowing he is unhappy with my behavior, which is a that I broke a specific rule/goal that we set together.  Other times, he has just been spanking me mildly when I have been stressed or upset about something and he gets me talking about it while spanking me.  It is like the spanking makes it ok to cry it out.  

When people are in pain they can do things to help handle it.  I realized early on that it is harder to do that if your brain has to multi-task.  For instance, he will ask me questions.  "Why am I spanking you?"       "How are you going to meet this goal-prevent this from happening in the future?"          "Why is that a rule?"      "Is this what you want? You want me to spank you?"  <-- this question is very hard to answer during a spanking.    Yes, I want to be spanked, but it hurts and my brain says it is a trap lol AND my Goal is NOT to earn punishment spanks becuase they hurt and he doesn't enjoy them either,  so what is the right answer?  But it prevents me.from being able.to control my breathing through the pain amd control my tone.  The answer I tend to give is "I don't know how to answer that!"  And then "Yes I asked for this, yes you are spanking me because I want this, I am sorry and I didn't earn this on purpose."  He needs reassurance that this is what I am looking for, even midspank.  Having to count outloud for part of spanking can also work.  Keeping track of the number and having to say it aloud still prevents you from being able to fully control your reactions.

Sounds other than "stop" are ok, you may need to remind her occassionally that "oww" , yelps, tears, kicking, flinching, reaching, are not safe words.  You can even make it simple and have and just have stop, no, wait, etc BE your "safe" words.  I like.other words so that during playful spanking I can brat at him a bit.  At first he did stop if I made.noise, said ouch, or moved about.   One time, mid funishment, I even kicked my feet and yelled "ouch isn't a safe word!" 

I started craving punishment spankings pretty quickly.  (Started out as just erotic and funishment for me)  He craved being a Dom, but not really a spanko.  We came up with a small list of  tasks and rules that I want to work on that are easy enough to accomplish but still things I struggle with.  I am a pretty well behaved person in general, and he is easy going, so as a non spanko, he was not going to find reasons to punish me.  This way, I am working on things I want to improve, and when I slip up and miss something from time.to time, a punishment spanking happens.  I only failed the rules sort of on purpose once.  I actually meant to follow it but somewhere during the day I just got too hungry and gave in knowing he would have to punish me and well, thats what he gets for not spanking me enough like I wanted the day before.  I got a spanked for the rule break.  Then I confessed and got spanked again for manipulating the situation.  I felt terrible.  

I hope this helps.  If I missed anything or you have more questions let me know.  Amd remember, if it isn't all you think it should be at first, if she is willing, just keep communicating and it will get better.  We had to re-do a couple.of sessions and punishments after some communication.

Good.luck!

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@Megthe this is extremely detailed and helpful. A risk I see with us making rules is that I do want to be spanked hard and to tears (or at least I do now, if she does it I may change my mind lol since this never happened to me before), so I could see myself potentially breaking them to be punished.

I think if I get spanked for stuff I did wrong in the past, like when I got a speeding ticket, would work if she can give me lecture on that. I guess I could have her ask me “why are you getting this” or “was it worth it”. I watched the video by Jillian and the others about scolding, I think my wife telling me what is going to happen to me and then giving the spanking would be a good idea. Or pausing occasionally and even asking me if it hurts and when I say yes, saying something to the effect “good, more is on its way”. 
 

Can I ask if you’ve ever been strapped or if you got the wooden spoon since we last discussed it a few months back?

If so, would you have any pointers for positions, speed, technique etc to make each one as hurtful as possible?

 

Thanks!

 

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